Day 435 - A Fresh Start

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cling to the past, find comfort and security in what is known, and so fear the creative self-movement in the here and now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT trust myself to direct my creative capacity within the sea of potential that exists in each moment here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT embrace the potentials in each moment, and so give in to fear and limitations of comfort.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to embrace each new day as a fresh start, a blank canvas for creation.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself see, realize and understand the potential to start fresh in each moment, in every breath - to within this access my highest living potential and direct myself specifically in each moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that this is too tall a task, and so give into the mind, allowing the my past programming to be the authority within my self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to succumb to the mind, and repeat patterns of self-abuse because I have been too afraid to embrace the creative potential of a fresh start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be good enough when and as I take creative authority as the directive principle of life.

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When and as I see myself fearing the potential saturated moment here, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I can slow my mind down within the breath, and give myself more time to discover my optimal self-direction in any given moment. I commit myself to remain slow, giving, forgiving, and always willing to substantiate the best for all potential within a fresh start.

When and as I see myself in repeating patterns, substantiating the patterns of the past, I stop I breathe. I realize that I can broaden my perspective and consider more supportive ways. I commit myself to really giving my best effort to choose and direct myself to support what is best for all life here.

When and as I see my personal, inner-baggage interfering with my self-directive capacity to substantiate best for all movement, I stop, I breathe. I realize that even with walking my process at maximum resolve, in every breath, I still have a long way to go. I commit myself to constantly reassessing myself, my actions and my choices to cross reference them with the best for all simulations, so that I do not misstep for any extended periods of time.

When and as I see myself holding onto the past, I stop, I breathe. I realize the power and significance of orienting to 'here forward.' I commit myself to create me anew, until my living is purely aligned with the expression of what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop fearing my potential. I commit myself to embrace my potential. I commit myself to stop sabotaging my process. I commit myself to clearing my head for a fresh start, when and as needed. I commit myself to walk what is here, and create a world that is best for all.

Day 405 - Self-Empowerment: Stepping into Manhood

Quick overview of my life: Born in upstate New York, moved to Northern California at age 11, went to college in Southern Californa, lived back at home for a year, went to the Desteni Farm in South Africa and began a committed life partnership.

All of the above happened without much decisive effort by me, except for that last one. I set aside nearly all of my personal dreams and desires to shift onto this life path. You would think that would be a difficult thing to do, and it was! But through some specific support at the farm, I was able to condense that experience into just a couple of days prior to making the decision. It was hectic, but once I saw past my emotional attachments, it was just math. A simple mathematical assessment of what is best for all.

Since that moment, there have been many challenges to say the least. Successful relationships are nothing like what we see on TV. They really are a lot of work! Moving out of my parents home, and out from under their financial support also presented some challenging challenges, to say the least! Now add the basic pressures of a budding entrepreneur. Wham! The trifecta that defined my entry into manhood at age 25.

What is the point of sharing this with you? I didn't know that I would be able to take the steps that I have in the last 2 years. Back then, I could not conceive of giving up my imagined potential futures where I am awesome. Back then, i didn't realize that to begin creating something real, I would have to get grounded and actually do the hard work! No more skating through school life. Mastering the basic responsibilities won't cut it if I want to thrive in the big boys' playground, the adult world, the system.

Can I do it? Will I be able to survive out there in the world? Taking that first step out of the door is the only way to find out! This physical motion is very empowering, and it can't happen without the decision to do it. When shutting down the fears, worry, and concerns, it boils down to that simple decision to take action, and to see it through. Seeing it through merits its own post, and I'll continue with that tomorrow.

So, during the moment of deciding, I didn't have to know everything, and more importantly, I can't know everything. Real world experience is the best way to learn. With the decision to begin unfolding my journey into the unknown, I create the opportunities to learn and grow from real-life experiences. I'll learn as I go, refine and optimize as needed. I'm driving me.

A deep thank you to everyone who has played a part supporting me to get this far! My potential in this life is what it is because of you. Now it's up to me, to attain my highest potential through continuing to make these self-empowering decisions - and see what I'm really made of.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not achieve my dreams and goals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will fail when I go out into the world and begin leading a self-sufficient life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a life of ease, where I wouldn't really have to make any decisions that would lead to a challenging experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become paralyzed within fear, and not realize how, in so doing, I am robbing myself of the opportunities to really learn, expand and step into manhood.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to focus on what comes up when I'm faced with these potentially self-empowering decisions, investigate as much as necessary until I am clear within myself, when making the decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making decisions that would force me to leave my comfort zone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to postpone real-world responsibilities, and try to maintain an easier, more comfortable life without as many pressures and responsibilities.

I commit myself to readily accept responsibilities that are directly related to my success as an individual within the context of what is best for all.

I commit myself to push myself into my uncomfortable zones to challenge and expand myself.

I commit myself do daily powerthinking sessions, where I will drive clarity into at least one specific point/decision that I am currently investigating.

I commit myself exposing the fear of failure system once and for all, so that I may stop cycling self-limited living.

I commit myself to do the work that must be done to get to where I want to go.

Day 388 - Realizing My Utmost Potential: Purifying Self-limiting Beliefs

I've now published my Declaration of Principle, and now it's time to start detailing what it practically means so as to provide a road map for myself. This is necessary because the process that is required to live by these principles constantly demands specificity. This is not an act of positive thinking. This is the real nitty-gritty of self-transformation, and it begins here.

I'd like to start with a quote from Sunette Spies:

"I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand how my “within” would become my “without” – where: I kept on accepting and allowing self-doubt, insecurity, fear, uselessness to sabotage my relationship to responsibility, then responsibility would come and accept/allow “I am not good enough” to take over – which then leads to me disappointing myself and others when it comes to responsibilities until eventually…I stopped placing myself in ‘responsible’ / ‘dependable’ situations and embraced the ‘irresponsible’ / ‘undependable’ persona."

 The original blog post can be found here. When I read this, I could instantly relate to it and could see how I am also sabotaging my relationship to responsibility through self-doubt, insecurity and fears that connect intimately with my self-concept, who I believe myself to be. What I notice about this point in particular is that I'm uncomfortable while contemplating it. It's like I don't have the words to fully understand what's going on, so I could extrapolate that I've never understood why I have been walking throughout my life with these 'heavy', self-limiting beliefs.

It follows that: I cannot live my fullest potential, if I have not yet realized my fullest potential; and I cannot see my fullest potential if I am perpetually am entangled with self-limiting belief systems that dominate my consciousness with a fierce fear-energy that I have not ever sorted out. What a mess! To map this out, it looks like: I'm accepting and allowing belief systems about who I am / who I can become because underneath of those beliefs lies the fear-energy that I've never faced.

Flowing with fear = never realizing or living to my utmost potential.

I now commit myself to expose these layers of the mind to myself, so that I may adequately support myself to become my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow beliefs about who I am and what I can/cannot do. I realize that this acceptance and allowance these internal, self-limiting beliefs, without questioning, is detrimental to my fullest living expression of myself, here on earth. I commit myself to question and examine all my beliefs more thoroughly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to quickly accept and allow my beliefs so as to not see the exact details of how I had created these beliefs in the first place. I realize that a hasty acceptance of beliefs is likely propelled by systematic energy in my mind that I've created and compounded over and over through my perceptions, choices and habits throughout my life. I commit myself to firstly stop creating and accumulating these belief-substantiating energies of the mind; this I realize is a process preceding real self creation in the physical world. I commit myself to recognizing the hasty nature of self-limiting beliefs, so that I may then stop, breathe, and go into the details of the belief system, look at the fear and various systematic energies, and to from there go immediately into spoken self-forgiveness and/or writing. I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing unquestioned self-beliefs to direct me in ways that sabotage my responsibilities and capacity to take on additional responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shy away from taking on additional responsibilities because I believed I couldn't handle them or would fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat "I can't handle more responsibilities," and/or "I may fail," not realizing the fears and justifications behind these thoughts that perpetuate self-limitation and prevent self-expansion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not, in detail, go through all of the justifications, beliefs, and the fears behind them, that have kept me from exploring and expanding my capacity to handle more responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate responsibility because I wanted the "freedom" of having little or no responsibility, not realizing the equation of responsibility = power = freedom. I realize that I've been deluding myself to believe that RESPONSIBILITY is a 'bad' thing...and now that I see the vast implications of this poorly defined word. I commit myself to continue with the redefinition of the word responsibility in my next post.

I commit myself to structuring my responsibilities in such a way that I can effectively accomplish more and more. I realize that doing this requires lifestyle changes. I commit myself to begin letting go of that which does not serve what is best for me, and so all.

To be continued...

photo source: flickr