Day 413 - Ability to Respond

Since the beginning of my relationship to the word Responsibility, I've seen it as undesirable and to be avoided when possible.

Something clicked in me when I was listening to a recent EQAFE interview (here), and I immediately started writing self-forgiveness. In approximately 5 minutes, I wrote:

Responsibility (response ability)

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking responsibility, in and as a definition of having to do unnecessary work.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define responsibility as an undesirable and often externally imposed force upon me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that less responsibilities is equal to having a better quality of life.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand how I've got a tainted version of 'responsibility' integrated in me, and that I have continued to accept and allow myself to thus try to avoid responsibility.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear responsibility as a risk, wherein I am held responsible if something goes wrong.
• I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that I am responsible for the good that I create in my world.
• I commit myself to realigning the definition of responsibility within me as:
• the ability or power to respond, in alignment with what is best for all.
• taking the initiative to leverage my awareness/understanding to create a best for all movement.

Several days later, I continue:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I'll mess something up, creating self-doubt that leads to inaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can dodge responsibility, within this not seeing, realizing or understanding my responsibly within the choice to participate or abdicate.

Herein, I establish the measure of my personal responsibility within and as my utmost expression of effort in creating that which is best for all.

By this measure, I commit myself to apply self-honest introspection when and as I see me abdicating my ability to respond as/in my highest expression. Else, I commit myself to breathe, look, and direct best for all outflow.

Thanks.

Day 403 - Editing and Effort

“Have something to say, and say it as clearly as you can. That is the only secret.”

- Matthew Arnold

In the book called “300 Days of Better Writing” by David Bowman, the author claims this to be likely his favorite quote on the subject of writing. When I was a child, I asked myself what I wanted most, and the answer stuck with me ever since: To understand, and be understood.

Communication is simply the sending and receiving of messages. The written word is a popular and important medium through which communication happens. I have spent several years studying the subject of communication and thus have developed a lot of undstanding and awareness in the field. As a side effect, I've also developed an unhealthy habit of scrutinizing my writing, before I write.

I began removing this form of "writer's block" with self-forgiveness in yesterday's post. Sitting there judging everything I'm about to write before I write can be daunting and often unproductive, and yet, I still want to articulate the concepts I have swirling around in my head in a way that resonates with you, the reader. To accomplish this, I have to put in the effort to improve my writing skills and refine my first drafts when and as needed.

Editing, for me, has been the crucial missing piece. It is the most resisted part of my writing process. For example, I loved procrastinating school papers until the last minute so that I could force myself to have to submit what was essentially my first draft. Looking at it now - it's like I couldn't bare the fact that my writing didn't come out of me perfectly on the first try. And now, i often post blogs without reading what i have written.

So, in light of The Perfect Writer Complex post that I wrote last night, I'm not just going to get sloppy with my writing because I've letting go of this need to produce masterpieces. On the contrary, I'm going to put in more effort to write masterfully.

This is a great example of where self-forgiveness can seem to be a contradiction. Especially in the beginning of my process, I struggled with doing self-forgiveness on positive things. Like girls and music. I loved those things, and to do self-forgiveness on my desire for women and on how good music made me feel seemed absurd. I don't want to stop these things, let alone do I believe them to be wrong...and here's where the erroneous contadiction stems, from this right-wrong polarity construct. How I write, isn't right or wrong. It's more about what I bring to the table.

The key distinguishing factor is how much effort I'm putting forth. To sit and judge my writing before and during the process is the easy way, the mind way. To gather my thoughts, outline, research, draft, and edit - that takes a lot of effort. It's hard work investing the time and effort into the before and after of writing, the preparation and revision processes, but it's a worthy investment. I've been doing the opposite, putting in all my effort, time, and energy into my mind as my inner critic, during the most crucial moment of self-expression. So, I'll further clarify the distinguishing factor to be: How much PHYSICAL effort am I putting forth? Before, during, and after.

Enough rhetoric.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist re-reading and editing my writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself desire my writing to be perfect on the first try, and so resist going back through my writing because my ego might take a hit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated with myself when I re-read what I have written and see that it requires a lot of attention and revisions.

I forgive myself for accepted and allowing myself to become frustrated when I'm editing my work because I believe that "no matter how much I change it, it will never be perfect."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat, "...it will never be perfect."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect "...it will never be perfect," with the feeling of overwhelming frustration - and in this experience a defeatedness and desire to give up trying.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move in the direction of giving up trying when and as I see that my writing requires multiple revisions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize, and understand that it is okay to write a sloppy first draft.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to just write and express myself in a natural flow of imperfection, while having full intent to go back through my writing to edit mistakes and refine for enhanced clarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about making mistakes and errors while I'm writing my first draft.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about not communicating myself clearly on the first try.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself resist and resent the editing process, instead of defining it as a perfectly acceptable component of the writing process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as stupid if and when I do not communicate myself clearly on the first try.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as inauthentic when I do not express myself effectively on the first try.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist editing because I've defined it to be a separate and optional part of the writing process that requires additional work and time to do.

Redefinition for editing: double checking my work to ensure accuracy when transferring my expression into the written word; a necessary component of the writing process.

I commit myself to re-read every post to this blog before I publish  it.

I commit myself to live my redefinition of editing.

I commit myself to really investigate that which I resist, so that I may expose whatever ego-driven systems that are severely hindering my process.

I commit myself to be accepting of my initial self-expression, knowing full well that I can revise and change myself accordingly.

I commit myself to breathing more effort into my writing process.

I commit myself to breathing more effort into all processes of self-expression - proactively investigating particular skills, and retrospectively investigating my expression within self-honesty.

Day 389 - Redefining RESPONSIBILITY for Myself

Continuing from yesterday:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate responsibility because I wanted the "freedom" of having little or no responsibility, not realizing the equation of responsibility = power = freedom. I realize that I've been deluding myself to believe that RESPONSIBILITY is a 'bad' thing...and now that I see the vast implications of this poorly defined word. I commit myself to continue with the redefinition of the word responsibility in my next post.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live myself in relation to 'responsibility' without fully understanding what this word means, what I've created it to mean, how I think and feel about the word, and who I am as my expression in the context of 'responsibility.'

What I found yesterday was that my definition of responsibility is tainted with an energetic charge. With just a moment's look at this point, a hazy memory activates where I recall making the choice to desire freedom from responsibilities. As I continue to introspect here, I see how I've attached the word 'restriction' to 'responsibility' where the backchat goes like "Having responsibilities means I'm obligated to do something, and if I don't do it, then I'd get in trouble...better off just avoiding responsibility whenever I can."

Man oh man, Dan. So this is some insight into my current definition of how I live/lead my life when it comes to responsibilities. Thanks for being self-honest Dan. Now I can redefine this word, and accordingly change myself. Now with awareness, I commit myself to creating my self-expression through responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a negative emotional charge to the word 'obligation' through a polarity equation of the positive word 'freedom'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I've created my relationship toward 'responsibility' through a negative charge in relation to positively charged feelings within my relationship 'freedom'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I must also redefine all the related words to 'responsibility', like 'freedom', 'obligation', 'power', and even 'creation'. I realize there are many words that I have accepted into myself and lived/expressed myself through them without ever questioning my relationship to these words, these foundational building blocks of my self expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'responsibility' as 'obligation' as negative and so better to be avoided.


Now, I'm seeing another dimension: Being responsible means that I am subject to judgment and criticism from others. "Best to keep my head low to avoid being blamed for doing something wrong," goes the backchat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, accept and allow the backchat: "Best to avoid the risk of being held responsible for something negative, where others can label me and define me in a negative light."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being defined negatively by others, through a belief that "if my social network disowns me, then I will not survive." The bottom line here is survival, though this extreme isn't in awareness when experiencing the fear of rejection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on how I perceive others will judge me as a function that I have no control over. Within this pattern, I assume the worst case scenarios where I am a victim of bullying, and more specifically, social excommunication...so if I keep a low profile and assert myself only when I can be sure that I will be positively judged for my assertion, then I can dodge my fear of ridicule and rejection.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I've avoided responsibility in my life because I feared being ridiculed and rejected. This is a dimension of self-insecurity, wherein I am not standing as a pillar of stability within myself. Nope. I have been defining myself according how others see me, and so have shaped my entire social personality around being likable, and within this, I've avoided responsibility because there is more risk for failure, rejection, ridicule, and negative judgement which can lead to not being able to survive or have a great life.

So two main dimensions here:
1) Responsibility is not equal to freedom.
2) Responsibility is being subject to the judgement of others (which I have allowed me to define myself by)

For these points, I forgive myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed these statements of self-disillusionment to live within me. I forgive myself that I had not given myself the time and opportunity to write out this whole system/definition of 'responsibility' in self-honesty, so I may from there walk myself through the living correction process.

I commit myself to taking responsibility for my definition of 'responsibility' so that I may live and express myself responsibly in the context of what is best for all. This is how I will actualize my utmost potential.

I've now exposed and released my old definitions embedded in the word 'responsibility'. Tomorrow, I will continue with completing the redefinition process, which is also known as: Self-creation.


Recommended additional reading on the Redefining of Word Process:
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-116-re-defining-words-to-living.html

photo source

Day 385 - Weak or Strong: Stopping Polarized Reactions

wikipedia

Writing out current relationship:

• To be seen as weak is like admitting failure. The most significant source of emotion comes from looking at myself through how others will see/judge me. Of course, this is not real, because it’s an internal, mental process of my own.
• Behind this is a fear that my projected, possible self-judgments will manifest in my world through other’s expressions. To protect myself from this fear, I utilize denial, blame, diverting attention, and physically avoiding the situation.
• I want to be in a position of strength. Why? This is safe from the fear of others negatively judging me as weak. This is also a power, an ability to accomplish my goals.
• Any signs of weakness reveal that I am not strong. Weakness becomes a hot button, setting myself into reaction.

Observation of above points:

            This is an EGO point. My ego is put into motion within fear energy and competition, being better than others. There is a desire to be more than others, and the fear of being less than others is even stronger. Why? The self-defining nature of weakness is perceived to penetrate through time, affecting who I believe myself to be, which means it will affect how I act “for the rest of my life,” which is in conflict with my vision for myself, my Religion of Self.

Goal:

            Letting go of this reactive programming that’s been limiting my expansion of myself from weak to strong in a specific dimension of self. To stop hiding my weaknesses from myself in various ways (i.e. blame, excuses, justifications, denial, distraction), so that I may accept myself as weak, and allow myself the opportunity to then strengthen myself within this dimension that I am self-honestly weak in.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being perceived as weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with defending myself as ego when another points out that I am weak in one way or another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny within myself when I see that I am weak in one way or another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be strong without considering the process of moving from weakness into strength.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to utilize the moments where I become aware of a weakness when another points it out to me, to commence a self-honest investigation of this weakness and how I can turn it into a strength.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through the perceptions of others of me, so that when another sees me as weak, I must defend myself and deny this perception to maintain my positive definition/perception of myself.

Corrective Application Statements:

When and as I am being referred to as being weak in some way or another, I stop I breathe. I realize there is a potential gift here, wherein I can realize an area of myself that I can improve. I commit myself to stop reacting to implied weakness within who I am or who I believe myself to be. Within this commitment, I also commit to apply self-forgiveness when I miss a breath and go into an unsupportive reaction when someone perceives weakness within me in one way or another.

When and as I see myself defending my self-concept / ego, I stop I breathe. I realize that by internalizing the perceived weakness in self through taking it personally, I am sabotaging an opportunity for self-growth. I commit myself to stop the systemized perceiving of weakness within self that calls for a defensive reaction.

I see, realize and understand that this defensive reaction is a function of mind, as well as: me. I commit myself to taking full responsibility for my reaction to defend my ego. Despite how it feels automated, I commit myself to fully let go of the relationship to my own mind where I am a victim of it. This is separation. The integrated honesty here is that I allow my mind’s reactions because there was a time in my past where I automated this specific reaction because it served my self-interest. I no longer need this program to protect the idea of myself because I now realize that who I really am is not the ego/self-image. I am life, manifested. I am my physical body.

And so, I commit myself to utilizing my physical body to serve as an indicator for when I am in reaction within my own perception of an attack on my self-image, as strength. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am ‘strength’ and that I must preserve this self-definition by denying and not accepting the notion that I am weak in one way or another.

When and as I see my body become elevated in discussion, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have initiated a mental program, I am reacting with a particular energy/emotion, and that I did not choose to behave this way in a single moment of self-awareness within and as the breath of myself as my body. I commit myself to, within a breath, assess who I have become, align the correction and live it as I exhale.

And this is how I transmute weakness into strength.

Day 378 - Redefining LOVE

I've investigated this topic enough to confidently restructure or redefine what LOVE is to me. I'll start by describing what love seemed like to me before I ever knew I could consciously define this inner experience, implying that I subconsciously defined it from the examples in my life.

In my Day 375 - What is Love?! (Baby Don't Hurt Me) post, I briefly described some of the experiences that I associated with LOVE, but there is more dimensions to it. One example that comes to mind is this sense of care and completion. A past girlfriend I had seemed to provide this feeling of fullness in my chest. It was very relaxing and enjoyable. I never experienced "head-over-heels" love or "This is the One" love. Every one of my relationships in my past never contained that perfect mutual experience of love that you see in the movies. I never fully trusted my feeling of LOVE because it was never solid or stable.

My journey through all the emotions and feelings associated with LOVE could be written about for a very long time, but the underlying theme was instability. The relationship dramas of positive feelings and negative consequences all stemming from desires and fears all seems like water under the bridge given a bit of time. This alone should be enough to question the validity of mainstream/Hollywood love, despite how real it can seem in a single moment.

The Desteni message rather harshly kicked me in the face with some common sense perspectives I resisted extensively while I was still enthralled in my pursuit and desire of perfect love. I wanted to be special and awesome, and then have that be validated by a significant other. Desteni put me in my place with the reality that I'm not just automatically special. I'm just a consciousness programmed (ego) to think I'm special so I can justify abusing and mistreating others in My Name. So in relation to LOVE, I was willing to give it only if I would get it in return. My love was conditional. I gave it to get a particular feeling I desired. Bluntly, it was a game. This is not LOVE.

LOVE is only real if it is stable and inclusive of all beings in the world. Think about it. Unconditional LOVE can't be defined or determined by just a few people in your immediate world and reality. Then it would be dependent on those people. Essentially, you would be blaming them for causing your experience of LOVE or HATE. To stabilize LOVE, it must be rooted in and as Self. It must be an expression of Self that is not dependent on external circumstances.

True LOVE is supporting Self and Others, equally as one, to reach our highest potential of ability and expressive capacity in the physical world. I am learning how to really LOVE for the first time in my life. In the agreement-relationship that I am now in, my life partner and I are supporting each other to specify and define our expression of LOVE in this world. It's a process, and it's taking a lot of work. It's not easy or automatic like a mind consciousness system instigated relationship love. It's a commitment. Whatever the challenge, we are able to communicate and find the solution.

"an ‘Agreement’ is Not something that is ‘Rosy’ in the beginning – it’s something that’s required to be ‘Worked-at’, ‘Looked-at’, ‘Lived’ ‘Moment to Moment’, in an ‘Complete and Total Understanding’." - From When are you Ready for 'Agreement'?

LOVE is physically supporting each other in our process out of the preprogrammed consciousness, to develop an equal and one relationship with our physical bodies, and world.

More Resources:

EQAFE: 

What is Sex - Love as Sex (Part 1) - Part 35

What is Sex - Love as Sex (Part 2) - Part 36

Matti Freeman:

Day 245: How Love got Lost in the Matrix - Part 1

Heaven's JTL:

Love and Fear Tug-of-War: DAY 483

Pictures:

hearts

arrow

anatomy heart

Day 376 - Resistance Toward Redefining LOVE

For context, read my last post to get the opening context for how I am opening up my relationship to love.

I have experienced a bit of resistance toward this LOVE redefinition process, and I wrote about the resistance and accidentally lost that initial writing when I refreshed my blogger page. I reacted to this with discouragement and delayed writing my next post even longer. Self-sabotage.

The plan is now to continue writing about my resistance toward this point, but I'm going to open up even more dimensions to it than I did initially. Those points were related primarily to fearing what others and past lovers would think about me, my philosophy and the direction I'm taking in my life in relation to LOVE. My writing and forgiveness process within it allowed me to see that I'm the one judging myself, which has been very disabling in my areas of this journey to life process. Behind this self-judgment was a lack of Self-Trust, which structurally looks like I've been allowing myself to continue to define myself based on what others do/say/think in reaction to my expression. I place my trust in others to reflect and define myself, my worth, my personality. If it wasn't so 'natural', I'd say it's insane.

My personal experience with the word LOVE also plays a significant role. The feelings and emotions that I associated with love were never stable, so I could never say for certain that I loved another because the feeling did not stand the test of time. I even used to say, "my definition of love upgrades with every relationship." Interesting that I used the word upgrades, which shows me that I've been climbing for higher and higher experiences of LOVE within each of my relationships. More on this in the next post.

Love as it is defined in various movies and media is really a peculiarity. They often depict the moments where that human emotion is strongest, and then there is some conflict, and then LOVE perseveres in the end. So now our culture has become obsessed with finding their happy ending. Reality is so much different, and yet we prefer ignorance because of a mental phenomena that allows us to quickly overlook reality before we even realize that it's real, and so go on with the delusion that feels right, that feels good. Self-Honesty would be to not overlook reality, no matter how much you may want to.

Another reason I was resistant toward writing this post is because I don't know enough about LOVE. "I'm too young. Too inexperienced. Too biased. Too detached." This general design of not knowing enough, or not being good enough is without question a mind pattern that must be stopped. It's rooted deep inside of my mind through my constant participation within it throughout my life. I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm not good enough to be able to accomplish many things, and for that I forgive myself.

From here, I realize that I create today fresh. Unconscious belief systems that tie me to my past conditioning are serious mind problem, and I choose to let them go through self-forgiving. The resistance I've built up to writing about LOVE is unacceptable. I let it go. I don't need to have perfect coherence and solid tie ins to the title within every sentence. This is surely a limitation on my self-expression in writing. Is limiting myself through judgments and rules an act of Self-Love? What is Self-Love? I'll continue with this in my process of redefining LOVE.

flickr photo credit

Day 375 - What is Love?! (Baby Don't Hurt Me)

No more.

(If you insist on listening to the song while you read my blog, GO RIGHT AHEAD AND DO SO!)

I'm going to do a special post today for Valentines Day! Yippy!! To open up a point as big as love required some research on my part, so I'll sum up the key points to the best of my ability today (to get you hooked) and then in the several following posts, I'll expand on what I currently see in this construct.

Briefly, In my own experience, "love" was not a quantifiable concept. I experienced it as unstable and fleeting at best. Perhaps some might say I never knew "true love." My parents loved me, in the obvious subtle kind of way. They weren't keen on overtly expressing their love, except occasionally. It is my theory that my mom learned from her mom that love is care is worry is prevention is making sure I eat my vegetables and stay safe from harm. You know? Kind of doing all she can to ensure I have the best chance to be successful in my life.

This form of love didn't translate so well into the early dating phases of my life. I felt near clueless about what love entailed, and how to approach girls with a display of my potential to give them love. Through time, I acquired more of an understanding of what girls expected, and I become fairly good at giving them what they wanted. It was damn near mathematical.

But math isn't love!? Isn't it? I don't want to ruin your Valentine's Day or anything, but can you honestly say that you have investigated what love is or what you expect from someone who loves you? Could you define it on paper? I know that I haven't even tried doing that before, and today marks the first day of my true investigation of how I have lived 'love' in my life. Through this specific self-introspection, I will be able to see where I am at in relation to love (what it means, what I expect, what I project, etc.) and then be able to redefine love within a starting point perspective of oneness and equality in the physical.

This post is just to wet your whistle and get you thinking about how you have been living the word Love in your life. Upcoming, I will expand on my research and relate everything to my own experience in life thus far; and from there, define and align the solution as a physically expressed, stable form of Love in the context of Self and All, Equal and One.

Day 356 - Redefining 'Acceptance'

My partner and I were discussing and coming to an agreement on how we define the word 'trust' when I got hung up on the word 'acceptance.' She was using the word in a way to take responsibility for where we are in process. To me, I had for a long time been using the word 'acceptance' more in the context of what I do not 'accept and allow' in/as/of me. So I had placed things in my mind in two categories, what I do accept and what I don't accept.

Now at first, I had on my 'I am right' hat (character), and I was fighting more to make her see how I use the word 'acceptance', which is more to describe what I do not accept. And she was trying to show me how I was creating friction and conflict through only defining the word within polarity. Eventually I realized that I had to hear her perspective and consider it equally as my own. At that point, I dropped my barriers and started to really listen to the point she was raising.

Once I started seeing her perspective that by separating myself into what I do and don't accept, I encourage the split-self syndrome (new term :) and essentially judge the parts of myself that I don't like or don't want to accept. The result being that I am disempowered to change myself. So then I had to reconsider and investigate how I was defining acceptance within the context of her definition. She was making the point that we have accepted ourselves to be a certain way, and that only through acceptance of what I am can I stand up and change myself. I reconciled our definition conflict through bringing in the time component, where I accept my flaws, but only for the moment until I do the writing and self-forgiveness to reach the understanding that is needed to proceed to produce real, consistently applied change within myself.

To clarify my original perspective, I did not accept and allow this world (me, her, you, them, us) to continue as it is unchanged. That was my frame of the definition for 'acceptance' that I had solidified over time. This definition made sense for me and was also reinforced by passing as a point of motivation to walk my process and become an effective and responsible leader...that I do accept.

Now, I do see and realize that I have accepted and allowed this world (her, me, us, them & you) to exist the way that it does, AND with that realization, I take responsibility to move points into practical, corrective application. The difference is subtle but so significant! In the first case, I am defining all my relationships within polarity. In the second case, I define myself in relation to everything in such a way that I give myself the chance to see my responsibility within it, and then the ability to change and correct the points within myself first becomes available as a movement of self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I have separated myself into aspects that I do and do not accept, not realizing the self-judgment within and behind this.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to project this 'acceptance' judgment system onto others, whereby doing so, I do not see the nature of my reactive judgments in their true light as self judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically believe that I have the correct definitions within all of my words. This false assumption is based on my inner over-confidence which is a pattern that needs correction because through it, I am currently placing value in being dishonest with myself to protect that pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question my own process of coming to knowledge.

I trusted my knowledge integration within every moment of my past learning. In the process of realigning from self-interest to best for all interest, I am finding that much of the knowledge and information that I have was acquired through a tainted filter of ego perspective. When I consider all angles and choose what is best, it takes an effort. All the angles don't automatically get added into the equation. So, I commit myself to investigating more angles than just my own, and within this, I commit myself to expand my capacity to consider more and more angles and begin to consider the bigger picture.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to look at information objectively, instead of placing value in it and in myself for possessing the 'valuable' knowledge and information. Through a more objective starting point perspective, I will more clearly be able to direct myself and choose what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take all the information that I have for granted and not consider the means and methods with which I integrate knowledge.

When and as I see myself protecting my preexisting knowledge and information, I stop I breathe. I realize that I must consider all angles before I can trust myself within any one point of knowledge. I commit myself to redefining every word with which I have a charged relationship.


Updates to come.