Continuing from yesterday:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate responsibility because I wanted the "freedom" of having little or no responsibility, not realizing the equation of responsibility = power = freedom. I realize that I've been deluding myself to believe that RESPONSIBILITY is a 'bad' thing...and now that I see the vast implications of this poorly defined word. I commit myself to continue with the redefinition of the word responsibility in my next post.I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live myself in relation to 'responsibility' without fully understanding what this word means, what I've created it to mean, how I think and feel about the word, and who I am as my expression in the context of 'responsibility.'
What I found yesterday was that my definition of responsibility is tainted with an energetic charge. With just a moment's look at this point, a hazy memory activates where I recall making the choice to desire freedom from responsibilities. As I continue to introspect here, I see how I've attached the word 'restriction' to 'responsibility' where the backchat goes like "Having responsibilities means I'm obligated to do something, and if I don't do it, then I'd get in trouble...better off just avoiding responsibility whenever I can."
Man oh man, Dan. So this is some insight into my current definition of how I live/lead my life when it comes to responsibilities. Thanks for being self-honest Dan. Now I can redefine this word, and accordingly change myself. Now with awareness, I commit myself to creating my self-expression through responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a negative emotional charge to the word 'obligation' through a polarity equation of the positive word 'freedom'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I've created my relationship toward 'responsibility' through a negative charge in relation to positively charged feelings within my relationship 'freedom'.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I must also redefine all the related words to 'responsibility', like 'freedom', 'obligation', 'power', and even 'creation'. I realize there are many words that I have accepted into myself and lived/expressed myself through them without ever questioning my relationship to these words, these foundational building blocks of my self expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'responsibility' as 'obligation' as negative and so better to be avoided.
Now, I'm seeing another dimension: Being responsible means that I am subject to judgment and criticism from others. "Best to keep my head low to avoid being blamed for doing something wrong," goes the backchat.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, accept and allow the backchat: "Best to avoid the risk of being held responsible for something negative, where others can label me and define me in a negative light."
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being defined negatively by others, through a belief that "if my social network disowns me, then I will not survive." The bottom line here is survival, though this extreme isn't in awareness when experiencing the fear of rejection.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on how I perceive others will judge me as a function that I have no control over. Within this pattern, I assume the worst case scenarios where I am a victim of bullying, and more specifically, social excommunication...so if I keep a low profile and assert myself only when I can be sure that I will be positively judged for my assertion, then I can dodge my fear of ridicule and rejection.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I've avoided responsibility in my life because I feared being ridiculed and rejected. This is a dimension of self-insecurity, wherein I am not standing as a pillar of stability within myself. Nope. I have been defining myself according how others see me, and so have shaped my entire social personality around being likable, and within this, I've avoided responsibility because there is more risk for failure, rejection, ridicule, and negative judgement which can lead to not being able to survive or have a great life.
So two main dimensions here:
1) Responsibility is not equal to freedom.
2) Responsibility is being subject to the judgement of others (which I have allowed me to define myself by)
For these points, I forgive myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed these statements of self-disillusionment to live within me. I forgive myself that I had not given myself the time and opportunity to write out this whole system/definition of 'responsibility' in self-honesty, so I may from there walk myself through the living correction process.
I commit myself to taking responsibility for my definition of 'responsibility' so that I may live and express myself responsibly in the context of what is best for all. This is how I will actualize my utmost potential.
I've now exposed and released my old definitions embedded in the word 'responsibility'. Tomorrow, I will continue with completing the redefinition process, which is also known as: Self-creation.
Recommended additional reading on the Redefining of Word Process: