Day 356 - Redefining 'Acceptance'

My partner and I were discussing and coming to an agreement on how we define the word 'trust' when I got hung up on the word 'acceptance.' She was using the word in a way to take responsibility for where we are in process. To me, I had for a long time been using the word 'acceptance' more in the context of what I do not 'accept and allow' in/as/of me. So I had placed things in my mind in two categories, what I do accept and what I don't accept.

Now at first, I had on my 'I am right' hat (character), and I was fighting more to make her see how I use the word 'acceptance', which is more to describe what I do not accept. And she was trying to show me how I was creating friction and conflict through only defining the word within polarity. Eventually I realized that I had to hear her perspective and consider it equally as my own. At that point, I dropped my barriers and started to really listen to the point she was raising.

Once I started seeing her perspective that by separating myself into what I do and don't accept, I encourage the split-self syndrome (new term :) and essentially judge the parts of myself that I don't like or don't want to accept. The result being that I am disempowered to change myself. So then I had to reconsider and investigate how I was defining acceptance within the context of her definition. She was making the point that we have accepted ourselves to be a certain way, and that only through acceptance of what I am can I stand up and change myself. I reconciled our definition conflict through bringing in the time component, where I accept my flaws, but only for the moment until I do the writing and self-forgiveness to reach the understanding that is needed to proceed to produce real, consistently applied change within myself.

To clarify my original perspective, I did not accept and allow this world (me, her, you, them, us) to continue as it is unchanged. That was my frame of the definition for 'acceptance' that I had solidified over time. This definition made sense for me and was also reinforced by passing as a point of motivation to walk my process and become an effective and responsible leader...that I do accept.

Now, I do see and realize that I have accepted and allowed this world (her, me, us, them & you) to exist the way that it does, AND with that realization, I take responsibility to move points into practical, corrective application. The difference is subtle but so significant! In the first case, I am defining all my relationships within polarity. In the second case, I define myself in relation to everything in such a way that I give myself the chance to see my responsibility within it, and then the ability to change and correct the points within myself first becomes available as a movement of self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I have separated myself into aspects that I do and do not accept, not realizing the self-judgment within and behind this.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to project this 'acceptance' judgment system onto others, whereby doing so, I do not see the nature of my reactive judgments in their true light as self judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically believe that I have the correct definitions within all of my words. This false assumption is based on my inner over-confidence which is a pattern that needs correction because through it, I am currently placing value in being dishonest with myself to protect that pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question my own process of coming to knowledge.

I trusted my knowledge integration within every moment of my past learning. In the process of realigning from self-interest to best for all interest, I am finding that much of the knowledge and information that I have was acquired through a tainted filter of ego perspective. When I consider all angles and choose what is best, it takes an effort. All the angles don't automatically get added into the equation. So, I commit myself to investigating more angles than just my own, and within this, I commit myself to expand my capacity to consider more and more angles and begin to consider the bigger picture.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to look at information objectively, instead of placing value in it and in myself for possessing the 'valuable' knowledge and information. Through a more objective starting point perspective, I will more clearly be able to direct myself and choose what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take all the information that I have for granted and not consider the means and methods with which I integrate knowledge.

When and as I see myself protecting my preexisting knowledge and information, I stop I breathe. I realize that I must consider all angles before I can trust myself within any one point of knowledge. I commit myself to redefining every word with which I have a charged relationship.

Updates to come.