Day 49 - Desire for Relationship

     This is a point I've been slowly working on because I've largely defined myself through the mission of becoming the best that I can be so that I can be with someone equally as driven to be their best. The more I write about it, the more I can see myself and that is key to understanding. I've received some really solid support related to this in a forum thread here, but it's hard to acclimate to because I have built my personality and perception of who I want to be with another. To let go of this desire point, I need to become intimate with myself and stand comfortably alone. I must stand stable so there is no dishonesty whatsoever. I woke this morning after a nice dream reunion with my dream girl...so, here I am, opening this up.

from wikimedia

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I need to be with someone to be content.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run from facing this point through the fear that I will be alone for the rest of my life if I give up my desire for love.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this type of love seeking is self-interested because I look for qualities in another that I do not believe myself to have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to think about how wonderful a relationship with my dream girl would be like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be with a girl in my head.

--

When and as I see myself looking to be with a girl in my head, I stop I breathe.

I realize that when I think about a woman I am interested in, I am not actually with her nor am I here in space time. I am lost within the unstable dimensions of my mind.

I commit myself to first becoming intimate with myself so that I may be able to support myself and another in an honest relationship/agreement, wherein there are no insecurities that I am hiding.

I commit myself to staying here in the physical reality where there is no separation within desire within my mind.

I commit myself to writing out all the points of which I desire in another so that I may see what points of myself that I have been reluctant to take responsibility for.

I commit myself to returning to my breath when and as I see myself in separate myself from the concept of another within these mental projections of desire.

Most definitely to be continued. Thanks for listening.