Day 35 - Dodging the discomfort of delay

     The concept for today's post is about using impulsed actions to deviate from the responsibility I have laid out in front of me. I realized, after a quick google search for "dodging discomfort," (yielding this article here) that the source of my discomfort is rooted in procrastination. It fits. I had been delaying the start of this post for about 20 minutes before I found myself craving a delicious snack. And now I realize that even my fingernail biting is one of these actions that I've paved a nice outlet for: It allows me to delay to take a break from the task at hand. While I maybe thinking about what the task is, I have left the moment of anxiety and discomfort with a distraction. These killer distractions that take you away from the presence of here, are trained procrastination outlets to deal with the discomfort of delay.

     My perception is that this point is ginormous: to cut all cravings and stick with myself here in every moment; no more accepted and allowed distractions. So, in a similar format to how I've chosen to walk out of my nail biting habit. I will consider this point every time I see it, then make the decision to clear the pattern with self-forgiveness, or run/hide and wait for the pattern's time loop to once more decide to self-honestly choose what's best for me and all, or deliberately suppress the procrastination with instant feel goods (i.e. food, video games, reading, chewing on my nails, etc./pick your poison) To begin to bring this point consistently into my awareness to be able to make this decision starts here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run into a specialized/hidden form of procrastination to deal with the discomfort that arises from procrastination. Holy crap, this is nuts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that this uncomfortable feeling that arises in me is a consequence of not acting within the responsibility that I have decided to undergo in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how these cravings for yummy food and feel-good-fingernail bites are a manifestation of procrastination.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to procrastinate my responsibilities in created ways that almost had me thinking that I could dodge them altogether.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to believe that I can effectively dodge responsibilities through removing myself from the equation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, understand and realize my own created method for ineffectively dealing with responsibility through procrastination actions.

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I commit myself to show others that procrastination can be broken down and dismantled with a slow, honest look at self's actions.

I commit myself to prove to myself that I can handle my responsibilities.

I commit myself to understanding how and why I have chosen a particular expression as a form of delay.

I commit myself to facing within self-honesty the discomfort that arises when I procrastinate a responsibility, and to be keenly aware of what I do to alleviate that uncomfortable feeling of delay.

I commit myself to this process of unfolding my habits as the true nature of what I have been allowing myself to exist as/through.