When I came home from an evening bike ride, he was gone! Aloud, I thanked him for everything, for hanging out with me and keeping watch on me, for teaching me life lessons. I experienced a feeling of respectfulness. Quite a few moments later, my mother returned home all politically charged about Obama hiding his real identity, and I was reacting to her in disapproval for being so emotionally charged about it. Flustered by her presence, I stomped up the stairs to get a shirt on, effectively hurting the Mantis. I had left the backdoor open for my cats, and somehow the praying mantis found his way to my staircase, to teach me another lesson.
I felt terrible. I reacted heavily with discontent for having squished my friend. He was looking in critical condition with maybe a 30% survival chance. Despite his desire to stay clung to the carpet fibers, with a tool I was able to get him back to the table outside. I was concerned he wouldn't make it and half wanted to finish the job, but I just made a little bed for him outside.
|10pm - post trauma|
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the praying mantis through the thought and desire to be more within the physical, not realizing that I already am in the physical equal and one with him as life manifested, and only the thoughts is holding me in separation of him.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to formulate a relationship to this being to the extent that I felt great honor to be in his presence all day and then miserable for accidentally stepping on him. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see how I've created an experiential relationship within my mind, following along the polarity of high and low. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the thoughts and emotions associated with separating myself from this praying mantis.
Relationship to animals and insects to be further investigated.