Day 100 - The Self Honest Pulse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget myself as self-honest, and fall into the thoughts of my secret mind. Here, I hide from others and in time myself, layers of reaction pattern-imprints. In other words, the voice in my head talks out what I am impulsed to say. These impulses have an affect on my pulse.

I am born with a pulse. Straight life force. No mind imprints. I open my eyes and start making sense of the world. As a mind consciousness system, I began to learn and integrate with the world system that's already here from the generations before us. As I receive/perceive impulses from the world, my pulse begins to change.

Layers later, I have a fascinatingly complex system as my mind as me. I believed myself to be the thoughts I had, I existed only one and equal with my mind. From what I understand of the mind, fear charges self-interest. The interesting part of this is how my mind does mental gymnastics to hide my self-interest. This was maybe some kind of self defense mechanism, where I judged myself or would imagine the judgment of myself through other's eyes of my self-interested act. Now that I understand that my ego/mind as the self-interest system, it more clear how I've been hiding with the mental gymnastics.

In living a life that stands on the principle of doing what's best for all life, there is no feeling of shame that I need to justify or hide from myself or others. Through the Best For All lens, self-honesty becomes crucial, or else the same self-interested patterns emerge. To get back to my original pulse, I have to be honest with myself as who I am as a collection of impulses that is my current pulse. In other terms, I have to be self-honest to see my current pulse as an accumulation of many impulses.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am existing through the perceptions of my impulsed conscious / worldly conditioning, and not remembering my original pulse of life that exist within me unexpressed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am or could be more powerful by means of accumulating pulses and proving this power through successfully impulsing others to see my point is valid.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the thinking of my secret mind as reactions to others and  and my own thoughts.

When and as I see myself pulsing to a beat of my own self-interest at the demise of others, I stop I breathe. I realize that the pulse of life supports all life equally as one, and when my pulse is aligned with what's best for all, I have nothing to hide. I commit myself to stop hiding my thoughts from others and myself. I commit myself to stop placing the value of life as it's ability to pulse 'better' than others.

I commit myself to walking this process back to the pulse of life through accepting responsibility for every impulse and releasing my attachment to all of me that does not support all life equally.