It's become apparent through the intensity of my energy fluctuation that I need to slow down. I have getting too far a head of myself (anxiety point) by creating a character that advances quickly through understanding, but lacks the discipline to act accordingly. I'll admit, I was pretty excited to begin my Journey to Life blog...meaning, I've set myself up for the experience of the opposite. And recently, I'm finding it difficult to write for myself or publicly. I've built myself according to some knowledge without a serious application thereof. So the past few days, since I decided to keep a side journal for this blog so that I can keep continuity more easily and bump up the level of seriousness within my participation.
Yesterday, I've identified a single point of fear that contributes to the program of delaying my writing: fear of failure / fear of inadequacy / fear of ineffectiveness. This point is one that I've been hiding from myself, so I couldn't easily realize that I was not self-honest. All the hype about self-honesty, but what does it really mean? It's more clear now. It's a concept of not letting anything slide by the radar. To essentially call myself out on every little detail of my thoughts, flag every thought for investigation, and stop what is detrimental to myself and/or others. Feel-good distractions cover up my fear of inadequately voicing myself, and then I just judge myself as a procrastinator, never really investigating what was going on in specific detail.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not investigate a thought/point thoroughly to see how it connects and charges different behaviors. Allowing distractions must end when I establish self-honesty because I won't allow be allowing what obviously doesn't support self and other.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I know it all. I forgive me that I've allowed myself to seek no further knowledge when I hold the belief that I already know / can't learn more.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being inadequate. I forgive myself for believing that I can be more, and hiding the doubt that was existent before the desire to be more. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself missing the point of existing within and as self-doubt, creating a spiral of behavioral outflows that aligned with becoming more, greater, smarter. I forgive my creation, and me for my creation, and my allowance of it as me.
When and as I see myself thinking ahead of myself, I stop I breathe. I realize that to be serious about my life walk, I commit myself to be here, in the written/spoken words of space time with the rest of the physical.
I commit myself to patiently writing, where in I access all relevant points to complete the framework and back-structure of the original point, letting nothing slide.
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