Day 104 - Walking through resistance

As a continuation from the last two days, this post will serve as somewhat of a turning point for me. This is the first time that I've declined chasing a feel-good distraction before sitting in my bed to write. Having my brother home, means that I need to get fancy with where I set my work space up. So, within all that's transpiring at the moment, when and how I write is becoming a critical point that I am here to write about :)

I must give a shout out for the new Desteni I Process Lite course. I've been giving it a go, so that I could know what it is I'm sharing. To my surprise, I'm receiving a lot of support from it. It's concise and well done from what I can tell so far. The reason I bring this up is that Lesson 1.5 = The Solution to Resistance was the launch (read just prior) of tonight's writing session. The key point of this short lesson, is when writing resistance comes up, just take a big breath, get back into the body, and write about the resistance that just came up. Through this, I can investigate the resistance point THROUGH WRITING, hence breaking the writing resistance, and come back to the original point after the resistance is clear.

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Now, the norm for me was and has been for a long time, to procrastinate or delay the writing with some kind of positive reward behavior. So I never investigated how I've attached a negative valence to work/writing. I just simply moved toward the positive, until that was no longer an option. So, my whole life, I've basically been waiting until I had no choice but to do the work, and in this, I had been taking less than 100% ownership of it because I was 'rushed' and 'could have done a better job if I had more time.' BS, I had more than enough time. No more BS = much more work than I had realized; however, the work is not negative from the perspective of doing it because I want to...as authentic expression of myself, for self. If I have to force myself to write every night because of external time pressure, and the pressure to conform to daily writing, I'm not going to be able to ever slow down and write about each point that comes up.

No more trying to rush through points. I can and will simply commit to finishing what I open up, so then it is done and I can move forward with my self-investigation. Thanks for reading. Related and specific Self-Forgiveness statements to come tomorrow.
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