Day 81 - Fear masked with Indecision

I recognize a pattern of not being able to confidently direct my path with another person. I typically wait for the other person to make a decision. This way, I take on no risk of disagreement or negative judgment. The experience of this fear manifesting doesn't feel like fear. It feels like indecisiveness or just not knowing what to do, which leads to frustration with myself for having lost my cool, confident walk.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to loose awareness of my breath when and as another being is looking at me for direction while I enter into a fear of judgement charged state of indecision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid that my choice of direction is unworthy or not likable, and within this I forgive myself for allowing myself to place such emphasis on the importance of being liked through my decisions that I fear making any decisions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to not realize that underneath my desire to not make a directive decision for 2 or more people, lies a fear that I will be cast out by the group and become lonely and powerless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to fear becoming powerless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define power according to my ability to direct other human beings and have them still like me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base my directive spoken word through a filter that will leave a positive, likable impression. And so, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only consider what's best for me in each situation according to my own self-interest of being liked and therefore in a position of power. This design or conception originates from the cool kids on the playground in the early school years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build a definition of power through watching how the cool kids on the playground had followers and by comparison, I was less in control of others and my reality in my early social scene.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to and strive for 'power' as define by my ability to be in control of my reality through the validation of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from power through the desire of it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear powerlessness and rejection and so charge my system of self-doubt & indecision.

Corrective application statements to follow.

Photo Credit: nicubunu