Day 372 - Expanding on My Automated Lifestyle

Going with the theme of my last two posts:
Day 370 - How to Program Yourself and Automate Behavior

Day 371 - Accidental Self Programming

I'm noticing more and more ways that I have subscribed to lifestyles that I don't necessarily want to have anymore. The nail biting opened this point up, where I became aware of myself biting my thumb nail, I stopped and I saw myself choose to continue biting while I distracted myself in a mental analysis of this act, and finally saw the consequential outflow of that choice being automatically repeated on a subconscious level. The general concept here being that the choices we make are stored and executed in future scenarios when applicable.

What's wrong with this? Oh, I'll tell you whats wrong with it! Mainly, it's the perpetuation of the past. The choices I made minutes to years ago may not necessarily be the same choice that I would make in the present moment. New information comes to light. It would be commonsense to adapt one's perspective to meet the most currant criteria, right? And I'm sure that some people are really good at doing this.

But what happens when...oh let's say you come across this online community going by the name of Desteni, and they proclaim that all is one and equal, which practically boils down to doing what is best for all. This destiny shattering perspective implies that one must now shift the starting point of the creation of one's automated lifestyle choices from self-interest to best-for-all-interest. I've been trying to just stop biting my nails for about 6 years.

The obvious point here is that this kind of self-transformation will take a long time. Rumor has it that if I take this process seriously, and everyday, every moment, every breath I apply self-honesty, self-forgiveness, and corrective application; in 7 years time I will have disintegrated enough of my consciousness programming to see as life. We're all just organic robots with this elaborate mind consciousness system telling us what to thinks, see, hear, and do. Life awareness is tremendously suppressed.

I imagine this life awareness embodied living to be much like freedom from automated lifestyles. There is only a breath and a commonsense action. Not even thinking is required, as the best for all answer is already here as self's instantaneous expression. Aware of every breath. The physical reality is the only reality that  is valid. Supporting other organic robots will be no different than how I supported myself throughout this long journey to life.

But here, it is important to note that creating a future projection of what it might be like to have finished my individual process is not something to get attached to, as that would perpetuate my current perspective. I see it, I let it go. I commit myself to live here in breath.

And now for the dreaded list of programs that I have running my life today. Also important to note here that a negative judgement and taking these habits personally will only prolong my process of realizing and applying the solution. I must stand as the problem and the solution simultaneously if I am to take responsibility for my past and intentionally create the best for all solution that I can practically apply in my daily living.

• Sleeping in, or napping from a mental tiredness - induced when facing resistance; rather than physically induced tiredness.
• Eating for pleasure (i.e. sweets) and eating as a way to delay facing resistance.
• Shopping to get a good deal - allowing those who study the psychology of consumerism manipulate me into buying things I don't really need or even want, oddly enough.
• Watching mini-marathons of TV episodes - allowing the hook at the end to pull me in to another hour that I wasn't really planning to kill.
• Exercise, doing it to achieve a value in appearance/ego, rather than simply keeping my physical body in healthy, self-supportive condition.
• Working for an ego desire to be seen positively by others, rather than working to create a systems that support what is best for all on all levels: personal, interpersonal, & universal.

There are most certainly more programs that I must face. This is just to give an idea of what I am still accepting and allowing at Day 372.

The only choice that remains: Am I going to be self-honest, see the bigger picture and take responsibility to manifest my fullest potential, or am I just going to go with the flow and allow my past to create my future?

...Perhaps realizing your fullest potential isn't going to happen automatically.
lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 371 - Accidental Self Programming

This blog post is a continuation from Day 370 - How to Program Yourself and Automate Behavior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try an over analyze and make a moment of physical decision more than what it simply is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to intellectualize my intellectualization by further removing myself from the basic facts of what happened and why, and to have instead written my last blog in separation of my experience, analogous to how I had removed myself from the experience of myself for that single moment of observing myself choosing to continue biting my nail in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue within a physical denial of responsibility when I see myself in a self-abusive pattern, specifically in this case, biting my thumb nail.

I forgive myself that I have continued accepting and allowing this automated decision to delay the stopping of my nail biting habit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to be able to make the physical changes that I see in a moment of clarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will do as I have always done, within this, seeing how I haven't always done this behavior, and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make this habit more than what it is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am less than my automated decisions, creating an experience of inability to change, rooted in fear, and confirming this fear with repetitive failure as I subject myself to the whims of these particular energetic parameters instead of realizing my response-ability to direct myself into and as change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget the importance of breathing. When and as I see myself trailing off into a mind-moment, I stop, I breathe. I refocus who I am in my physical body, and I make a decision to live what is best in the context of everything and everyone, including myself and my fingernails.

When and as I see myself biting my nails, I stop and I breathe. I see myself, and I commit myself to immediately take a physical action because I realize that if I hesitate, even for a moment, I give my mind time to spin and take me away from the physical, here reality.

When and as I see myself in a repetitive behavior that I don't explicitly and confidently want as a part of my lifestyle, I stop, then I take a breath and look at how did this pattern originate. If I do not immediately see the starting point, I can be sure that this behavior pattern is an outdated automation that I had created in my past and reaffirmed over time. In this case, I commit myself to take note and put forth the time to write about this experience until I am clear within my understanding of how this program came to be. From there, I commit myself to writing/speaking the specific self-forgiveness and corrective application to support myself in the process of real self-change.

I commit myself to take a close look at the relationship wherein I continually allow myself to not change, even when I see the self-compromise within the pattern. I realize that I have the solution as writing, self-forgiveness, and self-corrective application. Expand self-honesty, here. Wholesomeness. Integrity. Self-integrity.

Barring self-judgment, I see, realize, and understand the importance of adhering to true integrity, and I commit myself to move steadfast through my attachments/definitions and limitations that I have accepted and allowed of myself up to here.

Thanks me-I-you-us, for together we stand up for and as the solution.

Day 353 - Movement Responsibility

Related to this theme I've been working with the past few days, I am realizing that if I don't do it, it doesn't happen. While it may seem obvious, my life experience thus far has been very...automatic. I've just been going with the flow of life, and it's been working out fine, so why would I ever question it? Well, it's not working out so fine anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i'll be okay at the whims of my external world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself believe that all I have to do is manage and control my reactions to be successful in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for others to do or say something first so that I could manage and feel in control what happens next....okay, here my mind is spinning trying to get a handle on all the dynamics going on within this one point. This indicates I need to stop, breathe, and take on the first point first.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and control others to prevent them from having control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being controlled by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by waiting for others to move first, that I have actually much less control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear moving first, being a directive principle, because then if others react to me in a negative way, then I would take it personally and risk shattering the idealized image of myself in my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and believe in the image of myself in my own mind, not realizing how this function of the mind has been limiting my self expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself desire to move through life and personal interactions passively, because then I don't risk hurting my ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that who I am in fact stands on principle and is consistent day to day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is be determined by my external environment and the personal interactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am defined according to how others see me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I decide who I am in relation to all circumstances, and in this, I am either reacting in a specific way that matches my past behaviors and/or experience set, or I am standing on a principle that I would live for all of eternity.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for moving myself without an external stimulus. Taking initiative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on external input to be able to move myself. Reaction only.

I commit myself to realizing my directive principle.

I commit myself to realizing I am the directive principle of myself.

I commit myself to realizing my responsibility to direct myself based on principle.

I commit myself to walking the process of becoming a responsible human being that stands for what is best.

I commit myself to start taking the initiative when there is nothing pressuring me to do anything, and within this initiative, I will do what is best.

I commit myself to showing others that I exist as a directive principle, as a person who does what is best for everyone without being told to do it.

I commit myself to stand up and do what is best.

I commit myself to stop allowing past patterns to continue to repeat and stifle my self expression.

When and as I see myself waiting for my environment to inform me of what to do, I stop I breathe. I realize that I can either wait and react to the external movement, or I can take the initiative and utilize common sense to direct myself, and the environment as an extension of myself, to a best for all outcome. Until this is effortless, I commit myself to constantly evaluate the integrity of my stand, and locate all points and patterns of weakness and petty self-interest. By doing this, I take responsibility for how I currently lead my life, and I commit myself to walk the correction into a stable living of the principle of what is best for all.

pic credit

Day 228 - Becoming Consistent with Focus

This is a continuation of Day 227 - Sticking to one mission at a time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am more productive when I multitask, and so feel compelled to do more than one thing at once.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be MORE THAN productive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that multitasking actually slows my productivity as I am not fully directing my side-tracking, rather bouncing from one thing to the next as if I am on auto-pilot.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek for and follow distractions when faced with a challenge or resistance within applying myself in the context of "work."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to simply let slide my reactions of resistance toward work, not realizing that each and every single movement is my responsibility as a statement of who I am / what I allow.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to bite my nails, eat candy, play video games, do laundry, do other work, when I am experiencing resistance toward a task, such as this JTL post.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize my decision to delay a task.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for the timely completion of a task through the thought "there is plenty enough time," not realizing how I am compromising my ability to do the primary task AND other work more effectively.
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When and as I see myself abdicating my responsibility to direct myself through playing the Victim Character of some externalized force such as ADD, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am responsible for all of my directions, preprogrammed or otherwise. I commit myself to the continual realization that I am responsible for every movement I make.
..I have a long way to go, but accumulation is the only way. One bite at a time. 1+1+1+1...

When and as I see myself multitasking, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have chosen to multitask because of a desire to be ultra-effective with my time. I commit myself to breathing and questioning if I am diminishing my effectiveness within a particular task.

When and as I see myself on productivity auto-pilot, I stop I breathe. I realize that I wasn't consciously directing myself and completely unaware of my breath. I commit myself to create a plan to get back to my original task if the current task is worth the current attention. No more task, to item, to interest, to video, to curiosity, to other side-track. This behavior leads me down a path that I did not intend. I commit myself to move with intention.

When and as I see myself moved by distractions such as nail biting, candy, fun, interest, I stop I breathe. I recognize the resistance. I commit myself to breathing until the resistance fades and to continue with the primary task. I commit myself to pushing through that resistance, and if necessary, to investigate how I have created a relationship toward a given task that yields that resistance.

When and as I see myself abusing time by putting off responsibility, I stop I breathe. I realize that what's actually going on inside of me is a reluctance to face a responsibility, and I have entered into an energy of resistance and allowed it to direct me within tiredness or some form of laziness. I commit myself to sit and breathe and get back on track, finish my objective, and plan for rest.

The key in all of this is to have a plan. A day plan. An hour plan. A project plan. A plan for multiple projects. There's no limit to how I organize/structure my time. The important element is that I do organize and structure my time, effort, and even sleep.

I commit myself to planning when and as I see myself moving from task to task, unplanned.

photo from flickr cc