It is recommended by the Desteni group to walk through one point at a time, which contributed to my fear of opening up my nail biting again. It's interesting how fast that association happens and then becomes a part of my program. So, to release that specific thought association there: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I shouldn't attempt to really stop biting my nails unless I am more than confident in my ability to complete the process in one solid go. I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept my interpretation as the whole of truth and integrate it into my perspective without a second thought.
OK, off to a bad start, but the goal of this post is to reaffirm a personal awareness of deviation toward a particular task. This largely pertains to the point of delay, procrastination, ADD, etc. The basis of the concept is falling into the resistance energy when faced with work.
For examples: Biting my nails can be an escapism/release from the work that I am facing. Eating a delicious treat is a favorite go to when my mind is racing for a distraction. Another favorite distraction is other productive tasks that are looming in the background. Internet issue of having multiple tabs open, and wanting to cycle through all of them instead of just getting one task done at a time.
It's weird because I feel like multitasking with multiple tabs open on my computer will make me faster, more productive, and yet the opposite occurs. When I sit here with my focus, I am able to complete a single task faster than if I draw it out with other tasks. I believe the feeling of slowness happens with the resistance, so I am slowed down by it during the working, and then through the resistance I multitask and find ways to actually slow me down.
If I could stick to one thing at a time, I would be more effective. Hence the recommendation to walk one point at a time. Popping around to multiple points will take a long time AND prevent me from reaching depth within each single point = less effective.
Even when I misspell a word while typing these posts and the red swiggly line appears underneath, I am much inclined to stop my train of thought and fix the error before continuing.
So, there is a lot of multidimensional play here within my "ADD" issue. I will sort it all out in time, and I already understand that becoming overwhelmed is not the solution. Temporarily mitigating the resistance by altogether stopping my attempts at focusing on one task, gets me no where. Also, there is many different angles one could take on this perspective of taking on just one mission at a time: small scale, large scale, time frame, etc.
I realize that when I sit down to type a post, I can get that post done faster if I do not allow the resistance energy to guide me. Even as I wrote this sentence, a wave of tiredness brought up the thought, "go sit lay down on the couch, just for a little while." And it is precisely this that I need to work through.
This is tough. And I knew it would be. But I haven't actually considered how hard it is to move oneself through persistent resistance. I know that if I keep taking back control of my body within my breath, I can do this. It's not impossible to undo our nature as organic robots that only move with mind frequency. I remember that I can breathe and direct myself. And what's really cool about this flow right now is how I'm noticing all kinds of thoughts come up like how I'm doing a shitty job by not taking a rest, and that others will think I'm a bad writer if I keep writing through the tiredness. It's like my mind will throw anything it's got at me to ensure that I listen to at least one thought so that I am directed and controlled by the mind consciousness system.
So, where from here? I guess I'll stop here, and write early tomorrow to apply some practical self-forgiveness for these control points that lead one to hop around from task to task and believe that they're sick with Attention Deficit Disorder. Thanks