Day 240 - Timing and Responsibility in my Hands

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into place with energy in such a way that I only know how to move within energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel lonely when I do not have a positive energy guiding me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I know how to be successful only within and through energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to take responsibility for myself from a starting point of what is here physically.

At the moment I am experiencing a bit of tiredness, ran around a lot today, and with this tiredness, I am frantically searching for viable distractions, my mind races with ideas to not have to face what is here, which is the physical keystrokes and this computer screen. As I sit and choose not to participate in the distractions, I realize that I have to use like an inverse energy experience of imagining the dissatisfaction I would have with myself for indulging in the non-productive time sinks. For example, I could go down the stairs and eat some chocolate ice cream with peanut butter and watch a little of whatever my mother is watching on the television. I would typically just go for it through justifying it with backchat, "it won't that that long."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that each moment and activity related to delay add together and accumulate. I do not want to be accumulating the consequence of a immediate desire fulfillment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my responsibility into the hands of my future self, believing that I will be be able to just do everything later. This is not leadership. This is sneaky form of complacency. "Oh, I'm so able, I can just do it later." There is this underlying belief that I do not need to work as hard right now because I can catch up to the average work ethic. It's a perpetuation of my past ability to work under pressure and get things done at the last minute. This method seemed to free up a lot of time for the cost of being in slave-mode for only a brief sprint at the end.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delude my potential production by subscribing to the belief that I only need to just get by and fit in with the majority. At the same time, I had held the belief that I was a top tier human being, I was just to afraid to fail, so I had never put myself out there within leadership roles. I had inverted. I focused on becoming an effective leader of myself. It seemed like a smart choice, but what happened was no real accountability.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others as less than me purely so I could feel like my imagined greatness of self was legitimate, not realizing that others were actually showing me myself. All this time I have been building this self-concept, and only occasionally acting to achieve my goals. There was always more time..

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delay the responsibility I have toward myself in developing my talents and abilities through applying myself in reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on external motivation to produce.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the extent of self-compromise at play through participating within my ego and believing I am who I think I am.

It's a curious thing, this allowance of my internal make-believe world as a reference point and a starting point. As I progress in diffusing the charges of limited perspective inherent in these personality programs, I start to wonder how I ever could have been so foolish, but that's just another program of self-criticism. The reality is, the chain of events that lead me to where I was and am today. All things considered, there is no secret. Only responsibility to direct oneself to support what is best, best for all.

I will continue to decipher my resistance in being a responsible citizen of this earth so that I may become increasingly effective within stabilized self-motivation and share with you how I did it. Thanks.

wikimedia pic
The direction of the world is related to how much responsibility
the individual is willing to take.