Day 239 - Becoming Responsible

I am getting a sense for what it means to grow up. This is a rite of passage that all kids go through when entering adulthood. Moving back home after college has prolonged this process a bit, but the cool part is that I've been writing and blogging about my daily experience for quite some time. I started my first process journal June 2010 and started this blog about 2 years later. Now, I'm beginning to feel like a year's worth of blogs is just around the corner.

This time creep, if you will, is an interesting experience. One day I'm young, the next I'm old. You hear this from older people all the time, and it's as if there is a disconnect between reality and perception of self. There is an imagined version of self that is idealized and able.

My college lifestyle
What I am realizing over broad period of time is that I too am growing up, and with that comes a multitude of responsibility. This type of responsibility is typically learned by necessity, but there are ways to delay becoming responsible, especially when one is able to do so. In my case, I have been able to delay the onset of responsibility. Perhaps a slower transition is will lead to a better outcome... Whoa, no, hold on. This is smelling like a justification. It sure is easier to transition more slowly, and it's a heck of a lot easier to postpone responsibility when the world is not pressing on me.

College was a place far from home that I was able to get a sense of what it's like to be on my own feet. While this is true in some regards, I was not funding my own education/rent/food. I had severally underestimated what it takes to make ends meet. I was simply following the groove of my destiny, boarding to class and living like a really chill cat. I took care of my pressed responsibilities (i.e. passing grades and cleaning dishes), and the rest of the time that was afforded to me, I just had fun. That was the plan: Get a degree and enjoy my social experience. I also enjoyed my own time in being creative or going to the beach (Ya, school on the ocean)!

My point here is there are several perspectives of responsibility, and I haven't considered them all. This is changing. I easily accepted that I was responsible by the definition of getting passing grades, not even good grades. I was weaker yet in terms of eating a healthy, physically supportive diet. I got my exercise through having fun, so I didn't even consider being responsible in that area (an issue in itself: that of ignorant irresponsibility). And that leads me into the big one...being responsible for this world as a participant.

I had this imagined version of myself, where I was great and leader-like, and I was going to study communication and talk to the world. Through this idealized version of myself that was just going to happen sometime in the future, I had lost touch with reality. I almost felt like that was who I was already, and no hard work would be required to become who I already am (fascinating).

In a way, I had reduced the definition of responsibility to "making the right choices." I wasn't very aware of this definition. I had always just made a decision and followed through, and doing hard work can simply be that. What I was doing though, was only choosing to expose myself to easy paths. Some verb-age from my fathers mouth "...path of least resistance," was said in a positive way, and so I adapted this into my program.

So here's the interesting end thought:
Above, I made the statement "I was simply following the groove of my destiny," and I meant it as kind of a natural unfolding of life. What I had long believed my destiny to be was to be someone really significant and change the world to be a better place. I have a vivid memory from 7th grade history of wanting to be written about in the history books. The problem was that I didn't think I had to work very hard to get to such a position, and later on, as I became exposed to 2012 readings and new age spiritualism, I saw a nice fit in being able to become the "great, enlightened world saver" I was destined to be with no real effort. All I had to do was meditate with mantras and cast violet light across the neighborhood (yes, I did that).

Now, I find myself in the shoes of a Destonian, as a member of Desteni. I am no longer within my simple destiny groove. The transition from destiny to desteni was similar to the derailing of a train. Had I spent several thousand more dollars on reaching higher consciousness, my train may have been moving too fast, too confidently to consider that I was wrong in any way. Fortunately, I had an open enough mind to conduct a thorough investigation.

And what did I find?

An overlap. I was on board with oneness, but I couldn't wrap my head around equality. I had wanted to make the world a better place by becoming better (than others) myself. That fit nicely with the "best for all" principle. One of the most mind boggling perspectives of oneness and equality that Desteni presents is becoming responsible for the entire world. I perceived that was what I wanted, not what I already was. That was the real source of the initial shock. Actually hearing the message of becoming responsible.

I am leaning what is means to be responsible in a practical, create myself through effort kind of way. This is not exclusive to Desteni, but the Destonians aren't kidding around. Desteni I Process is a fast track to removing the mental limitation and excuses for not being responsible for self and this world as a whole. All things considered, greed and self-improvement just don't make the cut. Aligning the expression of self as life, to support what is best for all life, through a process of self-perfection...is becoming responsible.

Investigate for yourself where you stand in this world.