Day 221 - Developing Self-Trust

Where did it go missing? When?

Never had it? Yeah.

Why? ...more importantly, HOW do I establish it.

I think the why has to do with ease. The tendency has always been to seek truth outside of self. Like a game of accumulating things to trust, and the more stuff I found that I could trust, the more trust worthy I would be to others...

SNAP. There it is again. This 'others' orientation, this externalized self-definition. So my starting point has always been in separation of myself. Oh wow.

That's How I Haven't yet established Self-Trust. Shoot. I've gone my whole life trusting others to tell me what's what....even who I am!
--
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place trust in others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself to show myself who I am, how I am existing; to give myself context within the moment that is here to determine who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust others to show me who I am, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others' negative reactions to me / my being because I feared having to face myself in that negative light. Inside of this is my reluctance to face or own up to others negative perceptions of me, and also having to deal with suppressing them to maintain my positively charged self-concept. Digging deeper.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have always placed trust in my external to determine truth. I now realize how little I thought of my self, my worth, my ability to determine or create reality. This goes deep. Into relationships even, where I have not trusted my self to lead anther through space-time. Leadership skills on the rise. Patience. Persist within my self-investigation process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am less than others through the design of placing all my trust into others.
--
The design of self-trust as/through self-honesty is not a "naturally" occurring realization. The process of developing self-trust through, with, and as developing self-honesty would not have occurred to me without the unexpected Desteni message. So, I realize and understand that to build self-trust, I must become self-honest. And that implies a lot. Simple, yet extensive. To be honest with myself is digging deep into myself and facing each point. No running. No allowed fear. Fear is examined to find the source point, to forgive myself for allowing that source point to define who I have become. Developing self-trust is not an overnight happenstance. I'm in it for the long haul. And I can't blame you for not trusting me, as I have never trusted myself. I encourage you to investigate where(when/who) you have separated trust from yourself in your world and why. This is it. This is the Journey to Life. Serious. Mind your mind, self-deceiver.
--
When and as I see myself looking to the external for feedback to determine who I am, I stop I breathe. I realize this is not who I am as the starting point is in separation and in that I am not giving myself the opportunity to be honest with myself about who I am in that moment. I commit myself to writing about experiences where I have gone into a positive/negative reaction regarding myself from an external/reflected starting point perspective. This is my mind. Hello mind!

When and as I see myself as unworthy / unable / afraid to direct myself and/or others in any situation, I stop I breathe. I realize that my inferiority complex is not real, rather it is an accumulation of self-doubt. I commit myself to exercising all of my self-doubt programs through self-forgiveness and corrective application, until I am stable within my directive capacity from the starting point of breath. One and equal. Best for all. Duh.

on flickr