Day 236 - My Favorite Excuse

Continued from yesterday (Day 235 - Opportunist vs. Excuse Maker) & exposing my favorite excuse:

Fear of failure

The only issue with fear of failure is that it's HUGE. It's central to most of my decision processes. And the forms it takes on like embarrassment, rejection, inability, loss, etc. What I find is that when I am faced with particular opportunities, I will have that experience of "not being able to do it." Before I even realize the experience, I am moving away from it, seeking the next best option that IS doable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear placing effort into a project that I think I will not succeed at.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am wasting time if I fail, not realizing that success depends on failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to FEAR FAILURE.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to FEAR FAILING.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn away or give up on the pursuit of anything that I fear failing at.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from myself that I have been cowering in fear when I redirect to a more obtainable goal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I have defined myself as one who enjoys a challenge so long as I believe I am able to succeed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become motivated by failure, either to shy away or become invigorated with the challenge.

primary memory of positive fear motivation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand how I have created  polarity within the experience of failure, and only really considered the positive affect of becoming motivated to overcome fear, and suppressing the moments when fear motivates me to run.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define fear and cowardice as weak, and through that charge have refused to see myself in that light.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not investigate how I am moved by fear in the negative/weak polarity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just go with the fear within an unconscious statement that who I am is a coward.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my self-judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am a coward.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place fear of failure as an authority and yet still believe that I am greater than fear, not realizing myself as the fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I create the fear, and thus create my reality.
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When and as I see a movement of fear within me when faced with an opportunity, I stop I breathe. I realize myself as the creator of this fear emotion. I commit myself to stop simply allowing fear of failure to direct me. I commit myself to acknowledging the fear as equal and one with myself, and through this I decide who I am in that singular moment: self-directed or fear-directed.

When and as I see myself motivated by fear to overcome challenges that I believe I can succeed in doing, I stop I breathe. I realize that this positive version of failure motivation is an energetic polarity of the fear that disables me. I commit myself to facing challenges and opportunities from a stabilized starting point assessment of what is here and what I can practically do.

When and as I see myself defining myself by fear or fearing to realize how I have made a living statement of myself in fear, I stop I breathe, I realize that it takes great courage to admit to fear because admitting fear entails a moment of lack of courage. I commit myself to stop the double dipping of cowardice and start owning up to my fears while being brutally honest with myself.

When and as I see myself turn away from a challenging opportunity because I am afraid to fail and within that waste time, I stop I breathe. I realize that I learn through failure and by allowing fear to direct me away from trying to succeed will result in never trying, and thus never succeeding. I commit myself to fail so that I may stand up strong having faced failure.

I commit myself to spending more time analyzing and decoding my relationship to fear and failure, so that I may steadily work through each layer.

I realize that fearing failure, creates real failure. I commit myself to no longer accept failure within fear. Self-directed failure, I invite. That is how I will grow. Thanks.

wikimedia pic