Day 372 - Expanding on My Automated Lifestyle

Going with the theme of my last two posts:
Day 370 - How to Program Yourself and Automate Behavior

Day 371 - Accidental Self Programming

I'm noticing more and more ways that I have subscribed to lifestyles that I don't necessarily want to have anymore. The nail biting opened this point up, where I became aware of myself biting my thumb nail, I stopped and I saw myself choose to continue biting while I distracted myself in a mental analysis of this act, and finally saw the consequential outflow of that choice being automatically repeated on a subconscious level. The general concept here being that the choices we make are stored and executed in future scenarios when applicable.

What's wrong with this? Oh, I'll tell you whats wrong with it! Mainly, it's the perpetuation of the past. The choices I made minutes to years ago may not necessarily be the same choice that I would make in the present moment. New information comes to light. It would be commonsense to adapt one's perspective to meet the most currant criteria, right? And I'm sure that some people are really good at doing this.

But what happens when...oh let's say you come across this online community going by the name of Desteni, and they proclaim that all is one and equal, which practically boils down to doing what is best for all. This destiny shattering perspective implies that one must now shift the starting point of the creation of one's automated lifestyle choices from self-interest to best-for-all-interest. I've been trying to just stop biting my nails for about 6 years.

The obvious point here is that this kind of self-transformation will take a long time. Rumor has it that if I take this process seriously, and everyday, every moment, every breath I apply self-honesty, self-forgiveness, and corrective application; in 7 years time I will have disintegrated enough of my consciousness programming to see as life. We're all just organic robots with this elaborate mind consciousness system telling us what to thinks, see, hear, and do. Life awareness is tremendously suppressed.

I imagine this life awareness embodied living to be much like freedom from automated lifestyles. There is only a breath and a commonsense action. Not even thinking is required, as the best for all answer is already here as self's instantaneous expression. Aware of every breath. The physical reality is the only reality that  is valid. Supporting other organic robots will be no different than how I supported myself throughout this long journey to life.

But here, it is important to note that creating a future projection of what it might be like to have finished my individual process is not something to get attached to, as that would perpetuate my current perspective. I see it, I let it go. I commit myself to live here in breath.

And now for the dreaded list of programs that I have running my life today. Also important to note here that a negative judgement and taking these habits personally will only prolong my process of realizing and applying the solution. I must stand as the problem and the solution simultaneously if I am to take responsibility for my past and intentionally create the best for all solution that I can practically apply in my daily living.

• Sleeping in, or napping from a mental tiredness - induced when facing resistance; rather than physically induced tiredness.
• Eating for pleasure (i.e. sweets) and eating as a way to delay facing resistance.
• Shopping to get a good deal - allowing those who study the psychology of consumerism manipulate me into buying things I don't really need or even want, oddly enough.
• Watching mini-marathons of TV episodes - allowing the hook at the end to pull me in to another hour that I wasn't really planning to kill.
• Exercise, doing it to achieve a value in appearance/ego, rather than simply keeping my physical body in healthy, self-supportive condition.
• Working for an ego desire to be seen positively by others, rather than working to create a systems that support what is best for all on all levels: personal, interpersonal, & universal.

There are most certainly more programs that I must face. This is just to give an idea of what I am still accepting and allowing at Day 372.

The only choice that remains: Am I going to be self-honest, see the bigger picture and take responsibility to manifest my fullest potential, or am I just going to go with the flow and allow my past to create my future?

...Perhaps realizing your fullest potential isn't going to happen automatically.
lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 267 - Success and Failure pt.3

Continuing with:

Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success
Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1
Day 266 - Success and Failure pt.2

Yesterday, I ended pt.2 of this series with a commitment to begin making an application of breath a new habit when faced with resistance, and desirable distraction. What I haven't really taken into account is all of the step I need to take to establish this habit.

This is the basis of which I will achieve my success. With a plan. With diligence. With commitment to who I am in relation to work. As barriers come up, I work through them. No more wallowing in failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become discouraged when I fail. I commit myself to perceiving failure as opportunity for growth, and no longer allowing a spiral of negativity. In my past, I have been so good at suppressing the self-defeated, inadequacy, "I can't do it" character that I wouldn't even acknowledge it. Rather, I'd simply move into a distraction or diversion that would allow me to maintain an inner positivity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prioritize my own inner feeling in a single moment rather than considering how I would self-honestly feel about a situation while taking into everything into consideration. To procrastinate requires this dynamic. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to temporarily ignore the inevitable consequence of delaying work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how much more proficient I could be if I didn't delay even one task. Delaying one task, delays all tasks. Unless I agree with myself that the delay is warranted through having task 2 take priority over task 1, I need to stay focused on achievement. That yields success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delay achievement, not realizing the consequence of delaying my success. If this continues until I die, I will have failed.

So what I'm seeing now, is that delay leads to failure and could be considered one and the same. I commit myself to not become discouraged and spiral into delay.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how delay is a fail, especially when I don't get up and give my whole moment/hour/day away to a feeling-guided storm of 'unproductivity'.  I commit myself to stop this when and as I see myself in this behavior.

Before the behavior comes thoughts. I commit myself to flag point which thoughts occur when I move into delay so that I will be best able to walk my process effectively in dismantling those specific thoughts so my directive power lies within my breath. From here, I move effectively.

I commit myself to continue to with this point until I am a living, breathing example of self-direction in every moment. Enjoy.

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Day 208 - Unplanned Dayz

Continuing from Yesterday

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sink into laziness when my day has not gone how I had imagined or intended it to go.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to get back on track with one breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize my potential to get back on track again with one breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not try focusing on my breath when I become overwhelmed from being behind the ball.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed and defeated when my day does not go according to plan, perpetuating the consequence for a much longer amount of time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow the familiar excuses and justifications for falling into laziness, instead of realizing who I am within my breathing and moving to write about these reoccurring excuses and justifications for being lazy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that my justification process for being lazy is not new, not valid, and can be disintegrated by walking it through this process of release (self-forgiveness) and renewal (corrective application; living commitments).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'I don't have enough energy' to write a post today. Thank Dan, I push myself to write each day, for through this daily JTL writing, I am discovering and releasing patterns like never before. To hell with resistance rendering me inert for the rest of my life.

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When and as I see myself thinking that "the whole day is wasted" when I am off to a bad start, I stop I breathe. I realize that from my breath I can track why I ended up where I am now. I commit myself to utilizing this flag point: willingness to perpetuate a bad start into the rest of the day; to breathe and direct self to write about what (thought) processes lead me here.

When and as I see myself breathing and going straight back into the just prior thought pattern, I again stop and I breathe. From here, I realize that I must direct myself...and now I realize that without a solid sense of how/why I want to direct myself, it's real easy to go right back into the just prior thought pattern groove. I commit myself to practicing self-direction after each and every STOP & Breathe moment, until I am clear and stable within the process of redirecting the state of self.

When and as I see myself simply accepting the perpetuation of laziness, I stop I breathe. I realize this is not really how I want to spend my time. I am just within an energetic state of ease. I commit myself to no longer accepting the easy life as is. I realize that deprogramming myself will take serious work/effort/commitment. And so, I commit myself to this process of standing up within a breath, and moving from there within an action that is best for all.

When and as I see myself following along with my mentally pulsed excuses and justifications for being lazy in this moment, I stop I breathe. I realize this is not who I am. I commit myself to taking all the necessary steps to end this habit of energetic, unplanned laziness. First, I must write about each thought. As I write, I will get more specific and my self-investigation will yield forgivable self-defining moments. This is the plan.

When and as I see myself feeling too lazy or mentally tired to write a post, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is me actually resisting my process as a whole. I commit myself to keep investigating myself within the awareness of the present resistance.

Until I am no longer resisting, I am determined to figure out why, for the sake of letting go of whatever predictive programming I've accepted and allowed to move me for X amount of years. Yeah, here I am.

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Day 143 - Behavior Perpetuating Behavior

I'm noticing a general energetic pattern. The primary behavior I'm looking at is delay, where I allow delay to move me into more delay. It propagates, begets, brings about more of the same behavior. This running streak is obviously of a mental energy cycle because it doesn't consider everything. It narrows and refines the behavior, but nowhere is there awareness of breath, and common sense can be hidden from self.

I'm also writing this pattern with the energy of biting my nails in mind. Today, I did another number on my nails, which is intertwined with delay because the starting point is often within a thought not relevant to the task at hand...ha, and because the nail biting process occupies my hands, it often directly takes me away from any physical work process like typing. There's some kind of residual, perpetuating qualities of nail biting especially, and I've yet been able to decode it and so have since shied away from writing about it in fear of failure.

Delay has also been scary to tackle because there is this momentum or inertia quality to the behavior in the short term and long term perspective. So, you could say I've defined myself as a procrastinator over the years, and what I want to address thoroughly today is how a single moment of delay can fester and turn into all day delay. The first reason that comes to mind is the allowance. Once, I allow myself to give into the energy as my directive, it's very hard to pull out because "why would I? I already gave into it." Solid.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my directive control to the energy of delay and perpetuate the behavior with the thought "I've already done it, might has well do it more."

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I've been allowing the continuance of energy infused behaviors because it's easier to stay consistent with my choices / past behavior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry with myself when the energy cycle ends and I've realized what I've been doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the anger is part of the system, where as I allow the outflow of anger in relation to what I've accepted and allowed, I charge my attachment to the habit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I've been simply choosing the consistent behavior, utilizing it as my stability in not having to face the scary unknowns of directing myself without residual, behavioral energy.

When and as I see myself within the comforts of allowing energy to continually direct me within the same behavior, be it delay, nail biting, or whatever self-compromising behavior it may be, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am not the directive force when life is easy and I'm not supporting what's best for all. I commit myself to push myself through any and all resistance I have in facing myself within self-honesty. I commit myself to finding each and every point where I have simply allowed a self-compromising behavior to ensue because it is consistent with past behavior (immediate or long term).

I commit myself to stopping the perpetual behavior cycles from within them, not judging myself and missing the point of responsibility to self to stand up from within the behavior cycle and direct self into a more supportive use of time.

I commit myself to showing others that I can produce real change within me through writing about my systems, releasing them, and standing true to self within these commitment statements.

Related articles

• Day 140 - Delay Point Expounded
• Day 142 - '"I got time to delay"

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