Day 56 - Taking Direction

     In working for others, I've noticed how taking direction can be a challenge. This is typically because I have my own set of ways to get things done and it doesn't line up. When being paid by the boss, I'm not on my own time. I've agreed to allow another being direct me. So when I forget that, my mind will wander back into wanting to assert my own direction. I realize how I go into mind as justifications for why my way is better or more efficient. If not released in the form of verbal expression, the pent up energy goes into suppression. It's no wonder people hate their bosses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my thought of how something could be done better. If my boss is willing to hear me, I'll make a suggestion. If they would rather I execute the task according to their direction, that is the agreement I signed up for.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry for accepting and allowing someone else to direct me. Because I am one and equal to what I accept and allow, I actually am directing myself though another's direction. It's still self-direction! So I must be getting angry at myself..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear creating conflict with my bosses. This fear that I allow is why I'm mad. Why be afraid? Either suggest an alternative direction, or accept what I've allowed. Simple.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my time is only "my" time, and that when others give me direction, I am giving up my time. I don't own time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to unwittingly take the direction of another without considering the point of what is best for all.

And I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I am wasting my time in working for someone else. I can learn from others in any setting. Might has well find a setting that pays me to be there.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to formulate any kind of opinion about giving up my time to  someone else, not realizing that I am giving my time to me, as the other. I can't waste my time unless I'm going up into my head and letting thoughts run rampid without a release.

The point here is, if I stay present within my given direction, I am still directing myself. If there is a more efficient way to accomplish something, and the situation permits, I'll throw it out there.

When and as I see myself inclined to argue how my method is better, I stop I breathe.

I realize that I am creating conflict, not resolution, by imposing my direction when it is uncalled for.

I commit myself to stopping the thought that "I know the best way," and the stopping the compulsion to express that (justified) thought, when the yield does not equate to what's best for all. When I am my ego, wanting to be the best, assert the best method and just plain be the best, I might be stepping on my boss' toes or not giving him the ability to direct me, as agreed upon by the nature of our relationship.

I commit myself to exposing this character of "knowing the best way." I do this a lot, and I see it as ego...finally.

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