Day 58 - Perfection

Perfectionism of mind versus self-perfection.

The way I understand it as of now: When my mind is running on perfectionism, I'm trying to make the world around me fit a picture perfect image in my mind. This causes much strain as the world around me isn't perfect. The first example that comes to mind is my nail biting habit, where in I want my nails to be perfect and free of impurities, so I use my readily available teeth as an imperfect tool to try to make my nails "nice looking" and smooth...perfect. Somehow, I've disregarded the fact that this doesn't work for over a decade.

To walk to process of perfecting self, I have to stop allowing my mind to project what I believe is perfect and stand here, equal with all points of myself. Through this equality stance, I can clearly see where I am not perfect...like this finger nail biting. So, I suppose what I am saying is that to live with the imperfections, realize them for what they are (accept that I've allowed them), and be the change is this mode of self-perfection. Here, I am not trying to achieve an image of perfection. Rather, I am walking toward what is actually best for me and for all, in self-honesty, breathing. No mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to be perfect, as what I have defined as perfect within my mind.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that in desiring to be perfect, I have gone into mind and separated myself from that perfect version of me that exists without trying. To purify myself. To live free of desire. To be. Here. Breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strive for perfection within my personality so that I can (ineffectively) dodge the fear of not being liked/accepted by others. I thought that I could get away with it, but perfection isn't as straight forward as the mind would have us believe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and impose my version of perfect onto the world around me. Wow. I've really been doing that.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I've been imposing perfection on others and so judging everyone according to the measure of what I saw was perfect at the time.

Obviously, this point is ginormous, so I'll continue walking it out here in my blog. Stay tuned!