I'm addicted to winning, to being right, and to validate that I am winning and am right. This I now see has held my back extensively in terms of effective communication. I'm opening up a huge point that deals also deals with fear of failure, or fear to be wrong..
I don't want to jump straight into Self-Forgiveness this time because there's too much. I'm going to take it slow...but steady. I have a desire to write out a Mind Construct. When I do this, it will look like a laying out of where/when I go into this character of wanting to be right. Next, I need to figure out why, because knowing why I did something helps me address the real matter at hand. I see how overwhelmingly in control of my perspective my mind is, and I cannot continue this way. I need to slow down because that's when I see my flaws. I see my flaws often through my judgements of others, too (a.k.a. one of the more powerful tools of self-awareness that I've added). Then it's back here to do my SF statements, and really get to the bottom of this mental dis-ease.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be right or wrong and have a feeling about that.
Whew, that was good.../right. So now my experience moves to being right, instead of just flowing in my "rightness' without a second thought. So, that means this whole paragraph is based on a mental reaction of analysis that brought me away from the moment of my breath of real honest self-expression....wow.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to analyze my expression, because within this analysis I've judged myself and limited my expression. Because I want to appeal to an audience that may vibe with the words I choose, I allow myself into self-doubt before I've even finished the sentence...this is just unacceptable.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, for so long and through school, doubt my expression, fear others' judgments thereof, and not ever give myself to chance to be wrong and have that be okay.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to just be here in the flow of words. Constantly second guessing myself for public approval is not how I want to LIVE.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for others...instead of for myself.
Okay, the experience after that one: I need a break to digest and figure out what that means. Thanks for now. Stay tuned.
Day 23 - Polarizing aspects of soccer
Rats, I slept in an additional 2 hrs today. My cat woke me up at about the 6 hour mark, and I got mad at him and ignored him. This extra sleep was an indulgence, and I'll get on this point soon. For now, I am pushing myself to write about my soccer game today because I told myself I would. Enjoy:
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to polarize the players as good or bad, and for allowing that to affect my enjoyment of playing the game.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry with some players and to admire others because this is when I'm lost in my mind, instead of holding my focus on the game.
I forgive myself for polarizing myself as one of the good players and so I became lost within that belief. This was not the case, I played poorly today..
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see or realize that I've been holding myself back with the belief that I am good. I can certainly benefit and improve my skill if I humble myself, and be honest with me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and to not just have fun playing the game to the best with the best of my ability with that best for all attitude.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play sports from the mindset of what is best for me, and within this I forgive myself for wanting to be a winner...more on that tomorrow.
--
I commit myself to breath awareness whilst engaged in the game of soccer (or "football") AND after the play is over not to leave that moment and go off into mind as a means to judge other people.
I commit myself to politely sharing when I see others' flaws as to give them the opportunity to improve without it becoming something of ego. If I can't do this correctly, I will know, and I will STOP.
I commit myself to recognizing when I participate in polar emotions and judgments.
I commit myself to be honest with myself within this point while playing soccer and other team sports...why not.
I commit myself to holding and maintaining a best-for-all attitude with all players on the field, be it soccer, volleyball, or other competitive sports.
I commit myself for forgiving myself whenever I find that I am getting upset with myself or other players, and losing sight of myself here.
Thanks for reading. Be sure to catch me tomorrow for my character on Winning!
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to polarize the players as good or bad, and for allowing that to affect my enjoyment of playing the game.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry with some players and to admire others because this is when I'm lost in my mind, instead of holding my focus on the game.
I forgive myself for polarizing myself as one of the good players and so I became lost within that belief. This was not the case, I played poorly today..
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see or realize that I've been holding myself back with the belief that I am good. I can certainly benefit and improve my skill if I humble myself, and be honest with me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and to not just have fun playing the game to the best with the best of my ability with that best for all attitude.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play sports from the mindset of what is best for me, and within this I forgive myself for wanting to be a winner...more on that tomorrow.
--
I commit myself to breath awareness whilst engaged in the game of soccer (or "football") AND after the play is over not to leave that moment and go off into mind as a means to judge other people.
I commit myself to politely sharing when I see others' flaws as to give them the opportunity to improve without it becoming something of ego. If I can't do this correctly, I will know, and I will STOP.
I commit myself to recognizing when I participate in polar emotions and judgments.
I commit myself to be honest with myself within this point while playing soccer and other team sports...why not.
I commit myself to holding and maintaining a best-for-all attitude with all players on the field, be it soccer, volleyball, or other competitive sports.
I commit myself for forgiving myself whenever I find that I am getting upset with myself or other players, and losing sight of myself here.
Thanks for reading. Be sure to catch me tomorrow for my character on Winning!
Day 22 - Slave to the system
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize myself as self control.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to submit to external guidance because of a perceived lack of confidence to be able to direct myself in every moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as unworthy of full self direction. I see how every limitation I place is just that. STOP
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek a correct path for which I can prove I am worthy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to submit to candy cravings or tiredness when I am attempting to direct myself, here.
I forgive myself for giving up on myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be driven by rank or something of higher importance. And within this, I forgive myself for not staying present in my breath before I move.
I forgive myself for not trusting myself within and as my breath.
I forgive myself that I fear losing my mind and all of the self-definitions I've "worked so hard" for.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive and believe that it's too difficult to stay here, and live within my breath as an expression of equality and oneness with all life.
--
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding how I've let myself submit to the system(s) of the world.
I commit myself to taking responsibility for all of my allowances and to take note of all blame-projection and flag it for further investigation.
I commit myself to staying here or making honest effort to figure out why I'm allowing myself to depart from the moment or to be elsewhere.
I commit myself to working toward increasing self-trust on many dimensions, until it is clear that I do not doubt my thoughts, actions or words.
I commit myself to taking care of my responsibilities, so that I do not procrastinate and go with the flow to the point of regret and/or despair.
I commit myself to rest and to recognize the boot-up patterns of my mind tomorrow, and then to have an honest check-in with self to see how I can apply self forgiveness.
See ya in the morning blog!
Day 21 - McDonald's Happiness Starting Point
Reacting to my disgruntlement from a mediocre deal at a garage sale, I decided to act on the impulse for a mcdonalds breakfast sandwich to cheer me up. Fail.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to go to mcdonalds to eat food because I thought it would cheer me up, despite the food's relatively unhealthy qualities.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to comfort myself with food flavor.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to just breath and forgive the point from which the anger stems, instead of eating as escapism.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to drive to mcdonalds, after having a full on conversation with my backchat (when the mind chats back) that brought up feelings of escapism, denial of reality, and guilt for not stopping myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty for having over-indulged in tasty/bad food within which my starting point was not carefully considered.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enter into backchat to try and justify doing what I, deep down, don't want to do, later manifesting regret.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret going to mcdonalds.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that regret-fulness feeds my mind consciousness system and binds me in an unhealthy relationship to mcdonalds food.
--
I commit myself to checking what my starting point is whenever I think to go to eat fast food.
And if it's not best for all, and especially if it is to run/hide/cover an emotion I don't like, I will reconsider my options.
I commit myself to realizing and understanding the basic needs of my body to function as to prevent over-indulgence within and as my mind consciousness system.
I commit myself to recognizing (when I can) and STOPPING my backchat from persuading me to follow something other than what my gut knows is right as what's an expression of oneness and equality.
I commit myself to showing that I can eat to serve the purpose of fueling my physical body, and
I commit myself to exposing to myself which foods are detrimental to my physical body so that I may eventually eliminate desire for "bad" foods.
I commit myself to common sense eating.
Thank you.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to go to mcdonalds to eat food because I thought it would cheer me up, despite the food's relatively unhealthy qualities.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to comfort myself with food flavor.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to just breath and forgive the point from which the anger stems, instead of eating as escapism.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to drive to mcdonalds, after having a full on conversation with my backchat (when the mind chats back) that brought up feelings of escapism, denial of reality, and guilt for not stopping myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty for having over-indulged in tasty/bad food within which my starting point was not carefully considered.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enter into backchat to try and justify doing what I, deep down, don't want to do, later manifesting regret.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret going to mcdonalds.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that regret-fulness feeds my mind consciousness system and binds me in an unhealthy relationship to mcdonalds food.
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--
I commit myself to checking what my starting point is whenever I think to go to eat fast food.
And if it's not best for all, and especially if it is to run/hide/cover an emotion I don't like, I will reconsider my options.
I commit myself to realizing and understanding the basic needs of my body to function as to prevent over-indulgence within and as my mind consciousness system.
I commit myself to recognizing (when I can) and STOPPING my backchat from persuading me to follow something other than what my gut knows is right as what's an expression of oneness and equality.
I commit myself to showing that I can eat to serve the purpose of fueling my physical body, and
I commit myself to exposing to myself which foods are detrimental to my physical body so that I may eventually eliminate desire for "bad" foods.
I commit myself to common sense eating.
Thank you.
Day 20 - Bye-bye Candy Binge
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to eat around 100 peanut butter M&Ms today in one sitting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself the fact that this kind of eating behavior is not delicious for real.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider the positive reward in my brain as superior to my inner knowledge of what is good and bad for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to overwhelm and take dominion over a common sense diet.
I forgive myself, from the beginning until now, for accepting and allowing myself to binge out on candy as permissible.
--
I commit myself to never again binging out on candy. No more treating myself like crap.
I commit myself to only enjoying candy.
I commit myself to only enjoying candy in moderation.
Oh, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to crave candy, and then also I forgive myself for acting on that impulse.
I commit myself to not allowing that impulse to overwhelm my common sense, and by this I mean to treat each treat with respect and appreciation.
Thanks for the good times candy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself the fact that this kind of eating behavior is not delicious for real.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider the positive reward in my brain as superior to my inner knowledge of what is good and bad for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to overwhelm and take dominion over a common sense diet.
I forgive myself, from the beginning until now, for accepting and allowing myself to binge out on candy as permissible.
--
I commit myself to never again binging out on candy. No more treating myself like crap.
I commit myself to only enjoying candy.
I commit myself to only enjoying candy in moderation.
Oh, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to crave candy, and then also I forgive myself for acting on that impulse.
I commit myself to not allowing that impulse to overwhelm my common sense, and by this I mean to treat each treat with respect and appreciation.
Thanks for the good times candy.
Day 19 - Authentic Expression
I have too many points building up, to the point that I've loaded the reserves and I need to start on that which I've suppressed. It's costing me energy and my writings just can't be as effective when the point I write about is not the primary point, rather a selected point. I understand I'm doing this in a way to serve my audience. I hear from desteni that I need and must be doing this for me, alone.
So, for the sake of authenticity, this blog is going to change it's starting point. Ideally, this means every sentence, every word will be that which I chose in that moment. So, editing will be minimal, only error correction. The desire to go back and clean up my blogs exists.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the judgment of others so that I feel if I fix the bad parts of my past blogs that I could be more liked.
I forgive myself for doubting myself through time.
Now, my goal is to write like I doubt ever doubt the word choice. This is a hard part for me to reconcile because I'm so used to doubting my writing and 'editing' it. To keep moving forward...in my breath I cannot fail.
...I now question writer's block. If I am here, there should never be writers block. I do see that this blog may just be the proactive I need to develop my voice to become the great author I'd like to be.
I commit myself to realize when I am forcing my words and when I am just flowing..
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself true freedom of expression yet. Through writing in breath and honesty, I cannot fail.
I commit myself to every second of this process. It is pervasive, all encompassing. Tomorrow I address my lack of responsibility within diet, specifically sugar cravings.
Special thanks to William Cuff for his Day 70
So, for the sake of authenticity, this blog is going to change it's starting point. Ideally, this means every sentence, every word will be that which I chose in that moment. So, editing will be minimal, only error correction. The desire to go back and clean up my blogs exists.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the judgment of others so that I feel if I fix the bad parts of my past blogs that I could be more liked.
I forgive myself for doubting myself through time.
Now, my goal is to write like I doubt ever doubt the word choice. This is a hard part for me to reconcile because I'm so used to doubting my writing and 'editing' it. To keep moving forward...in my breath I cannot fail.
...I now question writer's block. If I am here, there should never be writers block. I do see that this blog may just be the proactive I need to develop my voice to become the great author I'd like to be.
I commit myself to realize when I am forcing my words and when I am just flowing..
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself true freedom of expression yet. Through writing in breath and honesty, I cannot fail.
I commit myself to every second of this process. It is pervasive, all encompassing. Tomorrow I address my lack of responsibility within diet, specifically sugar cravings.
Special thanks to William Cuff for his Day 70
Day 18 - La Heim!
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the true nature of myself as life because I cling to aspects of my own mental creations as I participate in the creation of them and am attached to what I create.
I forgive myself for fearing to lose that which I've created as beliefs/perspective in my mind, and in this I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to continue to participate in creating new mental dramas of which I, as ego as mind, see are self-serving.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto my perspective as if it's too valuable to let go of.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself the truest opportunity to experience myself as life, as all.
I forgive myself for separating myself from other life forms, as well as rocks and shit.
I forgive myself for the reason of self-actualizing, here, one and equal with all beings.
--
I commit myself to myself for myself.
I commit myself as an example of self-commitment.
I commit myself to standing as an equal member of this universal community within my breathing.
I commit myself to be here.
I commit myself to bringing myself back here whenever I find that I've wandered without my directive agreement to do so.
I commit myself to moving myself within myself, here, as life.
I commit myself to be an example of what it means to move as life in contrast to moving from mind (typically as reaction).
I commit myself to the madness of myself, not allowing any external force hinder my life-expression.
I commit myself to life!
photo from flickr
Day 17 - Overwhelmed Character
Whoa, today I was overwhelmed myself. With so many great ways to spend my time, I spent a large portion of that time bouncing back and forth between the things I want to do. It's a frustrating experience, akin to ADD (or so I would think), this is a problem. I must slow down and focus on a task to completion if I hope to be running at maximum efficiency. This point ties in with my overly ambitious demeanor, so there's probably going to be more to this than I can see right now...gotta start sooner or later:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move from action to unrelated action without true and honest self-direction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get distracted easily because I allow myself to get overwhelmed by the current task when I would rather be doing other things.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place preference on the side-track tasks because it's easier.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not face the project-at-hand in honesty, and in this I discredit the value of the primary task with mental gymnastics that re-prioritize the secondary tasks.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for ways to procrastinate.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to focus on writing when I intend to write.
I forgive myself for wanting to ignore this point and just continue as a procrastinator.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing things that need to be done to pile up, allowing it to get to a point of overwhelmingness, and in that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the extent of how this habit is affecting me, so that I may realize the severity of it and tag it as the primary task :)
--
I commit myself to further developing my understanding of this point by reading others' work, like Jozien's series on 'Postponement', to reach a point of stability within myself before I try to knock this down.
I commit myself to slowing down and taking all that there is to consider on this point, so not to rush through it ineffectively, like I did on Day 2.
I commit myself to organizing my time, and executing tasks according to a plan that I've agreed on, not just a bunch of energetic mind distractions.
I commit myself to continuing on this point of overwhelm/procrastination/postponement/delay/sidetrack/distraction/inattention/lack of coherency within tasks...you get the idea.
To Be Continued...
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move from action to unrelated action without true and honest self-direction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get distracted easily because I allow myself to get overwhelmed by the current task when I would rather be doing other things.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place preference on the side-track tasks because it's easier.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not face the project-at-hand in honesty, and in this I discredit the value of the primary task with mental gymnastics that re-prioritize the secondary tasks.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for ways to procrastinate.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to focus on writing when I intend to write.
I forgive myself for wanting to ignore this point and just continue as a procrastinator.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing things that need to be done to pile up, allowing it to get to a point of overwhelmingness, and in that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the extent of how this habit is affecting me, so that I may realize the severity of it and tag it as the primary task :)
--
I commit myself to further developing my understanding of this point by reading others' work, like Jozien's series on 'Postponement', to reach a point of stability within myself before I try to knock this down.
I commit myself to slowing down and taking all that there is to consider on this point, so not to rush through it ineffectively, like I did on Day 2.
I commit myself to organizing my time, and executing tasks according to a plan that I've agreed on, not just a bunch of energetic mind distractions.
I commit myself to continuing on this point of overwhelm/procrastination/postponement/delay/sidetrack/distraction/inattention/lack of coherency within tasks...you get the idea.
To Be Continued...
Day 16 - No More Nail Biting
Continuing from Day 14 - Stopping Nail Biting & Day 15 - Clearing Attachment to Nail Biting
I'm done.
I commit myself to pure honesty in facing my desire to continue biting. It's the second bite when I exist as an allowance; this must stop.
I commit myself to stopping myself from biting my nails the moment I realize, every time.
I commit myself to continue to expose my nail biting tendencies to myself until I stand completely stable, not ever starting to bite.
I commit myself to not justifying, continuing, or allowing myself to bite my nails.
It's done.
Any further continuance of nail biting with be scrutinized to find the starting point. Within this, any residual nail biting will serve assupport in continuing this process of exposing my anxieties so that I may address them. Thank you, and
I call on all readers to take responsibility for your allowances that you've postponed getting around to.
- - Update - -
I'm done.
I commit myself to pure honesty in facing my desire to continue biting. It's the second bite when I exist as an allowance; this must stop.
I commit myself to stopping myself from biting my nails the moment I realize, every time.
I commit myself to continue to expose my nail biting tendencies to myself until I stand completely stable, not ever starting to bite.
I commit myself to not justifying, continuing, or allowing myself to bite my nails.
It's done.
Any further continuance of nail biting with be scrutinized to find the starting point. Within this, any residual nail biting will serve assupport in continuing this process of exposing my anxieties so that I may address them. Thank you, and
I call on all readers to take responsibility for your allowances that you've postponed getting around to.
- - Update - -
Day 15 - Clearing Attachment to Nail Biting
...Continued from yesterday's post.
Oh my! I am so reluctant to face this point. Push! Puhhsshh!
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create this experience of difficulty within this process.
I forgive myself for biting my nails.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails for any reason.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this fall point to justify giving up on my process to self-honesty, and for allowing myself to continue for so long.
I forgive myself that I have not yet given myself the chance to real commitment in stopping my nail biting, for in the past I have tried and fallen = dishonest attempts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to reach a point of stability within honesty to actually quit, and in this I forgive myself that I have created a fear of failure of which I acted on by not standing back up after a fall/bite.
I feel I'm at the tip of the iceberg, and yet I feel a sure increase in will to stop, yet I see this is an accumulation of energy behind this = dishonest..
Continuing:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing doubt to creep in without my awareness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt being able to actually STOP bitng, and stand within this decision as an honest expression of myself.
I forgive myself for not giving myself the chance to really stand up and make this decision true.
^ that was real! wow
Now, going back to yesterday's post to get specific with what came up then:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having my nail ripped off. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of my brother having his nail ripped off when the screen door closed on his finger, and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this incident to manifest the thought that I should just chew my fingers when finger nail clippers aren't around...and I forgive myself for acting on this thought, and for repressing this origin point, thinking that because I've identified it, I need not forgive it.
I forgive myself for thinking that I don't need self-forgiveness to get over my accepted and allowed modes of existence and that I can think my way to freedom. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as this thought (just bite them; it's convenient) for over a decade.
whew,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to raise my hand to my mouth for comfort. This oral fixation is dated, and possibly related to the very early years of thumb sucking...hmm.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience comfort when I have my fingers or thumbs in my mouth for sucking or biting.
I forgive myself that I accept and allow anxiety to build up, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fingernail biting as an outlet for this anxious tension.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow myself to continue to bite my fingernails once I've caught myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my nails, making it "ok" to eat bits of my human physical body.
I forgive myself for not trusting myself that I have within my full control, the power to decide to STOP. Corrective application statements to come in the next installment. (You've read enough for one day = I've typed enough for one day)
Oh my! I am so reluctant to face this point. Push! Puhhsshh!
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create this experience of difficulty within this process.
I forgive myself for biting my nails.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails for any reason.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this fall point to justify giving up on my process to self-honesty, and for allowing myself to continue for so long.
I forgive myself that I have not yet given myself the chance to real commitment in stopping my nail biting, for in the past I have tried and fallen = dishonest attempts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to reach a point of stability within honesty to actually quit, and in this I forgive myself that I have created a fear of failure of which I acted on by not standing back up after a fall/bite.
I feel I'm at the tip of the iceberg, and yet I feel a sure increase in will to stop, yet I see this is an accumulation of energy behind this = dishonest..
Continuing:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing doubt to creep in without my awareness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt being able to actually STOP bitng, and stand within this decision as an honest expression of myself.
I forgive myself for not giving myself the chance to really stand up and make this decision true.
^ that was real! wow
Now, going back to yesterday's post to get specific with what came up then:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having my nail ripped off. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of my brother having his nail ripped off when the screen door closed on his finger, and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this incident to manifest the thought that I should just chew my fingers when finger nail clippers aren't around...and I forgive myself for acting on this thought, and for repressing this origin point, thinking that because I've identified it, I need not forgive it.
I forgive myself for thinking that I don't need self-forgiveness to get over my accepted and allowed modes of existence and that I can think my way to freedom. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as this thought (just bite them; it's convenient) for over a decade.
whew,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to raise my hand to my mouth for comfort. This oral fixation is dated, and possibly related to the very early years of thumb sucking...hmm.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience comfort when I have my fingers or thumbs in my mouth for sucking or biting.
I forgive myself that I accept and allow anxiety to build up, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fingernail biting as an outlet for this anxious tension.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow myself to continue to bite my fingernails once I've caught myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my nails, making it "ok" to eat bits of my human physical body.
I forgive myself for not trusting myself that I have within my full control, the power to decide to STOP. Corrective application statements to come in the next installment. (You've read enough for one day = I've typed enough for one day)
Day 14 - Stopping Nail Biting
Perhaps the biggest fall point within self-honesty: the habit of biting my nails. I bite to escape the fear of having my nails ripped off. I bite off rough edges to make them "smooth." I bite without awareness to comfort my various states of anxiety. I bite for the addictive positive reward I feel in my brain when ripping nail away from finger, as if it's a productive moment. This frustrating habit of over a decade is only possible because of discontinuity from one moment of entranced indulgence, to the next, saturating in regret and consequence. This is self-dishonesty. And I've been creating a fear that I cannot stop, or not trust myself to stop.
Ok, so I want to start my self-forgiveness, but I've hesitated all day, and as my father would say:
"He who hesitates, is lost."
I am now creating an experience of being lost within my starting point. I doubt my ability to stop biting my nails & I doubt my ability to start stopping. Just before I sat down to finish Day 14, I was unconsciously biting while watching a movie with my sweet mother. It frequently happens as such: Movie with conflict/tension --> hand to mouth, realize it after an indeterminable amount of time because I was unconscious of when I began, THEN CONTINUE TO BITE!! Against my deepest wishes, I continue, as if I don't have the will power to STOP.
EVEN NOW I BITE IN THE ANXIETY OF GETTING THIS TYPED OUT!!!
I'm going to outline this point of nail biting, sleep on it, and get back to you tomorrow. I need to reach a point of stable trust within before I start. And if this works... I've tried for so long..
Why do I doubt? How can I excuse my BS over, and over again. I am the one that allows this program to flourish. I am the one that accepts this crappy habit as a form of self-expression that is NOT best for all. ...Big breath in.....out,
To Be Continued...
Ok, so I want to start my self-forgiveness, but I've hesitated all day, and as my father would say:
"He who hesitates, is lost."
I am now creating an experience of being lost within my starting point. I doubt my ability to stop biting my nails & I doubt my ability to start stopping. Just before I sat down to finish Day 14, I was unconsciously biting while watching a movie with my sweet mother. It frequently happens as such: Movie with conflict/tension --> hand to mouth, realize it after an indeterminable amount of time because I was unconscious of when I began, THEN CONTINUE TO BITE!! Against my deepest wishes, I continue, as if I don't have the will power to STOP.
EVEN NOW I BITE IN THE ANXIETY OF GETTING THIS TYPED OUT!!!
I'm going to outline this point of nail biting, sleep on it, and get back to you tomorrow. I need to reach a point of stable trust within before I start. And if this works... I've tried for so long..
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| Whyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!???!!!! |
Why do I doubt? How can I excuse my BS over, and over again. I am the one that allows this program to flourish. I am the one that accepts this crappy habit as a form of self-expression that is NOT best for all. ...Big breath in.....out,
To Be Continued...
Day 13 - Relationship with Future Self
Today I realized that one of the key components missing within self-trust has to with my relationship to my future self. Because I haven't a strong/stable connection with that future version of myself, it becomes a waste-land of intentions. It's like being overly-ambitious, and then not scheduling the "to-do list" properly/clearly/seriously. It's too vague. When I say I will do something in the future, I don't always mean it and that's lying to self, a form of Self-Dishonesty. Through self-forgiveness and with serious commitment statements, I commit to clear this acceptance & allowance and re-establish trust with myself in the future. No more discontinuity in time!
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am lying to myself when I vaguely or haphazardly make future commitments.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize myself as equal and one with myself in the future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make half-ass commitments to myself. This is unacceptable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue this pattern of insincere commitments to myself without realizing that in doing so, I am separating myself from my future self in a way that is shifting responsibility away from me-here, to another version of myself that is less accountable through my accepted design of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my future-self to be less accountable than the version of my now-self.
I forgive myself for separating myself from any part of myself within time.
--
I commit myself to actually committing to what I commit to :)
I commit myself to realizing within awareness that every intention I say aloud or write down is one and equal with the outflow/consequence, and if there is not alignment, I am being dishonest with myself through separation.
I commit myself to prove to myself and others that I am who I say I am, do what I say I will do, and live within honesty across time!
I commit myself to continue finding aspects/dimensions of myself where self-trust is not established.
I commit myself to becoming a living expression of Self-Honesty in every regard.
Picture Source
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am lying to myself when I vaguely or haphazardly make future commitments.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize myself as equal and one with myself in the future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make half-ass commitments to myself. This is unacceptable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue this pattern of insincere commitments to myself without realizing that in doing so, I am separating myself from my future self in a way that is shifting responsibility away from me-here, to another version of myself that is less accountable through my accepted design of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my future-self to be less accountable than the version of my now-self.
I forgive myself for separating myself from any part of myself within time.
--
I commit myself to actually committing to what I commit to :)
I commit myself to realizing within awareness that every intention I say aloud or write down is one and equal with the outflow/consequence, and if there is not alignment, I am being dishonest with myself through separation.
I commit myself to prove to myself and others that I am who I say I am, do what I say I will do, and live within honesty across time!
I commit myself to continue finding aspects/dimensions of myself where self-trust is not established.
I commit myself to becoming a living expression of Self-Honesty in every regard.
Picture Source
Day 12 - Procrastina...Self-Trust?
This blog was going to be about procrastination, but I've already done that. Furthermore, when I was spending a little time with my cat tonight, I saw that, I have not be paying attention to my cats for at least a minute each day, within awareness of living this point. Therefore, behind the procrastination, behind all the fear of failure that I create for myself, I see this point:
I have not yet established honest Self-Trust.
This has been a huge falling point because I see clearly now that I have not been trusting myself in many areas, and in others, I'm downright lying to myself. I make claims and commitments that I am not honest about. I don't really mean what I say, even to myself!!
Giant red flag alert! Giant red flag alert! All systems divert attention to breath. Re-focus. New starting point. I must clear this point of self-dishonesty before moving forward. If it takes me a week, so be it. I'm wasting time trying not to waste time. I just need to apply myself unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize self trust.
--
I commit myself to researching, reading and understanding this point, so that I may best be able to stand up and execute my authentic will within and as honest self-trust, for me...for life.
I have not yet established honest Self-Trust.
This has been a huge falling point because I see clearly now that I have not been trusting myself in many areas, and in others, I'm downright lying to myself. I make claims and commitments that I am not honest about. I don't really mean what I say, even to myself!!
Giant red flag alert! Giant red flag alert! All systems divert attention to breath. Re-focus. New starting point. I must clear this point of self-dishonesty before moving forward. If it takes me a week, so be it. I'm wasting time trying not to waste time. I just need to apply myself unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize self trust.
--
I commit myself to researching, reading and understanding this point, so that I may best be able to stand up and execute my authentic will within and as honest self-trust, for me...for life.
Update: I commit myself to listening to myself. Reading about self-trust isn't trusting self.
Day 11 - Opening up Self-Doubt
I forgive myself for ever accepting and allowing myself to doubt my ability to stand up inside of myself as life, one and equal with my mind in awareness.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself in every moment, and in this I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see when/where I have been accepting and allowing self-doubt to exist.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and cover up the self-doubt as part of some hidden agenda to continue the self-doubt.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within my self-doubt, fear asking questions because I would lose the definition of a strong, confident, and knowledgeable portrayal of self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define asking questions as a form of weakness and in that, preventing myself from otherwise learning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to doubt, failure, fear of negative portrayal, and all other forms of self-induced self-pity that has prevented me from acting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so afraid of failure and full of doubt that I have missed out on many opportunities of which I could have lived life to the fullest.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, without awareness, go into my mind to execute the self-doubt program instead of remaining here to face the physical reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall back into my mind because facing the problem or issue in the physical requires "effort"/ attentiveness that my mind tells me is "hard."
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that breathing, instead of thinking, is hard to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist inside of this fear of failure/judgment as self-doubt for as long as I have.
--
I commit myself to recognizing the moment I enter my thoughts for the sake of self-doubt and nothing else. This is a huge deal, and has been affecting me for a long time.
I commit myself to narrow this doubt into a corner to clearly label it for accurate, efficient and effective removal.
I commit myself to STOP when I enter into my mind to ineffectively deal with a physical situation that can otherwise be handled with straightforward common sense, free of doubt.
I commit myself to exposing myself to myself in the most honest method possible, asking for help when I need it, and allowing all to see me in my process.
I commit myself, by any means necessary, to stand up, here as life and live the solution of what is Best for All life.
I commit myself to
Photo Credit
I commit to walking each phase of this process of walking out of my mind as self-doubt, so that I may walk into self-trust, within and as life, here...no more convoluted thoughts of doubt/fear. If you doubt, STOP...now go!
Thanks.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself in every moment, and in this I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see when/where I have been accepting and allowing self-doubt to exist.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and cover up the self-doubt as part of some hidden agenda to continue the self-doubt.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within my self-doubt, fear asking questions because I would lose the definition of a strong, confident, and knowledgeable portrayal of self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define asking questions as a form of weakness and in that, preventing myself from otherwise learning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to doubt, failure, fear of negative portrayal, and all other forms of self-induced self-pity that has prevented me from acting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so afraid of failure and full of doubt that I have missed out on many opportunities of which I could have lived life to the fullest.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, without awareness, go into my mind to execute the self-doubt program instead of remaining here to face the physical reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall back into my mind because facing the problem or issue in the physical requires "effort"/ attentiveness that my mind tells me is "hard."
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that breathing, instead of thinking, is hard to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist inside of this fear of failure/judgment as self-doubt for as long as I have.
--
I commit myself to recognizing the moment I enter my thoughts for the sake of self-doubt and nothing else. This is a huge deal, and has been affecting me for a long time.
I commit myself to narrow this doubt into a corner to clearly label it for accurate, efficient and effective removal.
I commit myself to STOP when I enter into my mind to ineffectively deal with a physical situation that can otherwise be handled with straightforward common sense, free of doubt.
I commit myself to exposing myself to myself in the most honest method possible, asking for help when I need it, and allowing all to see me in my process.
I commit myself, by any means necessary, to stand up, here as life and live the solution of what is Best for All life.
I commit myself to
Photo Credit
I commit to walking each phase of this process of walking out of my mind as self-doubt, so that I may walk into self-trust, within and as life, here...no more convoluted thoughts of doubt/fear. If you doubt, STOP...now go!
Thanks.
Day 10 - Kitty Communication
When I came home from college a little over 3 weeks ago, I was re-introduced to living with my fellow feline companions. Part of me wants to see them as equals to which I can talk to, but other parts of me doubted my ability to do so. I gifted an EQAFE product to my mom called Life Review of a Cat Lover the other day. Well, it was slow at first but the interesting point was how cats communicate in a pure, common sense manner. If they want food or attention, you will know it. Simple, straightforward communication in the physical, no mind games, haha! Here we go:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can talk to me cats with my thoughts, telepathically.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that cats communicate in the physical, and that physical actions, including but not limited to voice intonation, are what I ought to perceive/ focus in on when communicating with my animals.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see cats as equals and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat them with poorly and with less regard than an equal counterpart.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize myself within and as my cats.
--
I commit myself to showing respect to the mighty beings I call "kitty."
I commit myself to a balanced lifestyle in the context of my relationships to cats, not giving them too much or too little of my attention.
I commit to not thinking at my cats, or trying to guess what they are thinking.
I commit myself to listening to my cats through observing their movements and responding to them as equals with myself and all life.
I commit to never forgetting to feed them when it is my responsibility.
I commit myself to spending at least a minute, every day, to sharing affection with both of my cats.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can talk to me cats with my thoughts, telepathically.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that cats communicate in the physical, and that physical actions, including but not limited to voice intonation, are what I ought to perceive/ focus in on when communicating with my animals.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see cats as equals and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat them with poorly and with less regard than an equal counterpart.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize myself within and as my cats.
--
I commit myself to showing respect to the mighty beings I call "kitty."
I commit myself to a balanced lifestyle in the context of my relationships to cats, not giving them too much or too little of my attention.
I commit to not thinking at my cats, or trying to guess what they are thinking.
I commit myself to listening to my cats through observing their movements and responding to them as equals with myself and all life.
I commit to never forgetting to feed them when it is my responsibility.
I commit myself to spending at least a minute, every day, to sharing affection with both of my cats.
Day 9 - Parkour Fears Addressed
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| The Roman gap |
Today I watched an sweet indie film, documenting the art of Parkour (wiki), or free running. The movie, People in Motion, had a great concept: We move to be in that flow moment, to face our fears, and to share accomplishment with others. Until today, I had vaguely decided that I was going stop practicing this movement out of fear of harming my physical body. The risks associated with parkour are...well death. I was about to quit my favorite sport because of fear of disability and of death! There will be a point when my body tells me enough, but that's not now, not at age 23, and not because my mind injects fear. Enough blabber..
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a choice to quit this particular style of movement because I perceived it as dangerous and fear hurting myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act in fear, and in this stop a sincere form of self-expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death.
I forgive myself for for not seeing that I can still conduct free-movements without pushing the limits, using common sense and listening to my body to refrain from being reckless.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself, for with untainted self-honesty, I will know my limits.
I forgive myself for ever accepting and allowing myself to push myself through a fear from the perspective of anyone else but myself. It is when I allow external pressures to override my inherent common sense that risk of injury increases dramatically.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have my starting point within a movement be convoluted by others' opinions, or my perception of others' opinons, instead of making sure that I am calm and stable before I, as myself as life, choose to move.
--
I commit myself to not letting fear prevent me from moving in space-time.
I commit myself to realizing when fear is hindering my forward progress, and to push through the fear and assess the given situation with clarity.
I commit myself to assessing my starting point, and re-starting when I am not certain that I am the one make the decision for myself if the coming action is best for all, or not. If I seriously hurt myself, then it is not a best for all action, and thus my starting point was not clear.
I commit myself to always having a best for all starting point, in parkour and in life.
Thank you.
Day 8 - Abdicating Governmental Responisbility
For years, I have considered the government as a largely corrupt political machine outside of my control. I even hold the perception that regardless of who is in office, the bureaucratic system was running the show more than the politicians. I recently discovered Code for America via this TED talk, and was so moved by their premise that I am seeking to work for them or just help out in any way I can (maybe volunteer). The whole idea is that social apps can connect communities to people in a creative way that allows civilians the opportunity for hands on participation in otherwise governmental responsibilities, essentially outsourcing the simple jobs that eat up government funding to willing people in the community that want what's Best for All. Essentially, we can re-program the government bureaucracy to be more open source! Let's get down to clearing my my dis-empowering beliefs and get to work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the government, and in this placing myself as a powerless follower of my nation's leadership. If I want to see and make change this belief has to go.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I will effect change within the system of our government with my perspective. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that my beliefs alone can help produce a better world governmental system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect participation within my country's leadership. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that the government is too large or too much more than I.
I forgive myself for talking smack and slandering the government, as if to effect change this way.
--
I commit myself to standing one and equal with my government.
I commit myself to realizing my potential within the leadership of the people.
I commit myself to hard work.
I commit myself to understanding how I can produce lasting systemic changes within governmental and bureaucratic agencies, and move the focus within from power/greed to actually serving the people, best for all.
Whether or not I choose to take this path with Code for America, I commit myself to learning as much as I can to empower as many people as possible to realize and actualize their participatory power in the context of government.
Thank you.
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| ^ Click to go to the website |
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the government, and in this placing myself as a powerless follower of my nation's leadership. If I want to see and make change this belief has to go.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I will effect change within the system of our government with my perspective. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that my beliefs alone can help produce a better world governmental system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect participation within my country's leadership. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that the government is too large or too much more than I.
I forgive myself for talking smack and slandering the government, as if to effect change this way.
--
I commit myself to standing one and equal with my government.
I commit myself to realizing my potential within the leadership of the people.
I commit myself to hard work.
I commit myself to understanding how I can produce lasting systemic changes within governmental and bureaucratic agencies, and move the focus within from power/greed to actually serving the people, best for all.
Whether or not I choose to take this path with Code for America, I commit myself to learning as much as I can to empower as many people as possible to realize and actualize their participatory power in the context of government.
Thank you.
Day 7 - Starting Point within the Advocacy Character
"The question you have to ask yourself...is to ensure that you're
doing this process for you, and you alone. Other human beings and their
'thoughts and their minds' are really irrelevant. At the moment, you're
allowing your mind to be preoccupied with what could/might possibly be
occurring within other human being's mind's, which is a real mind fuck." - Jack, (from here)
My recent activity in promoting myself and new blog has lead me to an interesting discovery. I couldn't have done it on my own. I needed the feedback from my interpersonal conversations and CMC interactions (computer-mediated-communication). And the immensely valuable perspective from Bernard in this video called Changing the Character of the World (well worth the 40 minutes, if you can spare them) helped install the character perspective. Post watching that, I can see myself more clearly as a mind. In this case, I was going overboard and my starting point was for me as mind as desire to be noticed, noteworthy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a program within which I operate to advocate for a cause that aligns with my belief structure, and in this benefits my ego/mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, without awareness, to operate from a belief system I deem worthy, to which the end goal is some form of personal recognition, rather than an honest expression of myself, here.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that through the self-honest expression of myself, I can still do the advocacy work that I've trained for in college. It's just a matter of changing my starting point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that changing my starting point is difficult or undesirable because that would entail starting over, which means I have lost time which I've attached value to.
I forgive myself for holding on to the past expressions of myself where my starting point was not clearly me as me for me.
--
I commit myself to recognizing when I am not expressing myself purely.
I commit myself to restarting whenever I catch myself existing as a program that aims to meet an end goal that is not Best for All and/or does not represent my honest self expression.
I commit myself to finding the ways of which I have not been expressing myself for myself, one and equal with life.
I commit myself to to the continued promotion of myself from a a new, intentional starting point.
I commit myself to share myself with myself, one and equal with you, the reader, to prove that it can be done with a clear starting point and not one that exists to benefit my ego.
I commit myself in every moment of every day to apply this realization to my walk of life.
"Megaphone Man" Photo Credit
"Support Public Libraries" Photo Credit
My recent activity in promoting myself and new blog has lead me to an interesting discovery. I couldn't have done it on my own. I needed the feedback from my interpersonal conversations and CMC interactions (computer-mediated-communication). And the immensely valuable perspective from Bernard in this video called Changing the Character of the World (well worth the 40 minutes, if you can spare them) helped install the character perspective. Post watching that, I can see myself more clearly as a mind. In this case, I was going overboard and my starting point was for me as mind as desire to be noticed, noteworthy.
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| Self-expression |
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a program within which I operate to advocate for a cause that aligns with my belief structure, and in this benefits my ego/mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, without awareness, to operate from a belief system I deem worthy, to which the end goal is some form of personal recognition, rather than an honest expression of myself, here.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that through the self-honest expression of myself, I can still do the advocacy work that I've trained for in college. It's just a matter of changing my starting point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that changing my starting point is difficult or undesirable because that would entail starting over, which means I have lost time which I've attached value to.
I forgive myself for holding on to the past expressions of myself where my starting point was not clearly me as me for me.
--
I commit myself to recognizing when I am not expressing myself purely.
I commit myself to restarting whenever I catch myself existing as a program that aims to meet an end goal that is not Best for All and/or does not represent my honest self expression.
 |
| Advocating for someone else |
I commit myself to to the continued promotion of myself from a a new, intentional starting point.
I commit myself to share myself with myself, one and equal with you, the reader, to prove that it can be done with a clear starting point and not one that exists to benefit my ego.
I commit myself in every moment of every day to apply this realization to my walk of life.
Thanks for reading my expression.
"Megaphone Man" Photo Credit
"Support Public Libraries" Photo Credit
Day 6 - Fear of Spiders
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| Daring Jumping Spider |
When I noticed this little spider, he was chillin'. When I noted my reaction, I was not. I've worked through my fear of spiders before, but apparently I'm not done. As this energy came up in me without my control, I knew I had to conduct a little SF to finish getting rid of this fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear spiders.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for my well-being around spiders, as if they were going to kill me somehow.
I forgive myself that I have allowed within me an irrational fear that the spider will harm me. I was afraid mostly because of his quick movements and not knowing what kind of spider he was.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown.
I forgive myself, one and equal with all life, that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from this spider and all forms of life.
--
I commit myself to acknowledging that life I perceive outside of me, is me in another expression.
I commit myself to learning more about myself in how I react to other forms of life.
I commit myself to writing and sharing my fears as they come up, so that I may clear them and stand as an example for overcoming fear in all it's forms.
I commit myself to realizing I am equal and one with spiders.
I commit myself to myself through this journey to life within the daily writing of self-forgiveness, be it here on my blog, or in my hand written journal.
I commit myself to exposing all my fears to myself, for myself, so that I may finally see who I really am in relation to all parts of life.
I am committed to myself as life...breathe in,
breathe out.
Photo Copyright and Credit
Day 5 - Self-Forgiveness Isn't Hard
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into inaction and so put off doing my self-forgiveness writings because I perceive it as hard work.
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| Picture from flickr |
I forgive myself for thinking and feeling like writing is hard work.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to direct myself through the writing of my self-forgiveness statements, here as breath, as life.
I forgive the fact that I haven't allowed myself or given myself the chance to really work hard at this process, and to have created the belief that it is difficult when I haven't even given it a real shot.
I forgive myself for procrastinating that which I perceive as hard and/or foreign in some regard.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait for more knowledge and answers from someone or somewhere outside of me before I begin the task.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the chance to prove to myself that this process is merely a matter of directing myself every time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed me as a mind to procrastinate/lag/delay/postpone "undesirable" tasks/actions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define specific actions as undesirable when the reality of the situation is that I desire to be lazy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like being lazy.
I forgive myself for being lazy.
--
I commit myself to push myself through the inclination to take the easy way out, which often manifests as laziness.
I commit myself to a mode of non-procrastination.
I commit myself as one and equal with my breath to recognizing when I am about to allow myself to go into the mental indulgence of being lazy.
I commit myself to share myself publicly through these writings in a timely manner so that I may present myself effectively and clearly.
I commit myself to realizing when I simply allow myself to define something as undesirable and/or difficult, and through this realization direct myself within and as my breath.
I commit myself to trying to do the work of which I define as difficult (or a variant thereof), only to realize that in "trying" I am moving myself and actually doing the work.
I forgive myself for labeling the verb "to try" as weak and ineffective.
I commit myself to not define possible actions as too difficult, and rather just start.
Day 4 - Self-Forgiveness Effectiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I must be more thorough within my self-forgiveness writings and walk each point to completion within and as self-honesty and self-trust.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be brief and sloppy with my self-forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be careful and deliberate with each of my blog entries.
I forgive myself for orienting to my daily writing as I had with my dreaded school work.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dread my homework.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to create and experience a feeling of dislike toward my work.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take the easy way out, which I have designed to function as procrastination and half-ass work at the last minute.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive that it is okay to pump out cursory work when I have limited time because I have limited my time.
I commit myself to stop the fallacy that I cannot be thorough and effective during a daily writing of self-forgiveness. I am the one not giving myself enough time to complete each entry effectively.
I forgive myself that I have held on to the belief that I need to rush and finish forgiving a point to completion before the clock strikes 12.
I commit myself to directing myself through one specific point, until it is done
Tomorrow, I will continue to walk through my procrastination demon, until it is done.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be brief and sloppy with my self-forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be careful and deliberate with each of my blog entries.
I forgive myself for orienting to my daily writing as I had with my dreaded school work.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dread my homework.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to create and experience a feeling of dislike toward my work.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take the easy way out, which I have designed to function as procrastination and half-ass work at the last minute.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive that it is okay to pump out cursory work when I have limited time because I have limited my time.
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| Picture by Rennett Stowe |
I commit myself to stop the fallacy that I cannot be thorough and effective during a daily writing of self-forgiveness. I am the one not giving myself enough time to complete each entry effectively.
I forgive myself that I have held on to the belief that I need to rush and finish forgiving a point to completion before the clock strikes 12.
I commit myself to directing myself through one specific point, until it is done
Tomorrow, I will continue to walk through my procrastination demon, until it is done.
Day 3 - Freedom of Expression
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pressure myself to fitting a mold within my self-expression.
Doing a task a particular way, and according to an unwavering format, sounds: not fun. I want my expression to be fun, yet serious. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it that I need to express myself a certain way to be effective and/or accepted by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within me the belief that I must adhere to a particular format of writing everyday, and thus perceive the writing as undesirable work (to be procrastinated).
I forgive myself that I feel a need to conform to how others express themselves because I fear that I will wrongly express myself otherwise.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear expressing myself wrongly.
I forgive myself that I fear being wrong, especially within my own self-expression. This blog is not to waste our time with. I see how...I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to...see how forgiveness and corrective applications are some of the most effective modes of self writing, and that in this, I can redesign my expression at will if I so choose.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that when I am here, there is no fear.
I will do what I want with regards to how/when/if/why I express myself here.
Doing a task a particular way, and according to an unwavering format, sounds: not fun. I want my expression to be fun, yet serious. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it that I need to express myself a certain way to be effective and/or accepted by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within me the belief that I must adhere to a particular format of writing everyday, and thus perceive the writing as undesirable work (to be procrastinated).
I forgive myself that I feel a need to conform to how others express themselves because I fear that I will wrongly express myself otherwise.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear expressing myself wrongly.
I forgive myself that I fear being wrong, especially within my own self-expression. This blog is not to waste our time with. I see how...I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to...see how forgiveness and corrective applications are some of the most effective modes of self writing, and that in this, I can redesign my expression at will if I so choose.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that when I am here, there is no fear.
I will do what I want with regards to how/when/if/why I express myself here.
Day 2 - Procrasting on Purpose
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate a task.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not focus on and accomplish the primary task before the secondary tasks.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to intentionally avoid the doing the primary task because I deem the secondary tasks as worthy.
I forgive myself for justifying the procrastination with productive secondary tasks.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to fall into avoidance of important tasks.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define important tasks as difficult and then so put them off so that I may better "prepare" for them.
I forgive myself for not addressing this avoidance pattern earlier, like when I was in school.
I forgive myself for believing that it is hard to accomplish the primary task without an external force, such as the clock and deadlines.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being unable to stop my procrastination habits.
I commit myself to non-avoidance.
I commit myself to complete the tasks which I place as primary before I move on to secondary tasks, unless I've established an agreement with myself that permits this.
I commit myself to face myself when I next realize myself putting off or avoiding the primary task, and in this moment of honesty, direct myself accordingly.
I commit myself to show that my directive principle is effective in overcoming procrastination.
I commit myself to stand as an example for those who have not recognized similar patterns within themselves.
I commit myself to the diligent completion of my primary tasks before I aimlessly knock-out secondary tasks.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not focus on and accomplish the primary task before the secondary tasks.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to intentionally avoid the doing the primary task because I deem the secondary tasks as worthy.
I forgive myself for justifying the procrastination with productive secondary tasks.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to fall into avoidance of important tasks.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define important tasks as difficult and then so put them off so that I may better "prepare" for them.
I forgive myself for not addressing this avoidance pattern earlier, like when I was in school.
I forgive myself for believing that it is hard to accomplish the primary task without an external force, such as the clock and deadlines.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being unable to stop my procrastination habits.
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| Last minute photo for this post :) |
I commit myself to non-avoidance.
I commit myself to complete the tasks which I place as primary before I move on to secondary tasks, unless I've established an agreement with myself that permits this.
I commit myself to face myself when I next realize myself putting off or avoiding the primary task, and in this moment of honesty, direct myself accordingly.
I commit myself to show that my directive principle is effective in overcoming procrastination.
I commit myself to stand as an example for those who have not recognized similar patterns within themselves.
I commit myself to the diligent completion of my primary tasks before I aimlessly knock-out secondary tasks.
Day 1 - Shaving My Head for Freedom
This Blog is a 7 year process of clearing myself of my energetic addictions of mind. It's a walking out of my mind's conditioned responses that have a stranglehold on my will. It's a method of self-honesty, self-forgiveness, and corrective action statements. Though I am not perfect, these entries will stand as a point of grounded stability for all to see. Enjoy the perspective!
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the fear of negative judgment from others within my mind to hold me back from shaving my head and committing to a stance of equality in this world.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see that I have been sabotaging my process through the fear of presenting myself imperfectly.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing an unclear definition of what is perfect and effective to run rampant in my mind, halting my process while I procrastinated.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself in each moment because I allowed an accumulation of projects to overwhelm me, leaving me in a mode of inaction.
I forgive myself that I've allowed a feeling of being overwhelmed to get the best of me, rather than remaining here to direct myself through each chronological action-step.
I commit myself to full honesty with myself and others.
I commit myself as an equal with life, regardless of any and all resistance I encounter or create myself.
I commit myself to stand in face of my fears and push through them, as I have today.
I'm serious.
To support Equal Money System and bring about a world that is Best for All, I take a stand.
--
UPDATE (March 21, 2013): Almost to Day 240 and all is going swimmingly! I have made quite an improvement within my writing 'voice' and I am oh so glad I took this step to just get started. I would like to encourage anyone that might be considering starting your Journey to Life blog that you do not have to start by shaving your head! I had reached a breaking point of frustration within myself for having resisted participating within this group for most of the 2.5 years that I had been exposed to the material. So if you have spent some time in the forum, reading the FAQ, watching some YouTube interviews, and yet starting your writing process is just a bit too intimidating, welcome to the club, haha. Take a moment to identify what the most prominent fear is that holds you back. It's just a fear that you've created and continue to empower.
Suggested reading for more context of the purpose for head shaving: The Cancer Experiment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the fear of negative judgment from others within my mind to hold me back from shaving my head and committing to a stance of equality in this world.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see that I have been sabotaging my process through the fear of presenting myself imperfectly.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing an unclear definition of what is perfect and effective to run rampant in my mind, halting my process while I procrastinated.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself in each moment because I allowed an accumulation of projects to overwhelm me, leaving me in a mode of inaction.
I forgive myself that I've allowed a feeling of being overwhelmed to get the best of me, rather than remaining here to direct myself through each chronological action-step.
I commit myself to full honesty with myself and others.
I commit myself as an equal with life, regardless of any and all resistance I encounter or create myself.
I commit myself to stand in face of my fears and push through them, as I have today.
 |
| Before |
| The Video | ||
 |
| After |
I'm serious.
To support Equal Money System and bring about a world that is Best for All, I take a stand.
--
UPDATE (March 21, 2013): Almost to Day 240 and all is going swimmingly! I have made quite an improvement within my writing 'voice' and I am oh so glad I took this step to just get started. I would like to encourage anyone that might be considering starting your Journey to Life blog that you do not have to start by shaving your head! I had reached a breaking point of frustration within myself for having resisted participating within this group for most of the 2.5 years that I had been exposed to the material. So if you have spent some time in the forum, reading the FAQ, watching some YouTube interviews, and yet starting your writing process is just a bit too intimidating, welcome to the club, haha. Take a moment to identify what the most prominent fear is that holds you back. It's just a fear that you've created and continue to empower.
Suggested reading for more context of the purpose for head shaving: The Cancer Experiment
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