I'm addicted to winning, to being right, and to validate that I am winning and am right. This I now see has held my back extensively in terms of effective communication. I'm opening up a huge point that deals also deals with fear of failure, or fear to be wrong..
I don't want to jump straight into Self-Forgiveness this time because there's too much. I'm going to take it slow...but steady. I have a desire to write out a Mind Construct. When I do this, it will look like a laying out of where/when I go into this character of wanting to be right. Next, I need to figure out why, because knowing why I did something helps me address the real matter at hand. I see how overwhelmingly in control of my perspective my mind is, and I cannot continue this way. I need to slow down because that's when I see my flaws. I see my flaws often through my judgements of others, too (a.k.a. one of the more powerful tools of self-awareness that I've added). Then it's back here to do my SF statements, and really get to the bottom of this mental dis-ease.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be right or wrong and have a feeling about that.
Whew, that was good.../right. So now my experience moves to being right, instead of just flowing in my "rightness' without a second thought. So, that means this whole paragraph is based on a mental reaction of analysis that brought me away from the moment of my breath of real honest self-expression....wow.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to analyze my expression, because within this analysis I've judged myself and limited my expression. Because I want to appeal to an audience that may vibe with the words I choose, I allow myself into self-doubt before I've even finished the sentence...this is just unacceptable.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, for so long and through school, doubt my expression, fear others' judgments thereof, and not ever give myself to chance to be wrong and have that be okay.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to just be here in the flow of words. Constantly second guessing myself for public approval is not how I want to LIVE.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for others...instead of for myself.
Okay, the experience after that one: I need a break to digest and figure out what that means. Thanks for now. Stay tuned.