|Halloween 2010 - picture credit|
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait to blog without considering the potential of the situation I was in now. In this, I was vaguely holding the potential of just skipping my blog post today, but when the moment came, I chose to stay back and finish my responsibility. Why? I am on a streak in terms of not missing any days....that's the first reason to mind and I don't like it. I really do want to simply write as a method of effective self support, and when I am rushed like I am now, I could very easily just be pumping out the bear minimum 'to just get by.' In fact, I am doing that to some degree.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put myself in a position where I am rushed to pump out a blog post that isn't my best material, in terms of self-support. I realize that I started out very oriented to how I perceived others would judge my writing, but even as I write this sentence, I wonder how useful all of this post so far has been really supportive. Next moment, I feel that by writing/revealing that, seems very self honest and thus ultimately self-supportive as I imagine looking back to this post as I did for Day 54. It really does all build together. The important part is that I DO write. Also being mindful of who I am within my writing is essential if I am aiming to support myself in realizing myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delay asserting myself within myself, for myself, in finding/realizing what it requires to be balanced and effective with regards to self-support and social life. I realize that social life is equally as one important as my self-support, thus by delaying my self-supportive writing, I have compromised my social life. Through realizing this, and accepting my responsibility within it all, I sit and I write.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become angry with myself for making the choices that lead me to this moment by not really, and I mean really, considering how the practical consequences would likely be. It's obvious that I would find myself here, or out sober partying while worrying if I would be back before midnight with enough time to pump out a cheap blog. Within all of this, I realize that delay does not frickin serve me at all. I feel like a little baby-man, whining inside myself....only to ultimately find myself stuck with myself, alone. Very eye opening.
When and as I see myself delaying responsibility to support myself within process, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am making a choice, I am making a statement of who I am. I commit myself to that understanding of who I am within a choice of delay and what the consequences of doing so are. To hide the consequences from myself is the dishonesty, is the core problem here, is how I've been letting myself get into these situations.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the consequences of inaction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I have been hiding and/or quickly suppressing what the consequences are in the critical moment. This moment is where the only real choice exists: To be or not to be....Self-Honest....that is the question.
I commit myself to to continue this writing process to build awareness of myself within this critical, self defining moment. Thank you.