Day 280 - Why I Write
Who am I within my writing? What is the reason? What is the experience of myself when I initiate my writing?
These are valuable questions I should ask myself before I begin a post. Why? By answering these questions, I am solidifying my intention and writing objective with affirming the purpose. This is important because if I am not writing for my own sake, I am wasting my time.
When I was writing papers in school, I didn't ask these questions, which was partially why I experiences so much resistance and procrastinated until it was imperceptive that I at least get something written down. I were to answer these questions then, the answer would most likely be "rushed" and "desperate." Since that's all I've really known to be within my writing, I have been struggling a bit in learning how to write for myself. When I am writing for me, I want to be confident that I am effectively achieving my best work, something that I wasn't very concerned about when my writing reason was to just get a passing grade.
To answer these questions now: I am writing here to best support myself in understanding who I've become for the purpose of taking responsibility for my life experience within and without. My experience of myself while I write should be focused and stable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through my journey to life writing because I placed more value on needing to get one post a day finished, not realizing that by externalizing my writing reason, I have stolen my opportunity to most effectively support myself within a stable, focused starting point.
I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize how my starting point determines the direction and quality of my self-support.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delay writing in any moment by forgetting/suppressing my reasons for writing just long enough to initiate a distraction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fight with myself when I am writing, not realizing how the instability dilutes the quality of my writing support and unnecessarily increases the time it takes to finish.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be inconsistent in my approach to writing, making it harder to realize why I write and thus make it a better point of self-support.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse writing to achieve status as an external motivation, not realizing how I'm compromising myself by not writing for me alone.
When and as I see myself writing for an external point, such as time and/or the judgments of others, I stop I breathe. Really though. I breathe. I realize that the purpose of my writing is essential when considering how to best support myself through writing. I commit myself to be clear within myself as I continue writing on a single focus point.
When and as I see myself delaying my writing process while I've already begun, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have experienced some form of resistance within my writing that lead me astray. I commit myself to bring myself back to my writing within a clarified writing objective/reason.
I realize I am here writing for me. This is how I am effective in achieving my purpose of self-support through writing. Dilution of why I write must be promptly investigated. Here, I walk this writing process to ultimately realize myself as life, one and equal within this entire physical existence, and take responsibility for what I have become and direct myself in alignment of what is best for all.