Day 291 - Back into Familiarity

This is kind of a frightening topic. All the better to blog about it!

So far, I've noted a few feelings that really bogged me down. I want to blame it on the weather being much warmer, but I recognized my ability to stand up and shake of the lethargy. I wasn't very successful, but I did at least get a mediocre amount of work done and spent some quality time with the family on Mother's Day. Overall, I experienced myself within that polarity experience (see Day 287 - Re-Inspired by Social Media Professionals) of driven excitement - lethargic resistance.

So, here's a cool point of discovery for me to take on: Identify the moments of which my environment affects my will power / work ethic / drive for success. The first one's to mind are when I wake up and the temperature. I'll get more specific with those in posts to come. To hone in on all the familiar triggers that I utilize to remain in a stagnate energy experience of myself, that's a new priority of exploration. I must establish a new familiarity within the stillness of my beingness as a stable breath into self-direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become bogged down with a feeling of lethargy of which I submit to and become a hopeless victim of when and as there is a trigger for it. I realize that I need to explore the lethargy triggers in depth, and I commit myself to breaking down this character design sometime in the future. (haha, apparently this character is active right now)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel required to have external motivation for when I am productive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel out of control when I react to familiar situations in familiar ways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to have no response ability for myself. I realize this desire as a key contributor in justifying my laziness and hopeless victim relationship to my mind and the 'lazy' feelings I produce. I commit myself to begin taking responsibility for my created experience of myself and thus within this, the responsibility to create myself within alignment of what is best.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it is ok that I fall back into the same habits and patterns because I can simply blame my environment for not being self-directed / self-motivated.

When and as I see myself blaming my environment for who I am in a moment, be it temperature, people, or any form of resistance, I stop I breathe. I realize this is just my attempt to not take responsibility for myself. I commit myself to really stop and work with the moments that cause a time-loop of victimization relationship to my mind.

When and as I see myself feeling stuck in familiar modes of existence, I stop I breathe. I realize each breath as a new opportunity to decide who I am in that moment. I commit myself to live here.

This is going to be worth it. Take your time kicking it into gear. Do not slack here!