Putting together the picture:
It's not a headache, per say, though it is a feeling that emanates from my head region. It's almost like tiredness; in fact, I would most likely say that it is. But his uncomfortable feeling is more of a last resort excuse to not have to push through the resistance and face my work. If I am out of distractions to move toward, the resistances manifests this aching in the head. It's that feeling, "oh, I just want to rest my head." "One more moment of non-work, please."
Get the picture? I've got it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fight with resistance, instead of writing it out and facing the resistance point. After doing a bit of writing, I have come to find that there is a negative association toward effortful work that is the source of my skewd starting point that leads to each distraction/avoidance behavior.
Previous, related writings:
Day 105 - Some cool Self-Forgiveness for the Resistance fire
Day 106 - Living in Delay
Based on what I've just re-read. I see that I must add some more depth to the equation. I've know this would be necessary, but I mostly thought myself to have lacked the know-how.
Self-honesty is quite the key of all keys. Because when I see me/my mind/how I move, in self-honesty, I know what I need to do. I've already written about it.
Where my commitment statements do not stand, I must investigate what other factors I haven't yet considered. In this case. I haven't yet considered all of why and how I have this relationship toward effortful work. Waiting to figure it out, isn't a real option. Either I am investigating, through the written word as I am now, or I am moved by the delay/resistance into a submissive state, giving up my self-direction as life to my programmed mental self.
When and as I see myself simply allowing the uncomfortable feeling of resistance to move me, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is an opportunity like any other, where I can investigate what's going on within me. Self-honesty vs simple allowance. Self-honesty says direct self here, simple allowance just goes with the flow of the aching internal reaction feeling. I commit myself to writing about resistance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing resistance to mutate and change and accordingly allow myself to be moved in its tides. I commit myself to breathing and moving. Until this is a natural self-expression, here, I commit myself to write about all my resistance points to discover all the little building-block points that contribute to the umbrella term: procrastination.
Adding depth = more perspective through writing.
It's time to amp up my writing commitment, instead of self-sabotaging within delay and resistance.