Day 196 - Sending Love and Light

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within energy to try to send messages to somebody in some sort of mystical way.
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize energy with an attempt to get others to like me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put effort into raising my energy within a spiritual context to be great and desirable.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize my starting point of this desire which is basically fear of rejection, insecurity, and being less in general.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire another person, and within that I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to attempt to manipulate them via sending love and light toward them in a secret hope that they will then like me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that by meditating, chanting or working with energy in any way can be beneficial for others that are not in directly in my physical environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can expand my aura and become of a higher and higher energy so that I will be more influential and ultimately more happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am benevolent within my use of energy because I only want positivity, and not realize that I was only considering what is positive for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enter into thoughts of desire and within them attempt to manipulate others to like me by fulfilling their desire to be liked too.
- Interesting. Within this I realize that I have been attracting..and have been attracted to..those with the same design/frame of mind in wanting/desiring another within the same starting point of insecurity of self.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to give me the opportunity to stabilize within myself, as who I am, through rushing from fear into desire, and then acting within that energy even in the subtlest ways, such as sending mentally created "love and light" to the girl next to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see this instruction "send love an light to the person next to you," as an excuse to try and fulfill my selfish desire to be with another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have backchat about winning the affection of others and not investigating the source of this internal conversation.
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When and as I see myself practicing yoga and slipping into desire thoughts for the beautiful women in the room, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am portraying that I am "showing up for me" to the point that even I start believing myself as a suppression of my desire for sex, ultimately. I commit myself to examining where and when I am not here for me when I go to practice yoga.

When and as I see myself utilizing energetic opportunities to attempt to court the mind of a female, I stop I breathe. I realize that energetic fishing will lead to an energetic relationship. I commit myself to flirting in the physical only.

When and as I see myself sending love and light to others for any reason, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have been foolishly just going with what the instructor says even though I dislike/disapprove/judge the spiritual side of yoga. I commit myself to further investigating my relationship within all dimensions of yoga.

When and as I see myself utilizing energy for a beneficial / positive means, I stop I breathe. I realize how polarity works enough to know that + must balance with - in the realm of energy. I commit myself to stop supporting the energy dominion over life.

When and as I see myself justifying the use of energy with selfish backchat, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am in a bind with fear here, and that I must face every source point related to the internal dialogue. I commit myself to push through fear, stand within it, walk into it, feel it, accept it, so that I may forgive myself for what I have allowed myself to exist as with it.

I'm not done with you yet yoga..