To have self-directed mastery of scheduling my time, I need to assess where and why there is trouble. There are many points here where I allow myself to work at a less than optimal pace. Yesterday, I found that when I am externally motivated by others, I am either more effective because they rely or count on me to get work done, or I am "over it" from the perspective of not wanting to do something that isn't immediately and directly for me (i.e. school assignments). What's interesting about this is "immediately and directly."
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want my work to immediately and directly benefit me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only work my hardest when others are relying or counting on me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not work really hard for me in the context of doing the grunt work that does directly and immediately benefit me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist contributing my time when it does not immediately and directly benefit me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be reckless and irresponsible with my time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed and tired by my workload.
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When and as I see myself becoming overwhelmed by my workload and I move to a delay moment, I stop I breathe. I realize that the work will not go away for real if I distract myself for a moment. I commit myself to moving from delay moment back to focused work, giving myself time and breaks when necessary.
This is really all about who I am within what I am doing. This is a classic line from the Desteni material. And yet I so easily forget that, and find myself justifying my delay moment with "I'm not ready to give this up yet." Bullshit. (ok, self-anger)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the backchat justification of "I'm not ready to give this up yet."
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I must investigate who I am within my delay moments. What is it I am trying to hide or run from? I can do anything I want...except deceive myself. Self-deception is no longer accepted.
When and as I see myself justifying a moment of delay in any way, I stop I breathe. I realize that I must not be self-honest in that moment if I am to utilize a justification to hide the truth from myself for a fleeting moment. I commit myself to flag point all justified moments of delay, and to place them under investigation so that I may stomp out this resistance program, slowly but surely.
When and as I see myself not working toward what is best for me/all, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have taken a series of self-dishonest moments to get to where I am. I commit myself to the best of my growing ability, back track how I have accepted and allowed procrastination/delay/resisting productivity.
This moment of self-honesty is but a breath away. Keep coming back to the breath. Thank you.
Photo: flickr
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