Day 392 - On Writing: Sharing is Caring

As everyone in the universe has or will have noticed that I've not been posting regularly in this Journey to Life blog, I now commit myself to rejuvenate my blogging initiative.

What does this mean exactly? Rejuvenate as in "Return to life," and Initiative as in "a new program or strategy for dealing with a problem." Writing in my Journey to Life blog is a personal process, shared with all. Writing on my own private computer journal has been trending recently, and I've made all kinds of justifications for why I write there and not here, publicly. No more!

I'm going to get back into the groove of unconditionally sharing my process and writing with you all because then you are able to hold me accountable and check my words. If you can relate to a mind pattern that I've opened up for myself, great. It's not fair to myself or others for me to keep my writing private, with the exception of sensitive subjects that common sense wouldn't allow for publishing. The main point, I'm here to do what is best for all, and sharing my process writing is best for all.

So, welcome back Dan!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to have a coherent progression within my Journey to Life blog, and to have used this desire as an excuse to not write on the most salient process points on the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to first write privately and only later transfer the writing into a blog. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist editing and publishing previously written material from my private computer journal. In addition to the resistance, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like it is 'cheating' to "plagiarize" myself and not just write new material directly into Blogger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the negative perception I had toward copying and pasting my own writing as an excuse to not post at all. In this, I realize that the uncertainty and non resolution of this point within myself was leading me into a mental stalemate, a confusion that I didn't sort out, I didn't find a solution, I suppressed it, subconsciously figuring that I'd address it sometime. Not cool. If I let my mind move me into such suppressions, the problem persists.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to write a perfect blog, and so create a resistance toward publishing until I've written a certain amount, found a picture, labeled the keywords, and crossed all the t's and dotted all the i's (as if that was a real problem these days)

If you haven't starting your writing process yet: lite.desteniiprocess.com

If you have, keep moving! :)

pic source

Day 348 - Ctrl+Shift+SF Cheat Code

I originally sat down to write this post about how I've been doing the typing of self-forgiveness and kind of cheating within it, but then I realized that this point is not just about that. There is a depth of reason for why I have not yet shared this point and it comes down to: guilt.

Slowing it down, instead of saying "I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to..." (typed as such keystroke by keystroke), I had been using a program to do this for me so all I had to do was hit a key combo.

So ctrl+shift+a = I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to

&  ctrl+shift+q = I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to

And then I just alternated as I felt like it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to .....

and I never allowed myself to really admit to myself what I was doing by using this shortcut. And I certainly didn't ask anyone else because then I would risk exposing what I didn't even want to admit to myself. That my little time saving SF shortcut was actually preventing me from moving through the self-forgiveness as an authentic self expression. And just as in process, moving slower is moving faster, and moving too fast is obviously slower in the long run.

So when I finally did muster the courage to ask my DIP buddy about this point, she laughed. Then I laughed too. She just confirmed what I already knew on a level within me where self-honesty was not yet functioning. This happened just over a month ago, and it's been actually a nice change. It might take me just a tad longer, but the quality of the SF statement has changed from a simple surface point (the kinds of points addressed when moving too fast through life), so a bit more specific and thorough (the ideal way to live, with common sense and self-honesty).

I needed to formalize this point above and had been meaning too since I had that chat with my buddy about it, but there were other points that I wanted to write about. I actually started getting backed up on so many points that I wanted to write about that I started a list of blogs to do, but after writing yesterday, I've decided to write about what's here, what comes up in a moment. And this automated SF shortcut was one of the first things that I had long ago placed on the list of blog topics to do, and I'm in "getting things on the list done" kind of mood these days. So now,

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to cover up and hide the fact that I was doing self-forgiveness on an automated level because I wanted a fast and easier way to do this tedious process. I see, realize and understand now that this entire process (not just self-forgiveness) has no fast and easier way. It's a simple equation of 1 + 1 + 1 ..., as a physical process of accumulation. A short cut is a mind thing...and oh my goodness how I could (and later will) expand on this....McDonalds...saving money...porn....you name it. So, I commit myself to continually remind myself to slow down and look at just one point at a time, and see all the movements and relationships that bring about a particular behavioral design.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to move fast.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to use the shortcut key combination program to quickly rush through the repetitive part of a self-forgiveness statement. In this I realize that I am not moving with the words as I type them, and the effectiveness of the words that I've automated is lost in a moment that never existed. I commit myself to type out each letter of my self-forgiveness statements, unless I have a clear, directive decision to read the statements out loud in the circumstance of structuring a sounding session.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to move fast and do multiple points in one blog, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I do not address all the points that come up within a single point at the same time, that I will lose the opportunity to do so. So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the moment overnight while I am sleeping. I also forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear becoming overwhelmed with many/other points and thus become ineffective.

I forgive myself for becoming overwhelmed, and then accepting and allowing it.

When and as I see myself wanting to address multiple point in one blog, I stop I breathe. I realize that by slowing down and being thorough with just one point could take a lot more time than initially anticipated. I commit myself to being thorough with one point, and as other points come up, to jot down a note somewhere and come back to it in the next blog or whenever. I am the directive principle of self here.

I commit myself to write about the guilt realization within this, tomorrow.

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Day 344 - Actual Living, Walking, Breathing

I had small chat with my DIP buddy today, and there was one main point that stands out for me here: It's this notion that I must 'walk the point' sometimes even before I write a blog post. To 'walk the point' first, means to move through writing and into physically lived application of the correction. I've been doing a lot of self-deception by writing the realizations without living them. It's like an energetic outlet, a quick fix, diffusing of the pent up friction I am creating by not actually living the corrections within what I am realizing about myself.

I've been messing up. I've been not just deceiving myself, but I've also been creating all the specific consequences that I am facing. They are like secondary add-on points that I have not been realizing. Let me lay it down for you straight and simple. I thought I could change by writing alone. I haven't understood how to utilize self-forgiveness in a way that practically brings about change BECAUSE I placed the change-responsibility onto the self-forgiveness instead of myself. "Oooh, ahh, I've got the magic key, and it is self-forgiveness. Watch me be self-honest and change while using this great and powerful tool that is awesome and powerful."

Separation.

Who an I within self-forgiveness? Where am I within it, structurally speaking? I emphasized how I think about self-forgiveness as being "powerful" because I see this is the problem. I am not powerful, but the self-forgiveness is..? This is misuse. Misusing the tool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself within speaking self forgiveness by placing myself as inferior to the self-forgiveness, and so placing the change-responsibility on to the self-forgiveness writing.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the critical importance of taking the next step, to move and push myself to change within the context of the realization. In this, I realize that when there is resistance to change, as there damn near almost always is, I must stop the reaction. This internal reaction to change-resistance is not helping me to change. I commit myself to stopping the reaction/judgment of resistance.  I commit myself to realizing the importance of self-movement in each and every breath.

Okay, so here's the point coming up now. I can see the point clearly, and I want to believe that by writing my insight, I am a changed man. This point especially comes up when I take on a point that is too general or too large, wherein I overlook the smaller building blocks of a particular system consequence (i.e. nail biting). By taking on the large points, I am working in a realm of idealism (Idea-Prison), imprisoning myself within a system through a perspective-relationship of who I am as less than or as a victim to this larger system. There is an expression, "the devil (de-veil, de-evil)  is in the details." It's only in the finer details of a point that I can stand as a point of one and equal responsibility. And so I am empowered to change the point, one specific detail at a time.

Which brings me to my next point: what if I do not know the details? Nearly every time I'm within a reaction, I do not fully comprehend all the bits and pieces and components of the energetic reaction.

Solution: Write and define.

Example: I am mad at Bernard for dying. This experience has elusive details, as most energy-based perspectives do. The tendency is to be within it, not to understand the totality of it. Breathe, slow down. I am mad because he stood his point so effectively that he died doing what was best for all. Am I jealous? No. It's more of a comparison point. I am mad at myself, and projecting it toward him because he is showing me how I am not standing. Now I have to face myself, and that's going to require giving up a lot of energetic self-definitions that I've already accepted as myself, and this process of letting go is quite uncomfortable from within the energy perspective comprised of that which I must let go of. Fascinating.

So,

I forgive myself that I have also accepted and allowed my self to magicalize breathing, instead of seeing how the breath can be practically used as a tool to slow myself down and bring forth the underlying dynamics of an energy reaction.

When and as I see myself writing within a perceptual context that is not applicable, livable, I stop I breathe. I realize that this process is a slow but sure process. I commit myself to utilizing self-forgiveness and breathing as practical tools to be applied specifically in transcending all the relevant 'baby' points within the bigger, more general points of self-change.

When and as I see that I have been relying on self-forgiveness to change me, I stop I breathe. I realize that self-forgiveness is just a tool to assist me with SELF-change. I commit myself to structurally placing the responsibility to change back onto myself. A hammer doesn't hammer the nail without my input, common sense

I realize that I am doing this, and that it's now time to chip a way my systematized self and get really intimate with who I am, so that I may direct how I express myself in this world.

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Day 338 - What am I waiting for?

Why would one not walk process, especially when one understands the value? How is it that I can remain in my patterns of irresponsibility? What am I missing.

"Investigate: What are you waiting for?" said Bernard.

I took that and ran with it. It's a great question to ask oneself. And so I explored my innards with this question a bit and a few things came up from different contexts. What I found tonight is:

- not feeling comfortable within my effectiveness when applying self-forgiveness.
- embarrassment, which is ego related and multidimensional.
- fear, which I know is a nonsense creation of mind, except for physical, real danger.


In blogs to come, I will expand myself more with this question because it's such a nice way to expose the living patterns of limitation that I've accepted as my beingness. Once the investigation is to a satisfactory level of clarity, I'm ready to forgive myself in a specific and comprehensive manner. I may not get it perfect on the first try, hence the process, but I'm realizing something rather important: If I don't move myself, myself doesn't move.

So that leaves 100% of the change responsibility in my hands. Meaning, I must first go from realization, to understanding the change process, to actually implementing the steps of change. Now, the mind, I've noticed, becomes transfixed on the imagined end point. It's like being blinded by completion without physical movement, which is where real change must happen. So, the first step is to get properly oriented to the physical process of change, realizing it's going to take time. A commitment is required to change self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a commitment because I have placed myself into a risky situation where I could fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I do not trust myself, and thus create a failure anxiety before I've even tried to change or live myself into a new direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not just go for it, try, potentially fail, learn, and get up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear commitment because I would take failure personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take anything personally, not realizing that I've been living in the limitation of ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am defined by one failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my mind into the future and limit my actions based on how I see myself minimizing the risk of embarrassing situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the extent of how I use embarrassment to limit my self-expression.

When and as I see myself thinking about how I might fail at something in the future, I stop I breathe. I realize that the future has not happened yet, and that a projection is merely a possibility. I commit myself to start leading my life by principle, to start testing my projections, and shatter my self imposed limitations on how to express myself as living being.

When and as I see myself fearing failure or embarrassment from an ego platform, I stop I breathe. I remember to look at the situation practically and by principle: Is my participation what will be best here? I commit myself to stopping my thought and taking in all the relevant information of my environment with one inhale, make a principle based decision of my participation, and moving / speaking accordingly.

When a resistance is so strong that I move according to it, my pre-programming from the days of ego-oriented self-interest, the days of protecting my self-image, of fearing for it and wanting to nurture it, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is the old me, the mind-directed me. I commit myself to clearing this mental paranoia, for a moment and acting within the principle of what is best for all.

When this happens, I commit myself to write about the experience and investigate the resistance, discover the underlying pattern, the consequences that I've created through accepting and allowing this outdated program to direct me.

Once the writing investigation is complete, I commit myself to walk the process of self change.

Thank you.

Day 320 - Time Stop, Change

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be moved by this resistance energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place myself as less than this energy, and assuming that it will win, thus creating an experience of debate to validate my desire to stop the energy, yet do nothing to practically stop it.

I'm on the verge of a break through, and it's half exciting, half doubtful. The doubt comes in because I feel like I've been here so many times already, where "I've had enough" and "I'm ready to change." The excitement comes in because there is a subtle difference this time. I know that I don't know what it's like to actually live this change into a consistently self-directed individual supporting what's best (for all).

"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." - Mark Twain

It's a dangerous dance to think we know ourselves when in fact we do not. Dangerous because it doesn't seem dangerous. We could go through our whole lives creating consequences we wouldn't never admit responsibility for. Why? Because we trust the feelings. If it feels like another is surely at fault, we blame without question. I challenge self to question self.

Today I found an interesting success, and what's more interesting is the method used to create the window of opportunity. Let me break it down for you! I've been experiencing a building frustration with myself because I'm not changing. I'm not actually stopping my delay/procrastination character after, like what, 6+ months of writing about it. I feel embarrassed just admitting that.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to an idealized version of myself who is able to learn, realize and change rapidly. In this, separating myself from the reality of myself, and repetitively missing the critical moments in actual space time when I can apply myself and live change for real.

This above statement here had taken a long time to hit home. I am finally starting to get a real sense of my perception of myself vs. the reality of myself (which is very difficult to face). Why has it been so hard to see the self-honesty of me? I would shatter the image of me. I would be embarrassed. I would feel bad.

And who wants to feel bad?

Going back to my interesting success and how I created it. I realized one of the most important equations: First thing's first. I realized that I needed a practical first step. The weird part about this realization is that it can totally exist as known information, and so I thought I've known this for a long time, but when that knowledge becomes really realized and applied: it starts working. How exactly? Great question. I didn't know how, so I asked myself: What is my first step? Answer: Actually investigate the resistance. Here's an interesting point as well. I can investigate the resistance and maybe acquire some knowledge and information about it, but if that's where it stops, then it stops there. The second step must be taken.

I'm sorry if this is all obvious to you ;)

So, quick outline/recap:
Step 1: Realize what the first step is.
Step 2: Take the first step - investigate, thoroughly
Step 3: Take the second step - application

That second step is when the rubber hits the road, so to speak. When I take that first step of information discovery, I NEED TO USE IT. It must be applied.


Enough already! What is this success that I had? In the critical moment of self-change. In the moment where I wanted to pick up my tablet and play a video game. In the moment of overwhelming resistance toward doing. I stopped. It was uncomfortable. I didn't want to sit back at my desk to read/type. Nope. But in this moment I decided to conduct a stable self-forgiveness. The 2 statements at the beginning of this post are very similar to what I had spoken aloud. I was able to clear the energy that was so uncomfortable that I've entered into countless time-loops by following it.

And then. I found myself in a bit of a null space. I wasn't sure what to do next. Then I recalled what I learned of the importance of self-commitment statements. I spoke out loud some direction for self. At that moment, the resistance energy was gone, and I had a stable directive that I literally just created.

This is one of my first actual breakthroughs in regaining control of myself using self-forgiveness and corrective application. The doubt that I experience here is utterly based on the past, and a fear of not being able to change. I know what I need to do now. I see, realize, and understand that through my fear, I am creating/manifesting that which I fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my inability to change myself, based on past failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to my past alone, and not give myself the opportunity to create myself anew in every forthcoming moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate self-compromising beliefs without realizing my responsibility herein.

There is only one moment that change can happen. If you don't stop time to see this moment. If you are waiting for the moment to come when you feel ready. If you are thinking it would be better to do it later. STOP. See what you are doing. What is the motivation? STOP. I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to sound the relevant self-forgiveness to this point that I am currently experiencing. And until clear, keep forgiving self. Now set the rule of self. What did you originally want to do? If resistance comes up again, self-forgive, specifically. Then commit self to move according to how you want to move.

And Voila!

You have stopped time for long enough to recognize and diffuse the reaction energy, and create effective self-change.

What's next? What is Step 4? Obviously it is to repeat Steps 1-3. Flagpoint the moments where one is not successfully directing self and investigate for the purpose of being able to identify what moves you and what to self-forgive.

On a final note: All of the information here is diddly squat. It sincerely can do nothing to support self, unless it is lived. That is the only real difference I feel here today. I actually applied myself, proactively. I didn't start write this post at 11 o'clock, reacting to the external reason as my starting point. No. I sat down on my couch with my mechanical pencil and my red process journal and investigated my resistance, and when I was ready to get back to reading/typing the resistance came again, BUT I WAS READY FOR IT THIS TIME.

Knowledge without application is useless, and this sentence is hard to understand until you actually literally apply it and see for yourself what you can do. Test yourself. De/Program yourself. Or don't.

Thanks.

Day 313 - Taking Breath for Granted (SF)

Continued from:
Day 312 - Taking Breaths for Granted

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take my breath for granted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it's too difficult to be aware of who I am / how I behave within each breath in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prioritize my thoughts, feelings, and emotions before my breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately distract myself with activities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the self-dishonest nature of deliberately distracting myself, not facing the reality of myself that is here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to casually forget my breath, and not take responsibility for  each moment that I digress from the herenessness, into the mental folds, separating myself from the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the perception that my mind's thoughts, feelings and projections are of greater value, thus justifying my separation from reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the value I've defined as my mental processes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what I think will happen if I just breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about what may happen if I just breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself from a starting point of just breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build a false perception of trust in my mental processes, when they are unreliable/unstable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give my breath a chance as my expressive starting point.

Living corrective application statements to follow..

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Day 293 - Externally Induced Distractions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my inner drive to be productive.

cc flickr

Through back to back distractions, I have robbed myself of this whole day. At times, I would blame others when they wanted to share time watching a movie or a television show, but interestingly, as soon as I had my full volitional control back, I would continue to participate in distractions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate as is, in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take advantage of externally induced distractions to project blame and hide my self-responsibility to come to a living agreement within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk my day unplanned.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the moments of choice when I turn away from my work and responsibilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to work hard.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame.

See, the point of all this forgiveness is to really just say sorry to myself, acknowledge what I've been accepting and allowing, take responsibility to change that relationship/point within my beingness, and live self-direction, live self-will, live my intention to life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss the point of self-responsibility for myself in EVERY moment, where even when I decide to take the less responsible way, TO NOT HIDE IT from myself or PRETEND that it's nothing, or that it's "OKAY" to just stay focused on the distraction.

--

When and as I see myself distracting myself from being self-honest while participating in a distraction, I stop I breathe. I realize that this breath is a new moment where I face myself and choose how and what I accept and allow. I commit myself to realizing the power of breath as a moment of choice between self-honesty and self-dishonesty.

I commit myself to investigating my attachments to whatever consistently yields a choice-relationship of compromising my self-honesty.

When and as I see myself projecting blame within frustration, I stop I breathe. I realize I am within an ego design of abdicating my responsibility to myself. I commit myself to realizing that I am actually frustrated with myself and within this realization, move myself into acting responsibility for myself in the current situation.

I commit myself to bringing blame back to self and living self-honesty as best I can, progressively.

I commit myself to realizing my responsibility to my self and all in creating a world that is best for all.

Shout out for ELF!!
Contributing to the solution is to become the living solution.

Day 288 - Best For All Support

Desteni Artists

Breaking down what is means to practically apply oneself in alignment with what's best for all.

What is Best For All?

This above link directs to the wiki page where a significant amount of perspective has been placed to clarify the mystery. Read on for my perspective on it.

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There is a common excuse that one does not and/or can't know what is best for all. “How do you know what is best for all?!” they say. Within this question, it is implied that such a perspective is not practical or even possible. There isn't even a moment's consideration for what it would mean to take this stance. There is just a quick reaction to defend the principle of self-interest. What's not realized is that a 'best for all' interest is also in self's interest.

To Clarify: What's best for self, can also be best for all.

I'm sure you can imagine several instances where a self-interested inclination wasn't even good for self, let alone best for self. Common sense with self-interest will likely reveal whether or not there is best for all alignment. You can ask yourself: Is there a fear-based motive behind this interest? Will this interest serve what's in my best interest by expanding of my ability to ultimately support what's best for others? 

A key differentiating factor which is often unrealized is the preservation of fear. (I fear others will 'get the best of me' and so) I must do what is best for me (before I lose in relation to other self-interested people). This is justified because people really are like this. So, one might proceed to blame the world for having to protect their self-interest (in fear of others). The solution to this problem has never been for others to change before self changes.

It is critical to realize the power of leading by example. Try on the best for all perspective. Examine the fears that come up. Forgive the fears and create a common sense solution.

Ex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I do not become the best in spite of others that they will spite me and I will lose my worth/ability/standing in this world system. I realize that the only way the human race will stop racing to the top is through an accumulation of self-leaders acting within the principle of what's best for all. I commit myself to lead by example by first studying where and when I fall in my application of what's best for all, so I may walk the self-forgiveness process and clean up my relationship to fear and stabilize, here.

Thank you.

Day 287 - Re-Inspired by Social Media Professionals

I spontaneously dropped in on a Careers in Social Media and Digital Marketing panel put on by the Career Services Department at University of California, Santa Barbara. I had just spent 2 hours in the Career Center, reading books and taking notes, and when I was leaving to go the bathroom and go eat, I saw the sign. It started 5 minutes ago, but the decision process was fairly simple. This is a line of work that very much interests me. So I heard them out for one and a half hours.

Here are the key points from the panel:

• Get real world experience
• Show work ethic and commitment
• longevity within an organization is good
• Know your Strengths!
• Tell a good story
• Write a good headline
• Content is Key for modern SEO
• write a blog (hehe)
• Hard skills vs. Soft Skills
• technical ability vs. human interaction
• Google+ holds more potential for global networking
• GPA doesn't matter as much as the chemistry and attitude at first interview

It was pretty cool to be in this stimulating environment of business professionals and successful entrepreneurs. I found myself taking a bunch of notes and with wide eyes. I was an invigorated with this feeling of inspiration and "I can do this." When the feeling died down, I realized that when I return home and leave this collegiate environment, I will be faced with having to create myself without this external stimulation. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a relationship toward other professionals that affects my work ethic and drive to become more. I realize this energy is seemingly great, until it fades and I am feeling the polar opposite. I commit myself to realizing when the negative polarity of inspiration is in effect and to investigate it and stop it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will not be able to accomplish success without external motivation. I realize that I can make full use of resources, connections and mentors, etc. The idea is that my starting point is within me and my work ethic is a self-movement, not an energetic-feeling reaction. I commit myself to establish my work ethic in achieving greatness without reliance on inspiration in separation of myself.

Special Thanks to the Panel Members: Jacques Habra, Kim Clark, Masen Yaffee & Tina Reed Johnson.

Day 283 - Positive Association Self-Forgiveness

Firstly, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to write a blog post from my phone through the belief that it won't be as good (blame) and/or it will be too hard to do (resistance/fear of failure).

I realize that it is my responsibility to create effective self-support through writing in whatever medium that I choose.
--

I have been reluctant to walk the positive associations through the self-forgiveness process of releasing attachment. Since I started working with SF, I found it much more natural to forgive myself for the aspects of myself that I don't like. I kind of figured that I would one day get around to hitting the positive points, but now that I am aware of the nature of waiting/hoping and attaching responsibility of self-change onto a time, separate of self, I understand that only I can create myself in the moment that is here. Thus, to be aware of how I am creating my reality in each moment is a significant point to begin considering more closely. One of the reasons I haven't been wanting to face the positive points is not understanding the consequences of creating and amplifying positive experiences within the design of polarity of mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to amplify and play into the positive experiences that I create in relation to specific physical events without understanding the relevant relationships I've built inside myself in my past that have predetermined my reactive experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to operate within positive feeling reactions to my environment without being aware of why or how.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not write about my positively defined relationships/reactions and validate this inaction because I do not understand the polarity consequences of separating myself from reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard my physical hereness and my breath because I prefer to exist within a positively charged inner reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can win at life by amplifying the positive experiences and suppressing the negative ones.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue chasing positivity and not realize that my starting point within reality is negatively charged, hence the desire for a positive experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize or investigate my state of negativity that is existent before I pursue a positive experience.
--
This post initiated from reflecting on how I screamed to the ocean, "I LOVE YOU OCEAN!!!" I really enjoy myself I'm the ocean, but I can see that there is an energetic movement within me that is related to my amplified affinity toward the ocean. I commit myself to start seriously considering my positive attachments and the internal energetic constructs behind them.

When and as I see myself within a positive experience, I take a moment to remember my breathing. I realize that getting lost in these energetic experiences is a mental state that doesn't last. I commit myself to investigating the polarity dynamic of mentally augmented experience creation.

When and as I see myself desiring a positive internal experience, I stop I breathe. I realize I am operating within a negative experience of myself without being aware of it. I commit myself to inquiring within, the nature of who I am during and just before the desire for a positive experience.

When and as I see myself amplifying my experience within myself, I stop I breathe. I realize that an amplified experience within myself is created in separation of myself here. I commit myself to continue stopping the fear of releasing my positive experience creations, breathe, and simply enjoy myself in a moment, no longer dragging it out and/or flaunting my enjoyment for others to be jealous (ego related).

...many positive posts to come, positively!

Day 252 - Where Rubber Hits the Road

Ok, I'm at the breaking point.

How will I proceed?

I can write about self-change only so much more. If I do not start living the changes I want to see, then I need to reassess who I am in this process. Why do I continue to write with energy and not live my words as one and equal expression of myself?

Yesterday I wrote about this idealized inner self. That's what I am unleashing when I write. So there is this deattachment from reality as I write in separation of my actual, lived participation. This is a critical error that needs to be looked at from every angle because if I only see it through one dimension...I am a failure. And all I'm good at is failing. Not a healthy perspective.

The reality is that I'm walking a multidimensional process. To sort out all that is at play in my mind takes patience, I realize that. I also realize that my writing is only serving to clarify what's going on within me, FOR ME to take into consideration and apply what I discover in the moment that matters most. The moment of change. The moment of caving, and letting the desire/fear take over my directive capacity.

So I'm in this physical dimension, and walking many dimensions of my personalities through writing, so eventually I'll reach that point of having accumulated enough perspective to become more aware of my directive processes. This point, like a tipping point, is where I have seen enough of myself to no longer be able to stand within my energetic programmed existence of push and pull. And when I've had enough, I change. Can't bear the shame.

I stop, I breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not realize the consequences of inaction, of being aloof.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only attempt self-change through reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to breathe when I want to align with what is best for me and all life equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop an inner self-concept that looks/feels better than the realistic version of myself, creating a false sense of security as who I am..

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can change through realization alone, therefore all I believed I was responsible for was this fun, structured blogging and then self-change would just naturally unfold.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize my responsibility to breathe and become the self-director of who I am in the moment of change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility to myself to be self-directive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not sound my self-forgiveness out loud to live and breathe the words to life. In this, I have been only walking my realizations of desired self-change in writing. Very similar to paying attention in class and yet not ever doing homework (another school personality of mine).

When and as I see myself faltering in the moment of self-change, I stop I breathe. I realize that I may or may not have the context to make sense out of what is moving me. I commit myself to study and examine the energies that move me without my permission. I commit myself to start standing up within myself as life within equality and oneness to direct myself in a common sense way. Self-sabotage is going out of style.


Tomorrow I'm going to dig deeper into my relationship to speaking self-forgiveness aloud and figuring out the differences of only writing vs sounding it as well.

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Day 226 - Nail Biting: Failure

OK, I'm going to dispel a layer of resistance I've been facing with regards to my nail biting habit. Since my first attempt to stop biting my nails 210 days ago (damn), I've experienced a limiting shame, discouragement, and embarrassment associated with failing in the stopping of my nail biting habit. I have been delaying returning to the point because I've been waiting for some external help, knowledge, or just becoming more effective with my self-forgiveness.

And that's another point, I blamed my ineffectiveness on my weakness within self-forgiveness. Man, that's an ugly sentence. And the one following shows how my shame has been limiting me in refacing this point. AND that sentence show's my reluctance still yet to take responsibility for myself. I blame the shame, and go into delay. It's a 'mental route,' if you will, that leads me back into enslavement. I'm beginning to grasp just how dangerous blame can be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that through manifesting my fear of failure by allowing my participation within the emotions of shame, embarrassment and discouragement, I have been justifying my reluctance to face this point more thoroughly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become unmotivated to continue my investigation of my nail biting because of how I think others would see me as a failure, or "taking too long" or "writing too much" about this point of nail biting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that by being honest with my self here, I am able to really walk this point in the necessary depth it will take to be effective, and in the process, other's may read the detail of my story How I actually stopped biting my nails.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of going deeper into my mental patterns and habits because of a fear of failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and justify the thought "If I am thorough, and fail, I am screwed."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am manifesting failure through the fear of failure based thought "If I really try hard, and fail, I am hopeless and all I've worked at through self-forgiveness is pointless." Ok, this is opening up. Amazing to actually see what self is thinking by placing it into writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the time to become intimate with myself through writing exploration of the various surface points that come up in relation to the "big" points that seem "impossible" to deal with. In this, I realize that I have not permitted myself a real shot because I want change to happen now, instantly, fast.

Realizing also, that I did in fact have backchat thoughts toward my initial attempt to stop nail biting on Day 14, 15 & 16; which was something like, "I'll span this one out over 3 whole days, so then it'll have to work."

When and as I see myself projecting how long it will take to change, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is a subtle yet valid externalization of responsibility to time. I commit myself to the continual realization that I am responsible to living and changing me.

When and as I see myself desiring change to happen fast, I stop I breathe. I realize that change can only happen as fast as I allow, and that when there is resistance to change, further investigation is required. I commit myself to digging deep within the many layers contributing to my nail biting habit, and giving myself plenty of time and space to accomplish this. Thanks for this assistance Garbrielle.

When and as I see myself fearing that I will not be effective, I stop I breathe. I realize that through this fear, I manifest the result of that which I fear. I commit myself to the breath-by-breath walk of self-change, giving me plenty of time and space, and stopping only when the point is cleared and I am stable within the change.

When and as I myself thinking that "big" points are "impossible," I stop I breathe. I realize that there are multidimensional layers of mental relationships that I have placed within seemingly giant points, such as nail biting. I commit myself to not attempt to go for the quick and easy fix, but realize the amount of work and will that is required to STOP myself, AND THEN take the necessary steps to CHANGE myself.

When and as I see myself failing IF I were to try, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have entered the mental space and forgotten about my breath and the practical application of my physical toward an outcome that is best for all. I commit myself to never again letting fear of failure perpetuate my resistance toward a point for an extended period of time without an agreement with myself.

The specific emotions that come up in relation to how I judge myself for biting my nails will be continued in installments to come. Thanks for reading.

For some fascinating perspective that assist with the point of facing failure and self-change:
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/03/day-316-sensitive-souls-how-to-face.html

Day 215 - Where am I in Self-Movement?

As a continuation of the past two days:
Day 214 - Self-movement: Continued Expansion
Day 213 - Self-movement: Perspective

To sum up these days: I had begun to conceptualize being with the physical movements vs being involved in the mind while moving. Being in the physical, with the physical, and aware of the physical is the goal. Being in my mind while physically moving is how we get hurt and/or create unintended consequences. One of these mental layers is an effort overlay on physical tasks, where the delay/resistance steps in and makes things more difficult than they really are. It's these kind of energetic relationships that unintentionally sabotage our lives with. To get back to living, to walk the journey to life, we have to dispel these energetic, physical assumptions that are killing us. Here, I'm going to forgive the initial layer(s) of movement. From conscious distraction into physical awareness. This point will continue to unfold as time goes on.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am more efficient if I can think independently of space-time, where I allow my thoughts to wander unrelated and without regard for the present moment. Note: Big one; key attachment point to thought; multitasking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move my body in separation of my thought. Example: thought goes into an alternate reality while my finger nail starts finds its way to my mouth. Scary to think of how often this happens.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is too hard to stop this abusive pattern of nail biting, and I commit myself to reconsider this point with the knowledge that nail biting in itself isn't the problem, it's who I am behind the act that needs correction (i.e. the many dimensions of anxiety).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automate my physical behaviors without considering the starting point of the automation as what is behind the encapsulated energy relationship toward the physical movement(s).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create relationships toward my physical movements. This opens up an overwhelming number of thought-trains. So much of me has been automated. Scary.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of the extent of which my life is augmented by energetic relationships toward the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not care that I have augmented reality and have chosen to live through this mental copy of reality, not realizing how/why I chose to live this way in the first place. There are many moments of which I encapsulated a physical experience into an augmented, energetic relationship. For examples: sex, money, truth, soccer, writing, work

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed by my existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in separation of my physical body through my mind. The mind is so quick and entertaining.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the mind is me and superior to the physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move my body without considering my environment in detail.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I know where my body is in space-time, as opposed to a constant, experiential awareness of my physical body and environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from awareness of breath into consciousness awareness on a regular basis. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard the physical breath and energetically relate to it as 'less important than thought/energy.'

--

When and as I see myself in separation from my breath while exercising or doing any physical movement, activity or task, I stop I breathe. I realize that from a breath starting point, I am better able to consider reality and what is best for all. I commit myself to recognizing where difficulty arises as stubbornness of mind when attempting to regain breath awareness.

When and as I see myself moved by fear or anxiety, I stop I breathe. I realize that it's just a programmed, energetic relationship play-out and only I am too blame for for what I allow myself to exist as/through. I commit myself to taming the energetic relationships that have been automating my life through self-investigation, forgiveness, and these commitment statements. This process is me directing me in the physical, to move from energy into life awareness. Who I am in self-movement has everything to do with this entire 7 year journey to life. Please bear with me. And Dan, remember to bear with yourself.

When and as I see myself overwhelmed with my current self-existence, I stop I breathe. I realize that I can only work with myself one breath at a time. I commit myself to being patient with myself in this process of releasing energetic relationships that narrow my perceptual awareness of reality.

When and as I see myself existing in a dragged out head space, I stop I breathe. I remember that I am here within my physical body, one and equal with the physical. I commit myself to investigating the more apparent, repetitive thought patterns that I find myself participating in. For example, when I keep worrying about what others are thinking about me instead of remaining stable in reality, connected to my breath, I will examine the nature of my worry, the starting point, and related components.

When and as I see myself trying to take on multiple points, I stop I breathe. I realize that I can't walk all the points at once, and I also realize that it is more effective to laser focus in on one point. I commit myself to walking whatever comes up that is related to my top priority point that I'm currently walking. For instance, delay has been a predominate theme by choice so that I may more effectively walk process. And I'm glad to say I have seen a rise in my productivity levels.

When and as I see myself giving my directive power over to the mind, I stop I breathe. I realize that mentally induced experience is not really real, and that only through my acceptance and allowance of that experiential outflow, does it seem real. I commit myself to increase my comfortability with breathing through my energetic reactions so that I may calm down and find the source origin of the relationship.

This is a work in progress, and until my breathing application is consistent and my mind no longer dominates my awareness, I walk it out. My overall reflection of this post, I am been walking a large, broad point the past three days, and I intend to utilize this perspective (which is now more grounded) to reach for more depth and specificity of my favorite mental programs. Thank you(rself) for reading.

Day 173 - Delving into my mind's favorite escapes

Continuing from Day 172 - Glazing Over & Day 171 - Zoned Out Episodes

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize when I depart into a day dream.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that is it ok/harmless to wander off into my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that zoning out can be a beneficial recharge for the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become intrigued and invested in my mental wanderings, believing that it is warranted/justifiable because the end result may lead to a positive experiences of insight/realization.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move from physical task, to physical task without realizing the mental spacing out that happens in between, where I blindly follow along. I have referred to this process as side-tracking or "tangenting."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get frustrated with myself for getting side tracked instead of realizing how I became side tracked within self-honesty and stopping the mind's desire to automatically wander on to the next interesting/enjoyable thing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to unintentionally prioritize mental escapes when faced with work/resistance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is difficult to remain here and always present, and for allowing myself to use this as an excuse to give in to the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to just zone out because it's easy and not tasking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect spacing out & comfortable/easy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect breathing in physical awareness & difficult.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to space out when listening to another speak. Within this, I forgive myself that I allow myself to become more fascinated with my own thoughts and/or fear not responding well. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear just being myself when in conversation with another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being present and with my breath because I could get hurt when doing physical activities while participating in a mental augment/adventure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider myself within each breath that I take. This will be a process, and while I keep coming back to my breath, I commit myself to working through and facing all self-created points of fear that may stand in my way to self-realization, here.

I commit myself to recognizing and stopping a mental tangent escapade as quickly as I can. Within this, I commit myself to investigate why I was so fascinated to begin following my mind into the abyss in the first place to be able to effectively apply self-forgiveness for that point.

When and as I see myself resisting a task I have planned to do, I stop I breathe. I realize this is the point where I allow my mind to wander and distract me. I commit myself to not get overwhelmed within trying to stop this by remembering the simplicity of the self-assistance tool of taking a breath.

When and as I see myself faced with work, moving toward a distraction, and becoming overwhelmed with my choice to follow the distraction, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have repeatedly been disabling myself from effectively bringing myself back on track within not realizing that the experience of overwhelmed/too difficult is just another allowed mental outflow of a relationship I have not yet explored in detail. This is a key. The key is and has been breathing. I stop, I breathe. I see my mind moving me. I stop. I, I breathe. I continue to breathe and direct myself with intention. I commit myself to stopping all emotional movements. I commit myself to not get angry at/toward self when I accidentally allow myself to participate within/from emotion, not realizing that anger is yet another equal, reactive emotional experience of mind participation.

When and as I see myself enthused with my own thinking when conversing with others, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have not wanted to give this up, and will require to continually assess why/where I place value in my thinking processes that are in separation from physical space-time. I commit myself to continue my mental-self investigation.

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Day 169 - Got to get here quick! pt.5

I keep thinking about my afterthought from yesterday:

"It's truly fascinating to consider: how you spend your next breath is reflective of how you spend your entire life. Welcome Self-honesty."

Each breath is when I consider who I am in relation to every single breath, past and future. Current layers present themselves here in one breath's awareness of what's going on inside of me. For example: I have an urge to stop writing and play a silly time-wasting game, but I breathe and push myself to keep writing. This is a living self-direction, not instigated by a mental energy push or pull.

To stay on track and provide a concise version of what I was trying to capture yesterday and do the Self-Forgiveness on it, is less appealing than just moving on to the next point of how I want others to get here quick, but that will wait until tomorrow because today I push myself to stay focused and not hop around from point to point to point. This in itself is a point of anxiety, and it prevents me from writing out the depth that is required for me to really walk through a point in understanding and releasing it from existing as an automated function of my programmed beingness.

Ok, so yesterday I explained a bit about how I have been rushing through life and in that justifying procrastinating my day-to-day moments. It's time to work this out.

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I'm finding my self still awkwardly participating in this. As I have been delaying the writing my self-forgiveness for this topic for the bulk of the day. It really is true how an open point is intensified..

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in my mind as self-doubt, believing that I won't be able to actually stop and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate this writing all day so that I would, again, be forced to finished during the final hour of the day.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to not realize I've been compromising myself and my ability to freely accomplish much more by focusing on and delaying one point of work/application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place an importance/significance/value onto a task such that I develop a resistance relationship toward it instead of simply directing myself through to completion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify procrastination because I've planned to at least have whatever it is done by the deadline. This makes no sense. Why do I procrastinate simply because I can?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose sense of my time perspective, and thus my awareness of breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that each moment of every breath is indicative of who I am in relation to myself and my world. I can use this moment of awareness as a tool to self-discover my current program and stand up from within it to direct myself according to my will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing and from that create a relationship of resistance toward particular, 'important' work and nonsensically delay it until I have to do it, ultimately ending up compromising my work by existing with "oh well, I did the best I could given the amount of time I had (given myself) to complete it."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play as victim to time, when in reality it is I that is misusing time and responsible for saving work until the last minute because it's easier to stay focused because there is no other option.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose focus and stray off into a mental energy pull when faced with work that is not immediately due.

When and as I see myself moving away from my work, I stop I breathe and I give myself that moment to discover what is really going on here. I realize that I am compromising myself by allowing this participation in this energy and justifying it as valid or worth following without truly considering all the consequences. I commit myself to writing about resistances until I uncover what is behind each moment of allowed participation until I am undoubtedly self-directed in every moment within self-honesty.

When and as I see myself moving toward a time-waster when I am clearly avoiding work, I stop I breathe. I realize that if I really do not want to self-direct within responsibility in that moment, I must lay out an agreement for myself as some kind of strategy or plan to get back on track asap. Within this also, I commit myself to write about why I wasn't able to pull myself away from my time-waster. I commit myself to investigating all barriers to self-direction through writing.

When and as I see myself justifying delay because I certainly "will have enough time to complete it later," I stop I breathe. I realize that there is always more that can be done the self-honest responsibility of acting in the interest of what's best for all. I commit myself to practicing getting my daily-planned tasks done early, and giving myself the rest/break/reward after my duties are done instead of before.

When and as I see myself moving within an energy in relation to my work, I stop I breathe. I realize that even a positive experience toward work will have polar consequences and by simply directing myself through work within my breath is stable and will not need to be balanced out. I commit myself to investigating and developing my relationship with my breath so that I can recognize positive/negative relationship orientations toward work readily, stop them, and find a stability within self in relation to work.

Tomorrow when I wake, I commit myself to keep focused on my breath and my work pace. When and as I see the mental draw toward guilt-inducting time-wasting activities, I stop I breathe. I ask myself: Why? If? and How soon before I get back to my productive day plan. I realize that this process if a process and self-judgment is not supportive. I commit myself to supporting myself by stopping the judgement and thinking practically about my situation. I commit myself to catching when I move into a defeated character that just indulges in time-wasting so that I don't even have to face myself as/within being self-defeated.

I commit myself to "strength and honor."

I commit myself to stop hiding from myself. For example: No more repetitive indulgence to hide that I'm indulging. "Just one more video game round" "Just one more peanut butter cup" Just one more moment away from my work."

Whatever isn't clear, write. No more bs self-judgment -> back into same behavior repetition (i.e. fingernail biting) Grrr! < see, still self-judgment.

All for tonight. Thanks.

Day 165 - Got to get here quick!

I was in a rush to drive somewhere today. Had to get there by 2, it was 1:44 and an estimated 20 minutes away. I did my normal 'rushed' routine to make up the time by driving faster and biting my nails. Having just written about stress last night, I stopped and took a breath. Actually, I found that taking that conscious breath helped to stop my energetically focused nail biting. It's cool that the stress behind my nail biting habit is opened up, because I'm ready to keep at this point and actually clear this pattern of literal self-consumption out of nervousness/anxiousness.

I noticed myself in the car, I stopped, and started speaking self-forgiveness. Much like:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails because I am afraid I won't be able to get there on time. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that this habit does not get me there faster. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get involved in the energy of hurriedness/haste, not realizing that I can only go as fast as humanly possible.

It was the realization I am limited by my external environment that calmed me down. It's crazy to think that stressing out will somehow make me faster than what's practically, most efficient. So, I drove fast, but not too fast, nor reckless.

Within all of this I realized that I habitually bite my nails when hurried and stressed. That's not the only dimension, but it sure is a significant one. When I was typing the title of this post, I realized that it's not only trying to get there quick, but also trying to get here quick. In other words, I am generally anxious to get this process over with. (My mind just raced through 3-4 thoughts really fast)

1. I've created a rushed character in separation of myself here

2. I'm generally anxious/rushed to get to point B.

3. Whenever I am learning something, I tend to bite my nails (anxious to integrate knowledge...hmm)

4. the #3 thought, has been extensively participated within...so much so, that I have to write more about it. All day I open up points, what?!

Throughout school, I bite and learn, bite and learn, learn while biting, bite while learning. Why? The first stable thought to mind is that sense of multitasking, where I can get my nails taken care of at the same time that I'm using my mental dimension...herein, I've automated the nail biting process from a starting point of anxiety: "not waiting until I got home to use my nail clippers for a proper self-manicure." This form of anxiety was easily and quickly justified at an early age. It made sense.

Ok, and now I'm opening up too many dimensions and feeling the onset of overwhelmed. *Takes a breath* Begin:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify biting my nails because it is time efficient multitasking for when I want to learn.

I've always been driven to learn fast...not sure when that started. I'll come back to this point eventually.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to bite my nails when I am unable to move faster / fast enough, out of fearing that I will fail in reaching a deadline or destination quickly enough.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to repeatedly give up on myself after I start chewing, and allow myself to continue with the abnormally accentuated desire to chew nail.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my nail biting character, submit directive control to, and not stand not equal within and as it so that I may take responsibility for effective change. I commit myself to slowly disengage from this habit, locating every relevant memory and flag pointing each self-judgement, until it is done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move within the energy of haste while driving. I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see the stressful energy expenditure personality that effectively does nothing to get me to my destination faster. I stop I breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to yellow lights in frustration for halting my momentum, and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing money as it takes more gas to get up to speed. Relax Dan. All in due time...ah,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spawn a bunch of what if thoughts while driving, effectively stressing myself out for not being 'there' 'then' when "I could have, if only I had..."

When and as I see myself becoming frustrated on the road, I stop I breathe. I realize that there are only a handful of relevant points to driving: gas, brake, steering, rules, and vectors of external objects. I commit myself to realizing when I am participating in thoughts and energy that do not serve me while driving.

When and as I see myself becoming hurried when I am running a bit late while driving, I stop I breathe. I realize this energy of haste for what it is, I stop it. I commit myself to taking a breath and noting how my mind wanders and which energies I begin to participate in while my thoughts run wild. I commit myself to making a habit of speaking self-forgiveness aloud while in the car where I am not restricted by any external personalities..

When I am alone, I have no motive to maintain face or uphold a particular personality. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to just be me while in the midst of others. I commit myself to begin slowly getting comfortable saying self-forgiveness out loud in the presence of others, especially when it flows with the conversation / is appropriate within the context of what's here.

When and as I see myself becoming overwhelmed while I open up as many points as I did today, I stop I breathe. I realize that I can stay organized in my side journal and that it is important to stay focused on one point at a time so that I can effectively clear my charges toward it instead of half-ass escaping from the individual responsibility of each dynamic. I realize there are many, many, many, many points I've separated myself from through relating to them. I commit myself to slowing down in my breath, and taking one step at a time.

I commit myself to driving moment to moment, staying here while in the car, and when I don't, to note and explore the point through self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to effective planning for traveling such that I do not put myself in rushed positions, and when I do, make note of it for future prevention.

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Day 162 - "Prior Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance"

[Continued from yesterday]

So, I found that this generational wisdom from my father's father has many more variations, and this shook my dad's world a bit, haha. Regardless, the point is the same: Planning Promotes Performance. So, if I am here to perform to the best of my ability, planning is an essential ingredient that I have not been paying too much attention to. I've been writing a general, day plan/to-do list the night prior for about a month, but I've not been keeping myself accountable to complete each task...much like idealized intentions. It's time to get serious with each moment of planning, so that I lay down actual self-direction.

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This is the point of it all. I'm in my Journey to Life, figuring out how to direct myself effectively by forgiving where and when I am not, moving to the next layer of 'why' and continuing to locate where, when and why I've allowed myself to fear myself and separate myself from the oneness and equality that is of life, so I can ultimately stand as a stable expression of what's best for all. Cool, huh? Step by step, layer before layer, I walk for me / for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to plan my day without consideration of exactly how I intend to accomplish each item.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to shy away from my tasks because I set them as higher/greater than my actual, physical ability of what I am able to accomplish.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my actual, physical ability, and create idealized to-do lists to which I react with overwhelmingness and end up stressed out and under performing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to set a plan and not follow through because of my habitual allowance of resistance guiding me toward the easiest route in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to the resistance pull without making an effort to understand all of the energetic factors at play.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise my time and so ability to practically accomplish set goals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set goals within a 'perfect day' and separate myself from the responsibility of the completing the work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to all around skip the planning step and wonder why my day didn't amount to anything, hiding from myself so I wouldn't have to face my irresponsibility.

When and as I see myself moving along my day without intention or grounded goal accomplishment, I stop I breathe. I realize that I must have an action plan to complete large tasks, and that time budgeting is essential to planning accomplishment. I commit myself to realizing a plan of action when I am just going with the flow.

When and as I see myself faltering on a plan, I stop, breathe and asses what's going on within me. I ask, "Why?" Upon finding the point of resistance, I conduct Self-forgiveness in that moment. I realize that all resistance isn't easily overcome in one moment, and I commit myself to writing out the entire construct of resistance, so that I may see what's going on, and write a new law for myself to live by.

When and as I see myself creating a set of idealized intentions, I stop I breathe. I realize that only a practical plan can be carried through into completion. I commit myself to standing equal to and one with my intentions, living with them, and bringing them to life by successfully utilizing them to complete any task I set as part of who I am.

In the morning, I commit myself to bundling together my continual intentions and work goals, and from that creating and action plan. If not in writing, then with self-honesty I will carry me through the completion of each prioritized task. I realize that when I am not on track, I must take that essential breath and collect myself in the moment to set the direction of self and go!

When I mess up, I stop and breathe. Set a stable agreement with myself in relation to my work, to effectively make tangible progress within a agreed amount of time.

When and as I see myself falling off the ball, I remember to breathe and regain balance through the actualization of self-responsibility as who I am here. Thanks

Day 160 - Basis of Self-Leadership for 2013 and Beyond!

This is the end of 2012, and I have learned a lot about myself. The effort required to blog these past one hundred and sixty days has given me a more perspective on my life. It's been entirely worth it, and I can see me making it all the way to day 2555. It's like a concrete accountability for my self-realizations, and I can clearly see what I've walked out in writing and what points need more attention. It's been far from easy and automatic. There has been a lot of resistance to the writing process, usually in the form of fear-based thought spin-off. And the thoughts move so quickly that I can easily have trouble finding the source or whatever it is that I'm trying to hide from myself. That's why self-honesty is crucial. I am breathing and slowing down the thoughts so I can see myself in self-honesty. From this starting point I will establish a real confidence in my ability to lead. No more personality creation cover-ups. I'm done overlaying new personality designs over the fear and self-doubt.

This whole writing process is me leading me into the self-change that is required to overcome the obstacles of my self-interested programming of my mind. When I can clearly stand within the principle of what's best for all always, I will actualize true confidence within my walk of leadership for self and others so that we may all take responsibility for what needs to be done to actually bring peace to earth.

I realize that I must be able to lead myself before I can help lead the world, so I've identified some more leadership points that I've related myself to and defined myself within limitations and self-defeatism. And here is the forgiveness release to bring me into the new year:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave the present moment that is here because I fear that I cannot be strong, assertive, confident, and/or certain when I am participating in a group of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect fear to 'looking stupid/inadequate/wrong,' and thus I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my thoughts are more valuable than remaining present as I have created and compounded many memories of when my thoughts helped me to mitigate imagined fear play-outs of which I did not realize myself as the creator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have been participating in self-generated fears to protect myself from them, not realizing that this process is not in my best interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize in each moment how and when I am in fear and with these fear-thoughts, create the fear to play-out in real life. I realize that I am manifesting my fears through the repetitive participation within them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am my thoughts and that I am so great within them, that I should follow them instead of the common sense reality that is here in all moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself as a leader because I observe others that are more 'carefree' and judge them as less than I because I am spending more time in thought of which I identified with within a superiority complex in being able to contemplate many imagined play-outs and chose the best one, not realizing that I am missing the moment when and as I move off into fear motivated thinking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear of other's not liking my ideas, not wanting to follow my lead, and/or putting down my ideas and so discrediting my position of leadership.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume that I can dodge these fears by thinking about them and figuring out a way to prevent them, and not realize that I was living in fear in this thinking process.

When and as I see myself participating in imagined fear play-outs so that I may try to mitigate the actualization of the fears I'm imagining, I stop I breathe. I realize and understand that I am actually creating the experience of fear by participating in thinking about ways to prevent the fear, as the starting point of my experience is fear. I commit myself to taking responsibility for all fear creation/experience and recognizing what I am doing so that I may apply forgiveness and live the correction as a new self-direction from the starting point of breath in doing what is best for all.

When and as I see myself in a frightened state, I stop I breathe. I realize that I can trace the origin of the fear thought-pattern through the process of writing with, in and as self-honesty. I commit myself to this process of writing and investigating my past so that I do not reactively create my future like a programmed organic robot.

When and as I see myself placing a dominating importance on my thinking process, I stop I breathe. I realize that I can effectively lead myself through life without living in fear, and through practice, I commit myself to figuring out how.

When and ass I see myself in fear of looking stupid or a variant thereof, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am participating in a design of fearing my own fear creations. I commit myself to stopping this illusion-to-reality enactment with mindful consideration of who I am within each moment of each breath.

When and as I see myself in one of the dimensions of leadership fear, I stop I breathe. I realize this is not who I am, and that I will not effectively mitigate the fear by participating within it. I commit myself to writing this all out for myself to see until it is done, and I live fearlessly with life.

Thanks to life, all and I.

Related Posts:

Day 141 - Establishing Self-Leadership

Day 159 - Lacking Leadership

Time is ticking, get serious with me and investigate what you've become so together we can disengage what we've collectively allowed within our world. End the atrocity. Look into how Equal Money System works and what the transition will look like.

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