Day 347 - Disjointed Daily Blogging

Ok, I breathe, and I write here.

I'm now walking through this specific point of resisting writing: I have one idea of what I had been intending to write, and then the moment passes, new stuff comes up, and I want to write about the new point, but the looming previous writing topic is saying, "No Dan, write about me first! You said you would." Haha.

And so what do I do? I get frustrated that I won't let myself write about the new point, and then I also build more resistance to the original point because I blame it for preventing me to write about what I want to write about. Oh my goodness, I am going to now disentangle this.
Red Panda ..? Interesting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an emotional charge toward my daily blogging when and as I get backed up.

It's a build up of points. I'm holding on to the original point for reasons I didn't specify for myself. Now, I'm speaking in general for all the times that I delay the writing. So this frustration is a consequence of not being consistent with my writing here.

What else adds to my backchat when faced with writing in my Journey to Life blog? Today I witnessed myself thinking that I am out of condition and that my writing will suck. It's as if I had never really transcended this writing self-doubt point, that I had just constructed a work around...When I first started blogging, I recall saying to myself, "whatever, I'll just push myself to do it, and then I just [automatically] get better at writing over time." So I kind of never really addressed this writing/communication doubt that I have; I only circumvented it.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I have been moving through resistances too quickly, in that I'm not actually considering everything that's behind and that composes the personality patterns that I live. Within this realization, I commit myself to slow down, investigate fully the nature of why I do and say things outside of the best for all parameter. It's these moments that I now choose to give myself the time to look at slowly, in self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking too long with one point. Within this, I now realize that not wanting to take too long with one point is not only why I've been prone to rushing though process, but it's also a starting point source for the frustration I feel when I do take too long with a point. I commit myself to not quickly label general observations about myself, such as "So this frustration is a consequence of not being consistent with my writing here" as I wrote just a moment ago, but to instead constantly release my perspective to dive deeper and investigate the reality of myself at a level where self-honesty can actually be applied.

Slow down, figure out what works. When the solution isn't here, slow down, figure out what works. If I focus on the problem, I am likely using a narrow context and missing crucial factors that would assist me in reaching the solution.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move to quickly through my daily living. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify that moving faster is better, and in this not consider the point of being thorough and here in every breath.

When and as I see myself not wanting to write my daily blog, I stop I breathe. I ask myself, "why?" I write. I get to the bottom of the resistance, and I stop the pattern. I commit myself to restructuring my behavioral patterns on a deeper level where I can be self-honest about what I've been doing and why.

I commit myself to stop fearing that I will not write well. I commit myself to giving myself the space to write a daily blog even if it's not perfect, neat and easily read by you. I commit myself to realizing that it actually doesn't take that much time when I sit down and write. I commit myself to breathe and move myself to write daily again.