Day 295 - Defining My Online Presence

STAMP

SIMPLE: "Make everything as simple as possible but no simpler." Albert Einstein
TRUE: Be true to your passion, with values and behavior in alignment
ACT: "Vision without execution is hallucination." Thomas Edison
MAP: Know how to get from where you are to where you want to be
PEOPLE: The greatest success is achieved in collaboration

Taken from a book review by Robert Morris

The book called Digital Leader: 5 Simple Keys to Success and Influence, was recommend from a student in my recent online Social Media class. The book has a chapter on each of these concepts, but I've only just read this review and chosen to expand on each key to better see my "digital self" from a leadership perspective. *After writing the bulk of the below text, I am considering the purchase of this book and think anyone who is slightly interested in digital leadership should too consider it!

1) Simple

• "Make everything as simple as possible..."
• This is a good point to keep in mind because very quickly my writing can become verbose. The nature of Self-Forgiveness and my journey to life is 'content heavy' to say the least. This should not be an excuse to blabber on during my blog posts.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear witting too little to be effective and within that not realize when I am writing more than I need to.
• I commit myself to the self-honest assessment of when I have written too little/too much based on my written words' effectiveness in supporting myself within self-realization.
• "...but no simpler."

2) True

• Be true to your passion, with values and behavior in alignment.
• Self-Honesty
• This is why I'm here.
• This is why I write, which is important to note because my motivation is mostly derived from purpose.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to show off and be cool because I found out about the 'solution of self-forgiveness,' instead of self-honestly moving myself through this process for myself alone.
• I commit myself to investigating wherever my values and behaviors are not in alignment with the knowledge and information I write about, so I may take the time to apply and live the self-correction.

3) Act

• "Vision without execution is hallucination."
• This is similar to the second key value. To distinguish the two, I would label this one to be the living application. This blog is my writing dimension, which is a biggy, but living the correction from the insights and realizations that I have while writing is equally important.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that I'm not just here to write.
• I commit myself to start systematically bringing realization through into living application.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that as long as I write, I can slack off during the rest of my day.
• I commit myself to facing the reality of my life as signified by how I choose to spend my time in each moment.
• I realize that vision without application is useless mind play.

4) Map

• Know how to get from where you are to where you want to be.
• I have the 'map' / the how to / the Desteni tools: Self-Forgiveness, Self-Writing, Breath and Common Sense (from here)
•  I do not know exactly what I will become in this journey to life as the living expression of what is best for all, but I do know that I will be here with me in every breath! What is there to fear?
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I do not know how to get where I want to be through a moment of forgetting my breath within a charged fear experience.
• I commit myself to be patient with myself as the breath, realizing that it's my mind that wants to move faster than my physical breathing, but it is the thought and desire that slow me down.
• I commit myself to practically applying my map to get to where I want to be.
• pure
• self-honest
• oneness and equality, self-realized

5)  People

• The greatest success is achieved in collaboration
• Also why I am here.
• My publicized JTL Blog also serves as a way to share my individual process. I write transparently, for you to see me, so that perhaps one day, you might join Desteni and begin seriously investigating your mind too! It's worth it. Brace for a Dan Malara original quote:
• "No one enjoys facing their fears, until they do."
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sharing my process with all others.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear judgement.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making videos of myself.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let fear control and suppress my self-expression.
• I commit myself to walk my process and persist in removing the stifling fears that prevent me from sharing to my maximum potential
• I commit myself to sharing the perspective that each of us must stand up alone AND together in order to create a world that is literally the best place for all life.

Reflection: Long post, but I liked the break down. This is just a tiny portion of the homework I'll be conducting in order to become a leader in this global, digital community. For now, I commit myself to stabilize myself within self-leadership in my daily living. Starting with, SHADOWGUN...come see me tomorrow. Thanks for the support reader.

Day 280 - Why I Write

Who am I within my writing? What is the reason? What is the experience of myself when I initiate my writing?

These are valuable questions I should ask myself before I begin a post. Why? By answering these questions, I am solidifying my intention and writing objective with affirming the purpose. This is important because if I am not writing for my own sake, I am wasting my time.

When I was writing papers in school, I didn't ask these questions, which was partially why I experiences so much resistance and procrastinated until it was imperceptive that I at least get something written down. I were to answer these questions then, the answer would most likely be "rushed" and "desperate." Since that's all I've really known to be within my writing, I have been struggling a bit in learning how to write for myself. When I am writing for me, I want to be confident that I am effectively achieving my best work, something that I wasn't very concerned about when my writing reason was to just get a passing grade.

To answer these questions now: I am writing here to best support myself in understanding who I've become for the purpose of taking responsibility for my life experience within and without. My experience of myself while I write should be focused and stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through my journey to life writing because I placed more value on needing to get one post a day finished, not realizing that by externalizing my writing reason, I have stolen my opportunity to most effectively support myself within a stable, focused starting point.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize how my starting point determines the direction and quality of my self-support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delay writing in any moment by forgetting/suppressing my reasons for writing just long enough to initiate a distraction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fight with myself when I am writing, not realizing how the instability dilutes the quality of my writing support and unnecessarily increases the time it takes to finish.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be inconsistent in my approach to writing, making it harder to realize why I write and thus make it a better point of self-support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse writing to achieve status as an external motivation, not realizing how I'm compromising myself by not writing for me alone.

When and as I see myself writing for an external point, such as time and/or the judgments of others, I stop I breathe. Really though. I breathe. I realize that the purpose of my writing is essential when considering how to best support myself through writing. I commit myself to be clear within myself as I continue writing on a single focus point.

When and as I see myself delaying my writing process while I've already begun, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have experienced some form of resistance within my writing that lead me astray. I commit myself to bring myself back to my writing within a clarified writing objective/reason.

I realize I am here writing for me. This is how I am effective in achieving my purpose of self-support through writing. Dilution of why I write must be promptly investigated. Here, I walk this writing process to ultimately realize myself as life, one and equal within this entire physical existence, and take responsibility for what I have become and direct myself in alignment of what is best for all.

Day 269 - Success and Failure pt.5

Continuing with:
Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success
Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1 - Imagination Dimension of Success
Day 266 - Success and Failure pt.2 - Opening Resistance to Success
Day 267 - Success and Failure pt.3 - Spiraling Distraction
Day 268 - Success and Failure pt.4 - Components of Resistance

Today's focus is letting go of my attachments to the design of resistance when I'm faced with work. I've already begun to bring awareness into the critical moment. Because of all the writing I've been doing on this point, I'm finally starting to slow down and stop the resistance driven movement and bring my attention back to the work that I am facing. My goal is to do this consistently. To accomplish this goal, I must not rely on hope or waiting for myself to get my act together because I realize that it is my active participation with myself that determines who I am as a directive principle of self. 'Hope' is a mental diffusion of responsibility. I can't wait any longer because I now realize how the design of waiting contributes to delay / procrastination.

Through this mini-series, I've come to a point where my awareness of what is here, as who I am in my relationship to work, and from here forward it is my responsibility to take the next step: Living the correction. I've not discovered and written about each and every point that is related to this character / behavior pattern, so when the specific points come up, I'll support myself by writing in my side journal to investigate why. By so doing, I am living the correction of active participation within my process of self-purification.

I commit myself to stop at no hurdle.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall and create a perception of myself as a failure. Within this I realize that by marking myself as a failure when I fall, I am creating myself as a failure and creating a spiral of negativity as I move my thoughts into living application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I manifest my negative thoughts about myself (i.e. failure, doubt, general inability).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failure and to act within this fear by not acting so I won't have to risk failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define failure as bad/negative, not realizing how my perception of failure is what is keeping me from transforming a fall into a moment of learning and growth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize myself within resistance energy as I look for excusable, desirable distractions/deviations from my intention to responsibly apply myself within work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it is difficult to stay focused and that this is because of reasons that are outside of my control / creation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my positively charged desires and my negatively charged resistances. I commit myself to realizing my responsibility for the internal movements that are charged +/- instead of subscribing to the illusion that these forces are out of my control / jurisdiction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be moved by internally charged relationships without fully understanding why I am moving myself. I commit myself to continue bringing awareness to situations where I do not fully understand my motivations behind behavioral inclinations.

When and as I see myself mentally processing to find a justification for something that would take me away from my work, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is the critical moment where I may decide abdicate the responsibility of self-direction by giving into the persuasive, internal, energetic game of tug-o-war, or to stand up within the stability of myself and exercise my ability to direct myself in each and every here-moment.

I commit myself to the realization that I am so very able to stop the energetic movement of resistance / desirable distraction. This internal movement is an energy program that I had, indeed, set into motion at some point in my past. I must take responsibility for my creation. I will release the programming that no longer suits my interest, which has shifted from solely self-interest, to now include what's in the best interest of ALL. I commit myself to release my outdated energetic programming with living self-forgiveness statements.

AND NOW, this is the point of achievement. This is the point of success. This is the moment of truth:

Who am I in the critical moment?

I commit myself to practicing the living application of the awareness, realizations and insight that I arrive at through writing in my Journey to Life blog.

I commit myself to show others the purpose of the Journey to Life blog is to prepare for actual, living self-change by practically applying myself in the process of bringing self-awareness through into living self-correction.

Flickr credit

Day 260 - Breaking through the Wall

This is going to be a free flow writing to bring in more perspective on this wall of resistance. I have begun to solidify my realization that I do not require to let the feeling and emotions control me (Day 253 - Post Breaking Point). Even as I sit and write this entry several hours earlier than usual, the experience of distraction tendency/energy is all over the place.

I sit to write and BAM, I hit the resistance wall. Now, through all of my writing, as I described on Day 253, I am becoming able to direct myself instead of simply reacting. In most, if not all, of my prior experiences of hitting this wall, I would let the wall knock me on my ass.

I would suppress the fact that I need to get through the wall. I would distract myself with an array of alternative activities from media to food, even exercise. I try to ignore the wall, divert my attention, and ideally, still remain productive, taking on other mini-walls or whatever.

The only time I would put in the effort to overcome the wall was if I justified it with a need to do so. Usually this was time. "If I don't do it now, I'm screwed." And this life methodology was way more consequential than I ever realized. I created survival situations to motivate myself. Compounding laziness.

As I wrote about yesterday, all I cared about was moving fast. Instead of realizing who I am in relation to the wall and to breaking through the wall, I suppressed that and started running along the wall, hurdling the easy stuff (secondary tasks) until I was forced to face the wall.

Solution:  Examine my relationship to the wall.

For example:
What do I believe the wall is made of? A powerful energy
Who will I be on the other side? Unburdened 
Who am I by remaining within the current relationship with the wall? Weak
What does that say about me? Submitting to a force
Is the wall really more powerful than I? No, because I am able.
Did I create the wall somewhere along the way? Yes, because it's an internal relationship
What will it take to get through it? Perseverance
What will it take to completely remove the wall? ...

The wall is a residual energy of resistance. When I am forced to overcome the wall via some external force, the wall has won. The purpose of the wall is to delay me. So every subsequent wall of resistance is the same wall, the same internal relationship with procrastination. The only way to permanently remove the wall is by releasing my definition of it, as that which holds it in place and substantiates it.

This is interesting. It's time to get walking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the wall is a greater force, and not realize myself as the creator of the wall, equal and one.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to submit to the wall, not realizing what this suppression means as a completion of the cycle and purpose of the wall (aka. the wall wins)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as weak/unable in relation to the wall and the resistance energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rather suppress who I am in relation to the wall than to stand and disintegrate the wall.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I can disintegrate the wall by removing the self-defined relationships that substantiate it.

When and as I see myself facing the wall, I stop I breathe. I realize what this wall is. It is a residual energetic programming that I created over time so that I could remain in a positive (easy) experience of myself. I commit myself to exposing the underlying dynamics of my relationship to this wall of resistance.

When and as I see myself within a feeling of "not wanting to do this right now," while scanning for distractions, I stop I breathe. I realize this moment is the breaking point. I commit myself to showing the wall what I'm made of. I am physical substance. The energy cannot and will not direct me without my acceptance and allowance. In this process, I become aware of how energy typically moves me, I forgive myself for allowing it to, and I commit myself to the application of oneness and equality.

When I say I commit myself to the application of oneness and equality, I mean I am not longer going to just allow my wall to stand as a more powerful energy. I am the wall. I am the consequences of the wall. Will I continue to accept myself as this, or will I assert myself as equal and one with the physical reality that is here as me?

When and as I see myself trying to suppress the wall and divert my attention to other 'worthy' tasks/activities, I stop I breathe. I realize that the wall isn't going to go away if I keep feeding into it like this. I commit myself to breathe and move, as I did today when sitting down to write my blog before the time pressure forced me to do so. As I breathe and move, I am realigning myself as the authority of the physical to build an existence that is best for all.

When and as I see myself sitting down next to the wall, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am not moving to get through the wall because the wall of energy manifested an excuse or justification within me to not try. I commit myself to patiently removing the wall brick by brick, pattern by pattern, until it is done.

photo credit

Related articles

• Day 228 - Becoming Consistent with Focus
• Day 241 - The Path of Least Resistance
• Day 249 - Getting Grounded in the Physical
• Day 250 - Dangerous Desire
• Day 252 - Where Rubber Hits the Road

Day 258 - How can I make a Commitment more Real? Part 5

TO SELF, FOR SELF

There is a noticeable distinction between just typing a bunch of commitments because I need to get my blog finished by midnight vs. speaking commitments aloud, on my own time, for myself.

This brings up an interesting point: I've set a goal to write everyday and I've externalized this by placing a time for which I may allow myself to procrastinate until. Interesting how I have ingrained procrastination into my work ethic (stay tuned for blogs to come).

Speaking and actually meaning a commitment within a self-honest starting point, is vastly different, and I now realize how under-practiced I am at this. In a recent blog (Day 255), I committed to breathing before I write each commitment statement and made a note at how different that is than just streaming commitment sentences like a typing machine. I'm reiterating this point. I had a doubt that I would remember to do that, and today, I not only remember that commitment, I'm putting my foot down and solidifying this

I commit myself to realize who I am here in a single breath, with my attention on all that is here of me, when and as I make a commitment to myself.
--
Something else that just came up is how I've not been thoroughly considering what' going on inside of me. Like, I can't just go and commit to always living in alignment with what's best for all, when I haven't even given myself the chance to understand the conflicting forces that are at work.

(Breathing)
I commit myself to being patient with myself to understand what is at play inside of me. What is making a commitment challenging? Where am I, when I am not able to be consistent within a commitment? These sorts of things require attention before I go willy-nilly with commitment statements.

I commit myself to stop dishing out self-commitments like they're going out of style. This is me I'm talking about. Why shortcut myself? Investigate that DAN!!

I commit myself to becoming the director of my writing and my voice.

I commit myself to begin verbalizing, sounding my commitments and self-forgiveness.

When and as I see myself rushing through this process, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am doing myself a disservice by delaying/short-cutting within my JTL efforts. I commit myself to giving myself the time to really investigate all dimensions of each and every point.

This will take time. I commit myself to walking process. I leave you with a quote:

"Failure is delay, but not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead-end street."
- William Arthur Ward

photo source unknown 

Day 244 - Where has my Attention Gone?

Continuing from yesterday, I am expanding here on how my attention like to wander. I realize that each individual instance of attention wandering may have various, specific points that require my attention, ha. So the basis of all my self-investigation work requires that I be attentive to what takes my attention away.

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I have labeled myself as having ADD, but what that actually entails, I have not thoroughly investigated. To define it, once and for all, Attention Deficit Disorder is, in my experience of it, an agility of thought that moves on to the next thought rapidly and frequently. I can pay attention to something for a long time if I need to/want to, but usually I just don't want to. So, ADD for me is kind of a positive mind state seeking. I want to be engaged with the next thought. That's the positive definition that I have utilized to cope with "ADD."

The negative side is how the willingness to not give too much attention to any one thing causes much unfinished business. I tend to have a difficult time with long and tedious work, and usually just let my mind jump around until I must stay focused (i.e. procrastination & delay patterns). When I used to smoke weed, my attention was diverted continuously within a favorable experience, and the primary consequence was a trail of unfinished work/projects/pursuits. I don't blame the flower, but it did positively amplify the experience of my attention frolicking.

So, this point of establishing a stable attention within myself and in reference to my own self-honesty that is here in every single breath is not going to be as simple and straight forward as I would like it to be. What I've liked is the "freedom" of a wandering attention. This is a major key: realizing that this "freedom" is not real freedom. It's more accurately a predictable out flow of lack of self-control over my attention. My willingness to jump around with whatever is impulsed my way is like the ultimate programming, isn't it? I've opened myself up to psychological attacks from the media, namely,sex and money appeal, but even just now the bag of cookies that my brother just put in front of my face (impulse) caused an internal debate that lead to an imagination and mouth watering that took over control and I ate a damn cookie. In this specific case, I realize that I need to investigate several dimension of my sugar eating character.

Bottom line: establishing a consistent self-awareness of myself AS my attention will be a great benefit to my discipline. Enough prelude.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed with the alternative attention outlet such that I build up an internal friction-energy that takes me away from my self-attention. So, a key realization here is that what I am correcting is my relationship to the individual subjects/objects of attention that seem to take me over.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself go within an energy experience overlay onto whatever is calling for my attention without me considering who I am within that movement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here with myself as breath in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that my self-attention is who I am, and within this, every time my attention is diverted, I am responsible for that, it was my decision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility and self-awareness when I become distracted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose myself within a series of attention grabs. In this my sense of awareness of self, of my breath, is nonexistent.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget about my breath of life as who I am in every moment when I blindly follow whatever catches my attention.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my directive power away to whatever distraction that I have deem as interesting. In this process, I am not creating a self-honest agreement in relation to relinquishing my attention from one thing to the next. I am merely within a reactive, predictably programmed mind experience that I had once created within myself from a starting point of self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define all self-interested pursuits as valuable and worthy of my attention  not realizing that through this program, I am placing control of my attention outside of myself as I passively seek fulfillment of this desire, which is the base program of my automatic attention diversion acceptances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to intentionally become distracted because I am experiencing resistance to what is here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not always be present with my breath, what is here, and what requires to be done.
--
When and as I see myself within the friction of an internal debate for my attention, I remember to stop and breathe. I realize that if I am with my breath, I may take into consideration a stable perspective and make a real self-directed decision. I commit myself to stop allowing my attention to move with distractions when I become aware of my who I am as my breath. I commit myself to moving from a common sense starting point, and when I am in discord with that, I commit myself to investigate my relationship to whatever had grabbed my attention without permission.

When and as I see myself in a series of attention diversion, I stop I breathe. I realize that I need to start writing down all the distractions, so that I can remember and analyze what I deem is worthy of my attention. I commit myself to the self-honest investigation of all attention grabs.

When and as I see myself deliberately moving into a distraction, I stop I breathe until I am stable. I realize that this is just a well embedded system of conscious diversion. I commit myself to breathing through the resistance that lead me to make a deliberate choice to go into a distraction from whatever I was currently facing.

When and as I see myself in a loss of directive control of my attention, I stop I breathe. I realize I need to investigate the specifics of each particular attention preference that I have coded into my mind. I commit myself to bring myself back to my hereness with my breath, so that I may once again stand up and direct my attention to what is here, what requires to be done to create a world that is best for all.

Thank you.

Day 162 - "Prior Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance"

[Continued from yesterday]

So, I found that this generational wisdom from my father's father has many more variations, and this shook my dad's world a bit, haha. Regardless, the point is the same: Planning Promotes Performance. So, if I am here to perform to the best of my ability, planning is an essential ingredient that I have not been paying too much attention to. I've been writing a general, day plan/to-do list the night prior for about a month, but I've not been keeping myself accountable to complete each task...much like idealized intentions. It's time to get serious with each moment of planning, so that I lay down actual self-direction.

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This is the point of it all. I'm in my Journey to Life, figuring out how to direct myself effectively by forgiving where and when I am not, moving to the next layer of 'why' and continuing to locate where, when and why I've allowed myself to fear myself and separate myself from the oneness and equality that is of life, so I can ultimately stand as a stable expression of what's best for all. Cool, huh? Step by step, layer before layer, I walk for me / for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to plan my day without consideration of exactly how I intend to accomplish each item.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to shy away from my tasks because I set them as higher/greater than my actual, physical ability of what I am able to accomplish.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my actual, physical ability, and create idealized to-do lists to which I react with overwhelmingness and end up stressed out and under performing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to set a plan and not follow through because of my habitual allowance of resistance guiding me toward the easiest route in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to the resistance pull without making an effort to understand all of the energetic factors at play.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise my time and so ability to practically accomplish set goals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set goals within a 'perfect day' and separate myself from the responsibility of the completing the work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to all around skip the planning step and wonder why my day didn't amount to anything, hiding from myself so I wouldn't have to face my irresponsibility.

When and as I see myself moving along my day without intention or grounded goal accomplishment, I stop I breathe. I realize that I must have an action plan to complete large tasks, and that time budgeting is essential to planning accomplishment. I commit myself to realizing a plan of action when I am just going with the flow.

When and as I see myself faltering on a plan, I stop, breathe and asses what's going on within me. I ask, "Why?" Upon finding the point of resistance, I conduct Self-forgiveness in that moment. I realize that all resistance isn't easily overcome in one moment, and I commit myself to writing out the entire construct of resistance, so that I may see what's going on, and write a new law for myself to live by.

When and as I see myself creating a set of idealized intentions, I stop I breathe. I realize that only a practical plan can be carried through into completion. I commit myself to standing equal to and one with my intentions, living with them, and bringing them to life by successfully utilizing them to complete any task I set as part of who I am.

In the morning, I commit myself to bundling together my continual intentions and work goals, and from that creating and action plan. If not in writing, then with self-honesty I will carry me through the completion of each prioritized task. I realize that when I am not on track, I must take that essential breath and collect myself in the moment to set the direction of self and go!

When I mess up, I stop and breathe. Set a stable agreement with myself in relation to my work, to effectively make tangible progress within a agreed amount of time.

When and as I see myself falling off the ball, I remember to breathe and regain balance through the actualization of self-responsibility as who I am here. Thanks

Day 147 - Becoming Self-Honest

Q: What does this look like?

A: Every thought is considered.

When existing within the energy of a thought, it's like you just go with it, not taking a moment to breathe and see the thought in the entirety of its creation. We don't typically understand how the thought came up. We don't even like to take responsibility for them, often blaming the external reality as the cause of the thought.

We tend to miss the point of self in relation to the thought, and just go with the thought as if it is us, or we own it. Yes. We take ownership of our thoughts and conceptualize self in separation from what we think. This can look like judgment, fear, love, etc.

The point is, if we don't consider every thought, how can we be trusted as equal creators of the external reality. Our internals are so messed up with layers upon layers of self-deception within fear that we hide from thy neighbors. We are co-creators, one with all. Self-responsibility is essential.

Q: How does self-honesty come about?

A: Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider each thought as equal and one with myself as the creator, and to have instead simply allowed myself to exist within the feeling or emotion that was associated with the thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to selectively focus on the thoughts that produced the most positive feelings and within this miss where I am in relation to the thoughts while I ride the positive feeling for as long as I can through selective thinking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to engage in a negative thought-train whilst completely forgetting about my breath, not realizing that I've left reality to indulge in fear-based what ifs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get deeper and more specific, focusing most of my attention thus far on the general aspects of thought design.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the negative emotion of self-judgment for not being effective within my corrective writing because I have shied away from thorough and specific, self-honest investigation of one particular thought design at a time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect failure to not seeing quick results.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear moving slowly, not realizing why I desire to move quickly through this process of self-correction and alignment with best-for-all interest.

I see here that I've opened several points that can be taken much deeper to reach a thoroughness that I have not yet before pushed myself to do. The list:
- desire to move quickly through process
- fear of failure
- self-judgment
- lacking specificity and depth
- fear of future within what-if thought-trains
- selective thinking / thought suppression
- riding in the emotion/feeling --> not considering origin of thought

In self-honesty, I commit myself to the process of real-time assessment of:
- Why a particular thought comes up?
- Why did I allow myself to participate in the experience of the thought?
- What connections can I make to this thinking pattern?

In self-honesty, the answers to these questions should come easily. To promote self-honesty within and as me, I have to take the answers and follow through with them. Once I locate the pattern and it's components, I commit myself to writing and moving through self-forgiveness. As the layers open up, I continue, I persist.

I commit myself to showing all that I am self-responsible within my application of self-purification for self and all in creating best for all play-outs and correcting self-interested acts/speech that is dependent on energy in polarity where the other must lose so I can win.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to not see, realize and understand that best for all, as a way of life, is also self-interest. I realize that spite, and ego rewarding acts/speech is the self-interest that must come to an end within becoming self-honest. I commit myself to realizing how I am one with my thoughts, one with my neighbors, family and strangers, one with all life here on earth, etc. Until it is done. Until I can be proud of this existence as a whole. Until then, no bullshit. I will be watching my participation, until it is in alignment with oneness and equality. Then I participate strictly within the physical as breath, as utter self-honesty, where all thoughts are related to physical reality. Until I am directing self and thought as self here.

Still confused about Self-Honesty? There are some intensely supportive people on the forums. If you want to assist yourself with guided structure, I highly recommend this FREE course.

See you here.

Day 135 - Overwhelmingness vs. Delay

Through this process of self-investigation, I'm running out of places to hide. Actually, I'm finding that I have no place to hide. Every time I run, within self-honesty, I see myself.

So, with the increasing awareness, I am left starring at whatever I accept and allow. This is especially relevant with how I spend my time. When I take a breath and see that I've allowed myself to unexpectedly throw away the last 2 hours playing a silly video game, I get angry with myself instead of correcting the behavioral pattern. I am equipped with the tools to address this point of overwhelmingness vs. delay, and it's time to put time back in my hands.

This point is remarkably large. Even this statement is about this point is loaded with the opportunity to become overwhelmed and then delay addressing it, haha. This cyclical pattern is a really great example of a point in polarity where I bounce back and forth without any resolution, generating friction and energy that often manifests as self-anger / self-judgement, and the cycle is recharged. I am responsible for this perpetual polarity experience through my allowance within me. I can't just blame my parents for teaching it to me and have it go away. So I stand up for myself by taking responsibility for what I allow, and release it like this:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed by the polarity point of delay-overwhelmed, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I'm perpetuating the cycle through participating in the experience and allowing the friction/energy outlet as self-anger.

When and as I see myself becoming frustrated with myself for what I have allowed, I stop and breathe. I realize that I can write it out, and so write myself to freedom with the tool of self-forgiveness within self-honesty. I commit myself to stop running and trying to hide. I commit myself to addressing my allowance of participating in these experiences of being overwhelmed, giving up (as delay), and frustration with myself through the application of writing within this process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become angry with myself for allowing myself to continue along a path of self-compromise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how I've been cycling within a polarity bound experience, generating an energy that acts as a positive feedback loop.

I commit myself to stopping the cycle within my breath, so that I may write about the pattern and ultimately establish self-trust within directing myself through space and time!

I commit myself to breathe when I get angry with myself. I realize this as self-judgment and understand it as being the opposite of self-supportive.

I commit myself to the thorough investigation of this point, and to no longer delay addressing it and all the related outflows of delay through fear behind the experience of being overwhelmed. I realize now that in moving through a multitude of fears, I generate the experience of being overwhelmed for which the simplest solution is to suppress, delay and focus on happy thoughts. I commit myself to the wholesome perspective of self honesty through space and time.

Delay is no longer a viable option. Bring it on resistance! I'm armed with self-forgiveness.

Thanks for reading.

photo from

Day 131 - Fear of stopping

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stopping the positively charged indulgences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stopping the negatively associated indulgences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stopping the mind and ending the pursuit of a higher energetic experience stimulus.

^ This is the point that I want to capture. It's broadly applied as the ending of the seeking a positive reward. A bunch of things come up. For me the first ones that come up are: taste of candy, taste of certain foods, sexual orgasm, winning video games, feeling of tobacco/drugs/alcohol, looking physically fit, successful status in society, parents, and peers eyes, and so on.

The problem with these experiences is that they dominate my time. If I'm being self-honest and responsible within my relationship to completing work, I can certainly still allow myself to enjoy life.  So the real issue here is self-direction vs mind-direction.  The moment of allowing my mentally impulsed desire to manifest into decision, directing me, instead of me moving from the awareness of my breath and doing what I know needs to be done. How do I know what needs to be done?

It's all about building structures of support for myself and then for others. Building support structures within the principle of Best for All, is it. So, when my time is being directed by my mind to get a simple positive reward, I realize I am mind-controlled. I commit myself to standing up within my desire, just as a fear, and laughing at it, giving perspective to it, and breathing...I stop I breathe.

And when the common sense direction isn't clear, I ask myself:

How can I best use my time right now that is supportive to myself, and ultimately all?

..to be continued.

Day 119 - Imagined Futures of Grandeur

Photo from flickr

Today I re-realized a long running pattern of thought-separation. I place myself in imaged futures of grandeur and hardly ever make efforts to manifest them. Having many imagined possible futures for myself without any real commitment, I call being 'overly ambitious'. There is a very positive feeling association when I imagine myself in a possible future where I am a successful, big shot in whatever field I'm think of in that moment; however, within this head play I never take the time to imagine how I will get there or which practical steps to take. This point was briefly opened up on Day 13 - Relationship with Future Self, where I address

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself by imagining many future selves and thinking that I could be all or many of them, without taking any responsibility for creating myself in alignment to these visions.

I commit myself to begin practically directing my thoughts to prioritize which steps I'll be taking towards which goals. I realize that I have many goals, and to narrow and focus which ones I actually want to pursue will be a process, and by giving myself the time and patience, I will be able to direct myself more effectively than continually allowing thoughts to just rush around in my head. Choosing which passions to pursue is a seemingly dreadful task.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the thought/feeling that focusing my life path is dreadful or scary. I realize that my mind makes up this feeling-orientation, and it only stands as an obstacle or procrastination excuse.

I commit myself to living my physical self-direction, to stop the thought storm, and get to work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize, or understand that I am not these future projections of myself, and also underestimate the actual effort of physically walking toward accomplishing these great goals.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am these future projections without having to do any of the work, and so by participating in the imagination in this way, I am removing myself from the realization that I must work to achieve.

I commit myself to stop amplifying the image of myself and my ability in separation from who I am in actuality, here, breathing, doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a dreamer in separation from a doer.

I commit myself to doing my dreams, and stopping the lofty ideals as potential, great accomplishments.

When and as I see myself becoming overwhelmed with the thoughts of life directions and future selves, I stop  I breathe. I realize that to stop separating myself from the million future selves / possible career paths, I must walk within a practical application. My life direction will unfold with me through this process of self-discovery. The more I write, the more clarity I will gain within myself, and I commit myself to the steadfast application of forgiveness of self to quiet the ambition storm.

Day 110 - Laying down agreements

The first agreement was to meet tomorrow and establish some agreements.

When she agreed to try to establish some agreements between each other, my reaction was of satisfaction. I was pleased that she was willing to meet on my terms. This feeling of satisfaction is clearly self-deception of ego. I felt more comfortable and open, knowing that she doesn't reject my notion of "doing things the hard way" as I also spoke of "standard relationships being the easy way."

I'm so very uncomfortable writing about this topic, let alone speaking about it with her or anyone. I partially realize the benefits of establishing agreements with others, but I prevent myself from trying, because of this awkward feeling. There's nothing cool or fake about establishing agreements. It real, grounded, and clear. I still have to work through some barriers/resistance to the process because I'm still heavily conditioned to hide my feelings and only selectively present myself toward another to receive the highest self-benefit. Pretty interesting how hiding my feelings has caused huge divides between myself and a woman, though not apparently so. It was hidden.

Ok, so because I'm still learning about agreements, I'm going to direct you to two great blog posts on the topic that have helped me to clarify, so far, what I am thinking about enacting: maitedip.blogspot.com/search/label/agreement

And now for a little forgiveness:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek a sexual partner within a hazy desire to calm the storm within me, where I look for and provide comfort. Come into my fort vs Come forth (the second blog about agreement by Maite), is two vastly different perceptions of comfort. Am I providing a fort for her to hide from herself in? Or am I seeking refuge from facing myself within my continued desire to be with a girl? Will I have the courage to come forth within self-honesty, speaking every practical point of self/other support?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I have been seeking a girlfriend, in part, to re-energize my ego as I attempt to further separate myself from the thoughts as fear and insecurities; as if, I was able to gain by presenting a pretty, painted picture of myself  to her that she would validate, and all would be fine and dandy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish I was back in my past where life was easy, great, fun, and simple when I had a girlfriend with whom I never revealed my intentions were not to stay together forever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not push through the uncomfortableness of speaking and not figure out why I"m having trouble speaking an honest expression of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I "won't do it right" (establish agreements correctly).

--

I commit myself to recognizing when the backchat of "won't do it right" is holding me back from acting, where I will then apply self-forgiveness...I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be petrified of being wrong or inadequate, such that it becomes a barrier to success/trying.

This fear of doing something or someone wrongly is intense. But that doesn't mean I'm going to back down. Rather, set the program: seek and destroy all thoughts related to "need to be right"
It's going to take some time. "Right," is who I've decided I want to be from a prety early age...interestingly, also existed a continued pattern of wanting to hide that I am always right. I guess this was to protect me from being wrong...haha, oh boy!

Again, one-step at a time. Set agreements with self and others. Keep slowing down until I can feel my breath. In any given moment, I breathe to stop the overwhelmingness or drive to make the world fit into my design. Knockin' down points, point by point...even now, I want to type a growl out into my computer as the energy of this paragraph has be worked up - overwhelmed. I breathe, and focus on the moment of what gets done next. Thanks. See ya tomorrow.

Day 109 - Self-Honesty in a relationship

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to compromise my self-honesty within a relationship so that I won't hurt her feelings or damage the positive image of myself in her eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my thoughts/opinions about another in a relationship, essentially dragging it on within a fear of her opinion of my opinion.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that my plan to increase my attractiveness as the male ego is only taking me into consideration and not the other person, so I forgive myself for allowing me to carve the path for the ego as me with total disregard for the other individual as an equal being.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear speaking honesty in a relationship through the fear of compromising my ego-image of being liked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place emphasis on me and my self image only within dating women, where I hide my true intentions that are self-interested.

I forgive myself that I allow and accept myself to support hiding within myself and the girl by spending time on the surface level and just allowing the backchat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enter into the backchat of my mind that is typically fear-based, and then not speak it to preserve my self-image.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to leave behind my awareness of the moment when with a girl as I go into thoughts of fear, insecurity and weakness. I hide these thoughts because they would compromise positive image of my ego that I believe myself to be and wish to project to have others see. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that who I am in the physical reality as touch and the words I speak is stable, and any fears that I have under the surface are of mind and not real.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to support the image of myself and the other, not realizing that by supporting our egos, I am supporting the lies and suppression in a journey into the common relationship. I forgive myself for not allowing me to unconditionally support what's best for all in every moment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to get share the perspective of self-honesty and running agreements when entering a relationship in fear that I will not get sex and/or hurt someone's feelings.

--


When and as I see myself leave the awareness of the physical to move into thoughts, I stop I breathe. When I'm with another, I realize that the backchat is not supporting what's best for both. I commit myself to slowing down my thoughts and speaking with self-honesty. The supportive points that I wish to share can't go unsaid, because that is the point where I am really supporting the dishonesty as movement into another self-centered relationship.

I commit myself to stop thinking about my self-image as superior and more important that supporting both equally.

I commit myself to uncovering, peeling back and revealing where I have hidden my true intentions within a relationship especially related to sex and ego.

I commit myself continue writing and sharing with others the points I find related to ego-oriented relationshiping.

I commit myself to the courage to share the 'scary' thoughts and push through the resistance to speak self-honestly, and when I am unable to do so, I commit myself to writing about the point to discover the fears in play and delete them with self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to stop worrying about how other's see me as this only supports the ego. Rather, I focus on breathing and speaking out of consideration for all and what's best for all.

I've already committed to self-honesty, so I commit myself to pursue the points where I still allow myself to be dishonest with self/other. This will take time, but this is not an excuse to support a standard relationship formation for unspoken self-interested reasons. PLAY IT SLOW DAN.

I commit myself to slowing down, and supporting myself with another within agreements to support each other as equals, as life.

photo credit: Joe Kou

Thanks and stay tuned. This relationship-agreement dynamic is probably going to get more juicy before it stabilizes as my expression of self-honesty in support of the best for both, as life. Woooo!

Related:

• Day 107 - Relationship vs. Agreement

Day 106 - Living in Delay

I sit down, and after a few moments of thinking about what to write today, boom! I went right into delay. Mind races to find any 'good' excuse to get up and walk away from my computer. First idea, smoke a cigarette, second, go to the bathroom, third, finish doing the laundry, and for that I got up. I emptied my clean laundry into a basket brought it half way up the stairs and realized what I've been doing. IT'S THE SAME MODE I'VE BEEN IN THROUGHOUT SCHOOL. Wait until the last minute, because I can and because I can get lots of unrelated work done when I put off the important/primary work. I've had a consistent pattern of using delay as motivation to get other stuff done. Anything that I would deem important was better than facing the work in front of me.

I'm on a delay kick because it's becoming more and more clear with writing about it. I write that my mind makes diversion attempts to avoid the negative experience of doing work, and the next day I catch my mind doing just that! Writing --> Awareness. Cool.

Thanks to Anna for her vlog response to my Day 105, I was able to really get a sense for the community at large who all share this point of procrastination. So, it is my specific experience of this point that I will write about, as my experience is the composition of the pictures in my mind that must be released. I commit to move myself through the correction within the application of my writing. To stay focused and specific is my goal here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of other viable/justifiable options of behavior when I approach the space to do work, not realizing my mind within polarity, labeling work as negative and frantically looking for a positive experience. Within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see what I'm precisely doing as covering up the fears* through delay into a positive reward behavior, like getting other work done or playing with friends, etc.

*Fears = fear of not completing my work sufficiently is primary here, which is strange because through this fear, I have aversion to doing work, causing me to produce work that's often less than sufficient. The fear manifests itself through my participation within it... More investigation on this will ensue.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make excuses and justifications for the activities I choose to do within delaying my primary objective, not realizing that in so doing, I'm compromising myself in being able to work effectively.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my experience of myself working as negative, and in this hiding myself from the enjoyable flow of work that I have also, often experienced.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I just procrastinate my work, I can focus on the enjoyment of my positive distractions, and skip quickly past the misery of rushed work, and then focus on the positive reward of having the work done, not realizing that this whole experience is orchestrated by me as a fear of work being a difficult and negative experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define work as a difficult and negative experience within an assumption. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project an assumption of work as a negative experience before I ever even gave myself the chance to approach the work without bias.

Refocusing: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue within a distraction without realizing the importance of applying myself effectively within the work that I am avoiding. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not investigate why I am in a state of avoidance with the work I choose to delay with distractions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blur my thoughts/feelings and make a hazy decision to delay my responsibilities.


When and as I see myself making a hasty decision to move into a distraction, I stop I breathe. I realize that this form of self-dishonesty renders me ineffective in accomplishing my daily responsibilities. This is not acceptable.

I commit myself to investigating the negative point within facing my work.

I commit myself to stopping the distraction attempts through realizing what they are, and why they pop into mind.

I commit myself to approaching work without bias through a patient process of investigating the nature of the work that I have a reaction to, so that I no longer support my assumption/projection of negativity onto work that I have not yet done.

I commit myself to stop justifying bullshit. Self-honestly prioritize actions, then act.

I commit myself to examining the energies that might take me out of my mode of effectively addressing the work I have placed in front of me.

Photo credit

Related articles

• Day 105 - Some cool Self-Forgiveness for the Resistance fire
• Day 104 - Walking through resistance
• Day 103 - Slowing down process

Day 25 - The social appeaser

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard my own intentions, concerns and desires when in the presence of others that I want to like me because I am overly concerned with their judgments of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and surmise others' thoughts/judgments toward me by using my self judgment as a guessing framework and also from various points of information collected about the particular relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use information to define my relationships with others.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize the power of just being myself, one and equal with my breath, my mind, the other person's mind, as well as the other person's breath.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to dedicate lots of energy to becoming cool so that I might have an easier time in the social world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek that easy way out. < that's for another time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be honest with myself in expressing myself in every moment regardless of how I may perceive others' to perceive me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making negative impressions of myself within others' minds.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a feeling of discomfort when I haven't conformed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be affected by others' reactions to my expression; within this, I forgive me for accepting and allowing me to behave differently.

--

I commit myself to a self-honest expression of myself, meaning that others' opinions and reactions to me shall not hinder my freedom within common sense reason.

I commit myself to STOPPING the discomfort I create as an internal experience when others' interject their beliefs at me.

I commit myself to STOPPING trying to guess what others' might be thinking about me, so that I may remain here within and as my breath.

I commit myself to showing myself and equal respect/regard as I do for others.

I commit myself to not making snap judgments and not using limited information to judge another's character.

I commit myself to no longer defining relationships based on information. Nothing but what's here will be real. No mental BS telling me the way it is or is supposed to be, not any more

I commit myself to taking this stand, and catching my mind in action as to promote the most pure relationships with others and myself, equally.