Day 457 - Training for Physical Reality

In my last post, I spoken into a belief that "posting once a day would be too much, or too difficult for me." While I have my reasons and justifications for this, I also see the reality that I could be posting nearly everyday. So, with both perspectives in mind, I decided to make the leap and commit to writing every day last month. What I found by challenging myself, and failing = worth the effort!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trying something because I fear failure. When and as I see myself shying away from something within a mindset of fearing to fail, I stop, I breathe. I realize that nothing gets done when I stagnate with fear of failure, manifesting a failed opportunity of a life I could have lived. I commit myself to facing my fear of failure, embracing the lessons of failure, and carrying on with Self creation in the absence of fear (creation).

--

Note: if I really had to or wanted to, I could stop my post here, and call it a day. Just one example-reason that I really have no valid excuse to not post on the daily.

Every reason for why I don't write every day, is linked to escapism. Writing and posting these 7-year-journey-to-life blogs is an effort of facing myself. Facing all the resistances and fears that come up along the way. Sometimes, I really don't want to look at myself, and so I layer the excuses to be "ok" with it. Observing myself in this pattern this for so long now, I've really gotten ample chance to see how silly it is.

Why is it so silly?

If I try to separate myself from the awareness of what is, then I enter a timeloop of specific unawareness, only to come back to awareness eventually. This retards one's growth in self-awareness, and who wants that?

I, as the mind consciousness system, do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to orient to the mind and believe that my dealings in energy are more significant or important that my physical reality. When and as I see myself racing for an energy fix, I stop, I breathe. I realize that there is only one me, and that if I have conflicting priorities, I need to slow down, reconcile who I am and which reality I want to validate and honor. I commit myself to remember to check-in with my starting point awareness, and carefully examine the evolution of my perspective through time; so that I may reverse engineer it, understand who I am within it, and continue building an increasingly consistent and stable character.

--

I commit myself to honor and respect the physical laws of the universe.

I commit myself to embrace failure as a vital means of self-growth.

I commit myself to slow down to the pace of my breath, my body and my fingers (for typing), so that I may accomplish more substantial self-creation in the physical world.

I commit myself to ultimately be the director of my mind, instead of following energetic impulses that are inconsiderate of the physical world.

I commit myself to press on and recreate myself everyday! Cheers to a life worth living!

Day 429 - Fear of My Programming

As life's goes on, I too must move, for I am life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my programming is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not release my programming fast enough or in time with life's process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and as the mind, and fear the consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to circumvent consequence, instead of prevent consequence through self-correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see, realize and understand the inevitable connection between consequential behavior and the consequences that manifest later down the line.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the consequential outflow of my thought, word and deed from earlier in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear creating more consequence in the present moment, and NOT see, realize and understand how through fear I separate myself from my breath and directing myself within common sense in each here moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fear relationship to consequence, and through it, try to find ways out of it, instead of realizing, accepting and allowing it to manifest, and within this, embrace it, learn from it, and apply self-corrective application to prevent more of the same kind from being created.

--

When and as I see myself desiring to get out of paying for the consequences of my past participation, I stop, I breathe. I realize this universal law of cause and reaction can just as easily work for me, as it can against me.  I commit myself to accepting the consequences of my actions, favorable or not. And in realizing my responsibility within this, I commit myself to stop believing that I can circumvent the consequences of my creation.

When and as I see myself fearing that I will create negative consequence, I stop, I breathe. I remember my common sense consideration of all that is here, and I direct myself to express creation of positive consequence in the context of what is best for all. I commit myself to remember to breathe when anxiety comes up in relation to fearing messing something up and creating negative consequence.

When and as I see myself fearing the inevitable consequential outflow of my past participation in thought, word and deed, I stop, I breathe. I realize that the mistakes of my past will be the source of some of my greatest life lessons. I commit myself to embrace the manifested consequence in my life and learn as much as I can in facing myself this way.

When and as I see myself fearing that I am too much in the programming of my mind to move within and as life, I stop, I breathe. I realize this fundamental separation from the life in me, is literally killing me. I commit myself to recognizing myself in my breath, completely dropping the fear, and directing myself to (a) write out the programming that was coming up in that specific moment, and/or (b) move within self-authority, as life principle, to create best for all consequences.

Day 269 - Success and Failure pt.5

Continuing with:
Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success
Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1 - Imagination Dimension of Success
Day 266 - Success and Failure pt.2 - Opening Resistance to Success
Day 267 - Success and Failure pt.3 - Spiraling Distraction
Day 268 - Success and Failure pt.4 - Components of Resistance

Today's focus is letting go of my attachments to the design of resistance when I'm faced with work. I've already begun to bring awareness into the critical moment. Because of all the writing I've been doing on this point, I'm finally starting to slow down and stop the resistance driven movement and bring my attention back to the work that I am facing. My goal is to do this consistently. To accomplish this goal, I must not rely on hope or waiting for myself to get my act together because I realize that it is my active participation with myself that determines who I am as a directive principle of self. 'Hope' is a mental diffusion of responsibility. I can't wait any longer because I now realize how the design of waiting contributes to delay / procrastination.

Through this mini-series, I've come to a point where my awareness of what is here, as who I am in my relationship to work, and from here forward it is my responsibility to take the next step: Living the correction. I've not discovered and written about each and every point that is related to this character / behavior pattern, so when the specific points come up, I'll support myself by writing in my side journal to investigate why. By so doing, I am living the correction of active participation within my process of self-purification.

I commit myself to stop at no hurdle.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall and create a perception of myself as a failure. Within this I realize that by marking myself as a failure when I fall, I am creating myself as a failure and creating a spiral of negativity as I move my thoughts into living application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I manifest my negative thoughts about myself (i.e. failure, doubt, general inability).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failure and to act within this fear by not acting so I won't have to risk failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define failure as bad/negative, not realizing how my perception of failure is what is keeping me from transforming a fall into a moment of learning and growth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize myself within resistance energy as I look for excusable, desirable distractions/deviations from my intention to responsibly apply myself within work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it is difficult to stay focused and that this is because of reasons that are outside of my control / creation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my positively charged desires and my negatively charged resistances. I commit myself to realizing my responsibility for the internal movements that are charged +/- instead of subscribing to the illusion that these forces are out of my control / jurisdiction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be moved by internally charged relationships without fully understanding why I am moving myself. I commit myself to continue bringing awareness to situations where I do not fully understand my motivations behind behavioral inclinations.

When and as I see myself mentally processing to find a justification for something that would take me away from my work, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is the critical moment where I may decide abdicate the responsibility of self-direction by giving into the persuasive, internal, energetic game of tug-o-war, or to stand up within the stability of myself and exercise my ability to direct myself in each and every here-moment.

I commit myself to the realization that I am so very able to stop the energetic movement of resistance / desirable distraction. This internal movement is an energy program that I had, indeed, set into motion at some point in my past. I must take responsibility for my creation. I will release the programming that no longer suits my interest, which has shifted from solely self-interest, to now include what's in the best interest of ALL. I commit myself to release my outdated energetic programming with living self-forgiveness statements.

AND NOW, this is the point of achievement. This is the point of success. This is the moment of truth:

Who am I in the critical moment?

I commit myself to practicing the living application of the awareness, realizations and insight that I arrive at through writing in my Journey to Life blog.

I commit myself to show others the purpose of the Journey to Life blog is to prepare for actual, living self-change by practically applying myself in the process of bringing self-awareness through into living self-correction.

Flickr credit

Day 228 - Becoming Consistent with Focus

This is a continuation of Day 227 - Sticking to one mission at a time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am more productive when I multitask, and so feel compelled to do more than one thing at once.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be MORE THAN productive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that multitasking actually slows my productivity as I am not fully directing my side-tracking, rather bouncing from one thing to the next as if I am on auto-pilot.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek for and follow distractions when faced with a challenge or resistance within applying myself in the context of "work."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to simply let slide my reactions of resistance toward work, not realizing that each and every single movement is my responsibility as a statement of who I am / what I allow.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to bite my nails, eat candy, play video games, do laundry, do other work, when I am experiencing resistance toward a task, such as this JTL post.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize my decision to delay a task.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for the timely completion of a task through the thought "there is plenty enough time," not realizing how I am compromising my ability to do the primary task AND other work more effectively.
 --
When and as I see myself abdicating my responsibility to direct myself through playing the Victim Character of some externalized force such as ADD, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am responsible for all of my directions, preprogrammed or otherwise. I commit myself to the continual realization that I am responsible for every movement I make.
..I have a long way to go, but accumulation is the only way. One bite at a time. 1+1+1+1...

When and as I see myself multitasking, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have chosen to multitask because of a desire to be ultra-effective with my time. I commit myself to breathing and questioning if I am diminishing my effectiveness within a particular task.

When and as I see myself on productivity auto-pilot, I stop I breathe. I realize that I wasn't consciously directing myself and completely unaware of my breath. I commit myself to create a plan to get back to my original task if the current task is worth the current attention. No more task, to item, to interest, to video, to curiosity, to other side-track. This behavior leads me down a path that I did not intend. I commit myself to move with intention.

When and as I see myself moved by distractions such as nail biting, candy, fun, interest, I stop I breathe. I recognize the resistance. I commit myself to breathing until the resistance fades and to continue with the primary task. I commit myself to pushing through that resistance, and if necessary, to investigate how I have created a relationship toward a given task that yields that resistance.

When and as I see myself abusing time by putting off responsibility, I stop I breathe. I realize that what's actually going on inside of me is a reluctance to face a responsibility, and I have entered into an energy of resistance and allowed it to direct me within tiredness or some form of laziness. I commit myself to sit and breathe and get back on track, finish my objective, and plan for rest.

The key in all of this is to have a plan. A day plan. An hour plan. A project plan. A plan for multiple projects. There's no limit to how I organize/structure my time. The important element is that I do organize and structure my time, effort, and even sleep.

I commit myself to planning when and as I see myself moving from task to task, unplanned.

photo from flickr cc

Day 144 - Sleepy Delay

A common resistance expression: yawn!

It happens when I am tired and facing a point that I do not want to face, and I allow the tiredness to take me away from whatever it is, and I lie on the floor....like now....

....

...the next day. Here I am. haha

(There is a pattern of going into the resistance of that which I am facing, like I should indulge in it one last time before I address it)

To the point: This is a consequence of delaying my responsibilities until the later parts of the night. So, the tiredness can be justified from one perspective of needing rest; however, there are times when I move into a napping position, justifying it as necessary, but the starting point movement is within the resistance of not wanting to face the point at hand. The delay that's earlier in the day leads into this delay point's acceptance. Enough delaying..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delay points of responsibility for the night time within the ingrained habit of becoming serious with accomplishing work at that specific time because I can typically reserve it as 'alone time.'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a more effective worker at specific times of the day, where I allow myself to delay responsibility until those times based within a moodyness.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to dynamically adjust to work levels at any time, within the fresh starting point of any breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use sleep as an excuse to not face a point, with the background thought that "I can do it later, and later may not ever come, so I may not have to face this point."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dishonest with myself in hiding from me my true intentions of directing or not directing myself through a point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can escape the stress of the today's moment here, by falling asleep, where upon waking I am no longer faced with the same point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that sleeping off a point as such, only suppresses it, and I will always, eventually have to face myself in relation to any particular point.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to better manage my time in the day so that I am not stuck with a large workload at the end of the day.

I commit myself to better managing my time throughout the day and from day to day.

When and as I see myself yawning and desiring to sleep instead of finishing a task I've saved for the nigh time, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this diversion tactic is as effective as I allow. I commit myself to not allow myself to simply move to the floor for a "quick nap," and realize that this is a dishonest motion.

I commit myself to making stable agreements with myself in relation to when I accomplish work, so that if I am in fact too physically tired to keep writing, I will note where I am leaving off, intentionally fall asleep, and intentionally complete what I was doing when I wake and am ready to begin daily tasks.

I commit myself to no longer use sleep as a means to possibly escape a certain point through a dishonest attempt to sleep, break continuity, and keep moving on to other things.

I commit myself to working strong and only moving into sleep when it is not a manifestation of delay from being overwhelmed with not wanting to face a point such as reading, writing, editing, or anything work related. I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that sleeping will not make anything go away and rather only delay my progress in becoming self-responsible.

I commit myself to sleeping when it is necessary. And within that, I commit myself to not delay sleeping with the lack of acknowledging the consequences. I commit myself to keep understanding my delay points through writing until, I can be stable within my directive force of self, here. I commit myself to surely stop the mind's directive control through submitting to the easy way of escapism.

This is a tough point, but that's exactly what my mind wants me to think, so that I am less likely to take back the directive control of my life as life.

The various points of self in relation to sleeping requires further investigation. Stay tuned..

from: wikimedia commons

Related articles

• Day 140 - Delay Point Expounded
• Day 141 - Establishing Self-Leadership
• Day 142 - '"I got time to delay"
• Day 143 - Behavior Perpetuating Behavior