Day 378 - Redefining LOVE

I've investigated this topic enough to confidently restructure or redefine what LOVE is to me. I'll start by describing what love seemed like to me before I ever knew I could consciously define this inner experience, implying that I subconsciously defined it from the examples in my life.

In my Day 375 - What is Love?! (Baby Don't Hurt Me) post, I briefly described some of the experiences that I associated with LOVE, but there is more dimensions to it. One example that comes to mind is this sense of care and completion. A past girlfriend I had seemed to provide this feeling of fullness in my chest. It was very relaxing and enjoyable. I never experienced "head-over-heels" love or "This is the One" love. Every one of my relationships in my past never contained that perfect mutual experience of love that you see in the movies. I never fully trusted my feeling of LOVE because it was never solid or stable.

My journey through all the emotions and feelings associated with LOVE could be written about for a very long time, but the underlying theme was instability. The relationship dramas of positive feelings and negative consequences all stemming from desires and fears all seems like water under the bridge given a bit of time. This alone should be enough to question the validity of mainstream/Hollywood love, despite how real it can seem in a single moment.

The Desteni message rather harshly kicked me in the face with some common sense perspectives I resisted extensively while I was still enthralled in my pursuit and desire of perfect love. I wanted to be special and awesome, and then have that be validated by a significant other. Desteni put me in my place with the reality that I'm not just automatically special. I'm just a consciousness programmed (ego) to think I'm special so I can justify abusing and mistreating others in My Name. So in relation to LOVE, I was willing to give it only if I would get it in return. My love was conditional. I gave it to get a particular feeling I desired. Bluntly, it was a game. This is not LOVE.

LOVE is only real if it is stable and inclusive of all beings in the world. Think about it. Unconditional LOVE can't be defined or determined by just a few people in your immediate world and reality. Then it would be dependent on those people. Essentially, you would be blaming them for causing your experience of LOVE or HATE. To stabilize LOVE, it must be rooted in and as Self. It must be an expression of Self that is not dependent on external circumstances.

True LOVE is supporting Self and Others, equally as one, to reach our highest potential of ability and expressive capacity in the physical world. I am learning how to really LOVE for the first time in my life. In the agreement-relationship that I am now in, my life partner and I are supporting each other to specify and define our expression of LOVE in this world. It's a process, and it's taking a lot of work. It's not easy or automatic like a mind consciousness system instigated relationship love. It's a commitment. Whatever the challenge, we are able to communicate and find the solution.

"an ‘Agreement’ is Not something that is ‘Rosy’ in the beginning – it’s something that’s required to be ‘Worked-at’, ‘Looked-at’, ‘Lived’ ‘Moment to Moment’, in an ‘Complete and Total Understanding’." - From When are you Ready for 'Agreement'?

LOVE is physically supporting each other in our process out of the preprogrammed consciousness, to develop an equal and one relationship with our physical bodies, and world.

More Resources:

EQAFE: 

What is Sex - Love as Sex (Part 1) - Part 35

What is Sex - Love as Sex (Part 2) - Part 36

Matti Freeman:

Day 245: How Love got Lost in the Matrix - Part 1

Heaven's JTL:

Love and Fear Tug-of-War: DAY 483

Pictures:

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Day 269 - Success and Failure pt.5

Continuing with:
Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success
Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1 - Imagination Dimension of Success
Day 266 - Success and Failure pt.2 - Opening Resistance to Success
Day 267 - Success and Failure pt.3 - Spiraling Distraction
Day 268 - Success and Failure pt.4 - Components of Resistance

Today's focus is letting go of my attachments to the design of resistance when I'm faced with work. I've already begun to bring awareness into the critical moment. Because of all the writing I've been doing on this point, I'm finally starting to slow down and stop the resistance driven movement and bring my attention back to the work that I am facing. My goal is to do this consistently. To accomplish this goal, I must not rely on hope or waiting for myself to get my act together because I realize that it is my active participation with myself that determines who I am as a directive principle of self. 'Hope' is a mental diffusion of responsibility. I can't wait any longer because I now realize how the design of waiting contributes to delay / procrastination.

Through this mini-series, I've come to a point where my awareness of what is here, as who I am in my relationship to work, and from here forward it is my responsibility to take the next step: Living the correction. I've not discovered and written about each and every point that is related to this character / behavior pattern, so when the specific points come up, I'll support myself by writing in my side journal to investigate why. By so doing, I am living the correction of active participation within my process of self-purification.

I commit myself to stop at no hurdle.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall and create a perception of myself as a failure. Within this I realize that by marking myself as a failure when I fall, I am creating myself as a failure and creating a spiral of negativity as I move my thoughts into living application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I manifest my negative thoughts about myself (i.e. failure, doubt, general inability).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failure and to act within this fear by not acting so I won't have to risk failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define failure as bad/negative, not realizing how my perception of failure is what is keeping me from transforming a fall into a moment of learning and growth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize myself within resistance energy as I look for excusable, desirable distractions/deviations from my intention to responsibly apply myself within work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it is difficult to stay focused and that this is because of reasons that are outside of my control / creation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my positively charged desires and my negatively charged resistances. I commit myself to realizing my responsibility for the internal movements that are charged +/- instead of subscribing to the illusion that these forces are out of my control / jurisdiction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be moved by internally charged relationships without fully understanding why I am moving myself. I commit myself to continue bringing awareness to situations where I do not fully understand my motivations behind behavioral inclinations.

When and as I see myself mentally processing to find a justification for something that would take me away from my work, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is the critical moment where I may decide abdicate the responsibility of self-direction by giving into the persuasive, internal, energetic game of tug-o-war, or to stand up within the stability of myself and exercise my ability to direct myself in each and every here-moment.

I commit myself to the realization that I am so very able to stop the energetic movement of resistance / desirable distraction. This internal movement is an energy program that I had, indeed, set into motion at some point in my past. I must take responsibility for my creation. I will release the programming that no longer suits my interest, which has shifted from solely self-interest, to now include what's in the best interest of ALL. I commit myself to release my outdated energetic programming with living self-forgiveness statements.

AND NOW, this is the point of achievement. This is the point of success. This is the moment of truth:

Who am I in the critical moment?

I commit myself to practicing the living application of the awareness, realizations and insight that I arrive at through writing in my Journey to Life blog.

I commit myself to show others the purpose of the Journey to Life blog is to prepare for actual, living self-change by practically applying myself in the process of bringing self-awareness through into living self-correction.

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Day 175 - Media & Entertainment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not acknowledge how I am compromising myself through entertainment.

My biggest fall point in relation to getting work done is the satiating enjoyment of entertainment. Akin to zoning or spacing out, media allows me the opportunity to just let go and mindlessly consume mental stimulation. Here, though, this mental stimulation is not inherently bad. I am compromising myself because of the satiating factor: I long for it, I desire & fiend for it.

For example, drinking alcohol isn't the same as drinking recklessly. To enjoy a movie, television show, or video game responsibly is not the issue I am trying to capture here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in fear; fearing that I will not be able to overcome the desire to stop indulging in media/entertainment, placing the point outside of and larger than myself. This stops here.

To force oneself to stay in directive control is no easy process, yet it is entirely simplistic: Set goals, and don't allow self to deviate from the plan until the goal is finished.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility toward myself within setting a goal AND moving self to complete it, while assessing in self-honesty, when I deviate.

I realize that I can change my starting point within any application. I realize that I may allow myself to indulge in media & entertainment within a self-honest agreement with self. I understand that when I disregard my goals and responsibilities as I move into neglect as I indulge in media & entertainment, I am not being honest with myself and am creating a necessary consequence for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that I must stop my reluctance character, where I been disabling me from writing about this topic in fear of having to let go of that which I am not ready to let go.

This character design spans far and wide

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto my irresponsible behavior within media and entertainment usage, and holding onto the perception that I must completely stop if I am to face this point.

When and as I see myself engaging media/entertainment without a self-honest agreement with self, I stop I breathe. I realize this is the point of change. I commit myself to uncovering and disengaging this character that likes to hide from consequence within distraction.

Ok, this is just an opening for today. I will continue tomorrow with investigating the multidimensional aspects of how I've oriented toward the use of media and entertainment.

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