Day 457 - Training for Physical Reality

In my last post, I spoken into a belief that "posting once a day would be too much, or too difficult for me." While I have my reasons and justifications for this, I also see the reality that I could be posting nearly everyday. So, with both perspectives in mind, I decided to make the leap and commit to writing every day last month. What I found by challenging myself, and failing = worth the effort!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trying something because I fear failure. When and as I see myself shying away from something within a mindset of fearing to fail, I stop, I breathe. I realize that nothing gets done when I stagnate with fear of failure, manifesting a failed opportunity of a life I could have lived. I commit myself to facing my fear of failure, embracing the lessons of failure, and carrying on with Self creation in the absence of fear (creation).

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Note: if I really had to or wanted to, I could stop my post here, and call it a day. Just one example-reason that I really have no valid excuse to not post on the daily.

Every reason for why I don't write every day, is linked to escapism. Writing and posting these 7-year-journey-to-life blogs is an effort of facing myself. Facing all the resistances and fears that come up along the way. Sometimes, I really don't want to look at myself, and so I layer the excuses to be "ok" with it. Observing myself in this pattern this for so long now, I've really gotten ample chance to see how silly it is.

Why is it so silly?

If I try to separate myself from the awareness of what is, then I enter a timeloop of specific unawareness, only to come back to awareness eventually. This retards one's growth in self-awareness, and who wants that?

I, as the mind consciousness system, do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to orient to the mind and believe that my dealings in energy are more significant or important that my physical reality. When and as I see myself racing for an energy fix, I stop, I breathe. I realize that there is only one me, and that if I have conflicting priorities, I need to slow down, reconcile who I am and which reality I want to validate and honor. I commit myself to remember to check-in with my starting point awareness, and carefully examine the evolution of my perspective through time; so that I may reverse engineer it, understand who I am within it, and continue building an increasingly consistent and stable character.

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I commit myself to honor and respect the physical laws of the universe.

I commit myself to embrace failure as a vital means of self-growth.

I commit myself to slow down to the pace of my breath, my body and my fingers (for typing), so that I may accomplish more substantial self-creation in the physical world.

I commit myself to ultimately be the director of my mind, instead of following energetic impulses that are inconsiderate of the physical world.

I commit myself to press on and recreate myself everyday! Cheers to a life worth living!

Day 346 - Prioritizing Purpose

Continuing from Day 345 Aligning Purpose with Participation.

To sum it up in 3 words:  Best for All


In my own words, this means applying myself to do what is best in the context of everything, all points considered. This is seemingly a tough to ridiculous standard to hold oneself to. Now why is that? Ahhh, that is the question. To be or not to be, principled and living in equality?

I have experienced much difficulty in living the principle of what is Best for All consistently. Walking with Desteni for some time, I've reached a level of knowing that it's physical process to become a constant expression within what is best for all. A physical process takes time, but in the mind, I can think about myself rather quickly. This inflated view of oneself (ego) is just like anything else that becomes inflated: It pops. The illusionary bubble pops when the physical reveals what is reality.

So this idea that living a life in alignment with what is best for all is something difficult or impossible, is the result of investing in the idea of oneself in and as the mind. We as minds don't want to see oneness and equality for many reasons. Check for yourself. (Prompt: Why don't I want to see oneness and equality?)

When and as I see myself out of alignment with what is best for all, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am the director of myself, and that even the energies, feelings and emotions that I give in to is an acceptance and allowance of self as less than these energies. I commit myself to realizing the physical reward while letting go of the energy addiction that leads to procrastination.

This is where prioritization comes in. I had previously mentioned the importance of mapping out purpose in the physical, but what's more is that the priority system that must be used to discern what would bring the most benefit all to all must be based on the physical. When looking at priorities, there are many dimensions that once can take into consideration, and this is why 'Best for All' is so nice to work with. We check the alignment of purpose in a comprehensive and physical context, rather than the all too common, blind following of our own mind-energy movements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my directive power to my mind by doing what I feel I want to do, instead of considering reality first, as my starting point for self-movement. When and as I see that I am feeling powerless to the desire to procrastinate, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am a physical being, living by the laws of energies that I have programmed throughout my life, and I commit myself to breathing and dissipating that energy, and walking the physcial process of bringing my self-directive will into full application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I must slow down and break down the physical process of moving myself in a context that MATTERs. When and as I see myself becoming overwhelmed and unable to continue working toward my physically based, higher purpose, I stop I breathe. I realize here that I can redefine my problem, my context, and whatever I am facing in a moment by stopping the energy participation and having a real look myself in a physical reality context. Within this, I commit myself to mapping out my priorities to make sure that I am effective (first thing's first) and not compromising myself by just feeling my energy experience, and not having a comprehensive consideration of all relevant points.

Within all of this. I realize I am taking on a good chunk of my personality makeup. I commit myself to walk slowly and thoroughly through all of this, to not get ahead of myself and go into an energy reaction of disappointment/discouragement/self-defeat (another system that does not serve what's best for me or all. Mark for deletion.)

I commit myself to seeing my physical purpose, and prioritizing accordingly. The point of resisting the actual doing/work of each prioritized point is another system, of which I now commit myself to clearing, purifying. My mind no longer is allowed to direct me when I'm working on my physical reality purpose points. See ya!

Thanks.

DesteniArtists

Day 341 - Not allowing myself to walk the physical process

There is a major difference between walking in the park
 and imagining our ability to walk in the park.

In recent times, I've compromised myself by neglecting my daily writing here. There has been a lot going on here on the Desteni Farm, and I wouldn't expect that I would have been able to write a daily post; however, it's turned into an excuse. I found myself justifying my writing resistances through blame.

I'm looking at the resistance I experience when sitting to write: the experience seems to be overwhelming, but in retrospect, I can break down the process of blame and justifications that I use to substantiate the resistance energy. This energy has brought me to rest my head, in my bed, for just a moment...and then I wake up and it's some odd hour of the morning. I've placed myself in a victim relationship and what else have I become other than a victim of my own internal energies.

Enough is enough. I can no longer allow myself to sit and think about how I will be. I live here. The thoughts that come up in relation to my future, my doubts, myself and others are at least one mental step away from the HERE moment. I can't expect to live a life of worth when I'm not physically here to direct myself in a worthwhile way.

Here, I commit myself to walking the physical process of writing, self-forgiveness, and daily participation in all responsibilities, prioritizing and making optimal use of my time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat my responsibilities in way of delay or disregard, acting without priority structure, as I bounce from feeling to emotion within my energetic starting-point movements.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted or allowed myself to create and uphold a priority structure in my daily living. Herein, I commit myself to practicing different methods of prioritizing my day, either like a morning routine or a night time planning of the day to come, or any other various methods of physical structuring. This is my new little project. It is an important one, and I must get consistent with my writing again before I can effectively continue this process of understanding myself and then living a corrective application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine that I already know and have all the information to be able to control my future, instead of realizing that life is a movement here, where I must meticulously construct my living application as a principled living that I can stand by for all of eternity, and in this accumulate a self-trust as I live moment to moment. I realize this accumulation of self-trust does not happen as a process of mental gymnastics. It is a physical accumulation process, hence this blog.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought of "I can't do this" to passively come up within me and cause an internal reaction or relationship activation of delay, wherein I sidestep responsibility in moments when I am not being pressured by others or how others might judge me (ego/self-judgement).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine my work ethic based on external factors which can vary. I forgive myself that I have relied on others and created myself to function effectively only when in a relationship of dependence. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand up as an individual point of self-responsibility.

When and as I see myself waiting for any force to direct me to accomplish anything, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is not a function of standing alone, stable. This is not principled living, rather more like internal, feeling, justification, reaction-oriented living. I commit myself to exposing myself in every way that I find myself waiting or postponing anything, to then open it up and investigate for myself what I am waiting for, and accordingly apply self-forgiveness and corrective application statements to stabilize myself in relation to each point, so as to accumulate the physical-based practice of self-directed living.

Daniel: I stand and walk, OR I sit and slump. The decision that exists ALL the time. The point of seeing my mind and allowing it to dictate how I behave OR seeing myself self-honestly to realize that I need to bring myself back here to direct myself from a physical starting point; and because I want what is best, I align with what is best for all, as all are simple an extension of me, equal as life. What's best for just me is not sustainable. The illusion, no matter how hard I want/try to impose it onto the physical, there is never a specific, real result from my energetic efforts. It's time to get physical and deliberate.

When and as I see myself thinking that "I can't do this," I stop I breathe. I realize now that this lingering thought has some intense consequences. I also realize that to stop this thought, even though it seems like "I can't do it" I must literally stop the thought and change my mind, direct myself within a physical consideration. I commit myself to flag pointing this "I can't do it" in all it's forms and mutations by recognizing it as that last little piece of energy, like a subtle, yet large hurdle that functions to keep me within a resistance energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the resistance energy and victimize myself in relation to it to protect my ego, and for not realizing how this self-energy relationship perpetuates my enslavement.

When and as I see myself imagining myself at the end of the road, I stop I breathe. I realize that there is a physical process to walk, and I commit myself to walking it.

How?

By giving myself every breath to figure out the relevant points in my journey.
Planning.
Preparing.
Adapting.
Parkouring.
One practical step at a time.

Day 249 - Getting Grounded in the Physical

It just occurred to me that I haven't been as physically grounded as I could be. It's a concept that I'm familiar with, but I have not really been applying it. The concept of 'being grounded,' is not grounded. My perceptions are often not lived. My knowledge acquisition is bearing minimal fruit.

This is a very general point, but it's chill because I don't judge myself for writing to generally as I had prior to yesterday. Now, I see that this is foundational work that is completely worth my time until I am abusing the generalized topic platform to avoid going into depth. I'll see this when I am writing the same stuff for the same points (time to go deeper). The main idea: I can walk a general point specifically :)

The goal here is...to basically just get started:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to work within my head space, utilizing my mind to observe and bring perspective for the sake of knowing, not realizing that I'm blocking my physical participation while participating in my own mental world.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the significance of physical participation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place extensive trust into my mind processing to the point that I felt that my ability to comprehend was really what needed attention. I have always sought understanding for the moments when I might need to apply it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in my imagination for the sake of setting up social situations where I could use knowledge and information to 'win' a conversation. In this I have defined a central driving point to be better than others through knowledge and information that only practically served me to be superior in an imagined, possible situation/conversation/argument.

In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be motivated to walk with Desteni so that I could realize my ego fulfillment of being 'right.'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to devalue the physical world because I do not like what I see, and instead retreat to the confines of my mind where I was "all knowing" and protected from the things I didn't want to see in the external and internal. My knowledge and information platform has never been complete, yet I would act as if it was. For that, I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be present with the external world, finding my internal world to be more comfortable. In this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize myself as a participant in the external. I had always referenced my internal first, and when I had to exert myself in the world, I was always less comfortable and full of doubt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how I feared living in the physical world by creating multiple imagined scenarios where I was confident and strong in my self presentation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that my internal world is not reality despite all the evidence that the external provided all these years. I would only ever pay attention to the confirmation of my ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to orient my receptiveness and observations about my outer world participation when it suited my internal worldview..allowing any conflicting information produce a fleeting emotion of disappointment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress each moment of 'failure' in the context of the external world not being in alignment with my internal, imagined self-definition that I created in separation of real world context.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that my insecurity comes from this point of not participating in the real world, at least in part. I am simply under practiced within and as real world participation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be timid or lazy about speaking my self-forgiveness aloud, not realizing the power of the spoken word that is ground, here, into the physical.
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When and as I see myself spending an extended period of time in my head contemplating social scenarios that are my imagined potentials of what reality could be or could have been, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am here in this moment and responsible to direct myself according to what needs my attention in that moment. I commit myself to stop recklessly day dreaming about how things could be, and start using my mind beneficially to place myself in a situation and observe what comes up within me, note the reactions and attachments, speak the self-forgiveness and place myself back into that scenarios and see how I have changed and what still needs to be looked at.

When and as I see myself zoned out while in the company of others, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am a current participant in this shared moment. I commit myself to stop fearing that I am less than others and within that fear go into an internal contemplative reaction instead of participating in ever physical, here moment.

When and as I see myself imagining how I am or will be superior in a social scenario, I stop I breathe. I realize my responsibility to myself to expose who I am and why I am participating in this fictitious mental play out. I commit myself to continue investigating, in depth, my attachment/desire to be better/superior.

When and as I see myself "knowing it all," I stop I breathe. I realize this design as a positive feeling, and commit myself to flag point it. When the feeling arises, I commit myself to stop, breathe and direct the situation from an encompassing perspective, where I am not tailoring my speech in reaction to pride in such a way that I only confirm what I know. Blah. Not chill.

When and as I see myself physically frozen, contemplating my self-doubt/fear/inferiority, I stop I breathe. I realize myself here. I commit myself to supporting myself with my breath to be present with every word that is in my immediate environment (this will require practice, don't get discouraged. Rather immediately return to the present, and make a mental note to replay the scenario later in the day, and see how I could have acted differently according to the point that charges me).

When and as I see myself reluctant to put in the offer to speak my self forgiveness, I stop I breathe. I realize that not every situation will work for me to speak self-forgiveness, and I also realize this can easily be an excuse. I commit myself to giving myself more time to sound self-forgiveness aloud.

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Day 214 - Self-movement: Continued Expansion

Every little movement taken into consideration. It was quite obvious when this wasn't happening, like some half zoned-out state where much less detail is taken and and I am simultaneously experiencing an energy/thought. As I sit down to write this post, I am really worn/tired from the long day on the hill. I find it interesting that this energy  fluctuation is how I've validating the resistance. I actually experience this strong desire to not have to write and face myself at this moment. I am tired, but I really just don't want to take the time and effort (interestingly enough) to push out another post. "Daily!? Seriously? This is what I committed to??" :)

What is interesting about the time & effort dynamic relationship toward this self-writing? Precisely that. That it is a dynamic relationship and requires a certain level of energy to get through it...which now leads me to believe that my energy infused writing is not of comprehensive detail.. fascinating connection. I'll explain.

While I was snowboarding, I had become much more aware of my movement and even my breathing, having  given myself the context from yesterday's post.What I noticed was how the quick movement through the bumps of snow and how I had to adjust my weight and move to adapt, it was a lot of fun. So in a similar regard to how I find parkour to be fun, it wasn't something that I could done while zoned out, off in my head space somewhere. Except there were times when my mind took a larger dominion than my physical, space-time awareness.

This happened when there was a straightaway, and when going off a rather large jump. With the straightaway, I caught me in my mind when I put my hands up like I was flying. I questioned the movement and realized it as a display for others, noting the moment as a departure from the physical. I scan/see that minimal adaptive effort is required and then I could release from the physical awareness effort and just bomb that section of the hill. With the large jump: fear.

Fear stepped in as doubt, uncertainty, hesitation. It was a relatively unfamiliar experience of flight. The take off is this experience of increasing extra gravity, and then before I know it, I'm wrestling for balance in mid air. Thankfully, I only fell hard once, and my butt absorbed most of the shock.

So there are a lot of cool parallel insights here: When and why I leave physical awareness (i.e. I think I know it enough detail to be able to check out/automate my physical). How it is that I stay within energy (i.e. internal resistance struggle).

Ok, I'll continue tomorrow...after this one:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ride within energy fluctuation to get things done, not realizing that the flip-side is an experience of not having enough energy to get things done. When and as I see myself procrastinating within a starting point of internal resistance from not having enough energy to to something. I stop I breathe. I realize this is a consequence of my habitual participation within using positive energy experience to become motivated. I commit myself realizing what the resistance energy is composed of/from.

See you tomorrow.

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