It just occurred to me that I haven't been as physically grounded as I could be. It's a concept that I'm familiar with, but I have not really been applying it. The concept of 'being grounded,' is not grounded. My perceptions are often not lived. My knowledge acquisition is bearing minimal fruit.
This is a very general point, but it's chill because I don't judge myself for writing to generally as I had prior to
yesterday. Now, I see that this is foundational work that is completely worth my time until I am abusing the generalized topic platform to avoid going into depth. I'll see this when I am writing the same stuff for the same points (time to go deeper). The main idea: I can walk a general point specifically :)
The goal here is...to basically just get started:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to work within my head space, utilizing my mind to observe and bring perspective for the sake of knowing, not realizing that I'm blocking my physical participation while participating in my own mental world.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the significance of physical participation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place extensive trust into my mind processing to the point that I felt that my ability to comprehend was really what needed attention. I have always sought understanding for the moments when I might need to apply it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in my imagination for the sake of setting up social situations where I could use knowledge and information to 'win' a conversation. In this I have defined a central driving point to be better than others through knowledge and information that only practically served me to be superior in an imagined, possible situation/conversation/argument.
In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be motivated to walk with Desteni so that I could realize my ego fulfillment of being 'right.'
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to devalue the physical world because I do not like what I see, and instead retreat to the confines of my mind where I was "all knowing" and protected from the things I didn't want to see in the external and internal. My knowledge and information platform has never been complete, yet I would act as if it was. For that, I forgive myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be present with the external world, finding my internal world to be more comfortable. In this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize myself as a participant in the external. I had always referenced my internal first, and when I had to exert myself in the world, I was always less comfortable and full of doubt.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how I feared living in the physical world by creating multiple imagined scenarios where I was confident and strong in my self presentation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that my internal world is not reality despite all the evidence that the external provided all these years. I would only ever pay attention to the confirmation of my ego.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to orient my receptiveness and observations about my outer world participation when it suited my internal worldview..allowing any conflicting information produce a fleeting emotion of disappointment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress each moment of 'failure' in the context of the external world not being in alignment with my internal, imagined self-definition that I created in separation of real world context.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that my insecurity comes from this point of not participating in the real world, at least in part. I am simply under practiced within and as real world participation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be timid or lazy about speaking my self-forgiveness aloud, not realizing the power of the spoken word that is ground, here, into the physical.
--
When and as I see myself spending an extended period of time in my head contemplating social scenarios that are my imagined potentials of what reality could be or could have been, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am here in this moment and responsible to direct myself according to what needs my attention in that moment. I commit myself to stop recklessly day dreaming about how things could be, and start using my mind beneficially to place myself in a situation and observe what comes up within me, note the reactions and attachments, speak the self-forgiveness and place myself back into that scenarios and see how I have changed and what still needs to be looked at.
When and as I see myself zoned out while in the company of others, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am a current participant in this shared moment. I commit myself to stop fearing that I am less than others and within that fear go into an internal contemplative reaction instead of participating in ever physical, here moment.
When and as I see myself imagining how I am or will be superior in a social scenario, I stop I breathe. I realize my responsibility to myself to expose who I am and why I am participating in this fictitious mental play out. I commit myself to continue investigating, in depth, my attachment/desire to be better/superior.
When and as I see myself "knowing it all," I stop I breathe. I realize this design as a positive feeling, and commit myself to flag point it. When the feeling arises, I commit myself to stop, breathe and direct the situation from an encompassing perspective, where I am not tailoring my speech in reaction to pride in such a way that I only confirm what I know. Blah. Not chill.
When and as I see myself physically frozen, contemplating my self-doubt/fear/inferiority, I stop I breathe. I realize myself here. I commit myself to supporting myself with my breath to be present with every word that is in my immediate environment (this will require practice, don't get discouraged. Rather immediately return to the present, and make a mental note to replay the scenario later in the day, and see how I could have acted differently according to the point that charges me).
When and as I see myself reluctant to put in the offer to speak my self forgiveness, I stop I breathe. I realize that not every situation will work for me to speak self-forgiveness, and I also realize this can easily be an excuse. I commit myself to giving myself more time to sound self-forgiveness aloud.
