Day 429 - Fear of My Programming

As life's goes on, I too must move, for I am life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my programming is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not release my programming fast enough or in time with life's process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and as the mind, and fear the consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to circumvent consequence, instead of prevent consequence through self-correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see, realize and understand the inevitable connection between consequential behavior and the consequences that manifest later down the line.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the consequential outflow of my thought, word and deed from earlier in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear creating more consequence in the present moment, and NOT see, realize and understand how through fear I separate myself from my breath and directing myself within common sense in each here moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fear relationship to consequence, and through it, try to find ways out of it, instead of realizing, accepting and allowing it to manifest, and within this, embrace it, learn from it, and apply self-corrective application to prevent more of the same kind from being created.

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When and as I see myself desiring to get out of paying for the consequences of my past participation, I stop, I breathe. I realize this universal law of cause and reaction can just as easily work for me, as it can against me.  I commit myself to accepting the consequences of my actions, favorable or not. And in realizing my responsibility within this, I commit myself to stop believing that I can circumvent the consequences of my creation.

When and as I see myself fearing that I will create negative consequence, I stop, I breathe. I remember my common sense consideration of all that is here, and I direct myself to express creation of positive consequence in the context of what is best for all. I commit myself to remember to breathe when anxiety comes up in relation to fearing messing something up and creating negative consequence.

When and as I see myself fearing the inevitable consequential outflow of my past participation in thought, word and deed, I stop, I breathe. I realize that the mistakes of my past will be the source of some of my greatest life lessons. I commit myself to embrace the manifested consequence in my life and learn as much as I can in facing myself this way.

When and as I see myself fearing that I am too much in the programming of my mind to move within and as life, I stop, I breathe. I realize this fundamental separation from the life in me, is literally killing me. I commit myself to recognizing myself in my breath, completely dropping the fear, and directing myself to (a) write out the programming that was coming up in that specific moment, and/or (b) move within self-authority, as life principle, to create best for all consequences.

Day 256 - What does Commitment mean to Me? Part 3

This is a cool perspective that I've recently contemplated. If I define commitment as something that stands indefinitely, I can apply this generalized statement to expand my perspective as I intend to do right now.

The first thought that popped into my head was the spoken word. They taught my in college that communication is irreversible and that resonated with me. You can mitigate and spin what you say, but once something happens, it has happened, and will always have happened. So, to think that I don't always consider the ramifications of what I say and do is a real bother. This was one of my key alignments with the Desteni message as well. I am the words I speak. I am my past actions and must take responsibility for them if I ever want to change how I live my life.

So, Commitment is simple. It undoubtedly stands throughout time. What are the implications of that? That indicates there is an alignment problem with all of the past commitments that I haven't been able to uphold? Why have I done that? Optimism. Not seeing the whole picture and all the dynamics at play. Like with the nail biting habit, I still haven't taken the time to investigate all the detail of why I start each movement. I erroneously clumped together a bundle of points and labeled them by a single physical manifestation. Why? Because anxiety seemed too big to take on...and who know what else I am missing? Well, I do.

I commit myself to the realization of my insight and ability to patiently walk through all relevant points until I can stand clearly within a commitment.

I get it now. I realize that self-commitments aren't something to just throw out in hope of self-change. Self-commitment is my living word. It is a tool to indicate to myself who I am. Great Scott! Behold the power!! Haha. Really though, if I continue with this bad habit of haphazardly writing self-commitments, I will prolong my process and deteriorate the the power of my spoken word. It's abusive. I will no longer tolerate myself wishing for my commitments to myself to magically/automatically take hold.

I commit myself to utilizing self-commitments as an extension of my beingness. And I realize that I will not be able to live out every commitment here forth in perfection. I must walk this process of consequence for all of the past abuse of my spoken word. Layers of self-doubt emerge nearly with my every move. Instead, I commit myself to recognizing which commitments falter, and to investigate the dynamics that lead to this failure.

I realize there is a lot at play, and especially as I dig deeper into the layers of my mind, I will need to have my self-commitment tool sharpened and functioning flawlessly. I so want everything to be done in an instant...like, "ok, I realize I'm one and equal with all life," the end. But at the same time, I am glad to pay penance for my sins by practically walking each point of myself into alignment with what's best for all. I dig the personalized challenge :)

Ha, and now I see that it is my mind that wants it all to be done in an instant, which acts as a fail-safe protective mechanism. Like with the nail biting, perfect example. I wanted it done in one moment, I can't maintain the temporary energetic 'change,' I become disappointed with myself as I live out my fear of failure. And so I spiral back into mind-controlled. A common sense, self-directed, lived application of myself through word and deed is the goal, and every moment of every breath is the measure.

So, human race, it's not a race. Who are you in a moment? Are you consistent?
Thank you.