Day 399 - Self-Leadership in a Relationship

I am quickly approaching the one year mark of living with my agreement partner. The past three weeks have been pivotal for me in realizing who I have become since moving in with my life partner, and who I want to be as a self-lead individual, acting to create that which is best for all within common sense.

We had little break for a weekend, and this space and time served as an opportune moment for me to reflect on who I have become. We have been constantly falling into the age-old pattern blaming each other as the problem and source of disharmony in our lives. Why would I continue unchanged when I see that the real problem is how I perceive and approach conflict in my life? Why am I here in this pattern? What happened to how I used to be?

I used to have this inner drive to excel and create, mind you, this drive is not free of energy. The desire for superiority, for praise and pride, for power, for longevity, for immortality through lasting creation, all of this contributed to the energetic personality that I specifically structured in my younger years.

That, I had to protect. Those false priorities of narrow and self-interested mind...they held my inner drive for excellence together. They comprised a very intimate sense of self. Before beginning my agreement-relationship, I was not fully ready to take on these dimensions of character. I was preserving them, and justifying how they can still exist in alignment with Desteni / best for all living. Living in close proximity with another process walker is an outstanding amplifier of self-honesty.

And because neither of us have walked this process of creating a comprehensive set of living agreements from which we define and shape our lives, individually and together, neither of us had an overwhelming quality of grace when trying to support the other to see themselves self-honestly. Lots of finger pointing, and disgruntled nights. It was uncomfortable for both of us. Reminding myself how the squabbling and reactive fights are revealing the mind's dominion of my vocal chords, and reminding myself of the end-picture, the potential that I know we will create together, is how I remained stable through the dark hours of the mind. It's only energy, and I'll be damned if I'm going to allow it to sabotage a physical potential for authentic love.

--

What have I come to realize? I'll share that tomorrow.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to protect my self-dishonest nature of self as the desires for greatness, immortality through the creations that will outlast my lifetime.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fixate on manifesting moments with others in which I will feel praised, so that I can feel proud within the self-concept construct of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that who I believe myself to be is not who I am physically, and within this, for not realizing that who I am physically (in writing, in the spoken word, in action) is all that truly matters in the grand scheme of life on earth.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to really let go of who I am as the mind, as the self-concept, as the person I desire to be reassured by my external reality, of who I fear I'm not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the solution of covering up my own fears. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that hiding my fears is but a bandage bound to fall off.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, understand and ACT within the ultimate solution as facing all of myself within self-honesty, to dispel the illusion of grandeur, to forgive the fears, and to create lasting, best for all solutions that will stand into eternity.

And,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continually blame my external world and the people in it when life isn't handing me ego-validation on a silver platter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take this journey to life for granted, and within that, for taking my agreement partnership for granted.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I've been taking these processes for granted by attempting to perpetuate constructs that support me as the mind, as my ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project how I want the world to be and how I want others in my world to be and be toward me, onto the physical reality, and to not see how this is a serious force creating conflict in my life.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider the physical first.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run within the energies of the mind that pop up so nice and automatically for me...from me.


Thank you, my precious ego. You're prior ideas about the world and yourself in it are no longer of service.

Thank you, my dearest breathing body, for sticking with me through this horrible abuse that my ego perpetuates. I promise to diligently work through all the layers of dishonesty and bring myself home to the physical. I can, and I will.

*Picture attribution link

Day 393 - Realizing My Utmost Potential: Seize Moments of Opportunity

Never again will I wait and hope for opportunity to embrace me.


The eighth vow of success as written in Og Mandino's book titled The Greatest Salesman in the World, Part II: The End of the Story. I just read this "scroll" tonight for the first time, and it resonated with me in a very important way. Most of my life, I've been fortunate and had access to most earthly pleasures. I felt special. My world was filled with opportunities, and it was relatively effortless to move myself in the direction that best suited me. Opportunities came knocking, and all I had to do was say yes or no. For the first time in my life, opportunities are not overtly coming to me  as they had in my past. Going with the flow is no longer a viable option.

Now it is my turn to go knocking on opportunity's door. I am now responsible for recognizing potential, AND doing the hard work to create success from opportunity. This is the key take away I received from my reading tonight. Moving myself and taking the initiative in life is personally an underdeveloped skill. I hadn't need it in my passive approach to seizing blatantly obvious opportunities that would serve my best interests. No longer flowing down that easy river of predetermined direction that I called life, I now must lead myself in and as life to create my/life's utmost potential. The commitment to consider all as equals, as life, as one, as myself is a real game changer! I stand. I take on this challenge. I commit myself to finding and creating opportunities that are conclusive solutions in supporting what is best for all life.


I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is my responsibility to put forth serious effort in transforming opportunity into value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted my past living and lifestyle of going with the flow, of zombie-like decision making, of waiting for success to find me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I will always be taken care of by the universe because I am special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more special than other people in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel entitled to comfortable living.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that without taking the initiative to lead and create my life in specificity, I am not really living at all. To follow the automated living of consciousness is hardly living. I realize that if I am going to manifest my highest potential of myself and so contribute to manifesting the highest potential of humanity, I MUST MOVE.

Inertia.

What a great word to investigate! Join me tomorrow for my philosophical reflection here.



Declaration of Principled Living 1.2

Day 391 - Submissive Conflict Avoidance, Ridicule & Leadership

In the Desteni leadership development group, we started investigating 'tough minds' in society and our responsibility in relation to them. There are people out there who react to their environment and people around them, having little or no time to stop themselves. Many others, myself included, have a mind that allows us to hold back or suppress our reactions, especially the reactions that would social conflict or awkwardness, for example. So our exercise is to find a person in our life that we reacted toward with blame and judgment toward their expression, and to bring that point back to self. Here I am sharing my process with this exercise:

Archetype/Character: goes with the flow to a fault, lacking leadership of others, submissive conflict avoidance.

Me in relation to this point- especially with women, I do not like this aspect of myself where I wait for another to lead/initiate to avoid facing the fear of failure/rejection/ridicule. When I also look at my brother in relation to me, I see how I've ridiculed him in a fool hearted attempt to distance myself from being the victim of ridicule.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe, and fight for the position that I can be separate and protected from victimhood of ridicule by ridiculing others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ridicule others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to show affection for others by ridiculing them when they express anything that I deem worthy of ridicule because I am justified in showing them this point at home/in a close relationship, to help them prevent public ridicule or ridicule from a stranger or love interest.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that my justifications for ‘teaching’ others where/how they can be ridiculed through reacting to their expression through ridicule, are fears that I have within me that I have accepted and allowed to shape myself as mind, and so shape my life in the external.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ridiculed by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the loss of an opportunity that is a result of a weakness within me that can be judged/ridiculed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to strengthen others through ridicule and judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear public ridicule, and within this, fear being defined by others in a negative/weak way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘weakness’ with the word ‘negativity.’

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand within myself by principle. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the reactions of others. And within this, I realize that who I am is who I am as standing principle within myself and without in my lived participation in this world and with every interaction.

I commit myself to now take the lead and go with it.

I commit myself to fail in my process toward self-perfection, within the awareness that I commit myself to always get back up and test a new way in the next moment, until I am stable in success.

I commit myself to stop ridiculing others’ weaknesses.

I commit myself to turning my ridicule back unto myself.

I commit myself to no longer fear public ridicule, as I now define myself by who I know myself to be as the principles I stand for and express myself through.

I commit myself to showing others that I am not swayed by their ridicule.

I commit myself to intentionally subjecting myself to ridicule, so that as the energy reaction comes up within me, I can utilize this moment to breathe and release this pattern that I no longer accept and allow myself to believe to be who I am.

I commit myself to stopping the self-construct belief system that is defined through me giving others the responsibility to define myself…interesting.

TBC

Every Day - Declaration of Principled Living

***Click Here for Redirect***

Day 387 - I am, I stand, I create

In the last post, I began to just dive into this specific point of waiting for external environment to guide, shape and influence my walk of life, my decisions. Of course, this is natural to a degree, but my experience of myself is that I'm constantly just going with the flow, being swayed to and fro. I'm much less taking the initiative to create my life, to create opportunities and situations with Self as the Authority. As I walk this my process through the mind, utilizing the Desteni tools, I am garnering self-trust that I can and will create situations that are best for all. This is the unwavering principle that I commit myself to learn, practice, and live as my updated self-expression. The old programs in my mind, the structure of my thinking, are self-interest based and outdated.

 Here, I'm going to continue with the self-correction statements from the last post, but before I do, I'm going to specify, "I forgive myself for just going with the flow." Thanks for the feedback Adrian.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just go with the flow, wherein I limit my self-expressive capacity through only moving myself within reaction to external stimuli. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give to myself the responsibility to consider all relevant points, and from within that, take initiative and direct myself to create my myself and my external to become the highest potential. I no longer accept and allow myself to passively wait for life to hand me lemons. I commit myself to  go buy lemons and plant a lemon tree, considering what is best for all, here, now and in the future. This is an example of how I am starting taking the initiative in my life, an example of Creation, with and as, Self and All.

When and as I see myself in a state of uncertainty where I am waiting for my external world to tell me how to be, how to act, what to say, I stop I breathe. I realize that I, alone, and responsible for what I think, say and do. I commit myself to direct and create my life despite how uncomfortable it may seem at first.

When and as I see myself going with the flow of life because I see this as a form of stability, safety, freedom from judgement as I am not responsible for the direction my life takes, I stop I breathe. I realize that this belief about 'going with the flow' as a form of stable and safe living is only valid from the perspective of my ego that prefers to be infallible, and so making decisions becomes a risk where others can potentially judge me. I commit myself to continue expounding upon this specific point of fearing judgement from others as a catalyst for indecision. And I commit myself stop the pattern by recognizing when I'm awaiting external stimulus to react/respond to, take a breath, consider how I can create/initiate a best for all outcome and put it into action. Self-movement.

I commit myself to stop creating myself to be a victim of my environment, swaying through the tides of life instead of standing a pillar, standing on principle.

When and as I see myself desiring the easy way, to have the responsibility of guidance in my life to be given to me, I stop I breathe. I realize that by taking responsibility to direct my life, I am giving myself the greatest gift I could give myself: participating by co-creating life on planet earth.  I commit myself to giving myself this gift and working through any limitations that bar me from receiving this gift.

I commit myself to pushing through all limitations and self-sabotage points that keep me from realizing my utmost potential and contributing the the betterment of humanity on a global scale.

When and as I see myself in a state of complacency, assuming that my life direction is superb and that I will be remembered as a great man, I stop I breathe. I realize that it actually requires hard work and dedication to create value in this world. I realize that I can not passively glide through life AND leave a legacy behind that I can be proud of, so I commit myself sit and wait no longer. Every day, every hour, every breath, I have a decision to make: Will I be honest with myself and move to create value in alignment with what is best for all, or will I spend another moment deluding myself in a temporary realty wherein I only see a much smaller picture of myself, my potential and the world around me.

When and as I see myself in a state of fear of failure and/or rejection, I stop I breathe. I realize that this fear limits me from taking the initiative to express myself and create outcomes that are best for all. I realize that fearing rejection/failure is self-interest, protecting myself as ego. I commit myself to push through this fear over and over and over, until the prospect of failure and rejection does not unnecessarily weigh me down and become my directive principle. I commit myself to let myself risk failure/rejection in moments where I see that I can insert myself within a starting point direction of creating what is best for all.

When and as I see myself reacting to my environment with a perceived certainty and control within my reactions, I stop I breathe. I realize my reactions for what they are: reactions. I commit myself to stop justifying my reactions, however valid they may seem in a moment. I realize that by breathing in, I can take into consideration the relevant facts of any situation and who I am within it; and as I breathe out, I move myself to initiate and create the best possible outcome for all life.

photo source

Day 386 - Who's Creating My Life?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for my life to be directed and determined by external events.

This is the key understanding of this post. I will continue to specify the what, why and how through self-forgiveness statements. If you are able, I invite you to join with me in speaking these statements aloud:


I forgive myself that I have relinquished the responsibility to direct my life because it is easier to just go with the flow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that going with the flow is the best way to live my life, not realizing the perpetual victimhood this creates for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire an easy life with minimal responsibilities and obligations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I want to create a life that is highly rewarding, and leave a legacy behind that will best benefit this world, I must create it to be so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am destined to do great things. In this belief, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am special and able to achieve this greatness and recognition merely because I am special, that my perception and point of view is superior.

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to realize and OWN my personal responsibility to willfully direct my life.

I forgive myself for just going with the flow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself according to the circumstance within which I had fallen into with little or no effort. Specific example: I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to try harder in school, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to leverage my intelligence to simply get by with passing grades without really applying myself to discover my highest potential.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to really push myself to discover my true potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be passive and to wait for external events to react to in a calculated way ensuring that I could achieve my self-interested goals. Specific example: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for another to initiate relationship advances so that I could protect myself from fear of rejection. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a strong negative emotion to failure and rejection, create a fear of failure/rejection, and fear that fear so extensively that I severely limited my expression and potential when interacting socially with peers.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how extensively I've limited my self-expression through allowing my own internal fears guide me on the 'safe track' in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define failure/rejection as unsafe.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace failure, rejection and weakness within myself, such that I could then grow, improve and strengthen myself in the bigger picture of my life...instead of concerning myself so very much with the small/immediate picture of myself / my life that I couldn't see how narrow my life path is.

This is an important point.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and understand that a life lead by reactions to immediate circumstances, wherein I am accepting and allowing myself to define myself by each consequence (i.e. failure), is not a life at all. Living in such a way is like living as a program that doesn't comprehend the highest potential as a possibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself into thinking that I am creating my life lead by reactions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am not my reactions; to realize that these reactions are mental programs that drastically limit who I become in this life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take full responsibility for directing my life within a stable consideration of all things relevant.

I forgive myself that I have not yet fully accepted and allowed myself to stop the reactive, self-interested programming, BREATHE, and create my life path through a self-honest consideration of what decisions and actions will contribute to creating what is best for all life and ultimately allow humanity to reach our highest potential.

Self-corrective application commitment will be placed in the next post.

photo credit

Day 385 - Weak or Strong: Stopping Polarized Reactions

wikipedia

Writing out current relationship:

• To be seen as weak is like admitting failure. The most significant source of emotion comes from looking at myself through how others will see/judge me. Of course, this is not real, because it’s an internal, mental process of my own.
• Behind this is a fear that my projected, possible self-judgments will manifest in my world through other’s expressions. To protect myself from this fear, I utilize denial, blame, diverting attention, and physically avoiding the situation.
• I want to be in a position of strength. Why? This is safe from the fear of others negatively judging me as weak. This is also a power, an ability to accomplish my goals.
• Any signs of weakness reveal that I am not strong. Weakness becomes a hot button, setting myself into reaction.

Observation of above points:

            This is an EGO point. My ego is put into motion within fear energy and competition, being better than others. There is a desire to be more than others, and the fear of being less than others is even stronger. Why? The self-defining nature of weakness is perceived to penetrate through time, affecting who I believe myself to be, which means it will affect how I act “for the rest of my life,” which is in conflict with my vision for myself, my Religion of Self.

Goal:

            Letting go of this reactive programming that’s been limiting my expansion of myself from weak to strong in a specific dimension of self. To stop hiding my weaknesses from myself in various ways (i.e. blame, excuses, justifications, denial, distraction), so that I may accept myself as weak, and allow myself the opportunity to then strengthen myself within this dimension that I am self-honestly weak in.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being perceived as weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with defending myself as ego when another points out that I am weak in one way or another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny within myself when I see that I am weak in one way or another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be strong without considering the process of moving from weakness into strength.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to utilize the moments where I become aware of a weakness when another points it out to me, to commence a self-honest investigation of this weakness and how I can turn it into a strength.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through the perceptions of others of me, so that when another sees me as weak, I must defend myself and deny this perception to maintain my positive definition/perception of myself.

Corrective Application Statements:

When and as I am being referred to as being weak in some way or another, I stop I breathe. I realize there is a potential gift here, wherein I can realize an area of myself that I can improve. I commit myself to stop reacting to implied weakness within who I am or who I believe myself to be. Within this commitment, I also commit to apply self-forgiveness when I miss a breath and go into an unsupportive reaction when someone perceives weakness within me in one way or another.

When and as I see myself defending my self-concept / ego, I stop I breathe. I realize that by internalizing the perceived weakness in self through taking it personally, I am sabotaging an opportunity for self-growth. I commit myself to stop the systemized perceiving of weakness within self that calls for a defensive reaction.

I see, realize and understand that this defensive reaction is a function of mind, as well as: me. I commit myself to taking full responsibility for my reaction to defend my ego. Despite how it feels automated, I commit myself to fully let go of the relationship to my own mind where I am a victim of it. This is separation. The integrated honesty here is that I allow my mind’s reactions because there was a time in my past where I automated this specific reaction because it served my self-interest. I no longer need this program to protect the idea of myself because I now realize that who I really am is not the ego/self-image. I am life, manifested. I am my physical body.

And so, I commit myself to utilizing my physical body to serve as an indicator for when I am in reaction within my own perception of an attack on my self-image, as strength. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am ‘strength’ and that I must preserve this self-definition by denying and not accepting the notion that I am weak in one way or another.

When and as I see my body become elevated in discussion, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have initiated a mental program, I am reacting with a particular energy/emotion, and that I did not choose to behave this way in a single moment of self-awareness within and as the breath of myself as my body. I commit myself to, within a breath, assess who I have become, align the correction and live it as I exhale.

And this is how I transmute weakness into strength.

Day 374 - Consistency Update and The Effect of Writing

My last post was a week ago. While posting blogs at this frequency is not yet as consistent as I would like to see from myself, I realize that I am well on my way to getting there. My consistency in other areas has significantly improved, and I'll tell you why: I got back into a groove of writing!

I have a document on my computer that I frequent called Freewrite 2014, and I date and title every entry. It's basically my "digital journal" that I use when handwriting is inconvenient, but I'm not saying that I've ditched handwriting altogether. It's just transformed into more like quick scribbles when I'm waking up and going to bed, which I have found to be very assisting for keeping continuity and staying oriented to my responsibilities. Also, Post-It notes = Awesome, when used effectively, which varies by personal preference. Currently, I have a vision wall that organizes tasks in the different areas of my daily life, but I am still in the process of perfecting this tool. Another digital tool that I've been really enjoying is called WorkFlowy which is a really simplistic  (and free) program that isn't much different than an bullet outline, but I must say, once I had started really using it, I've become more and more organized in my thoughts, and so my life.

Overall, I've started developing which appears to be an excellent habit when I compare it to that day to day slump that I have experienced in the past. The shift from not being the directive principle of my life, to moving myself to get more accomplished everyday is really not as hard as it seemed it would be when I was still in that slump. The resistance from that perspective was more intense. The most significant part of this shift is in looking back, I think "What was I doing?! Why couldn't I see how easy it really is to change?" This "shift" that I am speaking of is not finished. I will again experience resistance in many other areas as well as in the same areas I've already once or twice transcended it. That's why this realization is significant. I know, for myself, through experience, that stopping a state of poor mental health and bringing awareness to what really matters (everything associated with physical reality) is really not that "impossible."

The solution is in fact: writing. Find as many creative ways to write. Get the thoughts out onto paper! Or your computer screen! Transferring mind to physical reality is the most empowering self movement.
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take full advantage of the tools at my disposal to become the best I can be within my physical application, to ultimately become a significant resource for Life's journey out of our consciousness enslavement that traps each of us in patterns of abuse in one way or another. I realize that from within a state of poor mental health, it's not so easy to see the solution and mobilize self to embody that solution. I commit myself to remain steadfast in my expression to stop my own "slumps" of not directing my life, so that through my process, and all that I become through it, I can be the most effective support for empowering and inspiring what is best for all within everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that my process of overcoming resistance is complete. I see, realize, and understand that this specific realization that is and has come through writing, has just begun. Yeah, sure I'm on Day 374, but that just goes to show that writing is pivotal to self-change every step of the way. I commit myself to bringing the realization of the importance of writing, here, to understand and transcend whatever resistances I am faced with in my journey to a resistance free life, where my living application is always in the interest of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that other people must realize this point, now! I realize that it's a process, and that each person will have a different pace in the journey through their mind and into their physical equality and oneness. I commit myself to being as supportive as possible to everyone who is interested in becoming the best, as individuals and as an essential part of the whole.

Bonus Links! :
Obviously, Desteni I Process Lite, an excellent writing training grounds
Perspective on the Resistance to Responsibilities by Paul Quessy
And a bit of writing wisdom from the Desteni FAQ on Purification Support

photo credit: wikipedia

Day 362 - What Happened to Daily Writing?!

Slip. Fall.

oops. Now what?

Get back up.


Here, I am standing back up to share my realizations, insights, and process through the mind that's gotten me into this position.

I realize now that I can't walk this physical process in my head. Duh, but why did I think I could? I suppose I forgot the whole physical aspect. My starting point and purpose within writing had become muddled and my foundation of self-support was no longer clear. How? The mind. I took stock in my own thoughts. I casually dismissed writing, as I was "too busy." Right. That's like a level one, primary excuse when giving into resistance energy. As I've now personally seen myself, giving into that resistance energy/feeling produced in the mind is not all it seems to be.

When I move according to the demands of resistance energy, I loose my footing in reality. That's what happened to me, at least in part. My physical foundation from which I am able to direct/lead myself as life into an expression of what's best for all, was a world away. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have trusted that I would manifest my dreams sometime in the future while I repeatedly give my self control over to the mind, instead of realizing my responsibility to direct myself within my mind into physical participation.

Okay, now looking at writing, specifically. Why did I forget about the importance of writing in stabilizing myself  in physical reality? For this answer, I have a poem:

I resisted looking at me
Self-honestly
For what I saw
I didn't want to see.

This is unacceptable, and yet I accepted it within a frame of mind that is my own self-interest. It's awkward that my automated self-interest is to protect me from confronting my fears...as if it was really in my interest to suppress them. That's a reality shattering insight. You get to the point where you see you can't trust your own self-interest, and then what? We write.

You don't "need" support, but you kind of do need it. I could have kept 'running my process' in my mind, and not realize how I was running in circles in my mind, believing myself to be busy, while the physical proof thereof was null. These circles, they are time-loops. A concept I deeply enjoy and have yet to fully grasp. By fully grasp, I mean to understand, to see myself within, to recognize in real time -> stop -> breathe -> move myself in the physical reality.

--

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate the impact that writing has in physicallizing my inner, and giving me the space-time to see me self-honestly. Within this, I recognize that I am holding myself accountable in the words that I see appear before me by my will. This is self-expression in the physical. This is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my thoughts, my mind, and my inner ability to organize my external living. I have seen the power of organization through writing in simple to-do lists, in spreadsheets, mind maps, business plans, cooperative agreements. This is where power is!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can still just do it all in my mind. A blind and ignorant ego doesn't help create a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the nature and design of my time-looping participation in the mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify remaining in the mind through "a need to prepare" before I start living / working toward my aspirations. I'll expand on this in upcoming posts.

I forgive myself for justifying a physical movement, in alignment with other stuff I also have to do, that's initially directed by an internal energy of resistance toward writing or any other primary task that brings up resistance. I've been here before, hence the link. And so I wonder: How many time-loops must I make before I stop and change for real? I must decide this for myself through physical action.

Finally, I UNDERSTAND why the chicken crossed the road...

photo credit: wikipedia

Day 295 - Defining My Online Presence

STAMP

SIMPLE: "Make everything as simple as possible but no simpler." Albert Einstein
TRUE: Be true to your passion, with values and behavior in alignment
ACT: "Vision without execution is hallucination." Thomas Edison
MAP: Know how to get from where you are to where you want to be
PEOPLE: The greatest success is achieved in collaboration

Taken from a book review by Robert Morris

The book called Digital Leader: 5 Simple Keys to Success and Influence, was recommend from a student in my recent online Social Media class. The book has a chapter on each of these concepts, but I've only just read this review and chosen to expand on each key to better see my "digital self" from a leadership perspective. *After writing the bulk of the below text, I am considering the purchase of this book and think anyone who is slightly interested in digital leadership should too consider it!

1) Simple

• "Make everything as simple as possible..."
• This is a good point to keep in mind because very quickly my writing can become verbose. The nature of Self-Forgiveness and my journey to life is 'content heavy' to say the least. This should not be an excuse to blabber on during my blog posts.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear witting too little to be effective and within that not realize when I am writing more than I need to.
• I commit myself to the self-honest assessment of when I have written too little/too much based on my written words' effectiveness in supporting myself within self-realization.
• "...but no simpler."

2) True

• Be true to your passion, with values and behavior in alignment.
• Self-Honesty
• This is why I'm here.
• This is why I write, which is important to note because my motivation is mostly derived from purpose.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to show off and be cool because I found out about the 'solution of self-forgiveness,' instead of self-honestly moving myself through this process for myself alone.
• I commit myself to investigating wherever my values and behaviors are not in alignment with the knowledge and information I write about, so I may take the time to apply and live the self-correction.

3) Act

• "Vision without execution is hallucination."
• This is similar to the second key value. To distinguish the two, I would label this one to be the living application. This blog is my writing dimension, which is a biggy, but living the correction from the insights and realizations that I have while writing is equally important.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that I'm not just here to write.
• I commit myself to start systematically bringing realization through into living application.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that as long as I write, I can slack off during the rest of my day.
• I commit myself to facing the reality of my life as signified by how I choose to spend my time in each moment.
• I realize that vision without application is useless mind play.

4) Map

• Know how to get from where you are to where you want to be.
• I have the 'map' / the how to / the Desteni tools: Self-Forgiveness, Self-Writing, Breath and Common Sense (from here)
•  I do not know exactly what I will become in this journey to life as the living expression of what is best for all, but I do know that I will be here with me in every breath! What is there to fear?
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I do not know how to get where I want to be through a moment of forgetting my breath within a charged fear experience.
• I commit myself to be patient with myself as the breath, realizing that it's my mind that wants to move faster than my physical breathing, but it is the thought and desire that slow me down.
• I commit myself to practically applying my map to get to where I want to be.
• pure
• self-honest
• oneness and equality, self-realized

5)  People

• The greatest success is achieved in collaboration
• Also why I am here.
• My publicized JTL Blog also serves as a way to share my individual process. I write transparently, for you to see me, so that perhaps one day, you might join Desteni and begin seriously investigating your mind too! It's worth it. Brace for a Dan Malara original quote:
• "No one enjoys facing their fears, until they do."
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sharing my process with all others.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear judgement.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making videos of myself.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let fear control and suppress my self-expression.
• I commit myself to walk my process and persist in removing the stifling fears that prevent me from sharing to my maximum potential
• I commit myself to sharing the perspective that each of us must stand up alone AND together in order to create a world that is literally the best place for all life.

Reflection: Long post, but I liked the break down. This is just a tiny portion of the homework I'll be conducting in order to become a leader in this global, digital community. For now, I commit myself to stabilize myself within self-leadership in my daily living. Starting with, SHADOWGUN...come see me tomorrow. Thanks for the support reader.

Day 294 - Becoming Efficient

There's an interesting dynamic going on within me. I have a perception that I and loaded with work to do, and then I perceive that for a moment it doesn't matter.

Procrastination.

The design of delay is what is going on here. I've been writing about this for a while now, so I'm going to make this short and sweet. The key factors to consider are 1) how I feel in a moment of resistance; 2) how I let that feeling guide me; 3) Perspective/Context dynamics

1) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel powerless to the uncomfortable feeling of resistance when faced with work/application. I realize myself as the creator of this resistance energy-feeling. I commit myself to breathe until stable, instead of reacting to the feeling and thus validating/empowering its purpose/existence.

2) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to submit to the energy of resistance by reacting to it. I forgive myself for not realizing who I am within submitting to the resistance. When and as I see myself within a reaction to resistance, I breathe, I stop. "Is this who I am right now?" I ask myself. I commit myself to asking this question.

3) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the discontinuity in my perspective when I am driven to accomplish vs accepting and allowing delay. I forgive myself for allowing myself to subscribe/buy into the delay perspective - that it doesn't matter and I can do work later, not understanding the gravity of consequence within this perspective.


I see and realize my obligation to direct myself in every moment. Even if I am going to relax and take a break, I must direct that without suppressing that feeling of pending responsibilities. When I allow my mind as feelings and emotions and justifications to guide me away from self-direction, I am making a statement that I am weaker than my own mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as weaker than my mind, not realizing my oneness and equality with it and the mild to intense energetic experiences it/I produce.

Plan the hour in context of the day. Plan the day in context of the week/month. Realize the continuity. If not now, when? Do work.

Day 160 - Basis of Self-Leadership for 2013 and Beyond!

This is the end of 2012, and I have learned a lot about myself. The effort required to blog these past one hundred and sixty days has given me a more perspective on my life. It's been entirely worth it, and I can see me making it all the way to day 2555. It's like a concrete accountability for my self-realizations, and I can clearly see what I've walked out in writing and what points need more attention. It's been far from easy and automatic. There has been a lot of resistance to the writing process, usually in the form of fear-based thought spin-off. And the thoughts move so quickly that I can easily have trouble finding the source or whatever it is that I'm trying to hide from myself. That's why self-honesty is crucial. I am breathing and slowing down the thoughts so I can see myself in self-honesty. From this starting point I will establish a real confidence in my ability to lead. No more personality creation cover-ups. I'm done overlaying new personality designs over the fear and self-doubt.

This whole writing process is me leading me into the self-change that is required to overcome the obstacles of my self-interested programming of my mind. When I can clearly stand within the principle of what's best for all always, I will actualize true confidence within my walk of leadership for self and others so that we may all take responsibility for what needs to be done to actually bring peace to earth.

I realize that I must be able to lead myself before I can help lead the world, so I've identified some more leadership points that I've related myself to and defined myself within limitations and self-defeatism. And here is the forgiveness release to bring me into the new year:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave the present moment that is here because I fear that I cannot be strong, assertive, confident, and/or certain when I am participating in a group of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect fear to 'looking stupid/inadequate/wrong,' and thus I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my thoughts are more valuable than remaining present as I have created and compounded many memories of when my thoughts helped me to mitigate imagined fear play-outs of which I did not realize myself as the creator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have been participating in self-generated fears to protect myself from them, not realizing that this process is not in my best interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize in each moment how and when I am in fear and with these fear-thoughts, create the fear to play-out in real life. I realize that I am manifesting my fears through the repetitive participation within them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am my thoughts and that I am so great within them, that I should follow them instead of the common sense reality that is here in all moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself as a leader because I observe others that are more 'carefree' and judge them as less than I because I am spending more time in thought of which I identified with within a superiority complex in being able to contemplate many imagined play-outs and chose the best one, not realizing that I am missing the moment when and as I move off into fear motivated thinking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear of other's not liking my ideas, not wanting to follow my lead, and/or putting down my ideas and so discrediting my position of leadership.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume that I can dodge these fears by thinking about them and figuring out a way to prevent them, and not realize that I was living in fear in this thinking process.

When and as I see myself participating in imagined fear play-outs so that I may try to mitigate the actualization of the fears I'm imagining, I stop I breathe. I realize and understand that I am actually creating the experience of fear by participating in thinking about ways to prevent the fear, as the starting point of my experience is fear. I commit myself to taking responsibility for all fear creation/experience and recognizing what I am doing so that I may apply forgiveness and live the correction as a new self-direction from the starting point of breath in doing what is best for all.

When and as I see myself in a frightened state, I stop I breathe. I realize that I can trace the origin of the fear thought-pattern through the process of writing with, in and as self-honesty. I commit myself to this process of writing and investigating my past so that I do not reactively create my future like a programmed organic robot.

When and as I see myself placing a dominating importance on my thinking process, I stop I breathe. I realize that I can effectively lead myself through life without living in fear, and through practice, I commit myself to figuring out how.

When and ass I see myself in fear of looking stupid or a variant thereof, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am participating in a design of fearing my own fear creations. I commit myself to stopping this illusion-to-reality enactment with mindful consideration of who I am within each moment of each breath.

When and as I see myself in one of the dimensions of leadership fear, I stop I breathe. I realize this is not who I am, and that I will not effectively mitigate the fear by participating within it. I commit myself to writing this all out for myself to see until it is done, and I live fearlessly with life.

Thanks to life, all and I.

Related Posts:

Day 141 - Establishing Self-Leadership

Day 159 - Lacking Leadership

Time is ticking, get serious with me and investigate what you've become so together we can disengage what we've collectively allowed within our world. End the atrocity. Look into how Equal Money System works and what the transition will look like.

Pic credit

Day 159 - Lacking leadership

The moment of self-direction is elusive and yet always here.

The pattern of the day I'm going to try and capture is the difference between giving up or giving in to a mind dominion state, and a self-honest directive. What I do is go into my mind when I perceive that I can't handle life or a certain aspect of it. For instance, I may be 'participating' in a social circle or even in conversation with one individual, and I find my own thoughts more interesting than what's going on in RL (real life). So, like an ADD child, BAMM, I'm off somewhere else. I've developed a nice set of consequences in so doing. I doubt myself, I wish I was more like the cool kids that seemed to be more socially invested and present with others more. It was leadership. It is leadership that I separate myself from others. I've long desired to be a leader. I lack leadership.

This is a key judgement & realization for me. I've been existing in separation of leadership, placing it very high on the pedestal, seeing it only in others and not myself. I read and long aspired to acquire leadership skills. I didn't really think to much about self-leadership and what that would entail.

SO, here's the deal. I'm going to map this one out and get back to you (me) tomorrow. There is a lot embedded in this separation/desire for leadership skills. I realize that I've been trying to show myself what I need to change through envying other's leadership qualities.

I ever commit myself to the self-discovery efforts required to exist as the change I see is best. I am here, writing for me and you if you want to read and join along. (Just join along, and start your journey to life. You'll thank you later.)

To be continued tomorrow.

Day 141 - Establishing Self-Leadership

Continuing with the first delay point from Day 140.

This character that I'm about to open up is one that I've largely been unconscious of and has been basically active since birth. My mother has been my primary leader for my whole life, and I haven't yet established myself as the primary reality creator of my world. Haha, kind of a big point, but then again, most of them are, or seem to be.

This character pattern has come to my attention because I've been back in my home environment after college, and there is a tendency to allow my mother to still create the vibe of my day, as her tendency is to continue to do so. Interestingly, when my dad is home from work, he still keeps his work ethic in motion and I find myself to be more productive around the home in helping him out. I generally match his efforts in contributing the household chores and whatnot. And in college, I also went with the flow of social life, only taking care of my responsibilities when I absolutely had to. Interesting realization, I must proclaim.

Initially, my perception was how the environment stimulated me differently, and I liked how life was "faster" with more to do and more being done in my college setting. What I didn't see within holding that perception is how I am blaming my environment for my lifestyle choices. It eerily seems like I've never really been making lifestyle choices and more just going with the flow of my fears and desires in different social contexts. This pre-determination flow is the mainstream argument against free-will. The desteni material suggests that when we become the directive principle of our lives, one with the physical, we can change our pre-determined destiny, and yet there still is no 'free-will'...but I won't get into that now :)

Here, my goal is to unravel how/why I've been abdicating the responsibility of self-leadership. The whole point of this blog and the Desteni I Process is to establish self-honesty and the effective leadership of self. So, this primal resistance of delay within my day-to-day living shall be one of the first serious habitual processes to go. And so I write:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I've abdicated my responsibility of self-leadership through continuing the childhood existence-orientation of being guided by others/mother/external factors.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the external forces for my day-to-day living/existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to so easily move into delay/procrastination and not realize the consequence compromising self within the total picture of daily productivity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize other's actions/inaction to justify or excuse my (lack of) self-direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and others as being lazy/unproductive instead of realizing myself within the solution of self-direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that self-direction is too difficult or undesirable and stopping there, instead of simply writing about any resistance that I experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that in writing about my resistances, I am directing myself through self-forgiveness and corrective application statements to stand as the solution within actualized realizations.

When and as I see myself moving into to delay because others in my environment are in delay, I stop I breathe. I realize that is process of establishing self-leadership requires that I lead myself and that in allowing the energy of others to direct me, I am abdicating the responsibility towards self and others as one.

I commit myself to stop allowing external forces to dictate and determine my energy, attitude and work ethic.

I commit myself to no longer justify or excuse my decisions on the basis that "if others are doing it, so can I."

I commit myself to becoming acquainted with the stability of self, here, within the physical, and no longer allowing the energy of my environment to determine who I am in relation.

I commit myself to continue to push through resistances through writing about them as this has already proven to be effective, and the alternative of allowing the resistance energy to direct me has consistently proven to be an ineffective submission experience.

I commit myself to stopping the judgement of self and others being lazy by standing within this point and effective directing it.

I commit myself to show others, by example, that effective self-leadership is possible.

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If you would like to begin supporting yourself in becoming the directive principle of your world, I highly recommend starting by learning the structure of effective self-freedom writing here: