Showing posts with label fall. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fall. Show all posts

Day 452 - Trip, Fall, Catch

Publishing everyday is no joke.

It's a serious commitment.

Life with all it's dynamic demands often get in the way. But here's the cool part: I'm always at will to catch myself in a fall.

Parkour lesson #1: Falling with grace.

(This will probably turn into another post.*)

When the ground is coming at you, there's actually a lot of time to respond to its/our velocity. When I first started playing with this concept, I was really drawn to the 'damage control' aspect, minimizing the overall impact for longevity of the body. Especially considering how a simple fall can have devastating, life-long consequences, I'd say it's worth it to practice and hone the skill of physical response capabilities the moment your inner ear tells you gravity is not operating within normal perimeters.

So, with the blogging, I didn't catch myself in 1 or even 2 days, and I find that interesting. I had plenty of moments to correct and perhaps not even miss any days. As soon as my evening plans changed, I could have incorporated my blogging time into my early afternoon time, for example. When I break it all down, all the excuses are BS.

What's valid, what stands, is that I do need to redefine, reshape, reconfigure these posts, to fit a "daily" style. What does that mean? I'll let go of pictures. Sometimes, but not all the times. The pressure I put on myself with the picture can sometimes be a reason for me to go into resistance, verses just simply dropping into my keyboard and the blank post and sharing candidly. Self-honestly, if I didn't procrastinate till 11:55pm to post each night, adding a picture isn't really such a big deal, and probably worth my while.

What else? I'll still do basic formatting. And I'm keeping the once-over edit, which is how I say: giving my post a single re-read, fixing, adding and subtracting as I see fit, and then publish. I'll keep adding keywords or labels, but how I do it may change. Instead of trying to attract others by using words that may help my search engine ranking, I'm going to simplify it and just do the basic few + some to categorize the main point, instead of trying to hit every angle.

And: I'm going to create 30 posts in the 30 days of September. That's what I signed on for initially, and when I missed these past few days, that's the agreement I made with myself, that instead of forcing myself to skip a day, I would let myself make it up. It's an odd excuse, "I'm not allowed to post TWO Day's in one day!" - I'll give this point its own post (soon), but the idea that "I can technically do what ever the hell I want to do," is really empowering. I set my own rules because it's my own self-expression. When life throws a curve ball, I adapt to the circumstance in my unique way. I commit myself to completing 30 posts in 30 days, even if that means I have to double or even triple up on some days.



The point of facing myself in a fall can be challenging (posts on that to come as well). It's a humble, recognition process, and then it's a decision to change the outcome for the best. It happens at all different time-levels. Fast-fast, when you're changing from high speed or heights, and much slower, at a different pace altogether - a 'life fall' (using that term loosely) happens when we just fall out of touch with ourselves, our interests, our joy, our meaning, our decision to be our best self..

I forgive me for accepting and allowing me mistreat me, by being less than I can be, and hiding from myself the reasons for which I'm sabotaging my best-self, so that I can't be honest with myself enough to see, realize and change without further ado.

I commit to treating me, myself, my life, with a little more respect, as this is the foundation of me in the world. I am responsible, within my capability, to grow as a human. All habits and behaviors that are not supportive of myself and others, are suspect and require deep, written examination (in posts to come).

I commit myself to reshaping how I approach this blog, being 'okay' with utilizing it more as a processing space for myself, however, publicly. So, it'll be more raw and behind-the-scenes style Dan, and I'll reserve the more fancy, SEO compliant, picture populated posts for another platform.*

For now, rest assured, I'll continue my writing. Fathom that it's totally possible to blog two days in one day, and just be ok with it, don't judge me. Ok?

Here we go!

Day 362 - What Happened to Daily Writing?!

Slip. Fall.

oops. Now what?

Get back up.


Here, I am standing back up to share my realizations, insights, and process through the mind that's gotten me into this position.

I realize now that I can't walk this physical process in my head. Duh, but why did I think I could? I suppose I forgot the whole physical aspect. My starting point and purpose within writing had become muddled and my foundation of self-support was no longer clear. How? The mind. I took stock in my own thoughts. I casually dismissed writing, as I was "too busy." Right. That's like a level one, primary excuse when giving into resistance energy. As I've now personally seen myself, giving into that resistance energy/feeling produced in the mind is not all it seems to be.

When I move according to the demands of resistance energy, I loose my footing in reality. That's what happened to me, at least in part. My physical foundation from which I am able to direct/lead myself as life into an expression of what's best for all, was a world away. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have trusted that I would manifest my dreams sometime in the future while I repeatedly give my self control over to the mind, instead of realizing my responsibility to direct myself within my mind into physical participation.

Okay, now looking at writing, specifically. Why did I forget about the importance of writing in stabilizing myself  in physical reality? For this answer, I have a poem:

I resisted looking at me
Self-honestly
For what I saw
I didn't want to see.

This is unacceptable, and yet I accepted it within a frame of mind that is my own self-interest. It's awkward that my automated self-interest is to protect me from confronting my fears...as if it was really in my interest to suppress them. That's a reality shattering insight. You get to the point where you see you can't trust your own self-interest, and then what? We write.

You don't "need" support, but you kind of do need it. I could have kept 'running my process' in my mind, and not realize how I was running in circles in my mind, believing myself to be busy, while the physical proof thereof was null. These circles, they are time-loops. A concept I deeply enjoy and have yet to fully grasp. By fully grasp, I mean to understand, to see myself within, to recognize in real time -> stop -> breathe -> move myself in the physical reality.

--

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate the impact that writing has in physicallizing my inner, and giving me the space-time to see me self-honestly. Within this, I recognize that I am holding myself accountable in the words that I see appear before me by my will. This is self-expression in the physical. This is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my thoughts, my mind, and my inner ability to organize my external living. I have seen the power of organization through writing in simple to-do lists, in spreadsheets, mind maps, business plans, cooperative agreements. This is where power is!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can still just do it all in my mind. A blind and ignorant ego doesn't help create a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the nature and design of my time-looping participation in the mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify remaining in the mind through "a need to prepare" before I start living / working toward my aspirations. I'll expand on this in upcoming posts.

I forgive myself for justifying a physical movement, in alignment with other stuff I also have to do, that's initially directed by an internal energy of resistance toward writing or any other primary task that brings up resistance. I've been here before, hence the link. And so I wonder: How many time-loops must I make before I stop and change for real? I must decide this for myself through physical action.

Finally, I UNDERSTAND why the chicken crossed the road...




photo credit: wikipedia

Day 267 - Success and Failure pt.3

Continuing with:

Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success
Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1
Day 266 - Success and Failure pt.2

Yesterday, I ended pt.2 of this series with a commitment to begin making an application of breath a new habit when faced with resistance, and desirable distraction. What I haven't really taken into account is all of the step I need to take to establish this habit.

This is the basis of which I will achieve my success. With a plan. With diligence. With commitment to who I am in relation to work. As barriers come up, I work through them. No more wallowing in failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become discouraged when I fail. I commit myself to perceiving failure as opportunity for growth, and no longer allowing a spiral of negativity. In my past, I have been so good at suppressing the self-defeated, inadequacy, "I can't do it" character that I wouldn't even acknowledge it. Rather, I'd simply move into a distraction or diversion that would allow me to maintain an inner positivity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prioritize my own inner feeling in a single moment rather than considering how I would self-honestly feel about a situation while taking into everything into consideration. To procrastinate requires this dynamic. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to temporarily ignore the inevitable consequence of delaying work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how much more proficient I could be if I didn't delay even one task. Delaying one task, delays all tasks. Unless I agree with myself that the delay is warranted through having task 2 take priority over task 1, I need to stay focused on achievement. That yields success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delay achievement, not realizing the consequence of delaying my success. If this continues until I die, I will have failed.

So what I'm seeing now, is that delay leads to failure and could be considered one and the same. I commit myself to not become discouraged and spiral into delay.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how delay is a fail, especially when I don't get up and give my whole moment/hour/day away to a feeling-guided storm of 'unproductivity'.  I commit myself to stop this when and as I see myself in this behavior.

Before the behavior comes thoughts. I commit myself to flag point which thoughts occur when I move into delay so that I will be best able to walk my process effectively in dismantling those specific thoughts so my directive power lies within my breath. From here, I move effectively.

I commit myself to continue to with this point until I am a living, breathing example of self-direction in every moment. Enjoy.


Day 164 - Time Stress



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stress out.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to uphold a stable, constant perspective of work ethic, and allowing myself to kill time until the 'last minute,' relying on the energy of imminence/necessity to motivate me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it is to difficult to motivate myself when there is no time pressure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be moved by the energy of mind when as task has a particular importance, based on time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place time before self, wherein I disregard who I am within any given task while focusing and amplifying time as the most significant factor in relation to completing work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize the energy pattern of 'stress' as a motivator, not realizing how I'm compromising myself within this.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with and in stress to get work done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that this reliance on stress to be productive has consequences. These consequences are the polar opposite of productive, wherein stress leads to the coping mechanism of avoidance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recognize the movement from stress to overwhelmed to avoidance, and for not allowing myself to realize who I am in a moment of breath when and as I participate in this design.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become stressed. I no longer support this energy. I no longer allow its dominion of my physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect stress to biting my nails.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop coping mechanisms for the energy of stress instead of simply returning to my breath and directing self, here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe stress is good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe stress is bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within stress.

--

When and as I see myself becoming stressed out, I stop I breathe. I realize that this energy is not an effective form of support. I commit myself to supporting myself within completing work tasks by developing my discipline to breathe and be a stable, directive force that is of life, here, breathing.

When and as I see myself postponing work so that I may have an easier time completing it from the starting point of energetic necessity/imminence, I stop I breathe. I realize that my participation within 'delay' has been extensive throughout my life thus far, and that this habit will take some time to deconstruct and rewrite. I commit myself to recognizing this delay pattern and consistently getting back up after a fall within a breath. I realize that repeatedly practicing self-direction is the only way to live within/as it. I commit myself to not getting discouraged. *food for tomorrow

When and as I see myself inside of an energy movement related to a work deadline, I stop I breathe. I realize that I can more effectively accomplish my work when I'm not taking a gamble with going into stress, as I have found that stress energy has two polar opposite outflows: productive and avoidance. I commit myself to stopping this energy, period

When and as I see myself biting my nails from within a stressed out energy pattern, I stop I breathe. I realize this indicator. I flagpoint the act stressed out nail biting.  I commit myself to utilizing this flagpoint for realizing my self-state & snapping out of the energy within a remembrance of my breathing.

When and as I see myself in delay, avoidance, procrastination, postponement, I stop, breathe and give myself a moment of self-assessment. I realize this energetic design may be an outflow from coping with stress. I commit myself to write out the point of participation, clarify what's going on inside of myself, and conduct specific self-forgiveness so that I may speak and live the correction as the new law of self, born from a stable breath, here, in self-honesty.

I commit myself to patiently discovering every point of my beingness that is not aligned with what is best for all life. I commit myself to self-correction. I commit myself to supporting others within the points that I have figured out within myself first. Thank you.


blog pic from here