Day 399 - Self-Leadership in a Relationship

I am quickly approaching the one year mark of living with my agreement partner. The past three weeks have been pivotal for me in realizing who I have become since moving in with my life partner, and who I want to be as a self-lead individual, acting to create that which is best for all within common sense.

We had little break for a weekend, and this space and time served as an opportune moment for me to reflect on who I have become. We have been constantly falling into the age-old pattern blaming each other as the problem and source of disharmony in our lives. Why would I continue unchanged when I see that the real problem is how I perceive and approach conflict in my life? Why am I here in this pattern? What happened to how I used to be?

I used to have this inner drive to excel and create, mind you, this drive is not free of energy. The desire for superiority, for praise and pride, for power, for longevity, for immortality through lasting creation, all of this contributed to the energetic personality that I specifically structured in my younger years.

That, I had to protect. Those false priorities of narrow and self-interested mind...they held my inner drive for excellence together. They comprised a very intimate sense of self. Before beginning my agreement-relationship, I was not fully ready to take on these dimensions of character. I was preserving them, and justifying how they can still exist in alignment with Desteni / best for all living. Living in close proximity with another process walker is an outstanding amplifier of self-honesty.

And because neither of us have walked this process of creating a comprehensive set of living agreements from which we define and shape our lives, individually and together, neither of us had an overwhelming quality of grace when trying to support the other to see themselves self-honestly. Lots of finger pointing, and disgruntled nights. It was uncomfortable for both of us. Reminding myself how the squabbling and reactive fights are revealing the mind's dominion of my vocal chords, and reminding myself of the end-picture, the potential that I know we will create together, is how I remained stable through the dark hours of the mind. It's only energy, and I'll be damned if I'm going to allow it to sabotage a physical potential for authentic love.

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What have I come to realize? I'll share that tomorrow.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to protect my self-dishonest nature of self as the desires for greatness, immortality through the creations that will outlast my lifetime.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fixate on manifesting moments with others in which I will feel praised, so that I can feel proud within the self-concept construct of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that who I believe myself to be is not who I am physically, and within this, for not realizing that who I am physically (in writing, in the spoken word, in action) is all that truly matters in the grand scheme of life on earth.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to really let go of who I am as the mind, as the self-concept, as the person I desire to be reassured by my external reality, of who I fear I'm not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the solution of covering up my own fears. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that hiding my fears is but a bandage bound to fall off.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, understand and ACT within the ultimate solution as facing all of myself within self-honesty, to dispel the illusion of grandeur, to forgive the fears, and to create lasting, best for all solutions that will stand into eternity.

And,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continually blame my external world and the people in it when life isn't handing me ego-validation on a silver platter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take this journey to life for granted, and within that, for taking my agreement partnership for granted.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I've been taking these processes for granted by attempting to perpetuate constructs that support me as the mind, as my ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project how I want the world to be and how I want others in my world to be and be toward me, onto the physical reality, and to not see how this is a serious force creating conflict in my life.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider the physical first.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run within the energies of the mind that pop up so nice and automatically for me...from me.


Thank you, my precious ego. You're prior ideas about the world and yourself in it are no longer of service.

Thank you, my dearest breathing body, for sticking with me through this horrible abuse that my ego perpetuates. I promise to diligently work through all the layers of dishonesty and bring myself home to the physical. I can, and I will.

*Picture attribution link

Day 396 - Why Do I Make Rushed Decisions?

I have a propensity to want to take the fast route, and this is because I've trained myself over the years to do so based on obtaining desires and avoiding fears, namely Self-interest. This training of myself was a process of automating my decisions, so I wouldn't have to put in the effort of discernment when a similar situation arose in the future.

That's a really important insight. congruent

Now recognizing that this decision automation phenomenon works based on the assumption that similar situations that may or may not happen in the future are essentially, exactly the same. Sometimes the past and future situations may be so overwhelmingly similar that we confidently label them "the same," but this experience would primarily serve to reinforce/solidify the misconception that "similar = same." I'd like to propose that this may even be the source of all conflict in the world.

Solution: Slow down the decision processes to nearly the speed of initial learning/integration, allowing us the space and time to bring multiple dimensions into consideration. To have a clean slate going into a decision process, versus utilizing my brain's preprogrammed decisions that really only function according to one or a few dimensions at most. Therefore, creating new mind-programs for the sake of easy decision making in the future is really an obsolete use of the mind. It follows that I can no longer run from the "effort of discernment." I must embrace it.

For as I apply myself more and more in this moment to moment decision making, the process itself will become easier as would anything that is practiced. As the saying goes, 10,000 hours of decision making within here-moments of comprehensive consideration, and I'll be a master decider! :)

I conclude that trying to avoid the "effort of discernment" only perpetuates, if not strengthens, the perception of difficulty within making decisions without preconceptions. I now commit myself to practice making more real-time, moment to moment decisions.

--

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I've automated most of my decision making processes based on what best served me, as a mind, within my past experiences.

Furthermore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe, perceive and trust that I am "knowing" because I've had multiple accounts of success while applying my self-pre-programmed decision processes throughout my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the value of putting forth a fresh, unbiased perspective when facing a moment of deciding something.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown, as a central, subconscious justification for collecting knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to circumvent the effort of discernment by accumulating enough knowledge and information that I can trust will guide me through life successfully by allowing (old) knowledge and information to, in essence, make my decisions for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from knowledge and information through attempting to collect, gather and store as much potentially-some-day relevant information as I can to free myself from the responsibility and consequences of making decisions myself.

Wooooooooooooo. That's a doozy. *Breathes in*

*Breathes out*

Continuing:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to superiorize my self-concept based on the amount and quality of the knowledge and information that I possess, quality being determined by the number of experiences of success and being 'right' when employing it.

I believe that it is I who is right, when clearly it was the information that was correct. And practically by luck of the draw, my opinion aligned with fact, and my ego soaks that moment up to create myself within the Arrogant Character. What's really interesting is how the decision to apply past information was really me. The decision was actually made by me, as the mind, as the knowledge and information itself. Goes to show why I would fight tooth and nail to prove I am right...Because I believe that I am the mind/information.

Wow, perception is powerful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am the information that I've gathered throughout my life experience.

And, I forgive myself for not accepted and allowing myself to realize how I've created and allowed my mind to automate my decisions and guide me through life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue protecting and defending myself as the mind, as information, and I now commit myself to reconsider everything.

I commit myself to flag-point my quick decisions to serve as a reminder that I may be in energy and of mind within the decision. Action plan: Check-in with self, and assess the starting point of the decision. If there is any memory, belief system or a dated mental construct, SLOW DOWN. Strive to bring more into consideration than what feels natural. Breathe.

I realize that decision making will become easier again. Understanding Self-honesty conceptually is a whole other thing from applying/living it. My self-interested, automated and pre-programed decision making within my mind consciousness system needs to be debugged. I have to recode and restructure how I make decisions...one decision at a time.

More on this to come!



Notes for further expansions:
- Impatience Character
- Trust in pre-existing knowledge
- Resisting responsibility
- Opinion as self-defining
- Parkour Philosophy
- Ego-death resistances

Day 384 - Mini-Day Scheduling: Resistance Dimension

In my last two posts, Day 383 - Directing Uncertainty & Day 382 - Uncertainty Flavored Resistance, I began to examine my relationship with uncertainty. Although it was more in relation to being halted by a fear of failure in some way, I realized that there is more that must be looked at within it.

Lately, I've been taking a more specific look at how to most efficiently structure my daily responsibilities. There is a methodology that I came across when I was only in the 6th grade that was referred to as the Mini-Day Schedule*. I'm taking a second crack at it now! I found it to be a little over my head when I was younger. So far, I'm finding that again, I'm facing similar resistances to putting this concept to work in my life. What's different this time is having many more explicitly known responsibilities. I can't afford to allow the uncertainty of how this new schedule functions to get in my way from practically applying this supposedly invaluable tool. Here's another dimension of how I've accepted and allowed uncertainty to sway me: procrastination. This is one of the very points that establishing this new Mini-Day schedule will support me to stop. This self-sabotaging game is done here.

--

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I've been sabotaging myself through giving into the resistance and delaying my active effort to create an efficient schedule of my daily living participation.

In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and delay implementing new/foreign techniques that I do not have a mental certainty of the successful use and outcome thereof.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will be defined by my mistakes when trying something new.

I commit myself to now face this point and walk each step of creating a mini-day schedule for myself, so that I may establish a foundation from which I can make improvements until I am consistently effective in applying this tool of structuring my responsibilities.

Now, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist holding myself accountable for my use of time. I realize that to record all the physical movements throughout my day to day living requires self-honesty and the grace of accepting that I'm not as perfect as I think I am. (weakness & strength polarity) I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist facing the self-honest truth of what I actually do with my time.

When and as I see that I am trying to protect and defend myself from the honest truth of how I currently spend my time, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it's not something to take personally. Taking it personally is why we get stuck in reactive mode. I realize that many of my decisions are made by the programs in my mind that I've established over time through intricate and specific fears and desires. Within this, I realize that the key is to identify each Decision Maker Program that does not contribute to my ultimate interest, that which is best for all, and shut it down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing parts of myself when I am faced with the moment of making a decision either as a self-interested program or as a self-honest awareness of all relevant factors. Too often short term interests seem to be too appealing to deny. I do not want to deny myself something apparently 'great'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about the bigger picture for a moment of weakness where I allow a mental program to make a decision for me, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the moment of self-dishonesty where I allow myself to delude myself for long enough to allow the program to choose for me.

I commit myself to self-honestly look at my day, record my actions, and begin this process of grouping my actions into fluid physical movements, allowing me to move swiftly through my daily responsibilities.


Thanks reader.
Leave a comment to share any perspectives or questions you may have.


*Credit for the Mini-Day Schedule concept goes to the writings of Mark Hamilton. For a brief overview, you can check out this blog post by D. Trauterman. Credit for the Self-Forgiveness process obviously goes to Desteni and the Desteni I Process.

Disclaimer: No tool can help you unless you are willing to use it properly.

Day 381 - Living Life: It's Not So Hard

This post is a general post about several specific instances where I found that applying myself wasn't nearly as bad as I was making it up to be in my mind.

• Public speaking
• Reading a book
• Writing a blog post
• Learning a 'difficult' subject
• Making a sandwich
• Waking up and getting out of bed
• and many other physical movements

In my past, I've avoiding this issue by going with the flow of it. If there was a discomfort in relation to doing or saying something, I wouldn't do it unless there was a really high reward, or a really negative consequence motivating me. Which brings into question: Was I every really making choices, or was I just being continuously swayed by my inner, reactive experiences to external stimuli?

As I've been walking this Journey to Life process, the aspect of my driving motivation has come into question often. I see that I'm moving from a self-interested, zombie-like human being, into a more considerate and responsible human being. Part of that process requires that I push myself to speak and act within an honor and integrity, even if I don't feel like it. So there is a battle between mind-consciousness generated feelings and emotions and other mind-consciousness generated feelings.

This is the nature of the inner struggle. It is the design of polarity that the mind uses to ensnare us in dilemmas that were not ever real to begin with. The solution is to create a structure for oneself. We are only ever a breath away from stabilizing in our physical body. The trick is to realize when we're in the throes of our mind reality, and this is accomplished largely by placing in a structure that serves as a self-supportive flag point to realize who self is in the bigger picture. As soon as the realization hits: STOP, BREATHE.

What I've noticed more vividly in recent times is that when we get to the point of applying ourselves within any physical movement, it's almost never as bad as we've worked it up to be in our heads. So, to begin phase one of implementing a preventative structure, I'm going to walk the self-forgiveness to disengage myself from the magnetic-like adherence of Self to/within/as Mind. Then the commitment statements serve to provide a new set of rules or structure for how I will direct myself when external stimulus comes in, essentially rewriting my inner script with awareness, moving from self-interested self-abuse into self-aware expression of what is best for all life.

--

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my living expression through participating in the throes of consciousness when faced with a physical participation act that I have resistance toward. In this, I realize that the initial resistance is the first sign of participating in the energetic struggle of the mind. When and as I see myself desiring to do something else, something other than what I originally intended to do, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to consider the biggest picture, to sit and write everything out on paper if I must, and to push myself through any resistance-energy that comes up so that I may focus on my responsibilities with the highest priority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my thoughts that come up as excuses and justifications are valid. I see here that with my self-generated excuses comes a specific energy signature that resonants: "this is true; I am right." Within that, I realize that I am automatically believing the thoughts that come up in my mind because I believe myself to be those thoughts, and I don't want to contradict myself! I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to decide to fight for my excuses to be right. Just because they came up first and automatically, doesn't mean that I must obey this initial thought. When and as I'm in resistance energy, and I see myself going into and with my first thought, I stop, I breathe. I remember that I am making a decision of who I am in a single moment. Do I really want to be with/as an excuse? Is that all I choose to express, my own limitations? I commit myself to breathe and sort out my decision process, in retrospect, when I see that I am not the directive principle of my life. I commit myself to applying the tool of asking myself: "Is this really what I want to being doing right now?" And answering this self-honestly.

When and as I see myself thrown into the inner consciousness struggle through a moment of fear, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am not an expression of fear, unless I am within and as the mind consciousness system. I commit myself to breathe into my physical body and push through the fear, no matter how uncomfortable it is. I realize that this commitment will require time and constant application. I realize that I will not be perfect in the beginning, and thus I commit myself to allow myself to fall and fail; however, I also commit myself to investigate the timeline of external and internal events that produced that consequence, so that I may walk the self-forgiveness and align the correction within me, so that next time, I am prepared to direct myself despite the energetic draw into a mental self-sabotaging experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of inner conflict when faced with such a simple task as making a sandwich. I realize that the deeper issue within this is facing uncertainty. This relationship with uncertainty requires further investigation and structure. I commit myself to bringing this point through into writing in a future post. For now, I commit myself to recording the experience and flow of events when faced with uncertainty. I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize the mind entry point of uncertainty. More on this to come.

I see, realize, and understand that there are many versions of resistance energy. The nature, the experience, how they feel and the perception of the power they have over me - it is all what I make it to be, what I accept it to be, what I allow it to be. Within this, I realize that I must create a structure for each form of energy that scoops me up into a mind-based perception of reality. Every specific instance where I allow myself to become thought, feeling or emotion requires a specific structured flag point. At the end of this process I will only ever exist as a breath, as one and equal with all existence, as a participant who chooses to direct himself and his world within the common sense principle of what is best for all.

Until then, I commit myself to investigate everything and keep what is best.

photo source

Day 374 - Consistency Update and The Effect of Writing

My last post was a week ago. While posting blogs at this frequency is not yet as consistent as I would like to see from myself, I realize that I am well on my way to getting there. My consistency in other areas has significantly improved, and I'll tell you why: I got back into a groove of writing!

I have a document on my computer that I frequent called Freewrite 2014, and I date and title every entry. It's basically my "digital journal" that I use when handwriting is inconvenient, but I'm not saying that I've ditched handwriting altogether. It's just transformed into more like quick scribbles when I'm waking up and going to bed, which I have found to be very assisting for keeping continuity and staying oriented to my responsibilities. Also, Post-It notes = Awesome, when used effectively, which varies by personal preference. Currently, I have a vision wall that organizes tasks in the different areas of my daily life, but I am still in the process of perfecting this tool. Another digital tool that I've been really enjoying is called WorkFlowy which is a really simplistic  (and free) program that isn't much different than an bullet outline, but I must say, once I had started really using it, I've become more and more organized in my thoughts, and so my life.

Overall, I've started developing which appears to be an excellent habit when I compare it to that day to day slump that I have experienced in the past. The shift from not being the directive principle of my life, to moving myself to get more accomplished everyday is really not as hard as it seemed it would be when I was still in that slump. The resistance from that perspective was more intense. The most significant part of this shift is in looking back, I think "What was I doing?! Why couldn't I see how easy it really is to change?" This "shift" that I am speaking of is not finished. I will again experience resistance in many other areas as well as in the same areas I've already once or twice transcended it. That's why this realization is significant. I know, for myself, through experience, that stopping a state of poor mental health and bringing awareness to what really matters (everything associated with physical reality) is really not that "impossible."

The solution is in fact: writing. Find as many creative ways to write. Get the thoughts out onto paper! Or your computer screen! Transferring mind to physical reality is the most empowering self movement.
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take full advantage of the tools at my disposal to become the best I can be within my physical application, to ultimately become a significant resource for Life's journey out of our consciousness enslavement that traps each of us in patterns of abuse in one way or another. I realize that from within a state of poor mental health, it's not so easy to see the solution and mobilize self to embody that solution. I commit myself to remain steadfast in my expression to stop my own "slumps" of not directing my life, so that through my process, and all that I become through it, I can be the most effective support for empowering and inspiring what is best for all within everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that my process of overcoming resistance is complete. I see, realize, and understand that this specific realization that is and has come through writing, has just begun. Yeah, sure I'm on Day 374, but that just goes to show that writing is pivotal to self-change every step of the way. I commit myself to bringing the realization of the importance of writing, here, to understand and transcend whatever resistances I am faced with in my journey to a resistance free life, where my living application is always in the interest of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that other people must realize this point, now! I realize that it's a process, and that each person will have a different pace in the journey through their mind and into their physical equality and oneness. I commit myself to being as supportive as possible to everyone who is interested in becoming the best, as individuals and as an essential part of the whole.

Bonus Links! :
Obviously, Desteni I Process Lite, an excellent writing training grounds
Perspective on the Resistance to Responsibilities by Paul Quessy
And a bit of writing wisdom from the Desteni FAQ on Purification Support

photo credit: wikipedia

Day 370 - How to Program Yourself and Automate Behavior

This is a core concept that we study in the Desteni Group: How have we automated ourselves as human beings. It's a multidimensional point to look at because firstly there is the mind/body/awareness distinction, there's the unity amongst them, and there are the many layers of logic/emotion within the mind itself. Briefly, who we are is all three, but the distinction can be described as that awareness being who we are, enslaved by the past and future constructs of mind, with the body being our physical expression from which the mind generates or resources all it's energy from. It's like our physical body is a battery for the mental reality, just like in the Matrix! Here's an example of some Desteni material that actually illustrates this point and touches on what I'm going to elaborate on now.

The multi-layered mind holds within it a long history of decisions. We store many memories for the sole purpose of making future decisions easier. This process happens on various levels of consciousness, but primarily we integrate many decision frameworks on a subconscious level in childhood. We continue the process on a more conscious level later one, but the big kicker here is that our conscious decisions are built on the foundation of the subconscious layers. Big surprise: the basic motivations in making these decisions on all the conscious levels are based on avoiding pain and gaining pleasure; fear and desire.

So we've spent our whole lives automating our behaviors, our personalities, our entire perception of reality through a lens of fear and desire within self-interest. The Desteni principle of moving this starting point of self-interest into a starting point of best for all, is merely an act of compassion, integrity, and common sense really. I want what's best for all, but my preexisting mind programs that I've so carefully created to benefit me all those years of my past require an equal care to disengage and realign with my new decision to live by the best for all principle.

Now, putting this all into real life examples, and sharing with you how this point opened up for me. I have yet to stabilize my relationship to the nail biting habit, and I was doing well by not biting them at all for a week, in part because a friend saw my facebook post about breaking this habit and decided he'd strike up a conversation with me about it. We ended the conversation in an agreement to be a support for each other in stopping this obsessive habit. The day we were to speak again, I made a decision that changed everything..

I started to bite one of my nails, I stopped, I thought about what I was about to continue doing, I thought about it more, then I thought about the solution of not doing it AS I CONTINUED TO BITE. As you can see here, I fell. This playout was not a 'stop and breathe' movement. It was a stop and think movement. Interestingly, what really brought my attention to this point was how during the moment I was thinking about the solution and continuing to bite at the same time, my right ear started ringing. I referenced some of the desteni perspectives that I've come across in the past few years to relate the ringing to a misalignment in the structural/physical (right side) 'here' (h-ear) moment, which resonated really well. I was ignoring the physical correction that needed to be put into action in that here-moment.

For the next several days, I continued biting my nails, and I continued investigating the importance of that single moment of accepting and allowing myself to bite my nails, here. I was 'here' with me and my thoughts as I decided to continue biting. This was the moment that I automated an unwanted behavior.

What a silly thing to do. Why would I do that? It's moments like this, where the mind holds contradictions and yet directs us to pay attention to the just the information that suits our immediate desire/fear.

The solution: To stand back up, and begin again with the process of accumulating physical memories of asserting my self-direction with the relationship I have toward the nail biting habit. There are many dimensions of many contexts for which this solution is applicable. We create our reality. I created this relationship to nail biting primarily from a fear starting point of having a nail get ripped off in some freak accident with a screen door slamming shut (memory of this happening to my brother). I see, realize and understand that this relationship, born of fear, does not serve what is in the best interest of all, and thus, I must recreate my mental framework, layer by layer, until I am stable in relation to my nails.

Tomorrow I will continue with the self-forgiveness and corrective application writings. Still to come, How to Program Yourself and Automate Wanted Behaviors.

Day 366 - Year 2: Adjusting My Starting Point

It's simple to write, and yet there are all these reasons, excuses, and resistances that can come up in the mind. You can probably relate to the inner thought, "I just don't feel like it right now."

I'm coming to realize that we are constantly and continuously creating our reality through these perceptual moments AND I too often seem to be at the whim of my fluctuating feelings and emotions. It's like I could learn a thing or two from my heart: the way it just keeps beating, doing work; not just when it feels like it, but constantly and continuously. Until that moment when it stops, of course. So I look at myself, and I see a person that moves himself rather inconsistently at the moment, and yet the day when I stop completely grows nearer constantly and continuously.

The point: Will I continue to accept and allow myself to be a victim of my own conditioned mind patterns? If I do that, then I'm going to end up with the conventional life that I set out to leave behind when I dedicated my life to understanding. To really understand self, there are some mental phenomena that need to be stopped. It's not cool to sulk within a lethargic energy experience because I've trained myself to rely on internal energy experiences to motivate myself. It's not alright that I am deliberately making multiple decisions from the starting point of serving the mind (seeking positive experience or avoiding negative experience). It's most certainly not groovy to think all that matters in the world is my experience of myself within it.

For too long I have accepted and allowed myself to shape my self-belief based on the feedback I get from others.

For too long I have accepted and allowed myself to shape my self-belief based on the feedback I fear I would get from others.

During my first year of Journey to Life blogging, my starting point was based on this socially constructed self-belief. I did realize that I wouldn't have it all perfectly sorted out from the get go, so I allowed myself to go into it with this energy-motivation that specifically fulfilled my ego needs. I enjoyed the recognition and the feeling of writing a good post. I hadn't considered the consequence. Feeling good has to balance out with feeling bad, regardless of how much we try to suppress the bad from our conscious remembrance (this is where self-honesty comes in). I didn't make the connection between that positive feeling reward from writing a good blog post, to the negative emotion of fearing that it wouldn't be a good post.

All the speculation, and worry, and need to be seen as awesome and fear of being judged as not; it's all shit. It's all a product of how I've structured my mind to best suit the idea of myself! This ego. This socially constructed and validated idea of who I am in this reality.

I stop. I breathe.

This is the choice I commit myself to start getting more acquainted with while walking my real-time process. I have spent a long time investigating the Desteni Message, and honestly it did take awhile to sort through it all. But I was already on board with the Oneness idea when I was in my spiritual phase, spending a bunch of money to activate my DNA and become an ascended master to leave my mark in the world. Haha, so it took a few years wrestling with the contradiction of equality before I could no longer remain stubbornly in my pursuit of wanting to become more than others. I saw how I wanted to be better than others because I held a semi-suppressed belief that I was worse than others.

Oneness and Equality: Best for All

Eventually, it just makes absolute sense. When the mentally induced resistance subsides. When the ego-preservation mechanism is trumped by self-honest consideration of the whole picture. When I begin to let go of the belief of who I am that is an externally constructed idea. When I start coming to terms with the fact that I'm not so special. When I start looking at the reality of myself in contrast to the idea of myself. When I put myself in the shoes of another...

I realize I want what is best for all.

The problem is, I've created my mind for 2 decades within the objective parameters of wanting what was best for me. I CONDITIONED MYSELF TO THROW MY NEIGHBOR UNDER THE BUS. In literal terms, I ridicule and judge others to make myself feel superior. All I've ever cared about was me and my success. Sure I wanted to make a positive impact in the world, but I had no concern about a hypocritical means to a glorified end.

Now, I can't sit here in this perceptual reality of self-judgment. I take responsibility for who I was and here is how I'm going to do it: I'm closing the gap between my past self, my present self, and my future self. They are all here, and I take responsibility for directing each aspect through a process of forgiveness and corrective application.

Over the course of this next year:

I commit myself to clearly exemplify my process of writing and self-corrective application.
I commit myself to write more frequently than I have been the past 6 months.
I commit myself to start deciding to stop and breathe when and as I see myself in a mind-created reality.
I commit myself to support what best for myself and others through reformatting my mind and reprogramming it with awareness.
I commit myself to see who I am as one and equal with who I've been and who I want to be.
I commit myself to prioritizing physical actions to create in reality.

AND for the final point of this post:

I commit myself to adjust my application within process to include equal parts of self-forgiveness to corrected application, 1:1, meaning: this game of glorifying self ends here. I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing and writing and writing until I am clear and stable within self-understanding AND practice the correction until my self-change is lasting and real.

Thank you.

cc photo

Day 361 - Enjoy the Process -OR- Focus on the Outcome

In Desteni, there are many tidbits of wisdom that can be breeze right through one's mind and not take hold. Today's topic is one of them:

Enjoy the Process

My initial relationship to this phrase was, "Yeah, sure, will do. Why wouldn't I?" And that relationship stuck with me for quite some time, and it wasn't until now that I realized the need to redefine this relationship for myself. I have been missing the point. Within my shallow acceptance of this phrase, I skipped over the practical application of it in my life. I hadn't taken the time to even see where/how exactly this phrase could be integrated as a self-support application. Well, now I see it.

I was discussing my progress, or lack thereof, on an DIP Pro assignment with my support buddy, and one of the points that came up was how I wanted to have the assignment done correctly, if not better. This is a familiar personality design I have known as myself for many years: The perfection character. To stop my inner perfectionist from sabotaging my progress, I'm beginning today with peeling back the layers of mental schemas that compose it.

Problem:

• I create an ideal outcome in my imagination
• I get attached to that perfect outcome
• Desiring to define myself by it
• In fear of failure, I shut myself down before even trying
• Fearing to define myself by/as a failure

Solution:

(here is just the initial session of SF statements and corrective application statements - more to come!)

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for allowing myself to be overwhelmed, not realizing that within this judgment, I separate myself from the point and further disempower myself to stand up from within it, taking responsibility for it, and change.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delay and procrastinate my responsibilities because I fear not having the perfect outcome, that I want to define myself by, instead of getting to know myself in exploring my expression of myself in the process of accomplishment.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing that which I created in a surreal and ideal dimension of my mind, not realizing the extent to which I allow this fear to direct my life.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to define myself by my magnificent accomplishments, not realizing the polarity energy of fearing to be defined by my failures, and how I allow these energies to make my decisions for me, all based on my own mental math to calculate gain/risk for me as ego.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this decision formula, and to have allowed myself to participate within it, unchecked, for so many years.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand how I have been creating myself through calculated, ego-serving mental energies.
• I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to fully participate with Desteni and apply the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, and corrective application, which I understand are in my best interest but have for too long decided that my energetic mind reality is too powerful.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inferior to the sway of my mental-energy programs.
• When and as I see myself in a moment of resistance energy, I stop I breathe, I realize that this energy is not real in the context of physical reality. It is no more than my own creation, and it has only as much power as I allow it to direct me. I commit myself to stand up from within this energy experience, stop it, breathe, give myself direction in a way that reflects who I want to be (from the perspective of eternity). I move myself and I make decisions that I could live with forever. And when and as I see that I do not, I stop I breathe and I investigate the relationships in every detail.
• When and as I see myself in separation of myself through judging myself or my decisions, I stop I breathe. I realize that the solution isn't so easy as self-judgement -> guilt. I commit myself to realigning my beingness with that decision, to take responsibility for it and face the consequences, so that I can actually produce lasting self-change through the process of accumulating insight and self-trust in applying that insight.
• When and as I see myself procrastinating, I stop I breathe. I realize that my choice to procrastinate has been linked to my fear of failing to reach a desired outcome. I also realize within this that this mental reality always stops at the end-point of failure...meaning I've been basing my internally constructed reality on a timeloop. When a failure occurs in reality, I can then make the choice to try again until I succeed. I commit myself to give it all I got! And when fear of failure programs activate in the mind, I commit myself to recognizing that end-point that seems to be the end of the world, and breathing through it, moving myself into physical participation.

Reward:

• Less anxiety - no more dreading an undesirable outcome
• Enjoying life - life is a process, not a reward at the end
• Productivity - from stagnating within mental loops, to moving within self and the world outside
• Supporting others - most effectively accomplished when the process of change is considered

So now, just need to do is apply some common sense reasoning, and presto! The obvious choice here is to walk through the energetic impulses and attachments to outcomes. As hard as that may seem in some moments, those are the critical moments from which I must stand up and stop the pattern. Who I am is equal to the sum of who I am in every moment, every breath.

Day 273 - Success and Failure pt.9

cc

Continuing with:
Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success
Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1 - Imagination Dimension of Success
Day 266 - Success and Failure pt.2 - Opening Resistance to Success
Day 267 - Success and Failure pt.3 - Spiraling Distraction
Day 268 - Success and Failure pt.4 - Components of Resistance
Day 269 - Success and Failure pt.5 - The Critical Moment
Day 270 - Success and Failure pt.6 - The Direction Question
Day 271 - Success and Failure pt.7 - Externalized Directive
Day 272 - Success and Failure pt.8 - The Problem with Mind-Self Separation

Failure Character

You see what I did there? Today is the first time I put a title ^ and from now on, I'm going to only not name my blog in the beginning with intention. This way I am either direct and focused on my writing point, or I am directing an exploration of myself through writing. Now, I wish to speak on a point that has held me back from expanding myself soooooo many times. It's one of those things that's shameful in retrospect and "if I could go back in time, I'd tell myself..."  SO, my solution here is to acknowledge this habit and forgive it. I will also begin applying the living correction, but there's an interesting dynamic at play in this.

When I commit to live the change that I have written about, and fail, my past tendency had been to retreat and isolate myself into myself. Like a very real, lived suppression, I hide inside of myself. It's some ass backwards self-protection mechanism that I picked up some where along the way. This is no longer allowed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failure, create failure and to within failure, react to failure by suppressing myself into an alternate mind reality where I believe I am safer than if I am present within the physical space-time reality moment of here. In this, I realize now that I've been compounding the fear of failure by reacting to it within fear. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to failure within fear, not realizing that I'm completely entranced within circular fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the extent to which I was compromising myself in a downward spiral of manifesting fear, when and as I perceive failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define failure according to something that is bad and needs to be avoided, run from, hidden from, within this allowing myself to react to failure by going into a mental, ego protection stance within myself. I've never before been directly aware of how/why I feared failure. It sure is nice to dig it up and face it!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing myself within not being able to uphold my commitments to myself such that when I do failure, I react instead of standing back up to resiliently persist.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall and retreat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand up and press forward with failure perceived as a supportive lesson to take with me.

Ahh, that is the key. My perception of failure needs to be gradually shifted and practiced like anything else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will fail in applying what I have learned about my fear of failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize my backdoor, encryption programs that exist to ensure I do not change and realize my power to move myself one and equal within and as a directive principle.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I've been holding myself back by fearing to face my fear. It's a simple encryption when I see it, but it's rather effective when I'm in it.

When and as I see myself within a cyclical experience of fear of failure, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am not here, directing the situation effectively. I commit myself to remembering who I am with my breath, to stand up, and chose to move/speak within common sense.

When and as I see myself fearing my inability to produce practical, living change of myself, I stop I breathe. I now recognize how this 2 bit encryption (fearing fear) is me actually creating the conditions for failing and so compounding failure repetitively. I commit myself to seriously confronting fear when and as I experience myself within a fear fit. If that fails, I commit myself to reflect on the incident at the end of the day and speak self forgiveness aloud.

When and as I see myself brushing off failure, suppressing fear, I stop I breathe. I realize that my ego does not want to own up to fear. I commit myself to taking responsibility for the fear, as one and equal with me, the creator.

When and as I see myself directed by fear of failure, I stop I breathe. Too many times have I turned and went the other way because I did not have the courage to risk failing. I commit myself to shifting my perspective of failure such that I am willing to fail in front of the whole world. Why? Because I know I will keep trying until I succeed. With each failure, I have the opportunity to pick myself back up and continue, knowing how not to fail the same way. And if I do fail the same way twice, three times or more, I commit myself to investigate that point, and not allow myself to define myself with the failure, rather define myself by how I choose to react to failure. If I fail to change within failure, I realize I have as many times as I personally require to live the change. This is my process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others in such a way that I amplify my fear of failure. Dang, there's a whole different dimension to fear of failure. Will explore in posts to come. For now, I will continue with the last point I wish to address in this Success and Failure series. The key to success. Join tomorrow to read my solution of...

Day 272 - Success and Failure pt.8

Continuing with:
Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success
Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1 - Imagination Dimension of Success
Day 266 - Success and Failure pt.2 - Opening Resistance to Success
Day 267 - Success and Failure pt.3 - Spiraling Distraction
Day 268 - Success and Failure pt.4 - Components of Resistance
Day 269 - Success and Failure pt.5 - The Critical Moment
Day 270 - Success and Failure pt.6 - The Direction Question

Day 271 - Success and Failure pt.7 - Externalized Directive

Yesterday I started exploring where and when I have abdicated my responsibility to direct myself. I found that there are many specific subjects/scenarios/situations that I let my mind simply choose my path, as if on auto-pilot. There are many ways that I allow my mind to day dream off into other things that I could be doing, other than the current task at hand. For example, since I've begun writing this paragraph, I've wanted to shower...but first maybe go for a run...and then I think about what points I want to write about for the rest of this post...and tomorrow. My focus in the moment wanders without my permission..

Is that what's really happening? Or am I making subtle choices to go into thought about what I want to do/write next?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mind, as a separate entity than myself, for making my mind wander, and so placing self as a victim of my mind that was created from my past. Wow. This is probably how everybody dodges the responsibility of self's choices. I have this awareness of what I know is the self-responsible thing to do, but then the desire steps in to suggest I do otherwise. NOW, the interesting thing: I place myself as a victim of my own desire. I separate myself from the desire. And within that, I place myself as inferior without even realizing this whole process.

All the while I have completely forgotten about my breath, forgotten that I am here, and my mind continues to have this internal battle, friction of right and wrong...but the curious thing here is that the purpose of this internal friction seems to just charge the desire. Back and forth until my argument for the desire wins.

This is a real problem. I could have just accepted that I have a hard time focusing and spent the rest of my life trying to focus, potentially medicating with mental aids like Adderall. Fortunately, I've been able to rely on my "do or die mode" to get the important stuff done when it matters. Doubly fortunate, I've stumbled upon an effective method of self-investigation through self-forgiveness to strengthen and bring my directive principle back to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my mind and become a victim of my desire, not realizing that I am the creator of that desire.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize my responsibility in having programmed my own mind to desire certain things based on past experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to accept that I am responsible for my desires.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to follow my desires when experiencing resistance toward writing/work, and within this I apologize to myself (I am sorry) that I have been foolish and let myself go when even faced with a little resistance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up and give into my programming, to relinquish myself to the internal energies that I have structured to suit my self interest and that which makes me feel good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider how much my past influences who I am now, and in this, for forgetting that I created my perspective from past experiences and as the creator, I am responsible for all of me.

When and as I see myself within an internal battle, creating friction between two wants, I stop I breathe. I realize that I know what I really want to do is aligned with what's best for all (and me), and that by participating in the internal debate, I am actually building the argument for the self-compromising desire. I commit myself to live here, and continually bring myself back here, to my breath, when I make self-directive decisions.

I commit myself to make self-honest agreements with myself.

I commit myself to stop trying to spin/justify my choices without being self-honest and considering the whole picture, including the consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate the act from the consequence.

I commit myself to realizing the connection between the act and the consequential outflow when making a decision to move or speak. (thought, word, deed...interesting how I left out the thought dimension of this commitment...not ready?..thought dimension to come)

I realize that some of my commitments seem 'ideal' and may to some readers seem impossible. I commit myself to share with my readers my entire 7 year journey to life, the entire process of deconstructing my internal mind programs and recreating them with awareness of what is best for all.

I commit myself to continually investigating where my commitments do not hold up. This relates to 'failure' and my whole failure character. More on this tomorrow!

When and as I see myself experiencing resistance toward my work, I stop, breathe, and realize that I am now within a system/program where my goal is to abdicate my responsibility to be self-directive. I commit myself to write about resistance as it comes up. I commit myself to further exploring the starting point of that resistance. I commit myself to also explore the desirable distractions that I turn to when resistance comes up to investigate that side of the equation and find out how I've created that desire in the context of my past.

I commit myself to giving myself plenty of time to work this all out for myself. This is not a race. This is me effectively applying myself in every moment, every breath. This is me having fun! :)

For a cool, related perspective:

This interview nicely depicts
self-change vs self-compromise.

Day 223 - Physical Postural Correction

I was fortunate enough to get a massage today, and there was a rather interesting statement made by the masseuse: "If you do not change your posture, you will just go back to the way you were." Meaning, all the work she was doing on the connective tissue was merely a release, and that my structural posture will only hold the correction if I strengthen the weak muscles. Instantly, I related this to my blog yesterday about the 2 parts of process: 1) Self-forgiveness & 2) Corrective application.

I even said to her, after giving a little context that massage is like self-forgiveness in how both are a release. Massage is a physical release of a holding pattern, and self-forgiveness is a mental release of a behavioral pattern. BUT, if I want to follow through with actual self change, in both cases I must put in that extra work. I have to move me into the correction. Physical posture correction requires the proper strengthening exercises and awareness of the physical, and stopping habits requires the will to stick to that decision in every moment.

So, how else do these two processes relate? The massage/self-forgiveness releases patterns as well as brings awareness. I didn't know my physical posture was misaligned and unsupportive, just as I didn't know my perspective was misaligned and unsupportive. There is also the relationship that when posture is aligned, my body is more supported and healthy, and thus I will be better able to replicate this in the mental realm.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to care less about my body than my mind, not realize that they are one and equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize when my mind has wandered in separation of my body to the extent that I don't realize my physical posture.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize my mind in separation of my body. This is how we are all existing, and this is what needs to change. The practical corrective application for this is walking the investigation process who we are as mind and living the correction through. The second part of living the correction is going to be a challenge. Are you up for it?

--

When and as I see myself occupying a mental space without awareness of my body's positioning, I stop I breathe. I realize that the ideal in this situation is to be living one and equal with my physical and my spoken word. I commit myself to supporting my physical body through postural awareness, and in turn, my body will support me in being able to walk through resistance.

When and as I see myself disregarding my physical body, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am my physical and without it, I wouldn't be able to experience my mind. So, this mind before body delusion has to stop. I commit myself to first considering my body before I venture off into any mental space. I commit myself to practicing this repeatedly, and to remain as breath when realizing a fall, not getting upset with self-failure energy possession that totally compromises my ability to get back up after a fall.

I commit myself to my commitments, even if I fall here and there.

photo from: wikimedia

Day 172 - Glazing Over

This is a continuation from yesterday (Day 171 - Zoned Out Episodes) where I am continuing to open up this aspect of myself that seems impossible to overcome.

A friend told me today that she heard from someone who recently learned from a higher-up yogi that we should not judge ourselves for spacing out because sometimes we need it to recharge. I thought is was kind of cool because I didn't think of it as recharge. Yesterday, I was framing this phenomena as primarily a negative distraction and didn't consider it as a mental recharge. This could explain why I'm finding it so easy to drift off: Mentally, I crave it.

While I was free writing about some more Zone-Out dimensions earlier and have gained a little more insight into the extent of this mental behavior:

• It's easy in, and easy to stay in - I follow the thought, into another thought, into another...
• ends with glorified conclusion - insight, realization, connection
• Intriguing thought-train
• There is a feeling of comfort & safety associated
• I allow/excuse/justify drifting off when experiencing resistance to writing/work
• It happens while listening to others
• relating to pre-existing knowledge and/or formulating a response
• Loss of awareness of posture / all of physicality

So, bottom line: I do not support the mind as me to exist in separation any longer. When and as I see myself "recharging" my mind, I stop, I breathe. I commit myself to breathe myself back into awareness of me within the physical reality that's stable and remain here always.

I commit myself to working through all the layers related to zoning out, where I let myself go free into mind without any real consideration/care for the world around me. I understand this will take some time, but without starting, I will get nowhere.

Prepare your minds for tomorrow's boatload of self-forgiveness, as I proactively remove some of these conditioned layers/relationships toward allowing my mind to freely take dominion over my awareness.

Thank you for reading.

I stopped eating donuts but thought this to be an appropriate image for today :) 

photo credit

Day 121 - Continuing the illusion

The process of walking out of the mind is like breaking down the illusion through self-forgiveness inspired realizations of self. The realization isn't enough to stop the illusion which is why we are instructed to write the corrective application statements and live them. If I'm aware of a certain facet of my mode of operation, and do nothing about it, realization will not automatically equate to change.

The desires are the positive; the fears, negative. These illusions are created by our minds and seem as real as anything from the stance of mind. My ego wants this and judges that, and this is the mind-walk we've all been doing for a long, long time. Me as mind wants to survive and continue the positive illusions, though I want to abolish the negative illusions like fears and self-doubt. Our tendency is to run/hide from our internal fears by creating a positive, outward appearance for others to see, and when we get that feedback/validation, all is well. The fears are at rest because reality is 'proving' otherwise.

Self-dishonesty is the subtle hiding of these mind illusions. So, self-dishonesty is the continuance of the illusion. Self-honesty is stopping the allowed mental experience creation overlay onto reality, breathing and living with the entire physical existence, here.

So, our fears and desires serve to keep us locked in to this experiential overlay creating. To deconstruct each point is like peeling back union layers of suppression. As we've become accustomed to our suppressions, they are comfortable/familiar. We created our personality / self-concept from them. These fear/desire mind programs that we inherited are still our creation, and in self-honesty, this is apparent. So, by no fault other than my own, I am continuing the illusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself from seeing the negative experiences of fear-based thoughts by covering them up though a movement toward a positive experience creation, not realizing that I'm perpetuating the illusion.

I commit myself to realizing how I am perpetuating the illusion and to become aware of when I am in my head and have forgotten about my breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be unaware of my mind within experiential creation, in separation of the awareness of my breath.

I commit myself to continue writing myself to freedom, on a daily basis, by working out the individual, specific points within my fear/desire illusions of mind.

When and as I see myself willingly continuing the illusion, I do not react with self-judgment. I realize that through writing the point out, I can work with it in physical space-time. I commit myself to slowing my experience down so that I stop jumping around from point to point in my mind and gradually align with the physical existence.

Day 105 - Some cool Self-Forgiveness for the Resistance fire

Hot. The feeling of friction. When my body wants one thing and my mind wants another = resistance. The experience of diminished or faltering will. When my true will is perceived/labeled as a negative experience (i.e. homework), and my short-term, pleasure seeking will takes dominion. I now understand this to be the work of the mind within the framework of polarity. Pos/neg experiences that are only such because of a repeat allowance of my mind telling me "that's the way it is." Why/how? Well, that's what I'm figuring out: The root of all perceptual bias, based in specific past experiences. Taking this for granted, just letting the machine run = unintended consequence. Like procrastination. Without further ado:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define work/homework/writing as a negative and tedious experience that is to be avoided or spent as little time with as I possibly can.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach a negative experience to the word 'tedious,' and within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself the patience to do what needs to be done according to what's best for myself and others, equally. This means 'pleasure seeking' as self-serving only, has no place other than as a life-distraction for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into seeking pleasure as a habit that is used when avoiding a negative experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that through pleasure seeking, I am existing as a starting point of pain, so in relationship to procrastination, I hide the experience of pain associated with my work as I move toward the positive experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only ever wait until the last minute to do work, and in this not seeing that I've short changed myself out of an honest expression of myself within my work. Within the negative association that placed onto work, I suffered unnecessarily through the delay of that pain, trying to make it go away without having to honestly do the work. This is the way of the cheater that takes shortcuts and lies about it to hide the layers of experience created without understanding how or why experiences feel a certain way. I understand that it's all creations of my past, just gotta find where...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to acquire the perception that work is a negative experience from parents/others, and for accepting that perception as valid, and for projecting that experience onto any and all work that wasn't immediately aligned with my self-interests.

--

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to rush through my process and delay facing the resistances, and temporarily hiding them from myself within a positive illusion. I commit myself to patiently walking through and writing down any resistance that gets in my way. I own it, I allow it, I stop it. Simple, the design is simple, yet from the perspective of limitation, the task seems daunting. tedious, hard, impossible, not worth the effort...ya, a limited perspective indeed, clouded by numerous thoughts/feelings/emotions.

Nice artwork by  Kelly Posey

When and as I see myself moving from self-direction into delay as the seeking of positive experience, I stop I breathe. I realize that within this act of procrastination, I've wrongly accused work as such a negative experience (within assumption or future projection) that my mind actively seeks positive experience distractions that do not benefit me within my process of self-realizing all as one. I commit myself to continue facing resistance. I commit myself to stop simply allowing resistance as mind to direct my actions from day to day. I commit myself to digging deeper into resistance, like fear of failure, wasting time, etc. and to patiently persist in facing them and letting them go. I am here. I direct me. Stopping the bullshit takes more courage than I initially estimated, so this is a process of unraveling layers and building momentum within the courage to persist as self-honest.

The mind is to predictable to be fun, "been there done that" sort of thing...until you're jaded.

Join me in the pursuit of doing what's best for ALL always. You owe it to yourself ;)