Day 396 - Why Do I Make Rushed Decisions?

I have a propensity to want to take the fast route, and this is because I've trained myself over the years to do so based on obtaining desires and avoiding fears, namely Self-interest. This training of myself was a process of automating my decisions, so I wouldn't have to put in the effort of discernment when a similar situation arose in the future.

That's a really important insight. congruent

Now recognizing that this decision automation phenomenon works based on the assumption that similar situations that may or may not happen in the future are essentially, exactly the same. Sometimes the past and future situations may be so overwhelmingly similar that we confidently label them "the same," but this experience would primarily serve to reinforce/solidify the misconception that "similar = same." I'd like to propose that this may even be the source of all conflict in the world.

Solution: Slow down the decision processes to nearly the speed of initial learning/integration, allowing us the space and time to bring multiple dimensions into consideration. To have a clean slate going into a decision process, versus utilizing my brain's preprogrammed decisions that really only function according to one or a few dimensions at most. Therefore, creating new mind-programs for the sake of easy decision making in the future is really an obsolete use of the mind. It follows that I can no longer run from the "effort of discernment." I must embrace it.

For as I apply myself more and more in this moment to moment decision making, the process itself will become easier as would anything that is practiced. As the saying goes, 10,000 hours of decision making within here-moments of comprehensive consideration, and I'll be a master decider! :)

I conclude that trying to avoid the "effort of discernment" only perpetuates, if not strengthens, the perception of difficulty within making decisions without preconceptions. I now commit myself to practice making more real-time, moment to moment decisions.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I've automated most of my decision making processes based on what best served me, as a mind, within my past experiences.

Furthermore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe, perceive and trust that I am "knowing" because I've had multiple accounts of success while applying my self-pre-programmed decision processes throughout my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the value of putting forth a fresh, unbiased perspective when facing a moment of deciding something.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown, as a central, subconscious justification for collecting knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to circumvent the effort of discernment by accumulating enough knowledge and information that I can trust will guide me through life successfully by allowing (old) knowledge and information to, in essence, make my decisions for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from knowledge and information through attempting to collect, gather and store as much potentially-some-day relevant information as I can to free myself from the responsibility and consequences of making decisions myself.

Wooooooooooooo. That's a doozy. *Breathes in*

*Breathes out*

Continuing:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to superiorize my self-concept based on the amount and quality of the knowledge and information that I possess, quality being determined by the number of experiences of success and being 'right' when employing it.

I believe that it is I who is right, when clearly it was the information that was correct. And practically by luck of the draw, my opinion aligned with fact, and my ego soaks that moment up to create myself within the Arrogant Character. What's really interesting is how the decision to apply past information was really me. The decision was actually made by me, as the mind, as the knowledge and information itself. Goes to show why I would fight tooth and nail to prove I am right...Because I believe that I am the mind/information.

Wow, perception is powerful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am the information that I've gathered throughout my life experience.

And, I forgive myself for not accepted and allowing myself to realize how I've created and allowed my mind to automate my decisions and guide me through life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue protecting and defending myself as the mind, as information, and I now commit myself to reconsider everything.

I commit myself to flag-point my quick decisions to serve as a reminder that I may be in energy and of mind within the decision. Action plan: Check-in with self, and assess the starting point of the decision. If there is any memory, belief system or a dated mental construct, SLOW DOWN. Strive to bring more into consideration than what feels natural. Breathe.

I realize that decision making will become easier again. Understanding Self-honesty conceptually is a whole other thing from applying/living it. My self-interested, automated and pre-programed decision making within my mind consciousness system needs to be debugged. I have to recode and restructure how I make decisions...one decision at a time.

More on this to come!



Notes for further expansions:
- Impatience Character
- Trust in pre-existing knowledge
- Resisting responsibility
- Opinion as self-defining
- Parkour Philosophy
- Ego-death resistances

Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1

In this mini blog series, I'm going to address what my barriers to success are by redefining my relationship to both words: SUCCESS and FAILURE. Yesterday I opened this up by uncovering how I've been living within two versions of success, one imagined and one real. Today, I'm going to expand on and get to the roots of my success character, mostly within the imagination dimension. If you haven't read my Day 264, give a quick look to the outline for reference here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine that I will be successful in the future without considering or having any regard for the practical steps that are required to achieve success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to inflate my ego and feel good about myself by living within the imagination of my future projected self. In this, I am not living here, I am not practically considering how to achieve greatness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine that I will be successful because I am special and lucky.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I will not have to work hard for a fortunate and successful life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from reality and live within the imagination of how great I am/will be. When reality hits, I've been pretty good about ignoring and suppressing my shortcomings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress reality of my living and emphasize the imagined greatness of myself - for in so doing, I have greatly compromised myself in being able to actually achieve success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize, after many, many timeloops, that procrastination does not lead to the success that I imagined and projected for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the extent of how I have been supported by my parent throughout my coming of age, such that I did not ever grasp the stark reality of life without a free source of money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to undervalue money because I wasn't working for it. I'll expand on this point when I break into my relationship with money later on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize the law of attraction to gain what I desired without effort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that law of attraction works without consequence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe my hopes and dreams were already a part of my destiny, requiring no real effort, instead of planning how I can practically create myself in alignment with my vision of success.

When and as I see myself as a successful person in the future, I stop I breathe. I realize that's not who I am. I commit myself to stay here and focus on the small successes of the moment, that which is practically attainable.

When and as I see myself trying to achieve an imagined success without considering the details within it, I stop I breathe. I realize that by living in the mind, it's easy to get excited about what I conjure up in my imagination. I commit myself to assess the details of my pursuits of achievement/success so I can understand what is required in space and time to make it happen.

Okay, lots still to go. Thanks for reading. Catch ya tomorrow!

Photo credit

Day 237 - The "I Can't Do it" Character

Related to this theme of work ethic that I've been writing about the past few days, I'd like to take this time to begin working with the character dimensions. Why is this? "I can't do it."

Again there is this fear of failure, and it is increased because of this expectation that if I am thorough with decoding of this "I can't do it" character with all of the character dimensions and STILL fail to remove the self-limitation pattern, "then I'm really screwed."

Artwork by Kelly Posey

Okay, forgiveness game plan: first this above point, then I'll flow out some "I can't do it" SF related to the backchat dimension and tomorrow I'll expound upon the character dimensions. My lack of understanding is no longer an accepted or allowed excuse within me as fuel for this self-sabotaging fear of failure crap.


Note Current Related:

• Adam's Day 187: Futility and Fear of Failure
• Sunette's Day 321: Why do we Give Up BEFORE we Even Started? onward (to Day 325 presently)

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become apprehensive and shy away from things that are new/novel/foreign because I do not want to fail.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to with inferiority toward unfamiliar objects/objectives.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go with the thought that "I can't do it" when faced with a challenge of doing something new.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be perfect/great at something that I've never before tried.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect that I must have success initially without making any mistakes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will be unsuccessful before I have even become acquainted with the new challenge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I am paving the road to failure with the thought "I can't do this."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I create my reality and that which I think will manifest if I allow it to accumulate and build momentum into the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to passively assume that "I can't do it."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell myself that "I can't do it" from a starting point of self-doubt/inferiority, not considering the practical, physical dimension of whether or not I can really do it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I've been basing my decisions within energetic fluctuations in my head based on my past. It's like a snowball of determinism!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the chance to try.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in and empower my fear of failure, make it out to be real as if it is actually real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to validate fear.
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When and as I see myself thinking "I can't do it," I stop I breathe. I realize that I have reacted and this thought is an energetic relation to the external challenge  I commit myself to really stop, breathe, and consider what is practically here before I just go on and automatically think that "I can't do it."

When and as I see myself reacting toward a challenge or something new with any thought, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have created a mental system from past experience that operates in relation to my ability to succeed. I commit myself to making a note of these challenge initiated, reactive thoughts, and then moving them through into a writing expansion to determine the pattern that remains in control and in my way of a stable, breathing decision  where I practically take into consideration all relevant points that are here.

When and as I see myself moving within fear of failure, away from the challenge, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have reacted, and within this realization, I commit myself to not react in self-pity. I commit myself to either stand up and go back to face the point of challenge or to write about what happened.

I commit myself to write, write, write, until my keyboarding speed is over 55WMP, and until I am able to move my realization from the paperwork into reality through a moment of living application. Until I am consistently applying the principles of which I write, I commit myself to continue writing. Until it is done. I can do this!