One Man's Journey to Life: encryption

Failure Character

You see what I did there? Today is the first time I put a title ^ and from now on, I'm going to only not name my blog in the beginning with intention. This way I am either direct and focused on my writing point, or I am directing an exploration of myself through writing. Now, I wish to speak on a point that has held me back from expanding myself soooooo many times. It's one of those things that's shameful in retrospect and "if I could go back in time, I'd tell myself..." SO, my solution here is to acknowledge this habit and forgive it. I will also begin applying the living correction, but there's an interesting dynamic at play in this.

When I commit to live the change that I have written about, and fail, my past tendency had been to retreat and isolate myself into myself. Like a very real, lived suppression, I hide inside of myself. It's some ass backwards self-protection mechanism that I picked up some where along the way. This is no longer allowed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failure, create failure and to within failure, react to failure by suppressing myself into an alternate mind reality where I believe I am safer than if I am present within the physical space-time reality moment of here. In this, I realize now that I've been compounding the fear of failure by reacting to it within fear. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to failure within fear, not realizing that I'm completely entranced within circular fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the extent to which I was compromising myself in a downward spiral of manifesting fear, when and as I perceive failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define failure according to something that is bad and needs to be avoided, run from, hidden from, within this allowing myself to react to failure by going into a mental, ego protection stance within myself. I've never before been directly aware of how/why I feared failure. It sure is nice to dig it up and face it!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing myself within not being able to uphold my commitments to myself such that when I do failure, I react instead of standing back up to resiliently persist.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall and retreat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand up and press forward with failure perceived as a supportive lesson to take with me.

Ahh, that is the key. My perception of failure needs to be gradually shifted and practiced like anything else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will fail in applying what I have learned about my fear of failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize my backdoor, encryption programs that exist to ensure I do not change and realize my power to move myself one and equal within and as a directive principle.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I've been holding myself back by fearing to face my fear. It's a simple encryption when I see it, but it's rather effective when I'm in it.

When and as I see myself within a cyclical experience of fear of failure, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am not here, directing the situation effectively. I commit myself to remembering who I am with my breath, to stand up, and chose to move/speak within common sense.

When and as I see myself fearing my inability to produce practical, living change of myself, I stop I breathe. I now recognize how this 2 bit encryption (fearing fear) is me actually creating the conditions for failing and so compounding failure repetitively. I commit myself to seriously confronting fear when and as I experience myself within a fear fit. If that fails, I commit myself to reflect on the incident at the end of the day and speak self forgiveness aloud.

When and as I see myself brushing off failure, suppressing fear, I stop I breathe. I realize that my ego does not want to own up to fear. I commit myself to taking responsibility for the fear, as one and equal with me, the creator.

When and as I see myself directed by fear of failure, I stop I breathe. Too many times have I turned and went the other way because I did not have the courage to risk failing. I commit myself to shifting my perspective of failure such that I am willing to fail in front of the whole world. Why? Because I know I will keep trying until I succeed. With each failure, I have the opportunity to pick myself back up and continue, knowing how not to fail the same way. And if I do fail the same way twice, three times or more, I commit myself to investigate that point, and not allow myself to define myself with the failure, rather define myself by how I choose to react to failure. If I fail to change within failure, I realize I have as many times as I personally require to live the change. This is my process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others in such a way that I amplify my fear of failure. Dang, there's a whole different dimension to fear of failure. Will explore in posts to come. For now, I will continue with the last point I wish to address in this Success and Failure series. The key to success. Join tomorrow to read my solution of...

This post is a semi-capstone to my mini writing series on responsibility:
- Day 241 - The Path of Least Resistance

- Day 240 - Timing and Responsibility in my Hands

- Day 239 - Becoming Responsible

I say "semi" because I've realized the multidimensional layering of my current, encrypted personality designs takes patience and persistence to decipher. I have always had a hasty walk. To get from point A to B, I would much rather bike or skateboard, and so within this writing process, where I am walking through my mind and realigning myself with and as life, I have had the tendency to try to race to the finish. So far, I've been trying to move through points so fast that I haven't been giving myself the time to apply and live the correction that I lay out in my commitments.

So, taking responsibility is really a two part process within ONE decision. The decision to actually walk the correction, and then to actually WRITE and APPLY.

It's a little awkward at first, I'll admit. Moving from passive consumption to participatory engagement is strange because I've spent so much time passive and reacting, that self movement and leadership just doesn't seem natural. There is a lot of internal resistance that leads to excuses for not changing self in a way that is self-honestly responsible for how self decides to exist. Why is this important?

The obvious: self-empowering to become a responsible and effective leader of oneself.

The ultimate: not everyone is able to make this choice to become responsible for their living. Us privileged people that have the time and resources to read this blog are unimaginably lucky relative to the far less fortunate citizens of this earth. I recommend this free interview if you want a polar opposite perspective to put your life into perspective.

So, for me to sit pretty, troubled by mundane affairs and getting the nice car for social status, requires a layer of ignorance or complex suppression. How could anyone sit pretty while there are lives on earth in absolute discord and strife? The only reason I can come up with is brainwashed or rather brain-conditioned to feel powerless, inadequate in the context of changing the world. Deep down everyone want this world to be free and fair.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I cannot make this world perfect.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid that I will fail in this world, that the world is too big for me to make a difference, that I am powerless in the context of the bigger picture.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be complacent and seek momentary pleasures because I can.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can simply maintain a happy life for myself through leveraging my fortunate circumstances and ability to provide for myself and maybe for only a hand for of others that I determine are also more valuable than others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself, my life as more valuable because of my ability to be successful.

What's going on here? I am forgiving myself for the what ever layers come up in relationship my position in the world. Why? Because I have found this perspective of self-interest to be limiting the amount of responsibility I have allowed myself to take on. What's wrong with that? Self-sabotage to the detriment of all life on earth.

Understand that each has the potential to contribute to creating a world that is best for all. What's more is that if we do not take on this worldly responsibility, who will?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the powers that be to take care of me, completely abdicating my responsibility for my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to realize my role within existence as a whole.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist contemplating and understanding the implications of universal oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist taking responsibility for my individual participation as a one and equal life-form, manifest.
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When and as I see myself fearing to take responsibility for myself in the context of this entire existence, I stop I breathe. I realize that if the large majority share and allow this fear, we are enslaved to this hellish existence we call Earth. I commit myself to showing others that that I can stand up as a responsible citizen of earth, supporting what's best for all.

When and as I see myself facing resistance toward self-honest, self/world-responsibility, I stop I breathe. I realize that I create this experience of resistance according to my residual pre-programming. I commit myself to walking through resistance within my breath, to be who I am as responsible for my world.

When and ass I see layers of self-doubt in the context of responsibility and overcoming resistance energy, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have to walk through a multidimensional encryption. I commit myself to not giving up, within a full understanding of my ability to stand, utilizing the tools of self-forgiveness and breath to decrypt and remove my conditioned internal experiences, to ultimately create myself as a responsible expression of life within oneness and equality.

One step at a time, I commit myself to stabilizing, here, within my breath, as a pillar of support for all to stand and take ownership of this world.

One Man's Journey to Life

Day 273 - Success and Failure pt.9

Day 242 - Worldly Responsibility

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