Day 321 - Each new moment following

What's cool is how I've got a firm grasp on how to refocus myself before going into a delay time-loop that could potentially cycle throughout the whole day. The tools are known, and I know how to use them to stop a resistance energy and refocus on my responsibilities.

What lies ahead is my steadfast application of these tools in every moment of recognition of an energetic personality take over. These personalities vary. I will interchangeably use the word 'personality' with 'character' until further notice. To exemplify how different characters come into play: I write now with a voice/tone that is different than perhaps yesterday or even the first paragraph. One of my favorite writing aspects is being able to capture this writing voice and reference it in the future and relate the experience of myself then to how I experienced myself now.

A few reasons why I would switch into different personalities:

- watching a movie = adopting some characteristics of the main characters portrayed

- at home with family = high comfort zone, well established relationships

- with friends = same as family with variations like more and less comfortability in specific dimensions

- with strangers / potential friends = shyness, desiring positive relationship / fearing negative judgement

- with a girl = similar as above, but there is more to gain/lose (shyness amplified)

All of these points of entry into different personalities must and will be investigated. Yesterday, I had a break through with my lethargic personality - recognized the energy, and in a moment stopped my participation within it just long enough to apply vocal self-forgiveness, followed by self-directive statements.

My goal remains to stabilize all personalities into a singularity. How? Why?

Because in every moment that I activate a particular personality, I have lost awareness of my one true character that is here in the physical. This one true character is a person with whom I have a severely underdeveloped relationship. My primary characters activate in certain social situations, and while alone, for various reasons typically pertaining to desire and fear from a self-interested perspective. The relationship to these characters are strengthened through a life of learning them and participating within them. I no longer accept and allow myself to go through life with an unstable world view, causing consequences in my life and the lives around me.

I will take on each and every character, until it is done. And with the one personality, I choose to support what is best, for myself and all other lifeforms that are in existence. It's an unregrettable decision. The how to accomplish this factor is the real feat. How does one go about learning how they've been living within predesigned, coded personalities, and then willingly reprogram self? This can be answered through investigating the message of Desteni. It's takes some time to acclimate and assess what is being said because 'self' as a programmed set of personalities has no time to question self. Cracking the ego code is not for the faint of heart. Most other groups in the self-realization category appeal to the ego. That's not self-honest. Study what is self-honesty. It is the concept that's going to change the world.

I challenge myself to continue with a steadfast self-honesty, to in each new moment following, no longer accept and allow energy to determine how I lead my life.

cc

I am - here - I stand
to support self in actualizing what is best for all.

Day 252 - Where Rubber Hits the Road

Ok, I'm at the breaking point.

How will I proceed?

I can write about self-change only so much more. If I do not start living the changes I want to see, then I need to reassess who I am in this process. Why do I continue to write with energy and not live my words as one and equal expression of myself?

Yesterday I wrote about this idealized inner self. That's what I am unleashing when I write. So there is this deattachment from reality as I write in separation of my actual, lived participation. This is a critical error that needs to be looked at from every angle because if I only see it through one dimension...I am a failure. And all I'm good at is failing. Not a healthy perspective.

The reality is that I'm walking a multidimensional process. To sort out all that is at play in my mind takes patience, I realize that. I also realize that my writing is only serving to clarify what's going on within me, FOR ME to take into consideration and apply what I discover in the moment that matters most. The moment of change. The moment of caving, and letting the desire/fear take over my directive capacity.

So I'm in this physical dimension, and walking many dimensions of my personalities through writing, so eventually I'll reach that point of having accumulated enough perspective to become more aware of my directive processes. This point, like a tipping point, is where I have seen enough of myself to no longer be able to stand within my energetic programmed existence of push and pull. And when I've had enough, I change. Can't bear the shame.

I stop, I breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not realize the consequences of inaction, of being aloof.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only attempt self-change through reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to breathe when I want to align with what is best for me and all life equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop an inner self-concept that looks/feels better than the realistic version of myself, creating a false sense of security as who I am..

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can change through realization alone, therefore all I believed I was responsible for was this fun, structured blogging and then self-change would just naturally unfold.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize my responsibility to breathe and become the self-director of who I am in the moment of change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility to myself to be self-directive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not sound my self-forgiveness out loud to live and breathe the words to life. In this, I have been only walking my realizations of desired self-change in writing. Very similar to paying attention in class and yet not ever doing homework (another school personality of mine).

When and as I see myself faltering in the moment of self-change, I stop I breathe. I realize that I may or may not have the context to make sense out of what is moving me. I commit myself to study and examine the energies that move me without my permission. I commit myself to start standing up within myself as life within equality and oneness to direct myself in a common sense way. Self-sabotage is going out of style.


Tomorrow I'm going to dig deeper into my relationship to speaking self-forgiveness aloud and figuring out the differences of only writing vs sounding it as well.

picture credit

Day 242 - Worldly Responsibility

This post is a semi-capstone to my mini writing series on responsibility:
- Day 241 - The Path of Least Resistance

- Day 240 - Timing and Responsibility in my Hands

- Day 239 - Becoming Responsible

I say "semi" because I've realized the multidimensional layering of my current, encrypted personality designs takes patience and persistence to decipher. I have always had a hasty walk. To get from point A to B, I would much rather bike or skateboard, and so within this writing process, where I am walking through my mind and realigning myself with and as life, I have had the tendency to try to race to the finish. So far, I've been trying to move through points so fast that I haven't been giving myself the time to apply and live the correction that I lay out in my commitments.

So, taking responsibility is really a two part process within ONE decision. The decision to actually walk the correction, and then to actually WRITE and APPLY.

It's a little awkward at first, I'll admit. Moving from passive consumption to participatory engagement is strange because I've spent so much time passive and reacting, that self movement and leadership just doesn't seem natural. There is a lot of internal resistance that leads to excuses for not changing self in a way that is self-honestly responsible for how self decides to exist. Why is this important?

The obvious: self-empowering to become a responsible and effective leader of oneself.

The ultimate: not everyone is able to make this choice to become responsible for their living. Us privileged people that have the time and resources to read this blog are unimaginably lucky relative to the far less fortunate citizens of this earth. I recommend this free interview if you want a polar opposite perspective to put your life into perspective.

So, for me to sit pretty, troubled by mundane affairs and getting the nice car for social status, requires a layer of ignorance or complex suppression. How could anyone sit pretty while there are lives on earth in absolute discord and strife? The only reason I can come up with is brainwashed or rather brain-conditioned to feel powerless, inadequate in the context of changing the world. Deep down everyone want this world to be free and fair.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I cannot make this world perfect.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid that I will fail in this world, that the world is too big for me to make a difference, that I am powerless in the context of the bigger picture.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be complacent and seek momentary pleasures because I can.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can simply maintain a happy life for myself through leveraging my fortunate circumstances and ability to provide for myself and maybe for only a hand for of others that I determine are also more valuable than others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself, my life as more valuable because of my ability to be successful.

What's going on here? I am forgiving myself for the what ever layers come up in relationship my position in the world. Why? Because I have found this perspective of self-interest to be limiting the amount of responsibility I have allowed myself to take on. What's wrong with that? Self-sabotage to the detriment of all life on earth.

Understand that each has the potential to contribute to creating a world that is best for all. What's more is that if we do not take on this worldly responsibility, who will?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the powers that be to take care of me, completely abdicating my responsibility for my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to realize my role within existence as a whole.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist contemplating and understanding the implications of universal oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist taking responsibility for my individual participation as a one and equal life-form, manifest.
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When and as I see myself fearing to take responsibility for myself in the context of this entire existence, I stop I breathe. I realize that if the large majority share and allow this fear, we are enslaved to this hellish existence we call Earth. I commit myself to showing others that that I can stand up as a responsible citizen of earth, supporting what's best for all.

When and as I see myself facing resistance toward self-honest, self/world-responsibility, I stop I breathe. I realize that I create this experience of resistance according to my residual pre-programming. I commit myself to walking through resistance within my breath, to be who I am as responsible for my world.

When and ass I see layers of self-doubt in the context of responsibility and overcoming resistance energy, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have to walk through a multidimensional encryption. I commit myself to not giving up, within a full understanding of my ability to stand, utilizing the tools of self-forgiveness and breath to decrypt and remove my conditioned internal experiences, to ultimately create myself as a responsible expression of life within oneness and equality.

One step at a time, I commit myself to stabilizing, here, within my breath, as a pillar of support for all to stand and take ownership of this world.