Day 412 - Commitment to Speak Daily Self-Forgiveness

Over the past year +, I've been practicing speaking self forgiveness out loud, and I've noticed a pretty significant shift in my process. The main difference is this sense of solid, grounded movement. Like, if you're familiar with writing the self forgiveness out on paper or on a blog or whatever, sometimes it seems like it's not all sticking, or "I must be missing some dimensions, that must be why the SF isn't taking hold."

I've many times revisited the realization that self-forgiveness is only effective when paired with the corrected living application. The way I understand it is that the self forgiveness removes energetic blocks that lock us in repetitive, unwanted behaviors. With clearing that old instruction out of the body, it's now up to SELF to finish the job and create the corrected code to live by.

So that's a very important aspect, but what I'm looking at for this post is the specific difference of writing self forgiveness versus speaking it aloud.

As I'm currently understanding it: The writing is kind of the structure, blueprint, code that is contains the power. Like a key. I like this key analogy that just came to me! Writing out the self forgiveness is like fashioning the key for a mind-body system "lock." When writing out the self forgiveness for self, I can be astoundingly specific, because within and as me is also the equality: Self = Lock. So, it is highly beneficial to leverage writing as a tool and a medium, for exacting a precise key.

Now, when I sound the self forgiveness, out loud, using my vocal chords and diaphragm: this is the turning of the key. Living the words in my voice = having the key in the lock, and turning the key. Physical application. Using my body as an instrument, and playing a coded symphony to the demise of a particular ailment. It's like tuning the body.

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So, at this point in my process of understanding how everything hangs together, I am ready to commit to a daily application of spoken Self Forgiveness. I know clearly, and first-handedly the value of this practice, and I see no reason not to incorporate this into my daily routine. I'm going to start with a 90-day commitment, and go from there. I'll keep you posted.



Cool related audio from Bernard:
2012 - When Self Forgiveness is Real?

Day 366 - Year 2: Adjusting My Starting Point

It's simple to write, and yet there are all these reasons, excuses, and resistances that can come up in the mind. You can probably relate to the inner thought, "I just don't feel like it right now."

I'm coming to realize that we are constantly and continuously creating our reality through these perceptual moments AND I too often seem to be at the whim of my fluctuating feelings and emotions. It's like I could learn a thing or two from my heart: the way it just keeps beating, doing work; not just when it feels like it, but constantly and continuously. Until that moment when it stops, of course. So I look at myself, and I see a person that moves himself rather inconsistently at the moment, and yet the day when I stop completely grows nearer constantly and continuously.

The point: Will I continue to accept and allow myself to be a victim of my own conditioned mind patterns? If I do that, then I'm going to end up with the conventional life that I set out to leave behind when I dedicated my life to understanding. To really understand self, there are some mental phenomena that need to be stopped. It's not cool to sulk within a lethargic energy experience because I've trained myself to rely on internal energy experiences to motivate myself. It's not alright that I am deliberately making multiple decisions from the starting point of serving the mind (seeking positive experience or avoiding negative experience). It's most certainly not groovy to think all that matters in the world is my experience of myself within it.

For too long I have accepted and allowed myself to shape my self-belief based on the feedback I get from others.

For too long I have accepted and allowed myself to shape my self-belief based on the feedback I fear I would get from others.

During my first year of Journey to Life blogging, my starting point was based on this socially constructed self-belief. I did realize that I wouldn't have it all perfectly sorted out from the get go, so I allowed myself to go into it with this energy-motivation that specifically fulfilled my ego needs. I enjoyed the recognition and the feeling of writing a good post. I hadn't considered the consequence. Feeling good has to balance out with feeling bad, regardless of how much we try to suppress the bad from our conscious remembrance (this is where self-honesty comes in). I didn't make the connection between that positive feeling reward from writing a good blog post, to the negative emotion of fearing that it wouldn't be a good post.

All the speculation, and worry, and need to be seen as awesome and fear of being judged as not; it's all shit. It's all a product of how I've structured my mind to best suit the idea of myself! This ego. This socially constructed and validated idea of who I am in this reality.

I stop. I breathe.

This is the choice I commit myself to start getting more acquainted with while walking my real-time process. I have spent a long time investigating the Desteni Message, and honestly it did take awhile to sort through it all. But I was already on board with the Oneness idea when I was in my spiritual phase, spending a bunch of money to activate my DNA and become an ascended master to leave my mark in the world. Haha, so it took a few years wrestling with the contradiction of equality before I could no longer remain stubbornly in my pursuit of wanting to become more than others. I saw how I wanted to be better than others because I held a semi-suppressed belief that I was worse than others.

Oneness and Equality: Best for All

Eventually, it just makes absolute sense. When the mentally induced resistance subsides. When the ego-preservation mechanism is trumped by self-honest consideration of the whole picture. When I begin to let go of the belief of who I am that is an externally constructed idea. When I start coming to terms with the fact that I'm not so special. When I start looking at the reality of myself in contrast to the idea of myself. When I put myself in the shoes of another...

I realize I want what is best for all.

The problem is, I've created my mind for 2 decades within the objective parameters of wanting what was best for me. I CONDITIONED MYSELF TO THROW MY NEIGHBOR UNDER THE BUS. In literal terms, I ridicule and judge others to make myself feel superior. All I've ever cared about was me and my success. Sure I wanted to make a positive impact in the world, but I had no concern about a hypocritical means to a glorified end.

Now, I can't sit here in this perceptual reality of self-judgment. I take responsibility for who I was and here is how I'm going to do it: I'm closing the gap between my past self, my present self, and my future self. They are all here, and I take responsibility for directing each aspect through a process of forgiveness and corrective application.

Over the course of this next year:

I commit myself to clearly exemplify my process of writing and self-corrective application.
I commit myself to write more frequently than I have been the past 6 months.
I commit myself to start deciding to stop and breathe when and as I see myself in a mind-created reality.
I commit myself to support what best for myself and others through reformatting my mind and reprogramming it with awareness.
I commit myself to see who I am as one and equal with who I've been and who I want to be.
I commit myself to prioritizing physical actions to create in reality.

AND for the final point of this post:

I commit myself to adjust my application within process to include equal parts of self-forgiveness to corrected application, 1:1, meaning: this game of glorifying self ends here. I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing and writing and writing until I am clear and stable within self-understanding AND practice the correction until my self-change is lasting and real.

Thank you.

cc photo

Day 206 - Freedom Forgiveness & Exploration

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my freedom to act how ever I choose in any moment, and thus have created resistance toward decisions that might compromise my ability to act freely.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be scared of losing control of a situation be it because of forceful consequence or creating discord between self and other(s). This is a huge point that I need to further unpack.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel unable to address such a large point as this, not realizing that I can give myself as much time as I need to sort myself out. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and race through process from a point of comparison.

Okay. With regard to the 2nd SF statement, why would I lose control of my free will in any given situation? 1. Given: homework, Answer: disconnect between choice and desire through time
2. Given: in a group of peers (playing soccer), Answer: Don't want to let them down / inconvenience them
3. Given: Relationship, Answer: Fear of leaving bad impression

Well, I've sure opened up a lot with just this! Workin' it through:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate my past choices from my present choices. In this, I see the disconnect occurs because of energy fluctuations: either because the past choice was unstable/energy based, or my present choice is unstable, energy based. So, in the case of doing homework, I defined my choice to go to college separate from myself as breath. I went to college because "that's the standard society expects of me" and "to have a good time (socially)." I can see here my past choice was not for me, but externalized. Also, my procrastination was justified by 2nd intention which was for me (to have fun). Cool. Opening up. Expanding.

For the second and third scenario, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to require positive validation/judgement from others to define who I am. This in a deeply ingrained fallacy. I believe most humans have this condition because we are taught in school of the concept: looking glass self (see image #1).  One of the primary components of this concept is, "We develop our self through the judgments of others." (Yeung, et al. 2003). This is not our true self as breathing life. This is our mentally reflected self. So the concept is right, the definition of self is where everything gets messy, especially since Desteni message popped up on the internet.

image #1 (from wikipedia)

Now, I see a connection between all of these above scenarios. Loss of control happens when I am already out of control. That disconnect between my past choice and present choice is not consistently congruent because I was never stable within my choices. The choice was fluctuating based on energy and self-interest. Much like "wanting to have it all," I hadn't realized that I am my past AND present choices, not taking responsibility for all of me. Bam!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to evade the inevitable self-responsibility and accountability of my past/present choices. I now realize that this is a major component of delay/procrastination. Riding the tides of self-interested energy is not practical in reality, and this is how things get out of control. We are out of control.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for all of me, all of my decisions; past and present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize and understand that it is me who has been robbing my freedom.
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When and as I see myself making a choice that is accompanied by a self-interested, energy fluctuation, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am responsible for all my decisions throughout and across time. I commit myself to writing about when I have not taken the time to consider the consequences of my decisions, for in these moments I can discover the egoist program that moves with energy , delete it, and make room for the best for all choices.

Note: I just took a writing break and was amazed at how much/often I am moved by self-interest energy. I practically commit myself to at least acknowledging them, and I realize that only through writing can I decipher an event, find what are the motivating energies, and release the pattern through self-forgiveness and precise commitments. In this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take the commitment statements seriously, as they are to be a new, written law of self. To be lived practically, in stability. Breath is the point of stability that connects past, present and future.

When and as I see myself resisting the writing of commitment statements because am unsure of my ability to uphold them, I stop I breathe. I realize that the only reason I would do such a thing is because I am not living my words, my words are not purified, rather based in energy. I commit myself to exploring the resistance toward making real commitment statements, and to stop creating energetic/unstable commitments to myself. Perhaps this issue may also pertain to being too general.

When and as I see myself out of alignment with a past decision, I stop I breathe. I realize that I can explore my past decision. I commit myself to giving myself the freedom to create a new starting point within a choice that may have once only considered what was best for me.

When and as I see myself experiencing an energetic low of consequence, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is a prime moment of self-investigation. I commit myself to writing about my experience and asking myself: how did I get myself into this situation? What decisions did I make? And why did I make those decisions? After these questions are answered, I commit myself to a steadfast process of releasing the patterns that lead to the unfavorable consequence through self-forgiveness.

When and as I see myself (becoming) overwhelmed because of a large point that I have opened up, I stop I breathe. I realize that "the only way to eat an elephant, is one bite at a time." I commit myself to pacing myself within my own process. I commit myself to stop trying to race to the finish of process. Lao Tzu once said (probably in another language): "Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." So, like this, I would like to calmly pursue purity of self. To be investigated.

When and as I see myself avoiding or resisting a choice that will limit my sense of freedom, I stop I breathe. I realize that making a decision is not to be taken lightly when the consequences are drastic. I also realize that making decisions based on an idealized energy is an act of irresponsibility within/toward self. I commit myself to becoming evermore responsible within my decision process.

There are many, many decisions made everyday. Will I stand up and vote for what's best for all? Will I accept less within myself? I commit myself to questioning my behaviors/choices that are not in alignment with what's best for all, so that I may see where and how self compromise exists, expose the pattern and walk process accordingly...patiently. There's no where else to go. Give me the time to really see me. Ahh, what a nice gift.

Day 96 - Forgiveness Variance

Thanks Damian Ledesma

There will be updates to this post.

My relationship to the concept of forgiveness is not easy to describe. When it's effectively done, its over, not a whole lot of thinking follows after a point is walked through self forgiveness statements. And I notice that with out laying down the corrective action statement, I can easily fall back into the same point, as if the SF cleared the structure but the imprint was still heavily laid in. To rewrite the structure of a relationship, we actually have to do it. So take responsability for all the relationships I've ever formed, forgive the specific points that hold a charge, then lay down the foundation of the new order within, best written down and so physicalized (you can't trust the mind...well you can trust it will reflect the nature of your allowed existence), and live within that framework as an example of self willed change. Doing all of this for self, with a self definition  of all life.
So far my commitment statements have been weak. Loosely slopped together partly within a starting point of 'having to do it' and so wasn't living with my words. I was "BSing" it, to use some school days lingo.

This is the first point of variation that I see: a reactive approach vs an authentic approach.
In reactive mode, I'm just doing the forgiveness as a reaction to events or thoughts, not considering myself fully equal with my words. I guess you could relate it to "half-assing" it. I don't like "half-assing."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a negative relationship to "half-assing" wherein I judge others as this but not myself. With a self-honest look, I am half-assing many aspects of life, relying on the assumption that I'm smart enough and would not half-ass serious projects, well I do & I forgive myself for that. When and as I see myself not completing a project, or not giving it my full potential, I stop I  breathe. I realize that I am only cheating myself, and without self-honesty in play, I'm screwed.

In self-honesty mode, I realize a point in my mind that is programmed and non-sensical, and then speak/write out a flow of honestly spoken self-forgiveness. The release is notable, and sometimes get distracted by my forgiveness and don't get around to laying the new inner law of myself. There is still a fear that comes up, the fear of failing, or not being effective or honest with myself, and I allow that to actually prevent me from trying...no longer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to exist with fear/doubt to the extent that I set myself up for failure/giving up.

I commit myself to keep strong with my efforts of releasing myself from the fears embedded inside me.
I commit myself to keep writing and practicing self-forgiveness and commitment statements, and not to allow my lack of perfection to get in the way of my process. I started, that was the toughest part. The ball is rolling and inertia is true. Time to get even more seriously invested in myself and to stop allowing falls and fear of falls to keep me down.

When and as I see myself wanting to move toward a positive experience and depart from here/reality, I stop I breathe. I realize that to be steadfast within my application of this journey to life, I must stop allowing the BSing and get to work. I also realize that without beginning I can't reach the end.
So, I continue to face my nail biting point until it is done, as I said yesterday. No more running/hiding/suppressing. It's all up to me to sort me out.

Thanks for reading.

Related articles

• Day 39 - Self-Honesty as the Key of Keys
• Day 67 - Self-Forgiveness on Self-Forgiveness
• Day 95 - Continuing with my nails