Day 455 - Work Hard, Every Waking Hour

Click to watch inspiring video

Right at the beginning of this video (20 seconds in), the creator shows a clip of Elon saying:

"...we're so hard off, we had just one computer; so the website was up during the day, and I was coding at night. Work hard, like, every waking hour. That's the thing I would say, particularly if you're starting a company."

The rest of the video is worthwhile, breaking down how Elon's inclusive vision for humanity is a major component to his appeal, making up for his poor presentation skills.

I may not have the intellect of Musk, but I share a similar vision for humanity = United. I foresee a world where individuals are looking out for the best interests self and all. Self is All, so golden rule all around!

But what's been getting in the way of such basic human compassion?

Fear.

The fear keeps us cycling in the mind, so we never get to truly know ourselves. And without knowing ourselves, we don't get to know others. Instead we fear them, because we've got to look out for #1 (+family/clan), only to end up giving cause for fear. Just as hurt people, hurt people; scared people scare people! We've got to start getting a handle on the Self = All equation, and start STOPPING these deep-seated & multi-generational designs that we've lived into our lives.

It's easy to fall into fear paradigm because we've collectively been doing it, a very long time.

Here comes the work!

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to work hard, every waking hour, in a balanced manner, such that all my needs and responsibilities are being taken care of, so that I may additionally focus on Self and Business development projects.

I commit myself to writing myself to orient when and as I see myself not working hard.

There's lots to do. Big world solutions are needed. This blog is just the beginning! Sack up Daniel.

#ElonSpeed

Day 428 - Unconditionally Walking Process Support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only support myself conditionally in process - based on the preferences of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get sleepy when I sit at my computer to work on my DIP course material, and not recognizing this as the veil of resistance it is, and believing that I don't have enough energy to get through it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need more energy to move through resistance, instead of realizing the strength I have within a single breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prefer to walk process only when it's easy and convenient to do so.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the support I receive as inadequate or irrelevant, and so do not slow down to consider what I can learn from anything and everyone in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be arrogant in my process, believing that I do not need to be supported.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I'm so far ahead in process that I don't even need to support myself! Wow.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to clarify how to walk humbly and express myself within humility.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to correct my process-arrogance in real-time, by shifting into the expression of a humble learner, in all cases.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT see, realize and understand the consequences of believing that I rarely need to support my process because I believe I can rest easy because I've made the right decisions to get me to where I am now, as if the hard work = the decision to walk process and that's already behind me, not seeing, realizing or understanding that the decision to walk process is here to be made, unconditionally and in every moment.

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When and as I see myself feeling like I don't need to or don't want to walk my process support, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I am here to walk process support in all ways, always. This is my decision. I commit myself to make this decision, a living decision to apply myself, within and as my breath.

When and as I see myself beyond or above any potentially supportive information, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I can learn or specify my process regardless of what I have walked thus far. I commit myself to be patient and thorough as I move through information.

When and as I see myself believing that I am so far in process, I stop, I breathe. I realize that all are here in one process, walking equally, and that while I continue to work and specify my knowledge and application thereof, I only become more effective in my process support. I commit myself to STOP comparing my process to any other individual's process, as there is only one process here.

When and as I see myself believing that I already know what a word like humble means, I stop, I breathe. I realize that just knowing the word is far different from living a word. I commit myself to redefine humility and play with it in my expression until I am satisfied with my living application of this word.

When and as I see myself thinking that I don't need to listen to this or that eqafe interview, I stop, I breathe. I realize that the information coming through the portal is always relevant to me and my process, as the beings coming through are sharing themselves to support us to specify information in many ways, so that we can in turn walk our process more effectively and support what is best for all. I commit myself to listen to the eqafe recordings that come out regardless of the title and description and stop allowing my conscious judgement of personal relevance to get in the way.

When and as I see myself getting sleepy when facing myself in my process, either through sitting to write a blog or download an interview or walk my DIP material, I stop, I breathe. I realize that this energy of resistance can be deleted in a single breath with a simple decision. I commit myself to move myself into that breath and decision, and to not allow resistance energy to prolong my process through the mind. There's many many layers to get through, and I don't have time to sleep more than is required.

Day 405 - Self-Empowerment: Stepping into Manhood

Quick overview of my life: Born in upstate New York, moved to Northern California at age 11, went to college in Southern Californa, lived back at home for a year, went to the Desteni Farm in South Africa and began a committed life partnership.

All of the above happened without much decisive effort by me, except for that last one. I set aside nearly all of my personal dreams and desires to shift onto this life path. You would think that would be a difficult thing to do, and it was! But through some specific support at the farm, I was able to condense that experience into just a couple of days prior to making the decision. It was hectic, but once I saw past my emotional attachments, it was just math. A simple mathematical assessment of what is best for all.

Since that moment, there have been many challenges to say the least. Successful relationships are nothing like what we see on TV. They really are a lot of work! Moving out of my parents home, and out from under their financial support also presented some challenging challenges, to say the least! Now add the basic pressures of a budding entrepreneur. Wham! The trifecta that defined my entry into manhood at age 25.

What is the point of sharing this with you? I didn't know that I would be able to take the steps that I have in the last 2 years. Back then, I could not conceive of giving up my imagined potential futures where I am awesome. Back then, i didn't realize that to begin creating something real, I would have to get grounded and actually do the hard work! No more skating through school life. Mastering the basic responsibilities won't cut it if I want to thrive in the big boys' playground, the adult world, the system.

Can I do it? Will I be able to survive out there in the world? Taking that first step out of the door is the only way to find out! This physical motion is very empowering, and it can't happen without the decision to do it. When shutting down the fears, worry, and concerns, it boils down to that simple decision to take action, and to see it through. Seeing it through merits its own post, and I'll continue with that tomorrow.

So, during the moment of deciding, I didn't have to know everything, and more importantly, I can't know everything. Real world experience is the best way to learn. With the decision to begin unfolding my journey into the unknown, I create the opportunities to learn and grow from real-life experiences. I'll learn as I go, refine and optimize as needed. I'm driving me.

A deep thank you to everyone who has played a part supporting me to get this far! My potential in this life is what it is because of you. Now it's up to me, to attain my highest potential through continuing to make these self-empowering decisions - and see what I'm really made of.

- -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not achieve my dreams and goals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will fail when I go out into the world and begin leading a self-sufficient life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a life of ease, where I wouldn't really have to make any decisions that would lead to a challenging experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become paralyzed within fear, and not realize how, in so doing, I am robbing myself of the opportunities to really learn, expand and step into manhood.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to focus on what comes up when I'm faced with these potentially self-empowering decisions, investigate as much as necessary until I am clear within myself, when making the decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making decisions that would force me to leave my comfort zone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to postpone real-world responsibilities, and try to maintain an easier, more comfortable life without as many pressures and responsibilities.

I commit myself to readily accept responsibilities that are directly related to my success as an individual within the context of what is best for all.

I commit myself to push myself into my uncomfortable zones to challenge and expand myself.

I commit myself do daily powerthinking sessions, where I will drive clarity into at least one specific point/decision that I am currently investigating.

I commit myself exposing the fear of failure system once and for all, so that I may stop cycling self-limited living.

I commit myself to do the work that must be done to get to where I want to go.

Day 403 - Editing and Effort

“Have something to say, and say it as clearly as you can. That is the only secret.”

- Matthew Arnold

In the book called “300 Days of Better Writing” by David Bowman, the author claims this to be likely his favorite quote on the subject of writing. When I was a child, I asked myself what I wanted most, and the answer stuck with me ever since: To understand, and be understood.

Communication is simply the sending and receiving of messages. The written word is a popular and important medium through which communication happens. I have spent several years studying the subject of communication and thus have developed a lot of undstanding and awareness in the field. As a side effect, I've also developed an unhealthy habit of scrutinizing my writing, before I write.

I began removing this form of "writer's block" with self-forgiveness in yesterday's post. Sitting there judging everything I'm about to write before I write can be daunting and often unproductive, and yet, I still want to articulate the concepts I have swirling around in my head in a way that resonates with you, the reader. To accomplish this, I have to put in the effort to improve my writing skills and refine my first drafts when and as needed.

Editing, for me, has been the crucial missing piece. It is the most resisted part of my writing process. For example, I loved procrastinating school papers until the last minute so that I could force myself to have to submit what was essentially my first draft. Looking at it now - it's like I couldn't bare the fact that my writing didn't come out of me perfectly on the first try. And now, i often post blogs without reading what i have written.

So, in light of The Perfect Writer Complex post that I wrote last night, I'm not just going to get sloppy with my writing because I've letting go of this need to produce masterpieces. On the contrary, I'm going to put in more effort to write masterfully.

This is a great example of where self-forgiveness can seem to be a contradiction. Especially in the beginning of my process, I struggled with doing self-forgiveness on positive things. Like girls and music. I loved those things, and to do self-forgiveness on my desire for women and on how good music made me feel seemed absurd. I don't want to stop these things, let alone do I believe them to be wrong...and here's where the erroneous contadiction stems, from this right-wrong polarity construct. How I write, isn't right or wrong. It's more about what I bring to the table.

The key distinguishing factor is how much effort I'm putting forth. To sit and judge my writing before and during the process is the easy way, the mind way. To gather my thoughts, outline, research, draft, and edit - that takes a lot of effort. It's hard work investing the time and effort into the before and after of writing, the preparation and revision processes, but it's a worthy investment. I've been doing the opposite, putting in all my effort, time, and energy into my mind as my inner critic, during the most crucial moment of self-expression. So, I'll further clarify the distinguishing factor to be: How much PHYSICAL effort am I putting forth? Before, during, and after.

Enough rhetoric.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist re-reading and editing my writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself desire my writing to be perfect on the first try, and so resist going back through my writing because my ego might take a hit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated with myself when I re-read what I have written and see that it requires a lot of attention and revisions.

I forgive myself for accepted and allowing myself to become frustrated when I'm editing my work because I believe that "no matter how much I change it, it will never be perfect."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat, "...it will never be perfect."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect "...it will never be perfect," with the feeling of overwhelming frustration - and in this experience a defeatedness and desire to give up trying.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move in the direction of giving up trying when and as I see that my writing requires multiple revisions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize, and understand that it is okay to write a sloppy first draft.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to just write and express myself in a natural flow of imperfection, while having full intent to go back through my writing to edit mistakes and refine for enhanced clarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about making mistakes and errors while I'm writing my first draft.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about not communicating myself clearly on the first try.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself resist and resent the editing process, instead of defining it as a perfectly acceptable component of the writing process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as stupid if and when I do not communicate myself clearly on the first try.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as inauthentic when I do not express myself effectively on the first try.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist editing because I've defined it to be a separate and optional part of the writing process that requires additional work and time to do.

Redefinition for editing: double checking my work to ensure accuracy when transferring my expression into the written word; a necessary component of the writing process.

I commit myself to re-read every post to this blog before I publish  it.

I commit myself to live my redefinition of editing.

I commit myself to really investigate that which I resist, so that I may expose whatever ego-driven systems that are severely hindering my process.

I commit myself to be accepting of my initial self-expression, knowing full well that I can revise and change myself accordingly.

I commit myself to breathing more effort into my writing process.

I commit myself to breathing more effort into all processes of self-expression - proactively investigating particular skills, and retrospectively investigating my expression within self-honesty.

Day 266 - Success and Failure pt.2

Continuing with:

Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success
Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1

Yesterday I forgave myself for living within a projected dream reality of myself as successful. I had realized that I've been holding myself back from achieving success in the real, physical reality by existing in the glorious realm of ego and imagination. Furthermore, I'm now realizing how desire is a barrier to success. How? Why?

When I self-honestly take a look at what's behind the desire, I'm suppressing facing myself in reality. The uncomfortable nature of resisting facing reality becomes enough to cave and cascade into desirable distractions such as chowing down on some delicious candy pieces, grooving to music videos on youtube or playing cheap video games that call for my attention pretending to be something that matters. These two points could warrant their own blog posts, but what matters, what really counts here, is doing what it takes to change my behavior.

Being thorough with exploring my motivations really helps in the writing process. It opens up my ability to understand myself and really, I mean really, self-intimately, forgive myself for allowing myself to exist within and as such a program. At that point of release, I open a door for myself to change my behavior which is the whole point of process. The commitment statements are the forging of the new program that I am creating for myself, except this time, I'm not doing it as an automated reaction. This time, I am the directive principle creating myself in alignment with what is best for myself and all others, equal and one.

Today, I commit myself to ending the abuse of my time. I realize that I can take breaks and enjoy life, but to be irresponsible and suppress reality with abusive consumption is no longer accepted or allowed. This is my life and despite the resistance I experience toward doing hard work, I commit myself to drive myself through it all and live here, in the moment to moment awareness of life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize or understand the self-compromise and imminent consequence that accumulate through abdicating my responsibility to direct myself within the common sense of each moment in self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress who I am in relation to how I am spending my time through moving into distractions that are of fleeting enjoyment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to underestimate who I am within one breath, what I can accomplish within one breath, how I can change within one breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility of self-direction and give into the persuasive forces of the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to empower the feeling of resistance through allowing it to expand and develop while I participate in it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am the creator of the resistance energy, and that if I allow it to direct me it, I've given myself to the resistance program. The program of resistance being a feeling of discomfort when facing certain moments of reality that I have told myself I don't like doing (i.e. working hard), followed by alleviating that discomfort through suppression/distraction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define 'hard work' within the parameters of the resistance program, when the reality is that I rather quite enjoy myself while working hard to achieve success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself through the design of resistance -> desirable distraction -> compounding consequence.

When and as I see myself moving into a time sink (distraction) with little to no consideration of time management, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am habitually allowing myself to suppress resistance to maintain a positive experience of self without investigating why I feel resistance in the first place. I commit myself to breathe through resistance, and to continually do this until this becomes the new habit.

...letting that one sink in...overnight

Picture credit

Day 263 - The Achievement Collector

This is an interesting perspective I've narrowed down within me.  A personality design, a character that comes out in many of life's scenarios. It's so deeply rooted that I can't remember for how long I've been this way, so it might take awhile before I can effectively address the entire system. I breathe, I walk.

The achievement collector is how I'm going to label this personality/drive that I've discovered. This is what it is to me:

• a way to become better & more powerful, to ultimately "save the world"/become famous
• climbing the ladder seemed like the best option for myself
• validation in and of my externalized self-definition
• do hard work now -> achievement; then take it easy and just ride the achievement
• as capital: achievement viewed as inherently valuable
• Competition, rush to gain as much achievement as I can to be safe & secure
• competing with the "general other"

OK, so with these above points, I can see how my starting point within achievement is skewed  and tainted by self-interest. Achievement has nothing inherently wrong in it. I'm not trying to stop achieving things. I'm investigating my motivations to achieve, and gather accomplishments like a commodity that increases my self-worth. That's not cool. My self-worth is defined as the life that I am, not the ego/externalized self-definition/others' judgments of me. I must realign who I am within seeking achievement to fulfill my potential and not succumb to creating myself through how I believe others want me to be or expect me to be.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my self-worth in separation of myself, such that I would define myself according to my accomplishments that were valid in the eyes of others as if that was all that really mattered. This is the primary reason and starting point for going to college and I ended p cheating myself out of getting the most I could have, had I been there for me and not for society's sake.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pursue achievement in relation to others. This point of comparison as means to validate my value has been seriously detrimental to myself and others within how I would orient myself in relationships, needing to be superior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define 'achievement' as being superior than others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place a value on achievement from an external perspective, where I would be able to eventually stop working when I accumulate enough achievement. This is like capitalism, work hard, have success, and retire on the work of yesterday.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to escape working hard by only working hard on things that I perceive will yield a residual benefit so I won't have to work hard. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to work hard, and not realize that this desire plays out, and that there is no escape from my internal reality. I commit myself to seeing all of who I am within, so that I may own it, and change myself as who I really am into an expression of life, not ego/mind.

I commit myself to exposing to myself the entirety of my personality constructs that I have built to serve my ego/externalized self-definitions.

When and as I see myself working toward an achievement so that others will positively define me, I stop I breathe. I bring myself back to myself and see how I am motivated to accomplish whatever it is within the context of myself and what is best for all. If I was only motivated by how I think others will judge me, I realize this is a fear-based starting point. I commit myself to check my starting point within my motivation toward accomplishment to see if I am acting within a root of fear or have I really considered the implications/effects of a particular achievement.

When and as I see that I have not considered who I am within the starting point of obtaining achievement, I stop I breathe. I realize that my past behavior has momentum, it's my personality. I commit myself to breathe and create myself within an alignment of what is best for all when working toward achieving something.

When and as I see myself acting to become better than, more than, or superior to others, I stop I breathe. I realize that achievement based in comparison and competition is not what is best for all, rather what is best for my self-image as who I am as an ego in separation of others. I commit myself to identifying where I am still attached to this idealized self-image that is my ego within my imagination based on how I think others perceive me. Through identifying my 'vices' related to desire for superiority, I commit myself to patiently walking self-forgiveness and corrective application until I no longer am drive to succeed by treading on others.

When and as I see that I have been working hard at something so that I can eventually stop working hard, I stop I breathe. I realize that this particular form of achievement desire is actually holding me back as my starting point is to 'not have to work hard.' I commit myself to hard work, for the rest of my life.

No shortcuts.

No easy living... 

Not until all may live easy.

Investigate equal money system where basic human rights are guaranteed to all, and LIFE is honored.

Day 235 - Opportunist vs Excuse Maker

flickr

The past 2 days, I've been writing about hope and luck. Today, I want to build context. I have always been attracted to the opportunity for advancement. Isn't everyone?

Well, I think my problem had evolved over the years as I got used to a stream of great opportunities. I began to expect great deals and accept nothing less. For instance, when I want something that I may be able find used, I go straight to Craigslist.org to find the good deal. As I enter the job market, I have been comparing my time spent working for money against my time spent developing my character.

I watched a cool TED talk today called Why you will fail to have a great career by Larry Smith. Basically, I saw myself more clearly as a person that has dreams, but also as the person who makes excuses to not pursue them as I wait/hope for my lucky break, my perfect opportunity to reach my goals. Quite the wake-up call.

Will I continue to separate myself from reality as a dreamer that doesn't put forth the effort to make my dreams come true? No, I will not. I am done waiting for greatness. I once heard that preparedness is essential to seize opportunity. It's time to stop making excuses and prepare myself for the road ahead.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become accustomed to great opportunities to the degree that I do not act unless a great opportunity presents itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize my responsibility to create my own opportunity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be proactive about seeking or creating opportunity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing an opportunity because I wasn't prepared.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from reality by identifying with my imagined greatness that was to unfold through opportunity that I projected in my future based on nothing more than pure desire.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I will be fortunate for the rest of my life and that I will not have to work hard because I am good at seizing great opportunities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself by only considering my desired careers/jobs/opportunities without establishing a practical means to get myself in that desired position.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste time waiting for opportunity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take the initiative for creating myself in alignment with my desired opportunity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make excuses so I could remain safe and not risk failing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word failure and allow it to direct my decision process through excuses to not create opportunity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt my ability and so hold myself back from reaching my potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only act on safe and obvious opportunities and in this allow myself to become complacent and hopeful of the next opportunity.

To be continued tomorrow.

Day 233 - Hope vs. Hard Work

I had been neglectful of doing hard work for reasons unknown to me. The foremost answer that comes to mind when I ask myself why, is that I truly haven't worked very hard for anything. I have been fortunate and privileged for the majority of my life. Now I find myself debate-free with a college degree, and yet I still do not know what it is to work hard. This changes here.

In my Journey to Life, I investigate who I have become through the many influences throughout my life. I realize that I am a product of these influences by choice of what I accepted and allowed within me through the base programs of fear and self-interest. Through fear of failure and preordained fortune, I have found myself quite content with minimal effort or struggle...and now that I am faced with the world's money system, I see that the passive, hopeful route is not going to cut it. And in terms of this self-investigation process, I have been holding myself back through my bare-minimum work ethic. This stops here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on hope and luck to determine my success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only work as hard as was required of me from my external forces.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking responsibility for my self-direction within work and accomplishment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing uncertainty to dictate who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just go with the flow of my environment because I was able to live comfortably without asserting my effort, and thus was enabled to hide my fear of failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the extent to which I was afraid to assert myself because I was afraid to fail.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my environment to act first so I wouldn't have to take responsibility for anything.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hope.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect what I hoped would come true, to come true.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my past fortune indicates future fortune, and through this design I existed within hope without realizing it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from myself that I am hopeful of a fortunate future.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to work hard only when I was assured of success or fair payoff.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to set the bar low for myself instead of striving to really excel wherever I apply myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand up and direct my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait for my world to present opportunity to me that I would take if I was certain that wouldn't fail.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide my fear of failure from myself through hope and waiting for fail-safe opportunity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be passive within my world, accepting the hope as an alternative to hard work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I could simple attract (LOA) fortune to me through the design of hope and positive thinking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not work hard.
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When and as I see myself waiting for opportunity, I stop I breathe. I realize that I could be waiting my whole life or I could be utilizing my time to make something of myself and of my world and reality. I commit myself to work hard for my rewards in life from now on, meaning: NO MORE LOA,  HOPE, or WAITING.

When and as I see myself passively hoping for that pretty girl to talk to me, I stop I breathe. I realize that fear of failure/rejection has a solid foundation within me. I commit myself to patiently & persistently picking apart my experience pf failure and rejection within myself, so that I may forgive my allowed passive existence and get on with living!

When and as I see myself immobilized by fear of failure, I stop I breathe. I realize there are many forms and circumstances of which this personality characteristic comes into play. I commit myself to move myself through the resistance generated by this fear and when I do not, to investigate the specifics of that particular event. I commit myself to write about my fear until I understand it and release it. It does not serve me, and I do not need to protect it, so why have I been? I believe in the experience of fear and thus empower it.

When and as I see myself hoping, praying or desiring something without having to work for it, I stop I breathe. I realize myself in the physical and I realize that practical, physical steps are how create my world and reality. I commit myself to using my words and my physical body to make shit happen. No more innocent, wishful, naive, positive thinking in the form of hope. I commit myself to the residual realization of how I can get stuff done with hard work.

When and as I see myself passively waiting for my momentous fortune to carry me through life, I stop I breathe. I realize the illusion that is my mind. I realize that the overlap between mind and reality can be convincing. I realize that disappointment in oneself is certain with a reliance on hope to carry me forward. I commit myself to taking that breath and moving myself within a practical plan to accomplish my goals.

pic credit: deviantart.com

Day 232 - Work Ethic: Unplugged

How hard I work is a relative perception. As I began to see yesterday, I have been overestimating my work ethic for some time now. I have been working a sales/marketing job for the past 4 days, 8 hours a day, and it's pretty hardcore relative to having no job. What I've realized is how much work I am able to accomplish when I am really working. So far, the best part of this job was seeing this factor. Seeing exactly how valuable an hour of time is.

It's not a completely foreign concept and I've done some writing about this is the past, but the relative perceptual factor I hadn't really been aware of. When my environment is fast paced, I feel charged and motivated to do more work, and this is the climate of the work culture that is implemented through various "stay positive" techniques. Even when I was in school I was motivated with regard to seeing how much everyone around me was doing everyday.

So my question is: How do I determine my work ethic without relating to anyone around me? Why haven't I already figured this out?? I've taken for granted my external circumstances for a long time, to the point that I didn't ever realize the internal-external point of separation for the source of my motivation. This is interesting.

When I come back to this first question, the obvious answer is self-honesty, FYI. I can only determine how hard I work relative to how hard I can work within being honest with myself. What I've done over time is lose sight of how hard I can be working through a repetitive and varying dishonesty within self (a.k.a. excuse). And there is shame here. Will this shame be my internal source of motivation? It's better than no internal motivation. And quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of all the external motives that have pushed and pulled me everywhere throughout my life.

My internal sense of motivation needs an overhaul. And this is my journey. To examine my self-interested motives, find which are abusive to Life, which are supportive, stable, practical; and within this examination, I must rebuild my internal motivation so that it aligns with what is best for all.

This latter part has been my hang up because of the resistance code. I've coded myself to react to giant undertakings such would be rebuilding my motivation structure. The typical reaction is to become overwhelmed. I have used this excuse to do nothing countless times.

Boom. Key point found. If I am going to be stable within my work ethic, I can no longer be self-dishonest. I can no longer allow internal excuses and fluctuation external environments to determine my work ethic. It's time to take back control of me. Join me tomorrow for some practical self-forgiveness and corrective application.

pic: wikimedia commons

Day 231 - Putting in 100% Effort

...Or "120%!" like some guys say, but I just don't really think that's possible, mathematically, but the point that is trying to come across here is when you are seriously doing hard work, you need to work seriously hard. Through my "mathematical judgement" I was missing my true and initial reaction to "120%," that I didn't want to work hard.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to work hard because I believe that I can always find an easier way, a short cut, some hidden edge that no one had yet found, to leverage my work so that I could perform at less than 100% and still yield 100%.

credit

Why have I operated this way for so long? It's as if this mentality had been inherited through generations, simply because I have no idea where I had grown this affinity to maximizing my output, SO I could work less. Any excuse to work less and still be successful. Very interesting programmed mentality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a mentality of trying to make my work efforts amplified through finding an edge that others do not have, instead of working hard while also finding that edge to be able to reach that "120%." Now, it makes sense.

I had been missing how I was accounting for the edge. the little extra boost to production that happens by taking those extra, above and beyond, steps. Those extra steps are part of my 100% that leads to the "120%." My walk through life thus far has been on trying to do 80% and make it look like 100% through whatever clever method I could conjure.

Interesting! I have been hiding my true work ethic from others, when I could get away with it. This had transformed into hiding from myself that I wasn't even putting in 40% yet thinking that I was already at 100%, or at least 80%. So I snowballed the wrong way in terms of production and work ethic in life in general.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only focus on what others see within me and my productivity output because in doing so, I am NOT being self-honest with myself and my ability to to perform.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to decline in productivity/motivation and trick myself into thinking that I am passively existing at the 100% level of work effort.

My frame of reference for doing work and working hard has been out of wack for a long time. "Perception is reality," one of the phrases I heard at my new job today. It's very true from the perspective that we only see through and with our current perspective. It's not true from the perspective that our perception is limited and reality is all of what is here, everything. So, this game of life, this program that is laid out before you, whatever it may be, it's up to you to decide to walk it and what your pace is. That decision process is not easy with a limited perspective. Bottom line: keeping an open mind will expand your perception in ways you have never imagined. Try it out!

Day 202 - Pride in work

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take pride in my work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to complete my work, or even these daily writings, at a level of perfection as would be defined externally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to set an "objective ideal" that is perfection outside of myself and to work toward that. Within that I am reaching for perfection from a state of desiring to be perfect. Why?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear criticism of my work, indicating that it is not perfect.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to have perfect work to not have to experience the humility of producing work seen as bad or less than perfect.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to reach a level of quality that is outside of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define what is quality work in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am participating in a mental polarity of producing bad/good work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not just simply do work to the best of my ability. That is all.

--

When and as I see myself striving to complete a level of quality in my work that is defined according to what I think is perfection and only able to be praised, I stop I breathe. I realize that in desiring to produce work that would allow me to rest easy, knowing that it is perfect and not needing to be touched, or changed ever again, is a mental process within polarity of mind. I commit myself to stopping this self-judgement and bringing myself back here to produce the best quality of work by putting 100% of myself into my work.

This is a big point (as they all are). And within this statement, I see doubt. I fear that I am breezing by too easily, and that I will again experience a downfall in not being able to actually stop striving for perfection with my work. And, haha, within that statement, I see that I have an underlying desire to be perfect within this one post, such that I will have this point complete, over and done with by the end of this post.

When and as I see myself attempting to be perfect by completely walking through an entire mental construct in just one post, I stop I breathe. I realize that there is NOT a real, external standard of what or how one of these JTL posts is to be or accomplish. I commit myself to writing these posts within self-honesty as self-here, directing me fully, not hiding.

There is no 'right' and 'wrong.' There is only process, and it is a work in progress. When a point is clear, I move from here. Until then, I write and write, without judging my writing by any external standard, only discerning if I am self-honest within my writing. Self-honest writing is when I am directing my writing. This process is about self-investigation for the means of self-forgiveness to ultimately realize self, here. This is my focus. This is the orientation of my self-honest writing. Pride is something I'm giving up because it does not support self awareness within and as the breath. Pride is a mental construct intimately connected to the polarity of it, with is shame. I have produced shameful work. I have brushed it aside and chosen to just focus on the positive work that I could take pride in. This stops here.

Note:  Desire to not place picture, easier/faster. Also, prideless...vs prideful vs shameful. End it all and left with what? Placing a picture is to invite readers to read. It is effective. Simple. Mind is desiring to not place a picture (shame) which is the polarity of pridefully placing a picture. Stop the mind. What makes sense? A cute kitty picture.

"OMG. Is this perfect enough??"

...or 2

"thanks for reading!"

Day 106 - Living in Delay

I sit down, and after a few moments of thinking about what to write today, boom! I went right into delay. Mind races to find any 'good' excuse to get up and walk away from my computer. First idea, smoke a cigarette, second, go to the bathroom, third, finish doing the laundry, and for that I got up. I emptied my clean laundry into a basket brought it half way up the stairs and realized what I've been doing. IT'S THE SAME MODE I'VE BEEN IN THROUGHOUT SCHOOL. Wait until the last minute, because I can and because I can get lots of unrelated work done when I put off the important/primary work. I've had a consistent pattern of using delay as motivation to get other stuff done. Anything that I would deem important was better than facing the work in front of me.

I'm on a delay kick because it's becoming more and more clear with writing about it. I write that my mind makes diversion attempts to avoid the negative experience of doing work, and the next day I catch my mind doing just that! Writing --> Awareness. Cool.

Thanks to Anna for her vlog response to my Day 105, I was able to really get a sense for the community at large who all share this point of procrastination. So, it is my specific experience of this point that I will write about, as my experience is the composition of the pictures in my mind that must be released. I commit to move myself through the correction within the application of my writing. To stay focused and specific is my goal here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of other viable/justifiable options of behavior when I approach the space to do work, not realizing my mind within polarity, labeling work as negative and frantically looking for a positive experience. Within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see what I'm precisely doing as covering up the fears* through delay into a positive reward behavior, like getting other work done or playing with friends, etc.

*Fears = fear of not completing my work sufficiently is primary here, which is strange because through this fear, I have aversion to doing work, causing me to produce work that's often less than sufficient. The fear manifests itself through my participation within it... More investigation on this will ensue.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make excuses and justifications for the activities I choose to do within delaying my primary objective, not realizing that in so doing, I'm compromising myself in being able to work effectively.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my experience of myself working as negative, and in this hiding myself from the enjoyable flow of work that I have also, often experienced.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I just procrastinate my work, I can focus on the enjoyment of my positive distractions, and skip quickly past the misery of rushed work, and then focus on the positive reward of having the work done, not realizing that this whole experience is orchestrated by me as a fear of work being a difficult and negative experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define work as a difficult and negative experience within an assumption. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project an assumption of work as a negative experience before I ever even gave myself the chance to approach the work without bias.

Refocusing: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue within a distraction without realizing the importance of applying myself effectively within the work that I am avoiding. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not investigate why I am in a state of avoidance with the work I choose to delay with distractions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blur my thoughts/feelings and make a hazy decision to delay my responsibilities.


When and as I see myself making a hasty decision to move into a distraction, I stop I breathe. I realize that this form of self-dishonesty renders me ineffective in accomplishing my daily responsibilities. This is not acceptable.

I commit myself to investigating the negative point within facing my work.

I commit myself to stopping the distraction attempts through realizing what they are, and why they pop into mind.

I commit myself to approaching work without bias through a patient process of investigating the nature of the work that I have a reaction to, so that I no longer support my assumption/projection of negativity onto work that I have not yet done.

I commit myself to stop justifying bullshit. Self-honestly prioritize actions, then act.

I commit myself to examining the energies that might take me out of my mode of effectively addressing the work I have placed in front of me.

Photo credit

Related articles

• Day 105 - Some cool Self-Forgiveness for the Resistance fire
• Day 104 - Walking through resistance
• Day 103 - Slowing down process