Showing posts with label farm support. Show all posts
Showing posts with label farm support. Show all posts

Day 348 - Ctrl+Shift+SF Cheat Code



I originally sat down to write this post about how I've been doing the typing of self-forgiveness and kind of cheating within it, but then I realized that this point is not just about that. There is a depth of reason for why I have not yet shared this point and it comes down to: guilt.

Slowing it down, instead of saying "I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to..." (typed as such keystroke by keystroke), I had been using a program to do this for me so all I had to do was hit a key combo.

So ctrl+shift+a = I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
&  ctrl+shift+q = I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to

And then I just alternated as I felt like it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to .....

and I never allowed myself to really admit to myself what I was doing by using this shortcut. And I certainly didn't ask anyone else because then I would risk exposing what I didn't even want to admit to myself. That my little time saving SF shortcut was actually preventing me from moving through the self-forgiveness as an authentic self expression. And just as in process, moving slower is moving faster, and moving too fast is obviously slower in the long run.

So when I finally did muster the courage to ask my DIP buddy about this point, she laughed. Then I laughed too. She just confirmed what I already knew on a level within me where self-honesty was not yet functioning. This happened just over a month ago, and it's been actually a nice change. It might take me just a tad longer, but the quality of the SF statement has changed from a simple surface point (the kinds of points addressed when moving too fast through life), so a bit more specific and thorough (the ideal way to live, with common sense and self-honesty).

I needed to formalize this point above and had been meaning too since I had that chat with my buddy about it, but there were other points that I wanted to write about. I actually started getting backed up on so many points that I wanted to write about that I started a list of blogs to do, but after writing yesterday, I've decided to write about what's here, what comes up in a moment. And this automated SF shortcut was one of the first things that I had long ago placed on the list of blog topics to do, and I'm in "getting things on the list done" kind of mood these days. So now,

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to cover up and hide the fact that I was doing self-forgiveness on an automated level because I wanted a fast and easier way to do this tedious process. I see, realize and understand now that this entire process (not just self-forgiveness) has no fast and easier way. It's a simple equation of 1 + 1 + 1 ..., as a physical process of accumulation. A short cut is a mind thing...and oh my goodness how I could (and later will) expand on this....McDonalds...saving money...porn....you name it. So, I commit myself to continually remind myself to slow down and look at just one point at a time, and see all the movements and relationships that bring about a particular behavioral design.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to move fast.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to use the shortcut key combination program to quickly rush through the repetitive part of a self-forgiveness statement. In this I realize that I am not moving with the words as I type them, and the effectiveness of the words that I've automated is lost in a moment that never existed. I commit myself to type out each letter of my self-forgiveness statements, unless I have a clear, directive decision to read the statements out loud in the circumstance of structuring a sounding session.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to move fast and do multiple points in one blog, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I do not address all the points that come up within a single point at the same time, that I will lose the opportunity to do so. So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the moment overnight while I am sleeping. I also forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear becoming overwhelmed with many/other points and thus become ineffective.

I forgive myself for becoming overwhelmed, and then accepting and allowing it.

When and as I see myself wanting to address multiple point in one blog, I stop I breathe. I realize that by slowing down and being thorough with just one point could take a lot more time than initially anticipated. I commit myself to being thorough with one point, and as other points come up, to jot down a note somewhere and come back to it in the next blog or whenever. I am the directive principle of self here.

I commit myself to write about the guilt realization within this, tomorrow.




Day 344 - Actual Living, Walking, Breathing

I had small chat with my DIP buddy today, and there was one main point that stands out for me here: It's this notion that I must 'walk the point' sometimes even before I write a blog post. To 'walk the point' first, means to move through writing and into physically lived application of the correction. I've been doing a lot of self-deception by writing the realizations without living them. It's like an energetic outlet, a quick fix, diffusing of the pent up friction I am creating by not actually living the corrections within what I am realizing about myself.

I've been messing up. I've been not just deceiving myself, but I've also been creating all the specific consequences that I am facing. They are like secondary add-on points that I have not been realizing. Let me lay it down for you straight and simple. I thought I could change by writing alone. I haven't understood how to utilize self-forgiveness in a way that practically brings about change BECAUSE I placed the change-responsibility onto the self-forgiveness instead of myself. "Oooh, ahh, I've got the magic key, and it is self-forgiveness. Watch me be self-honest and change while using this great and powerful tool that is awesome and powerful."

Separation.

Who an I within self-forgiveness? Where am I within it, structurally speaking? I emphasized how I think about self-forgiveness as being "powerful" because I see this is the problem. I am not powerful, but the self-forgiveness is..? This is misuse. Misusing the tool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself within speaking self forgiveness by placing myself as inferior to the self-forgiveness, and so placing the change-responsibility on to the self-forgiveness writing.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the critical importance of taking the next step, to move and push myself to change within the context of the realization. In this, I realize that when there is resistance to change, as there damn near almost always is, I must stop the reaction. This internal reaction to change-resistance is not helping me to change. I commit myself to stopping the reaction/judgment of resistance.  I commit myself to realizing the importance of self-movement in each and every breath.

Okay, so here's the point coming up now. I can see the point clearly, and I want to believe that by writing my insight, I am a changed man. This point especially comes up when I take on a point that is too general or too large, wherein I overlook the smaller building blocks of a particular system consequence (i.e. nail biting). By taking on the large points, I am working in a realm of idealism (Idea-Prison), imprisoning myself within a system through a perspective-relationship of who I am as less than or as a victim to this larger system. There is an expression, "the devil (de-veil, de-evil)  is in the details." It's only in the finer details of a point that I can stand as a point of one and equal responsibility. And so I am empowered to change the point, one specific detail at a time.

Which brings me to my next point: what if I do not know the details? Nearly every time I'm within a reaction, I do not fully comprehend all the bits and pieces and components of the energetic reaction.

Solution: Write and define.

Example: I am mad at Bernard for dying. This experience has elusive details, as most energy-based perspectives do. The tendency is to be within it, not to understand the totality of it. Breathe, slow down. I am mad because he stood his point so effectively that he died doing what was best for all. Am I jealous? No. It's more of a comparison point. I am mad at myself, and projecting it toward him because he is showing me how I am not standing. Now I have to face myself, and that's going to require giving up a lot of energetic self-definitions that I've already accepted as myself, and this process of letting go is quite uncomfortable from within the energy perspective comprised of that which I must let go of. Fascinating.

So,

I forgive myself that I have also accepted and allowed my self to magicalize breathing, instead of seeing how the breath can be practically used as a tool to slow myself down and bring forth the underlying dynamics of an energy reaction.

When and as I see myself writing within a perceptual context that is not applicable, livable, I stop I breathe. I realize that this process is a slow but sure process. I commit myself to utilizing self-forgiveness and breathing as practical tools to be applied specifically in transcending all the relevant 'baby' points within the bigger, more general points of self-change.

When and as I see that I have been relying on self-forgiveness to change me, I stop I breathe. I realize that self-forgiveness is just a tool to assist me with SELF-change. I commit myself to structurally placing the responsibility to change back onto myself. A hammer doesn't hammer the nail without my input, common sense

I realize that I am doing this, and that it's now time to chip a way my systematized self and get really intimate with who I am, so that I may direct how I express myself in this world.




Day 339 - "I don't know"

When faced with a self defining question, it's pretty damn easy to say "I don't know," but there's a problem: I typically hit a wall here. To parkour this wall. To overcome it. To continue onward and figure out the answer to, let say for example: What am I capable of? I would have to really apply an effort to answer this for myself. I'd first have to understand that I need to give some context before I can assess the question seriously, a step that is not taken when resorting to an "I don't know" response.

In some ways, it's a particular relationship to the phase, where upon saying "I don't know," I also assume that someone else will give me the answer, or dig my psyche to unravel my core issues for me. It's a habit formed from when I was young: Mommy, Daddy what's...why...how? The function of "I don't know" wasn't to hide my inner reality. It was an expression that expanded my world. But now I find myself utilizing this phrase out of habit and in the wrong context. Instead of using this set of words to assist and support myself, I've allowed the habit to evolve into escaping the responsibility to investigate, understand and discover myself.

For clarification, this issue only applies with personal questions like: "How are you feeling today?" or "What's up?" Not questions like what's 37 x 689. To discern when I am being self-honest within "I don't know" there is a simple test: Is there backchat?

If there is a fogginess or background thinking process going on when I speak "I don't know," I can be sure that the statement is not being used as a direct, self-honest expression. Stop. What is my inner reality? What am I thinking in my secret mind? Why am I resisting to share the first answer that comes to mind? Probably, I am protecting my ego. That seems to be trending.

So, if I am to discover my potential, I'm going to have to realign my relationship to not knowing what it is. So far in life, I've placed way too much emphasis on the idea of my capacity without ever testing myself. It's like an imagined, glorified idea of myself in the future vs. the living reality of myself, here. This disconnect, I'm finding is a serious problem. I can't create the life I want to live if I keep telling myself and others that "I don't know." After all, without physically moving to overcome a mental wall of self-limited understanding, I'll just suppress the wall, save it for later and create a temporary perception (of "not knowing" for example) to feel okay for the moment. I no longer accept myself to live in the mind and support the illusion of self-control. I commit myself to walking the physical process of transcending the mind's automated, directive control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can simply reach a higher level of self-control by mentally suppressing my way through life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am the superior mental idea of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse the words "I don't know" to hide my self-honest expression within my secret mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide myself behind a wall of "I don't know" and not realize the dynamic of presenting an illusion of myself to others and myself. In this, not realizing the consequences of compounding self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek attention and interaction through using "I don't know" as a way to outsource the responsibility of self-understanding and to engage others in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak "I don't know" while having a perception of who I really am in a glorified imagination space of my secret mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that entertaining myself in this way is is only an entertainment and not the reality of myself, even though I like the idea so much and will try to integrate it with who I believe myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide the physical reality of myself, to verbally claim that "I don't know" who I am, and then participate and believe in the mental idea that best suits me as ego.

When and as I see myself saying "I don't know" with simultaneous backchat, I stop I breathe. I realize that there is an inconsistency, a separation between the physical reality of who I am and the idea of who I am. I commit myself to consider this moment and utilize it for personal insight by checking out why I had chosen to hide behind the words "I don't know."

When and as I see myself participating in a thought or imagination about how I am, I stop I breathe. I realize that if this were a reality of my living expression, I wouldn't have created the thought in the first place. I commit myself to investigating how I can realign myself to live within physical and express myself fully as life in support of an outcome that is best for all.

When and as I see myself mentally shaping who I think myself to be, I stop I breathe. I realize that using the statement of "I don't know" to protect what I think about myself in my secret mind is a way for me to see that I'm not living myself into and as reality. I commit myself to flag pointing the context and/or particular desires of how I would like to be when I hear myself say "I don't know" so that I may walk myself into a point of self-directiveness, here in the physical living reality.



Day 338 - What am I waiting for?

Why would one not walk process, especially when one understands the value? How is it that I can remain in my patterns of irresponsibility? What am I missing.

"Investigate: What are you waiting for?" said Bernard.

I took that and ran with it. It's a great question to ask oneself. And so I explored my innards with this question a bit and a few things came up from different contexts. What I found tonight is:

- not feeling comfortable within my effectiveness when applying self-forgiveness.
- embarrassment, which is ego related and multidimensional.
- fear, which I know is a nonsense creation of mind, except for physical, real danger.


In blogs to come, I will expand myself more with this question because it's such a nice way to expose the living patterns of limitation that I've accepted as my beingness. Once the investigation is to a satisfactory level of clarity, I'm ready to forgive myself in a specific and comprehensive manner. I may not get it perfect on the first try, hence the process, but I'm realizing something rather important: If I don't move myself, myself doesn't move.

So that leaves 100% of the change responsibility in my hands. Meaning, I must first go from realization, to understanding the change process, to actually implementing the steps of change. Now, the mind, I've noticed, becomes transfixed on the imagined end point. It's like being blinded by completion without physical movement, which is where real change must happen. So, the first step is to get properly oriented to the physical process of change, realizing it's going to take time. A commitment is required to change self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a commitment because I have placed myself into a risky situation where I could fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I do not trust myself, and thus create a failure anxiety before I've even tried to change or live myself into a new direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not just go for it, try, potentially fail, learn, and get up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear commitment because I would take failure personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take anything personally, not realizing that I've been living in the limitation of ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am defined by one failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my mind into the future and limit my actions based on how I see myself minimizing the risk of embarrassing situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the extent of how I use embarrassment to limit my self-expression.

When and as I see myself thinking about how I might fail at something in the future, I stop I breathe. I realize that the future has not happened yet, and that a projection is merely a possibility. I commit myself to start leading my life by principle, to start testing my projections, and shatter my self imposed limitations on how to express myself as living being.

When and as I see myself fearing failure or embarrassment from an ego platform, I stop I breathe. I remember to look at the situation practically and by principle: Is my participation what will be best here? I commit myself to stopping my thought and taking in all the relevant information of my environment with one inhale, make a principle based decision of my participation, and moving / speaking accordingly.

When a resistance is so strong that I move according to it, my pre-programming from the days of ego-oriented self-interest, the days of protecting my self-image, of fearing for it and wanting to nurture it, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is the old me, the mind-directed me. I commit myself to clearing this mental paranoia, for a moment and acting within the principle of what is best for all.

When this happens, I commit myself to write about the experience and investigate the resistance, discover the underlying pattern, the consequences that I've created through accepting and allowing this outdated program to direct me.

Once the writing investigation is complete, I commit myself to walk the process of self change.

Thank you.

Day 337 - Competition Breeds Ego


An interesting point came up today. My relationship to competition is well developed by this point in my life. I didn't ever spend the time with metacognition, thinking about how I think, in relation to competition. Now that I am considering this point, I can certainly see how I've been competing from a starting point of self-interest, fueling my ego. Let's unpack this.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am supporting my ego when I go into competition with another human being.

Define ego: The glorified representation of myself created in my mind. A selective self-definition. Who I am as my desires for myself. In this, my ego defense is a reaction to undesirable information about self in relation to others. I deal with this information by skipping over it, suppressing it, ignoring it, or humility. I will dig more into ego-defense in posts to come. For now, I'll just say that humility is not my initial, automated reaction to negative information about myself.

Another dynamic: Entering into competition is hardly a choice. I've automated the selection of my battles to reduce the risk of losing in an ego confrontation.

Also, when I am losing a confrontation, I will fight more recklessly to avoid the humility of defeat. This is done by standing my ground by perceptually up playing the weight of my argument, and not recognizing the other person's perspective as greater than or equal to my own, unless there really isn't a comeback that would trump the opponent's point. This is more from a conversational competition.

In a physical competition, again, I selectively participate in 'games' that I think I can win at and simply "do not like" games that I don't perceive a threshold of confidence that I will achieve victory. Now, victory isn't only defined in the context of another person, but also in relation to surpassing prior skill level. This is likely because with steps toward mastery, I will get ahead of the competition as a general entity of all possible competitors. Not to say that there isn't a dimension of physical enjoyment within the challenge of developing aptitude.

So, then there is this notion of competing with myself...verses collaborating with myself. Why am I inclined to fight with myself to better myself? I fight with others to 'better' them, I so often justify with a subtle thought based relationship that I created in my 'unknown' past. To restructure my methodology and application of self-support, I must first identify who I am now, and what I will become through change, then the rest is just a process.

In the context of self-support, I challenge myself to grow. Sounds great. Looking at the patterns and relationships in this, I see that there is a significant amount of self-judgement and/or fear of failure. When my ego battle is within myself alone, it can be very definitive. Bad = I am bad. Good = I am good. There is a feeling and emotional charge. This polarity and friction must arise out of a separation of self. How? Imagined, ideal self vs. the reality of self. Here is a key.

Success and failure emotions are created within the context of the idealized self. Furthermore, an ideal is limited by thoughts based on memories. How do I even know what I could become if I am spending all my time chasing an ideal copy of only what I've seen in my little set of past experiences?  And even furthermore, the past thoughts that have arisen out of relationships to past events and experiences have all been constructed within a starting point of self-interest. Ego.

Solution:
By participating in the throws of mind as thoughts, feelings and energy, I am accepting and allowing myself to be defined by my past successes and failures. The possibility of growth is very narrow, and at that, stinted by the fear of failure. I must realize how to collaborate with myself, until I really realize and embody the oneness and equality within and of myself, here. To not judge myself, but rather recognize the desires and fears as the primary internal motivation sources that I've so long obeyed without question. To walk with my breath. To live based on principle, not just what feels right and wrong alone because how can I trust my self-programmed reactions when they're based in such a limited context of a handful of personal experiences? I can't. A limited context = a limited response to the situation.

I commit myself to breathe through the reaction of desire and fear when faced with an ego point, a point that I would take personally. Here, I stand and stop. I do not allow myself to limit myself to the confines of personal experience based perception alone. With the principle of equality and oneness, I commit myself to giving as I would like to receive: What is BEST, of course.

Disclaimer: Walking realizations into physical application takes time and practice. Give self the space to change. Understand what a process is. Have fun with this physical challenge.


Day 334 - I'm so smart

I've long thought that I was better off being more intellectual, but only from a competitive win-lose perspective is this true. Today is the start of my internal humbling process. I don't know just how much it clicked or if I've completely grasped the point yet because I haven't had enough time yet to test it in the physical. That's also a relatively new phase in my conceptual arsenal: "test in the physical." I've heard it here in there in the desteni material, but I've not every really integrated with it, or tired to understand it more on a personal level. Let me lay it down for ya here as I understand it now:

To test in the physical, to walk it in reality, to prove it. It's like I can get so caught up in my headspace that I believe I'm making progress and becoming 'enlightened' as I move through layers of understanding. Cool, but what does it mean to move in my head vs. move in the physical. The difference is everything. If I'm evolving in my mind only, that's what I get, more mind. Could manifest into arrogance, or paranoia, or self doubt, or overbearing lust, or one of many mental dis-eases that you see today. To evolve in the physical, to live a change, to be the change, to walk a process, this all takes time. You can't become a lawyer overnight, simple example. It's really a simple concept, but the key recognition is where the value is placed: in self as who self thinks self is, or in self as the physical body.

My whole life, for as long as I can remember, I've placed more value in who I believe myself to be: A Glorious self, a winner, a person who is going to be famous. BUT, I've not ever been trained in how to actually create my life. All the training that is available from parents and school is just how to live and support this current world system, with all it's flaws accepted and allowed. My intellect and ability as advantage over others in a competitive system is the result of figuring out how to work this world system. Integrity is surely a nice word that I would like to have said I've had all this while, but alas, it will not hold when I test it in the physical.

So, now I'm here. I see myself, self-honestly. At least for this one crucial point, the point of my imagined self vs. my physical self (see yesterday). I have a choice to make here. Do I keep on "moving" along in my mind and evolving my ego through intellect, or do I start practicing / evolving within life?

I decide the latter, but the choice will only be self-honest if I test myself in the physical.

sirexcat flickr
maybe not...
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I'm so smart, and not realize I'm so dumb.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can excel in life if I just imagine myself to.


...To Be Continued.



Day 332 - Getting To the REAL Point



My process so far has felt a bit "at a distance" from myself. Why? I've been protecting myself from my internal thoughts. The notion of exposing my inner thoughts, letting go of the charge of secrecy, sharing my true inner movements with the world = some scary shit to do. Why? Responsibility.

Skipping around on the surface with general points is a pattern I recognized earlier on. I only opened that point up Day 248, but I realize now how much more attention this needs. To be specific within myself takes a lot of guts. More than I had initially realized. When I started this process, I was kind of in the frame of mind of "yeah, 'best for all', I get it. I agree" with an attitude of just sign me up for the ride. As if I could just buy a ticket to the entrance of a theme park and throw myself into a pre-designed experience.

Now, I've made it to the farm. I'm actually here with the original Destonians, and when I ask for some support, it is no new-age fluff. That's for damn sure. For instance, when chatting with Bernard, he asserts his communication in a way that doesn't allow you to formulate some "nicer" interpretation of what's really going on in the head. In retrospect to our chat, I see how apparent it really is to see myself stray from my original mental movement. There is a delay between what comes up first in the mind when asked a question, and the process of selecting an interpretation to hide one's original reaction.

What I've learned, from this is that I'm reluctant to be self-honest about my internal reality because I am embarrassed. I don't want to even admit to myself what's going on in my head. Even now, I am so wrapped up in wanting to dance around the real points going on in me. To push through this resistance is going to be a challenge worth while. Why?

If I continue to resist myself as a mess of internal reaction, these reactions will persist. I will remain as the unchanged, victim of my mind. To actually take responsibility for what is going on in me is the name of the game. With an understanding that 'this' is me, my thoughts are me, I am able to make a decision with clarity. It's not an instantaneous thing. It is a process of looking at myself without interpreting my thought/feelings/reactions in a way to benefit my ego, which I apparently like to do very much, but to write it out, really see where I am coming from, forgive myself for the SPECIFIC points that I've been holding onto.

What's interesting is that I don't want to face these points. I would prefer my secret mind to stay secret, as I'm sure you could imagine. But frankly, even though I'm Dan ;) I must direct me, to be free. I'm really not enjoying all the repetitive mental push-pull bull. I can temporarily deny myself the truth of myself, but for what purpose? The point is just going to return. Until I have understood myself in relation to that point and actually live the self-corrected application, the point will not be transcended.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that the process of self is just another automatic system that only requires a 'yes' as my total responsibility herein.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be embarrassed by who I've become. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that taking responsibility for the points that exist within me would make me less. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I do not give attention to or suppress the nasty thoughts inside me, that I am better off.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself in separation of my thoughts, that I am safe from them if I can hide them. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to protect myself from shame and embarrassment by temporarily hiding the truth of myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to bail out and return to the surface when the rush of embarrassment energy floods my experience. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to run from myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can effectively cover up my inner thoughts and live a life of managing and fighting the specific backchat and inner personality dynamics.

I commit myself to stand up and push myself through the necessary writing, to realize myself, and to ultimately change myself through living as the directive principle of my life, of life.

In posts to come I'll be working more closely with myself. I do not allow myself to go on wasting time, walking around the forest. I move me, or I react. When and as I see myself reacting to my reaction, I stop I breathe. I realize the correction is not some distant, "Harry Potter" type of solution. I commit myself to discovering and understanding what it means to take responsibility and really live the correction.