Day 334 - I'm so smart

I've long thought that I was better off being more intellectual, but only from a competitive win-lose perspective is this true. Today is the start of my internal humbling process. I don't know just how much it clicked or if I've completely grasped the point yet because I haven't had enough time yet to test it in the physical. That's also a relatively new phase in my conceptual arsenal: "test in the physical." I've heard it here in there in the desteni material, but I've not every really integrated with it, or tired to understand it more on a personal level. Let me lay it down for ya here as I understand it now:

To test in the physical, to walk it in reality, to prove it. It's like I can get so caught up in my headspace that I believe I'm making progress and becoming 'enlightened' as I move through layers of understanding. Cool, but what does it mean to move in my head vs. move in the physical. The difference is everything. If I'm evolving in my mind only, that's what I get, more mind. Could manifest into arrogance, or paranoia, or self doubt, or overbearing lust, or one of many mental dis-eases that you see today. To evolve in the physical, to live a change, to be the change, to walk a process, this all takes time. You can't become a lawyer overnight, simple example. It's really a simple concept, but the key recognition is where the value is placed: in self as who self thinks self is, or in self as the physical body.

My whole life, for as long as I can remember, I've placed more value in who I believe myself to be: A Glorious self, a winner, a person who is going to be famous. BUT, I've not ever been trained in how to actually create my life. All the training that is available from parents and school is just how to live and support this current world system, with all it's flaws accepted and allowed. My intellect and ability as advantage over others in a competitive system is the result of figuring out how to work this world system. Integrity is surely a nice word that I would like to have said I've had all this while, but alas, it will not hold when I test it in the physical.

So, now I'm here. I see myself, self-honestly. At least for this one crucial point, the point of my imagined self vs. my physical self (see yesterday). I have a choice to make here. Do I keep on "moving" along in my mind and evolving my ego through intellect, or do I start practicing / evolving within life?

I decide the latter, but the choice will only be self-honest if I test myself in the physical.

maybe not...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I'm so smart, and not realize I'm so dumb.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can excel in life if I just imagine myself to.

...To Be Continued.

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