Day 345 - Aligning Purpose with Participation

Inspired by today's interview:
Living Words: Purpose - Part 2

As a child growing up, I believed I had a great purpose to fulfill. A purpose to make this world a better place. I later learned that there are lots of people just like me in the world. Everyone has a sense of purpose, but it appears that it can get convoluted in the midst of the mind: Perhaps it's a self-defeatist thought like, "I can't do it," with a lovely little fear of failure that prevents us from fulfilling our purpose. Other times it may be a a simple pursuit of desire, a side-track of fulfilling one's own self-interest. The tricky part here is that there are justifications that one may use to make it look like self-interest is, or will eventually be how that purpose can be fulfilled. And before we know it, our life passes us by and that horrible sense of regret come into view too often.

Maybe it's just that we never really took the time to seriously consider our purpose. And even of those that have contemplated the point, it could very well be that no real plan was drawn up. This is not a worthy excuse (as if there is one). Many, many other people in the world are not in positions to have a purpose other than to just survive the day.

For myself, I have simply never drawn out a tangible map for bringing my purpose to fruition. I've spent most of my purpose driven time within an ambition energy, jumping from idea to idea, never committing to any one idea because I was afraid of loosing the opportunity within all the other ideas, AND ideas that may come in the future. Total mind delusion of self-importance with very little to no proof in the physical. Purpose without a plan is not recommended.

Solution:
Write it out, and check the practicality of it.

Let's walk an example that's very near and dear to me. I want to make the world a better place. Ok...how? There are many different ways, and each person will have their own individual idea of how they may see themselves fulfilling this one purpose that unites us all. So, I have spent a lot of time educating myself because I really like understanding...maybe I can be an educator to facilitate understanding. Now, I'm getting somewhere. What do I want to teach? Life skills. What kind? The stuff that matters...the stuff that determines relationships between people...communication. AH HA, I studied communication in college. So far I'm on track. (now here's where things get interesting) Communication is a large topic area, so there are many different directions I could take with this, but because of my participation with Desteni, I understand how important my relationships to words are (i.e. Purpose). So, there are a few more steps here that I was able to take because of my investigation of the desteni message, which is most highly recommended, so I now know how to fulfill my purpose. I want to help people understand the importance of their relationship to words.

I have a plan for how to do this, and I'm currently working on it. In other words, this idea is actionable. That is the key. Once you reach the point of an actionable idea that's aligned with a higher purpose, all once then has to do is push through the personal resistances and actually do it.

So, if you're looking for your purpose, great! It's not lost, it's only buried in the depths of cognition and memories. The cool part about Desteni as a tool is that you learn that you only need yourself. So write. Map out your individual expression within the higher purpose that is to make this world a better place. The interview at the beginning of this post is extraordinarily supportive, and the desteni forum board is too. See ya tomorrow for an expansion and some related self-forgiveness and corrective application statements.

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Day 344 - Actual Living, Walking, Breathing

I had small chat with my DIP buddy today, and there was one main point that stands out for me here: It's this notion that I must 'walk the point' sometimes even before I write a blog post. To 'walk the point' first, means to move through writing and into physically lived application of the correction. I've been doing a lot of self-deception by writing the realizations without living them. It's like an energetic outlet, a quick fix, diffusing of the pent up friction I am creating by not actually living the corrections within what I am realizing about myself.

I've been messing up. I've been not just deceiving myself, but I've also been creating all the specific consequences that I am facing. They are like secondary add-on points that I have not been realizing. Let me lay it down for you straight and simple. I thought I could change by writing alone. I haven't understood how to utilize self-forgiveness in a way that practically brings about change BECAUSE I placed the change-responsibility onto the self-forgiveness instead of myself. "Oooh, ahh, I've got the magic key, and it is self-forgiveness. Watch me be self-honest and change while using this great and powerful tool that is awesome and powerful."

Separation.

Who an I within self-forgiveness? Where am I within it, structurally speaking? I emphasized how I think about self-forgiveness as being "powerful" because I see this is the problem. I am not powerful, but the self-forgiveness is..? This is misuse. Misusing the tool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself within speaking self forgiveness by placing myself as inferior to the self-forgiveness, and so placing the change-responsibility on to the self-forgiveness writing.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the critical importance of taking the next step, to move and push myself to change within the context of the realization. In this, I realize that when there is resistance to change, as there damn near almost always is, I must stop the reaction. This internal reaction to change-resistance is not helping me to change. I commit myself to stopping the reaction/judgment of resistance.  I commit myself to realizing the importance of self-movement in each and every breath.

Okay, so here's the point coming up now. I can see the point clearly, and I want to believe that by writing my insight, I am a changed man. This point especially comes up when I take on a point that is too general or too large, wherein I overlook the smaller building blocks of a particular system consequence (i.e. nail biting). By taking on the large points, I am working in a realm of idealism (Idea-Prison), imprisoning myself within a system through a perspective-relationship of who I am as less than or as a victim to this larger system. There is an expression, "the devil (de-veil, de-evil)  is in the details." It's only in the finer details of a point that I can stand as a point of one and equal responsibility. And so I am empowered to change the point, one specific detail at a time.

Which brings me to my next point: what if I do not know the details? Nearly every time I'm within a reaction, I do not fully comprehend all the bits and pieces and components of the energetic reaction.

Solution: Write and define.

Example: I am mad at Bernard for dying. This experience has elusive details, as most energy-based perspectives do. The tendency is to be within it, not to understand the totality of it. Breathe, slow down. I am mad because he stood his point so effectively that he died doing what was best for all. Am I jealous? No. It's more of a comparison point. I am mad at myself, and projecting it toward him because he is showing me how I am not standing. Now I have to face myself, and that's going to require giving up a lot of energetic self-definitions that I've already accepted as myself, and this process of letting go is quite uncomfortable from within the energy perspective comprised of that which I must let go of. Fascinating.

So,

I forgive myself that I have also accepted and allowed my self to magicalize breathing, instead of seeing how the breath can be practically used as a tool to slow myself down and bring forth the underlying dynamics of an energy reaction.

When and as I see myself writing within a perceptual context that is not applicable, livable, I stop I breathe. I realize that this process is a slow but sure process. I commit myself to utilizing self-forgiveness and breathing as practical tools to be applied specifically in transcending all the relevant 'baby' points within the bigger, more general points of self-change.

When and as I see that I have been relying on self-forgiveness to change me, I stop I breathe. I realize that self-forgiveness is just a tool to assist me with SELF-change. I commit myself to structurally placing the responsibility to change back onto myself. A hammer doesn't hammer the nail without my input, common sense

I realize that I am doing this, and that it's now time to chip a way my systematized self and get really intimate with who I am, so that I may direct how I express myself in this world.

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Day 343 - The way forward

Continuation of yesterday's post

I commit myself to taking responsibility for myself to walk this process steadfast, moving consistently from my existing mind-based reality living to physical living.

I commit myself to recognizing others as equals, as life, as the potential of their physicals.

I commit myself to realizing that I am not as great as I think I am.

I commit myself to breathe and do what needs to be done.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing a personal reaction to continue.

I commit myself to living what is best, and investigating why I am not, until it is done.

I commit myself to realizing my potential.

I commit myself to standing as the directive principle of my life.

I commit myself to living toward my utmost potential.

I commit myself to flag and stop any thought of inability, i.e. "I can't..."

I commit myself to recognizing when I utilize any distraction to facilitate suppression, to then stop it immediately, or flag for priority processing (meaning: write that night to open it up; write and speak meaningful self-forgiveness; write corrective application statements and live them)

I commit myself to participate within the groups that support what is best, in the relevant context, for all.

I commit myself to live responsibly.

I commit myself to live in a way that supports what is best for myself AND by considering other beings as an extension of self, supporting and giving to them as I would like to receive.

I commit myself to realizing who I am in the context of oneness and equality.

Day 342 - Who am I in relation to Bernard Poolman?

I've now had a week to process the death of Bernard Poolman. The aspects of myself that this man had brought into view for me were tremendously supportive. He showed me how my anxiety can be stopped with a simple breath and 'yes or no' perspective. Simple. He called me out on my selfish, egocentric way of seeing myself in the context of all that is around me, explaining how all I've really been caring about is the 'me' in my head, placing all other beings as irrelevant (unless they could benefit me, obviously). He assisted me in understanding just how severely compromising this self-importance design I created for myself is. How I have actually separated me from the physical reality to such a degree that I inflate the view of myself, feel powerful, and thus trap myself within my own illusion, while in reality I am damn near powerless.

He spoke of potential. That was the perspective he spoke from. He would see the potential in everyone and he took responsibility to assist us in seeing how we're holding ourselves back within our skewed views. He didn't allow himself to be anything less than than Life, one and equal with all life, and so he wasn't about to allow the rest of us stand as anything less than the Life we all truly are. And he wasn't about to walk our Journey to Life either! "You created it," he would say.

He devoted his life to living the principle of what is best for all. He investigated what is here and found many systems that support inequality and the enslavement of the human. Very few actually understand that the physical reality is what matters. These people are the elite. The difference between the elitist perspective and Bernard's perspective is fear. Bernard recognized the fear reactions within him and questioned "why not best for all?" He was relentlessly compassionate, saw the problem, and stood as the solution. And perhaps the most significant part was that he understood what had to be done, and he did it.

The Desteni group is the result of his efforts to bring about a better world. The few that knew him understand the authenticity of Bernard without question. What he stood for came through in every word that he spoke. Sure he was a funny guy, but his humor was never dry, always specific in revealing the odd to atrocious nature of man's existence. Before I had met him in real life, I had listened to many of his talks on YouTube, and even though he sounded...unattractive, scary even, I was listening to what he was actually saying. Where he was coming from. His words came from a place I could not easily dismantle. I had to continue my investigation.

Now, I stand with clarity. I am here to carry on in the name of Life. Bernard shared how he realized himself as Life through self-forgiveness, self-honesty and practically living the the solution within the principle of what is best for all. He created an organization of people who care. Small as we may be, I guarantee this is only the beginning. The fears and justifications do not stand a chance against the movement of life; but the test of time will prove that.

I commit myself to accept and allow nothing less than Life within myself, so that I may stand as a pillar of support for all to realize Equality and Oneness.

Here's my brick of SF from the day he died:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself in relation to Bernard. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a relationship of dependence with him, that I can't do it alone, despite the nature of the core message. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Bernard is superior to me as life embodiment. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself believe I am less than life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my personal issues and time loop many times because I fear I cannot stand as the directive principle of my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my inability. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I cannot do it, that I can not do what he has done. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel a need to suppress points in relation to him that might make me cry if I look at them self-honestly. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that I can stabilize myself in any and every moment with a single breath. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold to memories where he had supported me so well, and believe that I cannot stand and effectively support myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I can honor him by playing Candy Crush, and not be self-honest about the point to see that I am avoiding facing the emotional reactions that I chose to not face immediately. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not face my reactions immediately. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to quantify self-forgiveness and focus on my application, so that I may optimize and walk my process steadfast.

In the next post, I'll correct and expand on how I decide to live here onward. Thanks for investigating.

See also: The Measure of a Man & how other's expressed themselves in relation to Bernard here on this thread in the desteni forum.

Day 341 - Not allowing myself to walk the physical process

There is a major difference between walking in the park
 and imagining our ability to walk in the park.

In recent times, I've compromised myself by neglecting my daily writing here. There has been a lot going on here on the Desteni Farm, and I wouldn't expect that I would have been able to write a daily post; however, it's turned into an excuse. I found myself justifying my writing resistances through blame.

I'm looking at the resistance I experience when sitting to write: the experience seems to be overwhelming, but in retrospect, I can break down the process of blame and justifications that I use to substantiate the resistance energy. This energy has brought me to rest my head, in my bed, for just a moment...and then I wake up and it's some odd hour of the morning. I've placed myself in a victim relationship and what else have I become other than a victim of my own internal energies.

Enough is enough. I can no longer allow myself to sit and think about how I will be. I live here. The thoughts that come up in relation to my future, my doubts, myself and others are at least one mental step away from the HERE moment. I can't expect to live a life of worth when I'm not physically here to direct myself in a worthwhile way.

Here, I commit myself to walking the physical process of writing, self-forgiveness, and daily participation in all responsibilities, prioritizing and making optimal use of my time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat my responsibilities in way of delay or disregard, acting without priority structure, as I bounce from feeling to emotion within my energetic starting-point movements.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted or allowed myself to create and uphold a priority structure in my daily living. Herein, I commit myself to practicing different methods of prioritizing my day, either like a morning routine or a night time planning of the day to come, or any other various methods of physical structuring. This is my new little project. It is an important one, and I must get consistent with my writing again before I can effectively continue this process of understanding myself and then living a corrective application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine that I already know and have all the information to be able to control my future, instead of realizing that life is a movement here, where I must meticulously construct my living application as a principled living that I can stand by for all of eternity, and in this accumulate a self-trust as I live moment to moment. I realize this accumulation of self-trust does not happen as a process of mental gymnastics. It is a physical accumulation process, hence this blog.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought of "I can't do this" to passively come up within me and cause an internal reaction or relationship activation of delay, wherein I sidestep responsibility in moments when I am not being pressured by others or how others might judge me (ego/self-judgement).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine my work ethic based on external factors which can vary. I forgive myself that I have relied on others and created myself to function effectively only when in a relationship of dependence. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand up as an individual point of self-responsibility.

When and as I see myself waiting for any force to direct me to accomplish anything, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is not a function of standing alone, stable. This is not principled living, rather more like internal, feeling, justification, reaction-oriented living. I commit myself to exposing myself in every way that I find myself waiting or postponing anything, to then open it up and investigate for myself what I am waiting for, and accordingly apply self-forgiveness and corrective application statements to stabilize myself in relation to each point, so as to accumulate the physical-based practice of self-directed living.

Daniel: I stand and walk, OR I sit and slump. The decision that exists ALL the time. The point of seeing my mind and allowing it to dictate how I behave OR seeing myself self-honestly to realize that I need to bring myself back here to direct myself from a physical starting point; and because I want what is best, I align with what is best for all, as all are simple an extension of me, equal as life. What's best for just me is not sustainable. The illusion, no matter how hard I want/try to impose it onto the physical, there is never a specific, real result from my energetic efforts. It's time to get physical and deliberate.

When and as I see myself thinking that "I can't do this," I stop I breathe. I realize now that this lingering thought has some intense consequences. I also realize that to stop this thought, even though it seems like "I can't do it" I must literally stop the thought and change my mind, direct myself within a physical consideration. I commit myself to flag pointing this "I can't do it" in all it's forms and mutations by recognizing it as that last little piece of energy, like a subtle, yet large hurdle that functions to keep me within a resistance energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the resistance energy and victimize myself in relation to it to protect my ego, and for not realizing how this self-energy relationship perpetuates my enslavement.

When and as I see myself imagining myself at the end of the road, I stop I breathe. I realize that there is a physical process to walk, and I commit myself to walking it.

How?

By giving myself every breath to figure out the relevant points in my journey.
Planning.
Preparing.
Adapting.
Parkouring.
One practical step at a time.

Day 340 - A Fall in Writing Commitment

Why have I been justifying the reduction of my direct writing of this blog? I have been "too" busy because of external factors that I am apparently a victim of, and within that I am showing myself that I do not yet understand my responsibility to direct myself within my external environment.

Another justification is that my decision to write a post or not has ramifications for solely myself. That I will only be delaying my process by 1 day..maybe 2, or 6. I've found by skipping a day, I have a much easier time skipping the next as well. Now, I've heard I'm not alone in my own little world inside my head, but I realize what that means. It's like I've been considering only what directly affect me or my self-concept and THEN NOT REALIZING IT. How is this possible? The feeling. It feels good, like a successfulness energy reward in the head.

This means that I've been walking my process according to how I feel. This is not an effective starting point because it is not stable for one, and for two, it's self-interest within a limited contextual framework of personal memories. It's a rather peculiar thing to realize myself as ego, as the 'I' that has formed relationships to a limited set of experiences that constitutes who 'I' am. This limited self-definition as a starting point for all my social interaction and self-movement is highly ineffective.

I realize now, there is an important thing to consider: Acting according to how I feel without investigating the reasoning, without checking the physical reality context, I am dooming myself to a fate of a reactive state.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge in a mental state of 'all that matters is me' not realizing my standing up in the context of all life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the meaning of what I am doing and who I am in relation to this Journey to Life process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not need to care about others within my process because all that matters is me and my relationship to myself. I've been investigating myself through my writing, and I ignorantly took a perspective that my motivation for doing this blog was for me alone, and that when others read my process, that they may benefit in their own isolated self process. There was a deliberate disconnect between my writing intent of self-support and the potential ripple effect of supporting others. I knew it was there, but I realize my responsibility in the context of all equal as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to convince myself that my blog exists only for my benefit, and even though others may read it, I had separated myself from you the reader, not realizing how my existence is directly affecting you. This point was to protect my ego. To imagine that you are not significant, that the number of views or supporters that I get is just a number in a popularity contest, that IF I were to fail, I wouldn't have to take it personally.

So, interesting point that just opened up here. It's a big one and deserves additional attention. To take it personally within a context of social hierarchy. Basically, my starting point for my writing was: Will this advance or erode my social hierarchy position. And in this context, I've placed a failure to write quality blog posts in a reactive mental framework that protects me from taking it personally. It's like as I participate in this ego/self-definition polarity point, I aim for the positive, and mentally neutralize the negative to not have to take responsibility for my words unless I get positive feedback.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my participation within the Journey to Life group as personal endeavor only, by placing others in separation of myself to function as just a number or impersonal data to boost my ego within some mental game of wanting to win.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to win. Within this, I realize that it's not about winning. This is the old program that I placed in my mind when I defined and designed my relationship to 'success'. To reprogram myself into my updated version of 'success' that exists in alignment with what is best for all, I commit myself to continue deconstructing all of my old inner personality relationships to words, so that I may realign myself and my active living, my participation here as one and equal with all life to simply be what is best for everyone. I only have to give up my fears.

So, today I've unwrapped my relationship to blogging a bit more. I can tell that if I'm going to really walk this process, which is a decision I've already made, I'm going to have to actually live my written words. That is a critical aspect. A disconnect here will not produce the results that I expect from myself. I commit myself to realizing that this is a lived process where I take my words and live them, I investigate my past experiences and the relationship between them and self, to discover who I am as a limited expression of mind, to embody the living expression of self as life.

Enjoy the process.