I've not been showing myself the love that I know to be true.
As some of my readers may already know, I've not been so consistent with my "daily" blogging. In the beginning, I forced myself to pump out a blog every day, even if it meant producing a sub-par post. I did this because I was more concerned about proving myself to myself and my readers that I could maintain a daily blog. I realized that I was compromising myself by not giving myself enough time to get to the nitty-gritty of my inner self and mind consciousness systems that I was finding within my being, so I disbanded that external pressure to post everyday (before midnight) in an attempt to produce high quality content.
It turned into a backdoor for excuses to not push through the resistance toward writing publicly. These excuses would transform and upgrade over time. It's imperative to find a system to keep this in check, and that's exactly what I've been missing. Now, this applies to everything and everyone. Whatever it is that you really want to do, but don't - you must do. Why? This is self-love.
Now must be clear that this DOES NOT include the things that you want to do. This is art of self-love is a caring, compassionate, considerate giving of yourself to yourself. It's about what you REALLY WANT, which is nothing short of what is best for all. How do I know that? I've tested it. "Give as you would like to receive" is legitimate. I can't really enjoy myself if I'm in such a state of self-interest that I don't consider the wholesome consequences of my words/actions in the context of the biggest picture.
But here's the interesting part: I didn't realize the format of self-interest that I have been in these past few months. It didn't look like the expected form of self-interest which kind of looks like an egocentric, greedy person in my mind. It was on the other end of the spectrum. There was a new form of financial uncertainty that I was going through and I couldn't see it clearly because I hadn't experienced it before AND because I wasn't writing consistently. Being consistent in any venture is one of the pivotal for success. In the Journey to Life process, it's no different. Consistent application yields quantifiable results.
To do less than everything you can is a sign that you've let resistance determine your self-direction. To be stable and consistent allows an individual to thrive in their pursuit of any goal. What is self-love, but thriving and growing and becoming your highest potential to leave this world better off than when it was when you were born?
See, that's the kicker that us Destonians get. Self-Love is All-Love. Self is Other. You could argue that it's human nature to be self-interested pleasure seeking survivalists, but once you really understand the mind, and yourself in relation to the mind, to support what is Best for All is common sense. To embody and live by the principle of what is Best for All requires a process, hence this 7-year journey to life blog. And what does a process require? Consistency.
--
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have been compromising my self-love by casually allowing myself to go into resistance energy instead of standing stable and walking my process consistently.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine my process by not giving myself the structured commitment to remain consistent in my expression of self-love as self-support through writing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to temporarily hide my acceptance of excuses/justifications, so that I could delay being self-honest, not realizing that this seemingly innocent delay of self-honesty is, in fact, self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put my wants and desires that are a function of my individual satisfaction, before common sense that is rooted in wholesome consideration of what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to create a system of self-application that would support me to be consistent within my process. For example: I started placing my #1 priority into a 'special box' and can only put one priority in at a time. This has helped me stay focused. There are many creative ways to support yourself. Find something that works for you!
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the consequences procrastination and inconsistency.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to clearly define each process and the steps I must take first to become successful in my pursuit of what is best.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to recognize the pattern of self-abuse that is not self-love.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive the importance/value of self-love as less than what it is.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to define self-love.
When and as I see myself in a state of inconsistent self application, I stop I breathe. I commit to take a look at who I've been within my recent decisions. I commit myself to create a shift within myself to get back to a physical process which can measured. I commit myself to do what needs to be done to create this alignment with me. I commit myself to always return to physicality and hold myself responsible to do so.
When and as I see myself delaying responsibilities, I stop I breathe. I realize that if I must more clearly define why and/or how I must move myself to create in the physical reality, I shall do so. I commit myself to clarify uncertainties that allow me to more easily move into excuses and justifications.
When and as I see myself moving within self-interest and denial of the biggest picture, I stop, I breathe in, I hold this breath for 3 seconds, I stabilize myself in my physical body, I stop the energy that urges my involvement, I breathe out, I apply myself in the physical reality through/with/as the principle of doing what is best for all, because I realize that this is what I really want. This is Self-Love.
