Day 413 - Ability to Respond

Since the beginning of my relationship to the word Responsibility, I've seen it as undesirable and to be avoided when possible.

Something clicked in me when I was listening to a recent EQAFE interview (here), and I immediately started writing self-forgiveness. In approximately 5 minutes, I wrote:

Responsibility (response ability)

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking responsibility, in and as a definition of having to do unnecessary work.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define responsibility as an undesirable and often externally imposed force upon me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that less responsibilities is equal to having a better quality of life.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand how I've got a tainted version of 'responsibility' integrated in me, and that I have continued to accept and allow myself to thus try to avoid responsibility.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear responsibility as a risk, wherein I am held responsible if something goes wrong.
• I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that I am responsible for the good that I create in my world.
• I commit myself to realigning the definition of responsibility within me as:
• the ability or power to respond, in alignment with what is best for all.
• taking the initiative to leverage my awareness/understanding to create a best for all movement.

Several days later, I continue:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I'll mess something up, creating self-doubt that leads to inaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can dodge responsibility, within this not seeing, realizing or understanding my responsibly within the choice to participate or abdicate.

Herein, I establish the measure of my personal responsibility within and as my utmost expression of effort in creating that which is best for all.

By this measure, I commit myself to apply self-honest introspection when and as I see me abdicating my ability to respond as/in my highest expression. Else, I commit myself to breathe, look, and direct best for all outflow.

Thanks.

Day 412 - Commitment to Speak Daily Self-Forgiveness

Over the past year +, I've been practicing speaking self forgiveness out loud, and I've noticed a pretty significant shift in my process. The main difference is this sense of solid, grounded movement. Like, if you're familiar with writing the self forgiveness out on paper or on a blog or whatever, sometimes it seems like it's not all sticking, or "I must be missing some dimensions, that must be why the SF isn't taking hold."

I've many times revisited the realization that self-forgiveness is only effective when paired with the corrected living application. The way I understand it is that the self forgiveness removes energetic blocks that lock us in repetitive, unwanted behaviors. With clearing that old instruction out of the body, it's now up to SELF to finish the job and create the corrected code to live by.

So that's a very important aspect, but what I'm looking at for this post is the specific difference of writing self forgiveness versus speaking it aloud.

As I'm currently understanding it: The writing is kind of the structure, blueprint, code that is contains the power. Like a key. I like this key analogy that just came to me! Writing out the self forgiveness is like fashioning the key for a mind-body system "lock." When writing out the self forgiveness for self, I can be astoundingly specific, because within and as me is also the equality: Self = Lock. So, it is highly beneficial to leverage writing as a tool and a medium, for exacting a precise key.

Now, when I sound the self forgiveness, out loud, using my vocal chords and diaphragm: this is the turning of the key. Living the words in my voice = having the key in the lock, and turning the key. Physical application. Using my body as an instrument, and playing a coded symphony to the demise of a particular ailment. It's like tuning the body.

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So, at this point in my process of understanding how everything hangs together, I am ready to commit to a daily application of spoken Self Forgiveness. I know clearly, and first-handedly the value of this practice, and I see no reason not to incorporate this into my daily routine. I'm going to start with a 90-day commitment, and go from there. I'll keep you posted.



Cool related audio from Bernard:
2012 - When Self Forgiveness is Real?

Day 411 - Anxiety and Fear Lead to Indecision

A great friend just recently shared one of his favorite self forgiveness statements from Bernard in a social group chat:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that anxiety is the experience of being shit-scared for your own fear - produced for yourself, by yourself - for the reason of scaring yourself to make or not make a decision, so that you can have an excuse as reason why you did NOTHING in spite of the evidence that one should act.

This resonated with me because I see me manifesting this indecision in my life, rooted in fear of judgment and ridicule. I protect myself as my ego by not putting myself out there, making sure only to assert myself when I feel comfortable that I'm not going to be judged/defined by others in a negative way. So, there's a fear of loss of social standing/status. Then fear of death is connected through that fear of loosing social acceptance and social support. Wow. It's so interestingly tricky how my fear of judgment is substantiated by fear of death on a deeper layer, and I'm hardly aware of that when the fear is active, and so I miss it, and then don't face the totality of the system, and I'm again being directed by my self-sabotaging mind programs.

I commit myself to walking through the totality of the systems, within and as me, that are holding me back from actualizing my highest potential. I see, realize and understand that it's up to me to drive the corrected living application each day, each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the thought trains within the dimension of fear of judgment, fear of ridicule, fear of not being accepted by others, fear of not being liked by others, fear of rejection, fear of humility, fear of embarrassment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the connection from fear of judgment to fear of death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear, and thus not investigate the comprehensive nature of this system of rules that I've been employing to govern myself without having to be fully here, fully present as the real-time decider of my actions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear death through projecting the responsibility of my well being on to others. Here, I'm seeing that this was a primary pattern as a young child, when I relied on my parents to ensure my well being. This transformed into some wacky form of adulthood entitlement. Applying specific self forgiveness on patterns stemming from childhood would surely accelerate my process of maturing into an empowered and self-responsible adult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my fear of death by coming up with excuses, reasons and justifications for why others are responsible for my well being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in constant anxiety, and not prioritize the necessary self investigation, so that I may get to the bottom of a given mind system and begin rebirthing myself within the corrected, self-empowered, self-awareness of my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continually generate fear energy for me to experience, and accept that as okay or normal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put my body through this torturous fear energy to make decisions for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make decisions (or not make decisions) within/through and out of FEAR.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to make a clear, direct, well considered decision.

I commit myself to creating a space of clarity within myself, to make a direct decision, YES or NO, in a single moment, and stop allowing fear as anxiety to direct me into indecision.

Anxiety has been a big part of my life, so I will continue to walk this process in writing and share myself here. Please leave me a comment if you have any perspectives or questions about this post.

Day 410 - Processing Procrastination NOW

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can always do it later, and within this, not see, realize and understand my full capacity to accomplish something now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use excuses that lead me into the belief that there isn't enough time to do something now. I commit myself to applying common sense here, and utilizing self-honesty to determine if I am simply making an excuse or not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself delay taking full responsibility for myself in the current moment.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to recognize my potential to accomplish something NOW or immediately.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be impatient, and within that, not have enough time NOW, to accomplish something real, something physical, something that takes a length of time to create.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can spend my time better by doing nothing in particular, than if I were to slow down and spend a few moments to complete a creation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that procrastination is just part of who I am and how I do things, and that "I do not really want to change this behavior."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that "procrastination is a skill that I do well and thus benefits me."

I commit myself to slowing down, to consider the real timelines of creation and determine what I can accomplish in this moment that is best for me and all.

I commit myself to realizing the power of the current moment.

I commit myself to STOP postponing that which can be accomplished now.

I commit myself to giving myself the self-honesty required to decide how I can apply myself within my utmost potential in this very moment.

I commit myself to stop running away from responsibility, suppressing it, and pushing it into the future (that never comes). And so within this, I recognize that self-empowerment comes from what I chose to create in the moment that is here, now.

When and as I see that I self-honestly do not have enough time to complete something, I commit myself to deferring the responsibility to a specific time in the future. I commit myself to utilizing a calendar or task list, when necessary, to ensure that I do not suppress my taking responsibility indefinitely.

Why wait when I can do it now?

I just wrote this blog and I only "lost" 35 minutes. Rather. I traded 35 minutes for a new depth of understanding within my decision process of taking immediate action.

WORTH IT!

Thank you.

Day 409 - I have an Apple for You!

In a facebook group I'm in, someone shared this video, and what a great reminder. I have so much love to give. We all do. And what's better than giving ourselves to others? How great does it feel? If you're feeling a bit rusty, definitely give this little video a watch through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that I am unconditional love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want instead of give.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the meaning of life, to forget what it means to live and share my highest regard for all life on earth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear voicing myself, for I fear being judged by others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only want to share the best of myself so that I can validate myself through the positive acceptance I get from others. To only selectively share myself, so that I can get only selective feedback, so that I can sustain a high ego...this equation is not how I want to live the rest of my life.

I commit myself to give the love that I am to all unconditionally. I choose to manifest this on a moment to moment basis, based in common sense and creation of that which is best for all.

I commit myself to share my true nature, and within this, to purify the ugly shit inside of me, so that I may stand infinitely with integrity. I see, realize and understand that I am not perfect, but I commit myself to to the self-perfection process by giving it my all. It = Life

I commit myself to give the life/love force within me, channeled and shaped by my individual creative expression, back to life, as an expression of what is best for all.

Eat an apple. Give an apple. Enjoy life.