Day 367 - Participating in the Creation of a Shared Reality

As the only person at the new years party that doesn't drink alcohol, I found myself awkwardly putting my fist up into the mix of plastic red cups as one of the random party goers announces a toast. Just before I did so, I was standing back and observing the situation as an outsider. The spirit of togetherness was embedded in that 'cheers' speech, and the guy said to no one in particular, "come on! I know we can all get in on this." That's when I realized he was, in part, talking to me. Getting everyone involved was more important than the fact that I didn't have a drink in my hand.

It was at this moment that I could see the dynamic of a shared reality in contrast to just observing the scene without even a real awareness that you're even in the room yourself! I reflected on it a bit, and the implications of this realization are expansive, and I will do my best to articulate them here to solidify my understanding and embodiment of them, and to share them with you. I will expand on each with context in posts to come as I commence the process of integrating this concept into actions.

The first and coolest aspect of this realization is that regardless of whether or not you choose to participate in the group dynamic or not, one is still creating reality. In the context of the all-inclusive cheers example, my lack of participating would have had a particular effect on the rest of the group. The main point being that we each have a presence when in a room with other people, and when we're here with people in our immediate environment, we're either within a shared reality, or we're in our minds within a temporary alternate reality.

I don't know about you, but throughout my life, I've spent a lot of time in my own little personal reality, observing and judging those around me. This is where it gets extra interesting: In relation to those around me, I formed opinions and judgments about who I am. This 'who I am' is a mental projection reality version of myself that is idealized and likeable and successful in every area of life. BUT AT THE SAME TIME, my physical participation with others hardly ever matched my internal self-concept formed through judgment. In truth, I actually held myself back from shared reality creation because I have long held a dynamic judgment toward myself, a fear that I would be seen in the same negative light that I see in others.

Moral of the story: judgments are really self-limiting judgments projected onto others, AND this design of judgment is one of those individual alternate mind realities that take us away from the shared group reality. So, just one example of how the mind screws us out of having a good time. But see, the mind is not to blame so much as it is self's choice to go with the mind, into a reality that is not here, is not shared with those in our company. With that:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear judgment from others, and within that, suppress myself from fully participating with the shared here-moment, let alone initiate a shared reality. I see, realize and understand this critical moment of being swayed from physical reality up into a mind created reality that primarily includes just myself. I see, realize, and understand how the mind utilizes my identification with the ego-self as a way to justify a prolonged departure into a reality that looks at various dynamics in relation to self as ego only; general examples being fear of judgment, and desire for praise/recognition.

I commit myself to slowly working through each point of self-judgment that the mind uses to keep me invested in alternate realities instead of just walking with common sense from moment to moment. Illustrative personal example from last night: During a drinking game, I observed the only girl left standing in an utter state of inebriation as she continued to attempt getting the ping pong ball in the cup. She was ready to stop and no one would disagree, but the rules of the game and the unspoken need/desire to make it to the end prevented anyone from standing up and saying "enough!" I debated it in my alternate reality creation, playing out the consequences of what would happen if I did assert myself into the situation. The result of this internal debate tends to always favor the mind in terms of protecting the ego, and that's exactly what happened. I eventually came to the conclusion that it wasn't my place to interfere with her choice to play the game. I then projected this conclusion onto the other players of the game, and it seemed to fit their behavior, so I let it go...but did I really let it go? The length of this paragraph shows me that I'm still attached to this moment. There was a lot of mind participation in just this one moment, and I will need to break it down even further.

Side note: This is one reason I resist blogging. A story can open up into another point, and then that point opens up to reveal an interesting dynamic that runs even deeper. So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist blogging because I fear that I might write too much on a point that's not directly related to the title of the post, and within this also fearing that if I don't continue to write on the tangent point, that I might miss a critically supportive insight. The solution: Breathe.Take your time. Moving fast is how the mind likes to move (feels good, ego). Moving slow is not, but allows for articulating complexity and bringing a concept into a structured understanding that can be integrated into living application.

More on all this to come. Thanks for reading.